The submariner Series
by Wildgoose1
Summary: A post Y2K future for Daria, friends, and family.
1. The Last Journey Home

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Disclaimer: Daria and all related characters are the property of MTV 

The Last Journey Home   
By  
Steve Mitchell 

(Pan across the tranquil Atlantic. It is dusk and the weather is calm. A Cheyenne class stealth attack submarine churns silently through the water on the surface near the coast of Finland as a lone figure is seen looking out from the bridge near the mast. Move in closer we see it is Daria, She is in her late thirties now and a few streaks of gray can be seen in her hair as it blows in the wind. Her usual garb has long since been replaced with the uniform of a submarine captain. As she looks out across the ocean ahead of her, another figure comes up through the hatch onto the bridge. It is Jane, who wears the uniform of a first officer) 

Jane: Captain, Sonar reports no contacts and we've got clear water all around. 

Daria: (Deadpan) Excellent. (Looks a Jane for a moment) When we're in private, you CAN call me Daria you know. 

Jane: I Know, it's just become one of those nasty habits. (Beat) A fifty for your thoughts? 

Daria: You remembered inflation this time. That's good. 

Jane: A lot of good remembering inflation does when paper currency isn't even worth anything any more. 

Daria: Thank god for the return of the gold and silver standard. 

Jane: One of the few GOOD things that we're caused by Y2K. Who'd have thought that despite all the preparation everybody did, Y2k Still managed to start a limited nuclear war. 

Daria: One that sparked a ten year CONVENTIONAL war which led to everybody and their parents being drafted into the military. Then when it's all over we still have to stay for an extra seven years due to the lack of military personnel. Three hundred million dead worldwide. (Beat) I wonder how many of them were brainless morons we would have wanted dead anyway? 

Jane: Probably about ninety eight percent of them. (Thoughtful) At least Trent was able to beat the draft. Who'd have thought that his sleeping habits would have gotten him classified four-F. 

Daria: Yea, thank god for Trent's sleeping habits. I haven't been home for so long The kids would have never had anyone to look up to if he hadn't been rejected. Jane:(smirks) How ARE The twins anyway? 

Daria: Pretty good, Jane and Amy are supposed to graduate into High school next year, they'll probably head off to college before you know it. 

Jane: Two years ahead of the rest of their class already. Damn, you have an impressive family. ( Looks thoughtful) I wish there had been something to keep Jesse from going to Washington DC. I mean it was ONLY a prime target 

Daria: Your still hard on yourself Jane. There was no way for you to know how bad things were going to get. (Chuckles) Thank god for your mom's fallout shelter. 

Jane: (chuckles) Who would have guessed that we'd actually need it for something other than storing the kiln. I just wish I had the chance to tell Jesse.(beat) I know I've said this countless times Daria but I still want to thank you and Trent for taking William into your home. 

Daria: What are sisters in law for. All I can say is thank god for computer glitches. Otherwise the Navy would have known we were family and we would be stuck on opposite ends of the sea. 

Jane: Lucky us. 

(Another officer pokes his head through the hatch) 

2nd officer: Captain, we have clear water ahead. Our orders have been confirmed, we're going home. 

Daria: Thanks number two. You may report back to your post. 

2nd officer: Aye sir. (Moves back down below) 

Jane; I still think it's inappropriate for everybody to address you as sir. 

Daria: It's navy tradition. Or at least that's what I'm told. 

Jane: (points out Daria's full figure) Well you don't LOOK like a sir. 

Daria: (smirks) Trent said the same thing the last time we we're at home port. He even proved it to me. 

Jane; (smirks evilly)Now THIS you never told me. (looks at Daria as the sun dips below the horizon) Time to button up? 

Daria: (sighs) I guess it's inevitable. After you Jane. 

Jane: So kind of you. (She climbs down the hatch into the sub. She is then followed by Daria)(to the crew) X.O. Is down. 

Daria: (as she reaches the bottom of the ladder) Captain is down. Button up the ship. (The order is repeated throughout the conn and someone closes the hatch and then secures the mast) Okay Jane, Take us down. 

Jane: You've got it. (Loudly) Submerge the ship 

2nd Officer: Submerge the ship aye. Diving officer, submerge the ship. (The diving officer repeats the order and then pushes the necessary controls to empty the ballast tanks) 

Daria: Diving officer make your depth five hundred feet twenty degrees down angle on the bow planes. 

Diving officer: Make my depth five zero zero feet, twenty degrees down, aye sir. (Lifts the steering column up twenty degrees and pushes it in. The hull groans as the pressure on it increases)(After a minute) Five hundred feet captain. 

Daria: Very well. (Turns to Jane) Okay Jane, Take us home. 

Jane; I thought you'd never ask. Navigator, plot a speedy coarse for Armstrong naval base. Make turns for twenty knots. 

Navigator: Aye sir, Helm come to zero six zero, make turns for twenty knots. 

Daria: (picks up the comm ) Sonar; conn, report all contacts. 

Sonar: Conn; sonar, I hold no contacts. 

Jane: Looks like smooth sailing. 

Daria: I won't believe THAT until we actually get home. 

Jane; Always the pessimist. 

Daria: Hey, it's gotten me this far. 

Jane: Like an old friend. 

(Cut to twelve hours later. Three hundred miles east of their last position) 

(Daria is in her cabin reading an old novel, while a hot cup of tea sits on the desk next to her) 

Daria: (vo) I can't believe people still WRITE stuff like this. (A knock comes at the door) COME! 

Jane: (Comes through the door with a towel around her neck and closes it) Is that what Trent said the last time you two were in bed? 

Daria: You know I COULD strangle you with that towel and make it look like an accident. 

Jane: Yea, but then William would actually become YOUR kid. 

Daria: (thinks for a moment) You win Lane, This time. (Beat) Just done your run around the ship I take it. 

Jane: Yea, through ALL of the decks this time. 

Daria: Stairs and all, despite an occasional whistle from a crew member. I'm impressed Jane. 

Jane: They all want me. They just won't come forward because they know I'll toss them in the brig if I actually find out who's doing it. 

Daria: Thank God nobody does that to ME! 

Jane: No, they don't. They all fear the sensation of having a steel toed boot rammed up their ass. (Smiles evilly) But you should hear what they WHISPER. (Daria lifts an eyebrow) It's tough being two out of the only six women on board isn't it? 

Daria: (closes her book) Yea. (Thinks for a moment) What ARE they whispering? 

Jane: (smirks) I knew your curiosity would get the best of you. (Leans against the door frame) Nothing bad or sexist actually. Some admire you, I actually overheard someone describe how attractive you are in an extremely tasteful manner. 

Daria: (leans forward) Really? (Leans back again)Well, that's to be expected when the male to female ratio is two hundred to six. 

Jane: You have to admit though, It's nice to be wanted. 

Daria: I already HAVE somebody who wants me. 

Jane: And your true to him to the end like I always Knew you would be. Thank god he found YOU and not some ditz. 

Daria: (looks at Jane suspiciously) You already FOUND the guy who's been whistling at you, HAVEN'T you? 

Jane: (Face turns red as she realizes she's caught) Yea well, I sort of confronted him in the laundry room today. 

Daria: Confronted him eh? (Beat) You know of coarse that fraternization between the ranks is forbidden. 

Jane: (shrugs sheepishly) Nobody saw it, I didn't do it. Besides, I made it clear to him that it doesn't affect our current standing and that he needed to keep his mouth shut. He seemed to agree. 

Daria: Naturally. (Beat) If anybody else finds out though I'll have to discipline you both. You know that right? 

Jane: Yes mom. 

Daria: (dryly) You got off? 

Jane: (grins) Several times. 

Daria: ( Takes her glasses off) So what else is new? 

(Cut to the sonar station) (Seaman Briggs is manning the station along with a trainee) 

Trainee: What I don't get is why do the first officer and the captain refer to each other by their first names while on duty? Isn't that against protocol? 

Briggs: They've been friends for a long time sailor. I seriously don't think they're going to let something like the navy get in the way of that. 

Trainee: Maybe we should...(sonar sounds a tone indicating a contact) Okay? What do I do now? 

Briggs: I've got it. (Begins to type on his keyboard and then picks up the comm) Conn; sonar, new contact, designate number sierra four three, coarse heading bearing zero seven five. 

(Cut to Daria's cabin) 

Jane; Not much really.... (2nd officer comes over the comm) 

2nd officer: Captain? 

Daria: (Picks up the comm) Go ahead. 

2nd officer: Sonar has a distant contact, probably submerged. 

Daria: Can you identify? 

2nd officer: We're working on it now. 

Daria: Alright, I'm on my way up. (Hangs up) (to Jane) Duty calls. 

Jane: Dammit, And I haven't even gotten a shower yet. 

Daria: (pinches her nose in jest) So I noticed. 

Jane: I hope Trent puts you in a comma the next time your intimate. 

Daria: (stops to reflect) GOD, I hope so. It's been to damn long. 

Jane: Whoa! Now I'm sorry I brought it up. (They both leave Daria's quarters for the conn) 

(Cut to the conn) 

Daria: The captain has the conn. (Walks over to sonar) What have you got Briggs? 

Briggs: Distant contact, Probably submerged. Contact has been designated sierra four three. It's heading along coarse Zero seven five at about twenty five knots. Plant noise sounds like it might be a boomer. 

Daria: (concerned) A boomer? Do you have an ID? 

Briggs: The computer is chewing on it now. (Computer begins to print a report. It reads as follows : Contact sierra four three, Soviet, Chernobyl class ballistic missile submarine, transients close aboard, Not previously recorded.) 

Daria: (reads the report) Looks like we've got ourselves a new boat. (to Jane) Have you heard anything about this? 

Jane: Sublet hasn't said anything about it. 

Daria; That's odd, The Russians haven't built any new boats since they surrendered about seven years ago. (Sighs) Okay Briggs, Start a track. I'll see if I can get you closer. 

Briggs: Aye sir. 

Daria: Jane, Rig for silent run. 

Jane: Aye sir. (loudly) Secure main propeller, Engage the caterpillar drive. All hands rig for silent run! (the order is repeated throughout the conn and the caterpillar can be heard briefly as it comes online) 

Daria: Briggs, What's their heading? 

Briggs: The contact holds steady at bearing zero seven five, speed twenty five knots, depth is eight hundred feet. It looks like she's running in the same direction adjacent to us. 

Daria: Diving officer make your depth eight hundred feet, make turns for twenty six knots. 

Diving officer: Make my depth eight hundred feet, twenty six knots, aye sir. (Carries out the orders) 

Daria: Helm, come to heading zero seven five. 

Jane: (quietly to Daria) Creeping up on them slowly huh? 

Daria: You always did like to go heavy on the gas. 

Jane: I miss those days too. 

Daria: I can tell. (Picks up the comm) Briggs, what's our range to the Chernobyl? 

Briggs: Range now twelve thousand yards and closing. 

Daria: Any signs they're alerted to our presence? 

Briggs: Negative, target holds steady on zero seven five. 

Daria: We'll follow them for a bit and see where they go. 

Mr. Thompson: (over the comm) Captain, we're receiving flash traffic over the VLF circuit. 

Daria: Alright, send it down as soon as you've decoded it. (Five minutes later Mr. Thompson brings the message over to her she reads it, then she folds it and puts it in her pocket) 

Jane: Well you look more pissed than usual. 

Daria: Must be the peppers I had at lunch. It'll pass. 

Jane: Yea right, you don't even like peppers. 

Daria: You know me to well for my own good. 

Jane: So what then? We've followed other subs before, why should this be any different? 

Daria: I'm just ready to retire that's all. 

Jane: I know, I read the file. 

Daria:(scowls) You read my files? 

Jane: It was open. If it's any consolation to you I did the same thing. 

Daria: It isn't, but thank you anyway. It'll be nice for everybody to finally get home and back to normal. 

Jane: Is it me or do you look especially unhappy now? 

Daria: How does the way I look now differ from the way I've looked all my life? 

Jane: I don't know, you just look...Sad. Or depressed, I can't tell yet. 

Daria: I'll be all right. I just need to get something to eat. 

Jane: I've got the conn then. Shoo! (Daria Glares at Jane for a moment then raises an eyebrow and walks off the conn as members of the crew smirk) (Turns to one crew member with a smile on his face) Mind your Post! (He turns quickly to face his work) 

(Cut to two ours later) 

(Daria is seen in the officers mess typing on a laptop while a plate of Lasagna sits on the table nearby. Pan closer, A tear rolls down her cheek as she continues to type. Jane appears over Daria's shoulder) 

Jane: Hey what's up? Writing something new? (See's Daria's cheek is wet from tears) Oh boy! What's wrong? You never cry. 

(Daria pushes the communique they received earlier over to Jane and she begins to read aloud) Jane: To commanding officer USS Cynicism, Captain Daria Morgendorffer. The state department regrets to inform you that On November eighth of this month your mother Helen Morgendorffer Died in her sleep of Natural causes. Funeral services have been postponed until the day after your return at the request of your husband. Because of your outstanding record, it has been decided that she will be awarded a military style funeral. All expenses are covered. (Jane puts the message down) Oh my god! Daria, I'm so sorry. 

Daria: (cracks a weak smile) Who'd have thought My dad would outlive her.(sighs) I've been typing a eulogy, what do you think? 

Jane: (Reads it) It does her justice. (Daria closes the laptop) 

Daria: Does it? There was so much I never said to her, I was always so busy standing up for my principles I was never able to find the words to tell her how I really felt... Deep down. 

Jane: She knew. If she was anything like the involved mother she tried to be, she knew. 

Daria: I don't know, it just seems so unreal. My dad was the one who had the heart attack, the high blood pressure, burst an occasional blood vessel in his eyeball. 

Jane: (chuckles) Must have had lessons from Dimartino on that one. 

Daria: (Again cracks a weak smile) I always thought I would have my mom for a good deal longer. 

Jane: I know, I thought so too. (Thinks for a moment) Remember the Y2K party? 

Daria: (looks puzzled for a moment due to the sudden change in subject then decides to bite) How could I forget. We all ended up in your mom's fallout shelter for the next few months. 

(Scene blurs and fades back in. It is December thirty first at about eleven o'clock P.M. 1999. Jane, Daria, Trent, the rest of the Lane clan and the rest of the Morgendorffers are present in and around the Lane household.) 

Jane: So tell me again how your family managed to make it over here to join us in our little new years festivities? 

Daria: That would be my Mom's fault. When she heard I was going over here for a new years get together, she couldn't resist the chance to ditch the party at the office. 

Jane: A legal new years party? I take it most of the people working at the firm are guys. 

Daria: Yup, and what do you get when you take a bunch of legal eagles, a load of alcohol, and a petty excuse to party at the office? 

Jane: A bunch of drunken Lawyers who like to plant their fingerprints on ANY female body in the vicinity. 

Daria: Exactly! With all that in mind, how could she possibly RESIST tailing me here. 

Jane: Can't say I blame her. (Beat) You KNOW Trent's going to get wasted. Are you sure you shouldn't be worried about the same thing? 

Daria: I seriously don't think Trent's going to go around grabbing people. He'll most likely just fall down crushing the lawn ornaments and we'll have to drag him off the lawn in the morning. 

Jane: I meant BEFORE he passes out on the lawn ornaments. He tends to get honest. REAL honest. He might just start whispering into your ear. 

Daria: Great, just what I need. An ear full of beer breath. 

Jane: Among other things. 

Daria: Well you're a real boost for the self esteem. 

Jane: I do what I can. 

Quinn: (walks over) Jane, do you have any soda around here? 

Jane: Over by the patio. (Quinn walks off to find someone to get the soda for her) (to Daria) I guess she's lost without the three J's. 

Daria: That's what you get when mindless sycophants wait on you hand and foot for your entire highschool career. 

(Helen comes walking up) Helen: Jane I wanted to thank you for letting us drop by. 

Jane: No problem, just make sure Jake doesn't have any more childhood reflections. I'm afraid he'll scare off everybody else. 

Helen: (laughs uneasily) I'm sure he'll be okay. (Walks over to keep an eye on Jake) 

Daria: Wouldn't most of your family being scared off be a GOOD thing? 

Jane: Normally yes, but Trent is already to tipsy to drive and My other siblings are the only ones who are willing to go out on a beer run. That is, unless HELEN would be willing to go. 

Daria: Do you have any idea how absurd that sounds? My mom on a beer run is like you and I fitting in to the fashion club...willingly. 

Jane: (shudders) Dammit Daria, Now I'm going to have nightmares. 

Daria: (smiles evilly) I can expand on that you know. Picture this, You replacing Quinn as the vice president of the fashion club. 

Jane: GAHH! 

Daria: It gets worse. Try this, You as the V.P having to suck up to Sandi Griffin! 

Jane: (covers her ears and drops to her knees) Stop, I beseech thee!! 

Trent: (slightly drunk) (comes up beside Daria and places his arm around her shoulder) Hey Daria, Hi Janie. 

Jane: ( gets up and smiles) Oh HI Trent! Daria was just telling me how MUCH she likes you. 

Daria: (scowls) You WILL be destroyed for this Lane! 

Jane: (quietly to Daria)Vengeance shall be mine sayeth the cynic. 

Trent: (almost falls down) Janie, Why do you always say stuff like that. (Drunken stutter)If...if..she really likes me, she'd say so. Right Daria? (Falls on his ass) (to Daria) I'm not as think as you drunk I am. 

Daria: (deadpan)Right, of coarse not. (Helps him to his feet) 

Trent: Can I tell you something Daria? 

Jane: I'll leave you two alone. (Winks at Daria. Then walks off to enjoy the party) 

Daria: (to Jane as she walks off) Traitor! (Jane just laughs and continues to walk) (Daria plants Trent on a nearby chair) Okay Trent, blurt it out. 

Trent: You... 

Daria: (gets uneasy) What? Are obnoxious? 

Trent: You... 

Daria: Are ugly? 

Trent: No, You... 

Daria: What already! 

Trent: (slowly) You have beautiful eye's. 

Daria: (blushes) okay..You can tell that with this little light? 

Trent: (hiccups) I like the way the light from the lawn candles reflects off your eyes. It's pretty. 

Daria: Um..Thanks Trent. I think. Your probably just saying that because your drunk, you know that right? 

Trent; (Shakes his head ) No, it's the truth. (Few moments pass) Can I tell you something? 

Daria: (looks at him weirdly) I guess, as long as you don't get sick in my ear. (Trent leans forward and begins to whisper into Daria's ear) (Daria's eyes widen) 

(Cut to an hour later) 

(Everyone is in the front yard) 

Everyone ; Five, four, three, two, one...Happy millennium!! (people throw confetti into the air and some toot on air horns. A drunken Jake tosses his glass over the shoulder, leans over and kisses Helen passionately, they then fall to the ground. Just behind some tall hedges) 

Helen: (calmly) Jake your drunk. Let me take you ho... OOH! Oh Jake! 

(Cut to Daria) 

Jane: Welcome to the twenty first century Mi amiga!! (gives her a stiff hug) 

Daria: Ahh! My solar plexus!! 

Jane: Sorry, just got swept up in the moment. 

Daria: Been drinking a little lately have we? 

Jane: Of coarse! It's an occasion. 

Daria: Right, with all this partying going on I guess I just plain forgot. 

Jane: So where's Trent? And what happened between you two? 

Daria: I left him to snooze on the couch. 

Jane: Why did you leave him on the cou....Oh my god! Daria You got in his pants? Way to go!! 

Daria: (extremely appalled look comes across her face) WHAT?!! Jane your drunk, And I did nothing of the sort. He said his piece and then passed out so I dragged him to the couch instead of leaving him on the lawn. 

Jane: (stumbles) Yea, right. (Gives her a friendly punch on the arm) (the lights flicker and then go out all over the area) 

Daria: Well, welcome to Y2K. 

Amanda: (comes out of the house) The phone is dead!! 

Jane: (smirks in the light of the lawn candles) And the exodus continues in Lawndale 

(Cut to one o'clock a.m ) 

(Most of the people have gone home with the exception of the Darians and Jake and Helen) 

(Trent has woken up and staggered outside with a hangover. Jake and Helen are still behind the bushes but have since finished with their work.)(I'll leave that image up to you the reader) 

Trent: (as he walks up to Daria And Jane) Oh my head, Hey Daria, Jane. What happened? 

Jane: (smirks at Daria as she decides to toy with Trent's mind) You and Daria did the deed, Trent. 

Daria: ( glares and starts to yell) We did noth...(Jane covers Daria's mouth with her hand) 

Trent: (tries to comprehend what Jane has said then figures it out) (eyes widen) Oh my GOD! Daria, I'm sorry... didn't mean to....(Daria covers his mouth with her hand) 

Daria: We'll talk. (Glares at Jane) I'll kill YOU Later. 

Jake: (Comes walking up holding his head) Oh man, my head. Hey Daria, what's up? 

Daria: Apparently you are. Have fun? 

Jake: ( momentarily thinks he's been caught, then calms down) Oh, uh, yea. Great party kiddo. 

Daria: Actually, you can thank Jane. She planned the whole thing. 

Jake: Oh, Thanks anyway kiddo. (A low rumble is heard as a fiery object trails across the overcast sky moving from north to south) Whoa! A shooting star! 

Jane: Don't shooting stars usually move a lot faster? 

Daria: Maybe this one is just old and is afraid to do the intergalactic speed limit. (Fifteen seconds later the entire southern sky lights up brilliantly enough for everybody to see each other as if it were day light. As the light fades to a dim orange glow, a steady rumble is heard as the overcast clouds are pushed away swiftly leaving a clear sky.) 

Jane: (slowly) What the hell was that?!! ( another such object fly's over head but keeps on going more toward the west) 

Daria: I think that impending sense of doom I always get has just kicked into over drive. Is it me or is every bodies worst fears coming true. 

Jane: You mean the one where Y2K causes all those missiles to fire by themselves? 

Daria: That's the....(the western sky light up brilliantly) 

Jane: Oh boy, THIS... is really going to suck!! 

Amanda: (yells) everybody get down into the old fallout shelter!! 

Trent: (confused) What?? 

Daria: (Grabs him and is assisted by Jane as they drag him into the house) Shut up and don't forget to duck! (Everyone heads to the basement) 

(In the fallout shelter as Jake and Trent are closing the door) 

Jake: Where do you think that first one hit? 

Daria: At least Several hundred miles to the south. It's a guess but I'd say Washington D.C. just bit the dust. 

Quinn: (standing in a corner) So what's THAT mean? 

Trent: (slowly) Oh god No! 

Daria: What? (Looks at Jane as she begins to tear up) WHAT?? 

Trent: (turns to look at Daria) Jesse was in D.C. talking to someone about a new gig. 

Daria: (sinks into her seat) No!! (Jane plants her face on Daria's jacket) 

Trent: (solemnly) Jane hadn't told him yet. (The ground shakes slightly as another detonation goes off slightly closer then Washington) 

Daria: Told him what? 

Jane: (stops sobbing long enough to blurt out a few words) Jesse...father...(continues crying) 

Quinn: Is she going to need to re apply her makeup or something because tears are really bad for lipstick. Also she might want to try a skin toner, because moisture can cause wrinkles which would look really bad. 

Trent: Shut the hell up Daria's sister. 

Quinn: HEY! 

Helen: Shut up Quinn, this isn't the time. 

Quinn: But MOM! 

Everybody: SHUT THE HELL UP QUINN!! 

Quinn: All right already. GOD! 

Daria: Jane, I don't think I caught that. There were to may tears running over your lips. 

Trent: Jane's pregnant. 

Daria: Whoa!! 

Trent: They were going to get married down at the court house next week. 

(Daria leans back against the wall attempting to absorb the situation) 

(Cut back to the sub) 

Daria: Definitely a life altering experience. But out of curiosity, how does this topic relate to the previous one? 

Jane: It was your mom who helped me deal with the loss of Jesse. We never spoke of it openly simply because it just hurt to much. We had many a conversation over the next few months. 

Daria: How is it that I was never more than fifty feet away yet I never heard a whisper of any of this? 

Jane: How is it that You never told me what Trent whispered into your ear that night? 

Daria: I'm just not the talkative type I guess. 

Jane: (shrugs her shoulders) What can I say, we lanes can also be down right quiet when we want to be. 

Daria: So I gathered. Care to enlighten me? 

Jane: Maybe. 

Daria: Maybe what? 

Jane: Maybe I'll go on, IF when all this is said and done, you'll tell me what Trent said to you that night. 

Daria: Going for the mother of all my deepest secrets aren't we Jane? 

Jane: I Know everything else about you. 

Daria: Do you? You'd be surprised what you thought you knew, but don't. 

Jane: I'm game. 

Daria: All right then, let's hear it. 

Jane: It was the night after it all started. Remember, I was so edgy I just started drawing on the walls with an old crayon I found? 

Daria: How could I forget? When you ran out of wall space you started drawing crayon tattoo's on Trent while he was sleeping. 

Jane: (chuckles) Do you want to hear this or what? 

Daria: About as much as I want to get home. Go on.. 

(Scene blurs and fades back in) 

(Interior of the fallout shelter in the Lane's basement) 

Jane is crying relentlessly in the corner with her knee's up against her chest) 

Helen: (walks over quietly and looks around to see that everyone else is keeping themselves busy) Jane? 

Jane: (manages to stop long enough to look up at Helen) Yea? 

Helen: (Sits down next to Jane) Do you mind if sit here? 

Jane: Does it make a difference? 

Helen: Everything makes a difference. That's why your so upset. 

Jane: What the hell are you talking about? 

Helen: I know what it's like to lose someone you care about. Believe me it's no easy thing to let go. 

Jane: (confused and sarcastic at the same time) Is there a point to this? 

Helen: (brows furl together briefly but then Helen lets out a sigh) Yes, There is. What's you're fondest memory of this fellow? 

Jane:( Looks at her in disbelief) How can you be asking me these things? You barely know your own daughter, let alone me. 

Helen: (realizing the truth in this) I've made mistakes Jane, I'm only human. But a greater mistake would be holding what you feel inside until it boils over uncontrollably. Perhaps in learning about you, I can learn about my own daughter. 

Jane: Your nuts, You know that? 

Helen: Yea, but don't tell anyone. They might think I'm something OTHER than a tightly wound pain in the ass. 

Jane: (chuckles weakly) Your secrets safe. (Thinks for several moments) I truly loved him. I never realized it until now. 

Helen: You two were together for a while I take it? 

Jane: About five years. I tried going out with other guys, but I always ended up coming back to him. I never really understood why. Now, with this baby growing inside me. I want to be with him more than ever. 

Helen: That's natural. But something of Jesse still lives within you. Within your baby, to say nothing of the memory you keep. Think of it as a candle that will always be lit and can be passed down through the ages. A living memory. 

Jane: (smiles weakly) I like that. (Looks at Daria who is listening to Jake talk as if these were his last moments) She does care about you. Daria that is. 

Helen: I wonder sometimes. 

Jane: She does. She's just not comfortable with showing her feeling to anyone, except me. 

Helen: How does she show it then? 

Jane: Usually, the more sarcastic she get's, the more she gives a shit about something. That's her way of showing she cares. 

Helen: By cutting someone down with sarcasm? 

Jane: You can see the amount of effort she puts into dishing it out to YOU can't you. 

Helen: She does lay it on pretty thick sometimes. I always thought it was because she resented me. 

Jane: She does resent some of the things you do, But she still respects you. 

Helen: How can you be so sure? 

Jane: She wouldn't give you the time of day if she didn't. 

Helen: Jane, Do you think she knows? That I love her I mean. 

Jane: She knows, She's just got this funny thing about showing love of any kind. Take Trent over there... please. (Beat) Seriously though, Daria Loves Trent, but she can never show it. I've tried to get them together but he's oblivious and she's self conscious. How can they possibly get together? 

Helen: (smiles and points to Daria who is now talking with Trent) By confining them to a closed space and leaving them alone. 

Jane: (looks at what is beginning to transpire between the two) Well I'll be damned! Figures it would take something like nuclear destruction to get the ball rolling with them. 

(Helen and Jane laugh for a moment) 

Helen: Feels good doesn't it? To let go for a moment. 

Jane: A little, but it still hurts like hell. 

Helen: It will, but it will pass with time. All wounds do heal. That doesn't mean you'll ever stop loving him though. 

Jane:(sniffs) I know. 

(Cut back to the sub) 

Daria: So you spent countless hours with my mom not only discussing Jesse and yourself, but ME as well? 

Jane: Surprised? 

Daria: She never told me about ANY of this. 

Jane: Of coarse not, it was between her and Myself. The point is though, she knew and cared about you a lot more than you give her credit for. 

Daria: I wish I could have told her. Just for once so we both could hear it said. 

Jane: You still can when we get home. 

Daria: (Scowls) I case you've forgotten My mother has... 

Jane: That's irrelevant Daria, Where ever she is at the moment, she'll hear you. I know it in my heart. And you do too. 

Daria: (look of sadness comes over her face as if she's about to cry again but she fights it off) Thank you Jane, for everything. 

Jane: That's what I'm here for. 

(second officer comes over the comm) 

2nd officer: Captain, the Chernobyl is nearing the edge of their national patrol perimeter. Please advise. 

Daria: (rolls her eyes in disgust) Ah hell, (picks up the comm) I'll be right up. 

Jane: When it rains it pours. 

Daria: Oh shut up. 

(Cut to the conn) 

Daria: The captain has the conn. (To the second officer) Report 

2nd officer: Sir, the Russian still holds coarse zero seven five, estimate about five miles from the soviet national patrol perimeter set up by the surrender treaty of 2010. 

Jane: Thorough isn't he. 

Daria: (shrugs) He get's the job done. (Sighs) Any indication they're preparing to alter coarse? 

2nd officer: Negative, target still holds present coarse. Now within one and a half miles of the soviet patrol boarder. (Beat) Captain, to quote regulation 311.562. Any Nato vessel is hereby authorized to fire on a soviet vessel that should breach the patrol boundaries set forth in the soviet surrender of... 

Jane: (scowls) The captain is well aware of the regulations lieutenant commander. (Yells) Mind your damned post! (2nd officer retreats to his station) 

Daria; I was really hoping to avoid this. 

Jane: (shakes her head) Yea, here we go again 

Daria: Tell me about it. Tactical, Verify our range to target. 

Tactical: Captain, the Russian is now five thousand yards dead ahead. 

Jane: (looks at Daria) Do you think humanity will eventually learn it's lesson? 

Daria: I guess we're about to find out. (Loudly) Tactical, flood tubes one and two. Advise when you've plotted a firing solution. 

Tactical officer: Aye sir. 

Jane: (adds to Daria's orders) Tactical, program full safeties. We're so close we don't need this fish coming back at us. (beat) (to Daria) I really hate this part if the job. 

Daria: I know what you mean. All I really want to do at this point is just make like this guy was never hear and go the hell home to live out the remainder of my existence in peace. 

Jane: Or to hook up with Trent and make up for years of absenteeism with a week long roll in the sheets. 

Daria: You really are perverted you know that Jane. 

Jane; (bows) Thank you. 

Daria: (saddened look appears on her face) Yea well, there are more important things to deal with first. 

Jane:(look hurt) I didn't mean any disrespect Daria. I was just trying to bring some light to the situation. 

Daria: I know Jane. It's cool. 

Tactical: Sir, I have a firing solution on the Chernobyl. (A moment of silence passes) 

Jane: Daria? 

Daria: (sighs deeply) Open outer doors, firing point procedures. 

Tactical: (after a few minutes) Outer doors are open on tubes one and two. We're ready to shoot. 

Jane: (looks at Daria) I know that look. What are you thinking? 

Daria: I'm thinking I'm going to give them a chance to alter coarse. 

Jane: (smiles) I thought you might. (Loudly) Tactical, initialize active sonar. 

Tactical: Aye sir. Active sonar initialized. 

Daria: (to Jane) Let's let them know we're here. (To tactical) Give me a single pin... 

Briggs: Conn; sonar, possible aspect change on target. 

Daria: (to tactical) Delay my last order. (Picks up the comm) What have you got? 

Briggs: Sir the Chernobyl is altering coarse. 

Daria: (to the crew) All stop, go quiet. 

Helm: All stop aye, Answers all stop. 

Daria: Tactical, did you release that ping? 

Tactical: Negative sir, we're silent.. 

Daria: Where is he going Briggs? 

Briggs: Chernobyl's new coarse now holds two one zero. They're heading back toward soviet waters. 

Jane: (pinches her sinuses) Thank god. They were just testing their boundaries. 

Daria: (smiles) Stand down all weapons. Helm, hold position for five minutes. Then return to course zero six zero and haul ass for home. 

Helm: Aye sir, With pleasure. 

(Cut to outside home port two days later) 

Navigator: Captain, we are now ten miles out of Armstrong naval base. 

Daria: Not a moment to soon. 

Jane: (comes from the sonar station) I have a request from the crew. 

Daria: (raises an eyebrow) Well this is a first. (Beat) Don't keep me in suspense Jane. The crew actually spoke on their own to me. 

Jane: (Smirks) The crew and I were wondering, since this is the last voyage where you and I are their commanding officers, if we could soak some fisherman. 

Daria: Soak some fisherman? Jane, have you been inhaling your paint fumes again? 

Jane; No, I ran out of paint two weeks out of port. I'm serious. There are two fishing troller's running parallel on our heading with exactly three hundred feet apart and no nets deployed. 

Daria: I take it you want to make an entrance? 

Jane: (grins evilly) With style. 

Daria: (thinks for a moment) Your sure about the space between them? 

Jane: Sonar verified it just before I came over. 

Daria: (thinks for several minutes) No other naval vessels outside of port? 

Jane: Not a one. 

Daria: (shrugs) Who am I to refuse my crew one request? Helm, Make turns for forty knots. 

Helm: Make turns for forty knots, aye sir. 

Jane: Diving officer prepare for a hard rise. 

Diving officer: (smiles) Ready to have some fun sir. 

Daria: (sighs) Okay Jane, Put us on the roof. 

Jane: Diving officer on my mark, Five, four, three, two, one, emergency blow! 

Helm: Aye sir, five thousand kilo's pumped out. Full rise on the fair water planes, forty degrees up angle on the bow planes. (Jane holds onto a post as the ship begins to pitch up steeply) 

Diving officer: Four hundred feet, three hundred, passing two hundred feet sir. 

Jane: Come on big C, FLY 

Daria: Your enjoying this a bit much aren't you? 

Jane: Not a chance. Hold on, here comes the fun part. 

Daria: (deadpan) Great. 

(Cut to the surface between the two troller's) 

(The calm blue ocean is broken by a submarine literally leaping halfway out of the water at forty knots. As the hull lands back in the water, the two troller's are dowsed by the tremendous splash that is made by the two hundred ton ship.) 

(Cut back to Jane who is looking through the periscope as the ship stops shaking) 

Jane; Captain, I am pleased to report that the fisherman have been thoroughly soaked. 

(The crew responds by giving each other high fives) 

Daria: (smirks) A good way to end an era. 

Jane: I couldn't agree more. 

(Cut to the docks as Daria and Jane are coming down the stairway that has been placed against the sub) 

(A forty something Trent is waiting for her at the bottom. He is actually well dressed) 

Trent: (to Daria) I Know you don't I? 

Daria: God I hope so. Otherwise I've been waiting to come home to the wrong guy. (Throws her arms around him and gives a stiff hug) 

Trent: (smiles) Wouldn't want that. 

Jane: What? No hug for your own sister? 

Trent: Always begging for attention. (Gives her a hug. Then a solemn look comes over his face as he turns back to Daria) You heard? 

Daria: Yea...I heard. 

Trent: I'm sorry, Daria. 

Daria: I know, Trent. When is it? 

Trent: I made the arrangements for tomorrow morning as soon as I heard you were coming into port. I didn't think you would want this to wait any longer. 

Daria: Thanks Trent. 

Trent: Listen, I know you're probably not in the mood to be happy right now, but there are these three people who have been bugging me endlessly to come along to welcome the two of you home. 

Daria: (cocks an eyebrow) Really? 

Trent: Oh yea. (Turns and whistles to the car. The rear doors then open and two girls and a boy come running up) 

Jane and Amy: Mom!! (seize Daria in a hug. The three of them loose their balance and fall to the ground) William: (to Jane) Been long time, mom. All of my paintings have been of you. (Gives her a stiff hug) Don't leave again or I'm going to hide your paints. 

Jane; (smiles as a tear runs down her cheek) I guess I'll have to listen then. 

(Trent just smiles and watches) 

(Cut to the next morning at the Lawndale cemetery after the viewing) 

(Family and friends are gathered around the casket. Some are crying, others hold a silent vigil. Jake stands next to Daria with his hand on her shoulder and a steady stream of tears rolling down his cheek. All watch as the navy's color guard fold the American flag which now holds fifty two stars. As The flag is then handed to Jake and they extend their consolations, Daria motions to them and asks to say something before taps is played.) 

Daria: (walks forward to the casket and turns to face everyone) (a moment passes before she begins to speak) It's difficult to find the words I long to speak. My mother was someone none of us could ever forget. Although she often worked long hours and at times seemed to busy for everyone else. She never failed to surprise me with the fact that she was still there when I needed her most. I never really showed her just how much I really cared, but still, somehow she knew. Helen Morgendorffer meant more to all of us then we ever gave her credit for. And I wish, I just had one last chance...to let her know how much I loved her. 

(Walks back to Jake, Jane, and Trent) (Taps is played as a rifle salute is given, Followed by amazing grace played on the bagpipes) 

(People pay their respects and soon depart leaving Jane, Daria, Trent, Jake and Quinn to watch the casket be lowered into the ground) 

(After the grave has been covered) 

Jake: I feel as if a part of me died with her. 

Daria: I know how you feel. It'll be so quiet without her cell phone going off constantly. 

Quinn: (places a rose over the grave) We'll miss you mom. 

Jake: (places his hand on Trent's shoulder and motions for him to walk with him) Let's give them a moment alone. (Trent nods and walks to the car with Jake) 

Quinn: (looks at Daria and Jane for a moment) I'll come with you. (Follows them to the car) 

Jane: It was a good ceremony. That was a meaningful benediction you gave. 

Daria: Thanks. Do you think she heard it? 

Jane: Not a doubt in my mind. (Turns to Daria) Ready? 

Daria: For what? 

Jane: To talk. (Motions toward Trent) 

Daria: You couldn't wait five more minutes until we were in the car? 

Jane; Trent would be in the car with us. Then I KNOW you wouldn't talk. You'd just procrastinate until the day one of US dies. 

Daria: Damn you and your logic. 

Jane; (smirks) I learned from the best. 

Daria: (gives Jane an odd look) He said... (proceeds to tell Jane the details of what Trent had whispered that night) 

Jane: A Marriage proposal!!?? I don't believe this. All that time I spent trying to get the two of you together and All I had to do was get him drunk around you. 

Daria: I didn't say I accepted. I told him I'd think about it. 

Jane: And a few years LATER you accepted. 

Daria: Basically. 

Jane: I hate you. 

Daria: The feeling is mutual Jane. (Sighs) I guess it's time to go. 

Jane: (solemn look comes over her face) Yea. 

Daria: (Turns to Helens Grave and places a rose of her own on the site) I love you mom. (Turns and Jane and Daria begin to walk to the car. Daria stops as she hears what sounds like a whisper in her ear that said "I love you too sweetie" Daria turns around to see an image of Helen as it fades from view.) 

Jane: (turns to see what Daria is looking at) What? 

Daria: (smiles) Just listening. (Turns back around with Jane and they proceed to the car Where their own families await them.) 

THE END 

Any comments or suggestions may be directed to Wildgoose81@hotmail.com Feed back would be greatly appreciated. 


	2. Into the Depths, Once Again

Disclaimer: Daria and all related characters are the property of MTV and Viacom productions.  
  
  
Note: This story takes place a few years before "The Last Journey Home" Both this story and the  
later proceed under the guise that whatever nasty little problems were anticipated to occur at the  
onset of Y2K, ...did.   
  
  
Into the Depths Once Again  
By  
Wildgoose  
  
  
  
It was late in the morning that Saturday, Daria was semiconscious as she turned in her bed but  
still awake enough to know that she wanted to postpone getting up for as long as possible. She  
and her crew where home on shore leave until further notice while the ship underwent a computer  
refit, and Daria was determined to enjoy it as much as possible by catching up on some much  
needed sleep as well as spending the remaining hours in the day with her family.  
Daria turned again in her bed to a face down position and grappled her pillow with her arms to  
draw it as close to her head as possible when suddenly the entire bed shook as Daria felt one side  
of the bed sink lower than the other with the weight of the object that disturbed it. Daria turned to  
right herself in her bed as the sudden surprise had brought her completely out of any stage of  
sleep she might have been in at the time.   
Daria grabbed her glasses from the night stand and frantically looked about the room to  
discover the source of the disturbance. She noticed almost immediately a teenage girl with long  
black hair and brown eyes lying on her side at the foot of the bed where she had come to rest after  
jumping onto it in an attempt to wake Daria up.  
  
Daria: What the hell? Jane what are you doing?  
  
Jane: Hey mom, just wanted to wake you up so you wouldn't miss out on the day. (Daria hears  
the voice of another young girl coming from towards the door. Daria focuses her eyes beyond her  
daughter to notice her other daughter, this one a brunette, standing just inside the bedroom door  
holding a tray with a cup of tea and some other breakfast food on it.)   
  
Daria: Amy, what brings you both in here this morning? (Raises an eyebrow) At the same time I  
might add?  
  
Amy: (shrugs) Just wanted to say good morning in a way that you would remember. (Lifts the  
tray a little higher) And of course to say "happy birthday mom", you didn't think we forgot did  
you?  
  
Daria: (smiles) As often as I've had to go away on duty,.... I'm surprised ANYBODY ever  
remembers me.   
  
Jane: (Gets up off the bed) Are you kidding, It's impossible to forget you. Every time we look in  
the mirror we see your face, and remember that it's only a matter of time before you come back  
again.  
  
Daria: (laughs) You know if I'd had you're optimism when I was you're age I probably would  
have become more of a joiner in life.  
  
Amy: Nah, Being a joiner isn't all it's cracked up to be. Just take a look at some of the imbeciles  
we have to put up with in school. There's this one band of socialites, all they seem to care about is  
how they look and how popular they are compared to everyone else. I'd be amazed if there's a  
living brain cell among them. (Beat) Besides it would have saved the navy all that trouble of  
drafting you and there wouldn't have been any kicking and screaming involved.  
  
Jane: (chimes in immediately) And we KNOW how much you enjoyed THAT part of it, you must  
have told us a hundred times how you broke an MP's kneecap and a couple of another's ribs when  
they showed up at you're door to enforce the draft order.  
  
Amy: (without missing a beat) Ah the memories, right mom?  
  
Daria: You know, if you weren't FRATERNAL twins I'd swear you could read each others  
thoughts.   
  
Amy: (smiles evilly) I guess you'll never know will you, mom. (Walks up to the bed and places  
the tray right over Daria's lap before leaning forward and giving Daria a big hug) By the way,  
dad went out a little while ago. He said something about paying tribute to the tank.  
  
Jane: Yea, what the hell does that mean.  
  
Daria: (looks at Jane crossly) Watch your language. (Resumes her typical face) It's personal, it  
would be too difficult to get into without using an incredibly stupid amount of detail. Maybe your  
father could explain it to you at another time, .....if you can manage to stay awake.  
  
Amy: Don't you mean if HE can stay awake, Dad's the one who falls asleep at the drop of a hat.  
  
Daria: NO, ....I mean YOU. It's an incredibly long and involved story the way he's likely to tell it.  
  
Jane: Yeesh, thanks for the warning. Oh, and by the way. Your breakfast is getting cold so hurry  
up and eat it.  
  
Daria: (looks at the tray and then starts to eat) Where did you learn to make eggs like this?  
  
Jane: Dad's cooking, it gave us some pretty profound examples of what NOT to do when  
cooking. The rest we just got out of a cookbook.  
  
Daria: (chuckles) I'm glad to see you've managed to keep him from burning the house down.  
  
Amy: Yea, well it was no easy task. Especially when grandpop came over and tried to help him.  
Oh man, one of us had to stand ready with nine one-one programmed into the speed dial and the  
other poised with a fire extinguisher at the ready. The neighbors got so used to seeing black  
smoke billow out of the kitchen window they just stopped making a fuss all together.  
  
Daria: (burst out laughing to the point where she almost choked on her food) Oh my god, the  
things I miss around here when I'm gone.  
  
Jane: (shrugs) So don't go away so often and maybe you won't miss as much around here.  
  
Daria: (Face turns slightly sad) (sighs) If I could, I would.....in a heartbeat. ( A moment passes  
and then Daria finishes her breakfast and proceeds to get up from bed) Thanks for breakfast girls,  
it's been a long time since anyone brought me breakfast in bed.  
  
Jane: Well, dad wanted to but then we KNOW what would follow after that and quite frankly  
having to listen to that even from down the hall gives us nightmares. So we told him that we  
would take care of it so he'd be able to do some of the other things he had planned for you.  
  
Daria: (smirks) I can't wait already.   
  
Jane: (As the two girls turn to leave the room) We'll leave you to do your thing then, bye  
  
Daria: (rubs the remaining sleep from her eyes) Bye....  
  
Amy: (just as the girls are heading through the door) (whisper) You know, I think she's starting to  
get some gray hair.  
  
Daria: (calls after them) I heard that!! (Jane and Amy laugh as they disappear into the hallway.)  
(Daria sighs as she turns to look into a mirror) It figures they would have to be right. (Daria  
groans and then heads into the bathroom to grab a shower before starting the day)  
  
(After spending about half an hour in the shower, the bathroom has become densely clouded with  
steam. Daria, relaxing in the shower is unaware of the light footsteps heard approaching the  
shower from the direction of the door. A moment later the head of a dark haired man pops  
through the far edge of the shower curtain)  
  
Trent: Hey love....  
  
Daria: AHHH...... (relaxes after she see's that it's Trent) You ass, you scared the hell out of me.  
  
Trent: Sorry, I just wanted to see how the birthday girl was doing this morning. So how old are  
you now, twenty two?  
  
Daria: (smiles and pulls Trent's head forward under the shower nozzle to soak it) Flattery will get  
you everywhere you know.  
  
Trent: (shakes his now drenched head) God I hope so, otherwise I'll have to rely on plain and  
simple charm to make you happy.  
  
Daria: We can't let you resort to that now can we. But there is another way to make me happy.  
(Trent cocks an eyebrow and smiles)  
  
(Cut to the kitchen)  
  
(Jane is busy doing her homework on a laptop at the kitchen table and Amy is busy leaning on the  
counter watching Sick Sad World on a small flat screen television)  
  
Jane: You know, if mom catches you watching that she's going to flip.  
  
Amy: I know, "it's gotten too demented for people like us to watch." But, .....(she walks a little  
toward the hallway and places a finger to her ear) dad just got home a little while ago and by the  
sounds of it the both of them are occupado. Which means the odds of them catching me are  
extremely remote at the moment.  
  
(The phone rings and Jane gets up from her homework to pick it up)  
  
Jane: Speak or forever hold you're peace.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey there amiga, is you're mom up and about?  
  
Jane: Hey aunt Jane, no mom and dad are a little um......busy at the moment.  
  
Jane Lane: Doing the mom and dad thing huh?  
  
Jane: That's about what it sounds like to me.  
  
Jane Lane: (laughs) If you can do it without getting caught, see if you can get me a Polaroid. That  
way I'll have something to drive your mom nuts with the next time we're out at sea.  
  
Jane: (grins evilly) God I love the way you think.  
  
Jane Lane: You should have seen me when I was YOUR age.  
  
Jane: Come on over, they'll probably be done by the time you get here. An if they're not, then  
you'll have a chance to get that Polaroid yourself.  
  
Jane Lane: Hmm, such a tempting and devious offer you present my young apprentice. Soon  
you're training as a Jedi will be complete.  
  
Jane: Um, aunt Jane?  
  
Jane Lane: Yea?  
  
Jane: What the hell is a Jedi?  
  
Jane Lane: (sighs loudly) What a shame, nobody remembers the classics anymore. I'll see you  
soon then.  
  
Jane: Look forward to it, ....later. (Hangs up the phone and looks to Amy) Aunt Jane is on her  
way over.  
  
Amy: Cool,....we should probably tell mom so she doesn't get caught in an awkward position or  
something.  
  
Jane: Yea, we probably should. (They both look back and forth at each other for several  
moments) ................So anyway, is there anything interesting on the tube?  
  
Amy: Nah, S.O.S (Same Old Shit)   
  
(Cut to about an hour later)  
  
(Jane Lane and Daria seen walking out the front door together and they start talking out in the  
driveway.)  
  
Daria: All I know is the next time you come at me with a Polaroid it's going to quickly become a  
suppository for you.   
  
Jane Lane: (pretends to cringe) Ooh, I can almost feel my butt itching from it now.  
  
Daria: (looks at Jane) Thank you SO much for that visual, Jane.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey, I aim to please. And by the look of some of those pictures I took, so do YOU.  
  
Daria:(looks at Jane and scowls) I really do hate you, Jane. Just in case I never told you.  
  
Jane Lane: And a very happy birthday to you too. (Hands Daria a small box wrapped in crape  
paper)  
  
Daria: Aw Jane, you should have.  
  
Jane Lane: Never let it be said that Jane Lane forgot a sibling in laws birthday.  
  
Daria: How could you forget, I'm the only in law you have......left. Sorry.....  
  
Jane Lane: Old wounds my friend, I'm long since ok with it.  
  
Daria: (opens the box) A guitar pick?  
  
Jane Lane: Trent's first one ever, I found it when cleaning out his old room. I figured you'd want  
it for sentimental value.  
  
Daria: Thanks Jane. (Pauses for a moment) It took you this long to getting around to cleaning  
out his old room?  
  
Jane Lane: To FINISH cleaning it, I started it years ago.  
  
Daria: You must do an awful lot of procrastinating if it took you this long, Jane.  
  
Jane Lane: What the hell are you talking about, you've seen his room. And THAT was only the  
first layer, I found fossil records in there dating back to his first pair of boxers.   
  
Daria: (Shivers) Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww.........  
  
Jane Lane: Yea, that's about what I said. So....any idea as to how you plan to spend the rest of  
you're thirty third birthday?  
  
Daria: Nothing fancy, the others know how much I hate parties. Trent wants to take me to dinner  
tonight, show me a night out. And I have no doubts that my parents will show up sometime this  
afternoon, unexpectedly as far as my dad knows. But he just doesn't realize how incredibly  
predictable he's gotten. Things of that nature, you know how it is.  
  
Jane Lane: Yes, my friend I do. (looks at Daria solemnly) God, I hate being the bearer of bad  
news.  
  
Daria: What's that supposed to mean?  
  
Jane Lane: It means that after six months on shore leave it was only a matter of time before the  
powers that be remembered us, and as always their recollection has the absolute worst of timing.  
(sighs and pulls a yellow envelope with a department of defense seal on it.) It also means,.....that  
you need to enjoy the evening as much as you can. A young Lieutenant came to my door on  
orders to deliver one of these to me. This one is yours, he asked ME to serve it to you.  
Apparently the guy remembers you from somewhere, he kept mumbling something about his knee  
on his way out.   
  
Daria: (chuckles) Aw, .....he remembered me. How sweet. (Daria opens the envelope and a look  
of disappointment sweeps over her face)  
  
Jane Lane: Yea, the refit's all done.   
  
Daria: The bastards have never met a deadline in their life, yet they choose NOW to finish ahead  
of schedule.  
  
Jane Lane: And they want to send us over the pole this time, some sort of special operation. We're  
to receive orders en route, we have to ship out in the morning.  
  
Daria: Did you protest this?  
  
Jane Lane: Several times since this morning with projected hostility, but they won't hear it.   
  
Daria: Did you manage to throw some large heavy objects during you're projected hostility?  
  
Jane Lane: I was just about to when the MP's convinced me to reconsider.  
  
Daria: They ARE quick to shoot people these days aren't they. Do you have any idea what their  
rush is?  
  
Jane Lane: The only reasoning they gave me was that we've got the most advanced sub in the fleet  
and so in their minds we're the best ones for the job.  
  
Daria: I think it's more along the lines of somebody's still pissed at ME for the christening  
incident, so in their minds this is one form of payback.  
  
Jane Lane: Well you DID sort of change the name of the sub at the last minute during a public  
ceremony.  
  
Daria: Hey, it's their fault for making it a tradition for the first skipper of a new ship to christen  
the damned thing in the first place. They wanted to name the thing after Bill Clinton.  
  
Jane Lane: So instead when you smashed the bottle on the hull you proclaimed it the Cynicism,  
you're a twisted little cruller aren't you.  
  
Daria: Yea, but that wasn't why I did it. It was just that in my opinion the shape of the submarine  
bore too strong a resemblance to the reputation of the man. And there was no way in hell I was  
going to ride on something like that, so I changed it to something a little more after the heart of  
her captain.  
  
Jane Lane: A perfectly understandable situation.  
  
Daria: That's what my position was when I had to listen to my superiors.  
  
Jane Lane: And since it was a public ceremony they had to act like that was what was planned and  
so they couldn't touch you without embarrassing themselves in the process.  
  
Daria: You see Jane, Sometimes the system DOES work.  
  
Jane Lane: Sometimes, but apparently not today. We still have to report for duty tomorrow.  
  
Daria: Yea I know, ....Any chance we can sabotage the sub before we have to leave?  
  
Jane Lane: Trying to gain another few months of leave, huh?   
  
Daria: I think we deserve it, don't you?  
  
Jane Lane: Oh absolutely, but there's no way we could pull it off without getting ourselves killed  
in the process.  
  
Daria: There's always something to hold us back isn't there, ....damn. William will be over in the  
morning I take it?  
  
Jane Lane: As always, and as always I thank you for letting him stay with your family.  
  
Daria: Hey, what are friends for. Hell, I feel as if he's my own kid sometimes.  
  
Jane Lane: Well lucky for me then, you can't keep him forever.  
  
Daria: That's not a problem, if I get to attached to having a third kid around then I'm certain Trent  
will be able to assist me with filling the void once you take William back.  
  
Jane Lane: I bet he could too, ....and then some. So,.....when do you think you're going to break  
it to the kids. It's always harder on them you know, I've never seen kids look up to a mother the  
way they look up to you.   
  
Daria: I don't know, probably this afternoon when my parents "unexpectedly" drop by. For some  
reason it never seems to occur to my dad that his "unexpected" visits are incredibly predictable  
  
Jane Lane: Unexpected predictability, I think you're parents are a living coin of a new phrase.  
  
Daria: They're a lot of things these days, thank god the title of workaholic isn't one of them  
anymore.  
  
Jane Lane: Yea, I hear menopause can do that to a working family.  
  
Daria: Ugh, ...don't remind me. How we all survived my mom's mood swings I'll never know.  
  
Jane Lane: (grins) Red alert, Shields up, and prepare to fire all weapons.  
  
Daria: You know it's funny how one can describe such a personal family crisis using an old Star  
Trek catch phrase.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey, sometimes the oldies really ARE the goodies.  
  
Daria: Sort of restores you're lost sense of hopelessness doesn't it?  
  
Jane Lane: Yea, bummer.  
  
Daria: (sighs) I know this is going to kill the day, but if I tell the family later it's going to make it  
that much harder on them. Have you told William yet?  
  
Jane Lane: Yea, right off the bat. He took it well, at least I thought he did until I saw a painting  
he was working on come flying down past my window from his room. At that point It became  
pretty clear that he was upset. (Sighs) Well there's no point in delay then, I've got you're back  
amiga.  
  
(The two of them turn to head back into the house)  
  
(Cut to about eight A.M the next morning, Trent, Jane, Amy, and William all stand together on  
the shore as they watch two tugboats guide a submarine through the channel and out to sea)  
  
Amy: (turns to look up into Trent's eyes) Did she say how long she would be gone this time?  
  
Trent: (Sighs and pulls her closer to him) The usual is three months at a time, but who know's we  
might get lucky.  
  
William: Yea,....lucky.  
  
(Cut to the bridge of the USS Cynicism)  
  
(Daria is seen staring at her family on the shore through a pair of binoculars as the sub heads  
father and farther down the channel)  
  
Jane Lane: Hey hey amiga, don't hog the view there. Let me take a peep through those for a bit.   
(The second officer snickers a bit as he looks out toward the bow)  
  
Daria: (Hands the binoculars to Jane and then turns to the second officer and scowls) Is there  
something you wanted to say number two?   
  
Second officer: No sir, ....sorry sir.  
  
Daria: Don't be sorry, just be quiet.  
  
Second officer: Yes sir.   
  
Daria: (turns back to Jane) I Hate it when people listen in on our conversations.  
  
Jane Lane: (not listening) They're all waving at us....   
  
Daria: ( turns and grabs the binoculars from Jane and almost strangling her with the strap in the  
process) Give me that!  
  
Jane Lane: (Rubbing her neck) My friend, If I didn't know better I'd think you tried to bump me  
off.  
  
Daria: Jane, if I had wanted to bump you off I would have come up with a much more creative  
method I assure you. (Turns to the second officer) What do you think, would she fit into a  
torpedo tube? (Waits several moments for an answer) You may speak freely, you know.  
  
Second officer: (looks at the curious look on Jane's face for a moment as she crosses her arms in  
wait for his answer ) With respect sir, I have no comment at this time.  
  
Daria: He's learned a lot from working with us.  
  
Jane Lane: Yea, next week we move on to potty training.   
  
Daria: (chuckles) You're just mean, Jane.  
  
Jane Lane: (bows) Thank you.  
  
(The two of them continue to watch as the shore moves farther and farther from view until it  
eventually disappears from view all together and the tugs sound their air horns and steer away  
from the hull of the sub signaling an end to their escort. After another ten minutes a buzz is heard  
from the comm and the second officer picks up)  
  
Second officer: Very well. (Hangs up the comm and then turns to face Daria) We have clear  
water ahead, sir.  
  
Daria: Very well, head down below. I'll join you in a few minutes.  
  
Second officer: Aye sir. (Heads down through the hatch into the conn)   
  
Jane Lane: Well, it's about time to seal ourselves off from the rest of the world.  
  
Daria: Already? I was hoping to stay out late this time.  
  
Jane Lane: Now now, there's a trip to the arctic that's just waiting for us you know.  
  
Daria: Oh goody, we'll be cut off from the world AND the water will be sub zero. Well now I  
can't wait.  
  
Jane Lane: I knew you'd see things my way.  
  
Daria: (more seriously) Let's just get this over with, shall we.  
  
Jane Lane: After you then. (They both climb down through the hatch one after the other)  
  
Daria: (to those in the conn) Captain is down.  
  
Jane Lane: X.O is down, button up the ship.  
  
Second officer: Aye sir, (loudly) Button up the ship! (the order is repeated throughout the conn  
and somebody seals the hatch and secures the mast) The ship is secure, sir.  
  
Daria: Very well, Take us down.  
  
Jane Lane: You bet, Diving officer submerge the ship.  
  
Diving officer: Submerge the ship aye, sir. (Picks up the comm and puts is on PA) Dive,  
dive,....clear all ballast . (The sound of air being expelled from the ships ballast tanks is heard  
throughout the ship. The diving officer then pushes the steering column in and the sound of  
seawater can be heard rushing over the hull) The ship is submerged, sir. Current depth is now  
seventy five feet.  
  
Daria: Very well, diving officer make your depth twelve hundred feet. Twenty degree's down  
angle.  
  
Diving officer: Make my depth twelve hundred feet, twenty degree's down, aye sir. (Lifts the  
steering column twenty degree's and pushes it in. The hull groans as the water pressure increases  
exponentially, After several minutes the diving officer levels the steering column and pulls it back  
towards himself) Twelve hundred feet, sir.  
  
Daria: Continue this coarse. X.O , come with me please. Number two, you have the conn.  
  
Second officer: Aye sir, second officer has the conn. (Daria and Jane leave the conn and head for  
Daria's quarters)   
  
Jane: (Once inside Daria's quarters Daria closes the door behind them) I take it we're getting our  
orders?  
  
Daria: I'll be damned if I'm going to head anywhere without knowing what we're up to first.  
  
Jane: Good call, but why so deep so soon?  
  
Daria: I don't know but for some reason, something about all of this doesn't pass muster. This is a  
stealth fast attack sub, not a research vessel. Why are they sending us over the pole, what could  
possibly be there that we would need to sneak up on?  
  
Jane Lane: You mean besides some very sneaky Ice bergs? You know, you can never tell when  
one of those babies is going to just fall into the ocean and attack a passing passenger liner without  
any provocation. Hands down, they're just the worst.  
  
Daria: Knowing the pentagon as we do, I wouldn't be surprised if you're interesting little theory  
holds water.  
  
Jane Lane: To the orders then, and let us find out. Or should we just shake a magic eight ball and  
see what comes up, I bet the orders IT gives would make a whole lot more sense.  
  
Daria: I think I would have to agree with you there, Jane. BUT.....let's see what the papers say  
first, shall we.  
  
Jane Lane: If we must then, I still say we should use the eight ball first.  
  
Daria: Oh don't be so pushy, lets just see if what sublet has to say is at least worthy of toilet  
paper.  
  
Jane Lane: Ready then. (Daria goes to the safe and dials in the combination and opens the first  
door, then Jane dials in her combination and opens the second door. Daria reaches in and  
withdraws a large manilla envelope, the two of them then move to have a seat at Daria's desk)   
  
Daria: (Opens the envelope and hands a copy of the contents to Jane and they begin to read to  
themselves) Rogue sub?  
  
Jane Lane: That's what mine says too, According to this, the crew of a Russian sub went postal  
and mutinied just before taking the sub out of their national patrol borders and are currently  
believed to be hiding out under the polar ice cap..   
  
Daria: And of coarse we get to go track them down and try to talk them into going home.  
  
Jane Lane: It would explain why they only sent one sub, with something like this having to many  
trigger happy people in one spot at one time can make for a pretty ugly incident. Are you sure  
you still don't want to try the eight ball, it's known all in the past.  
  
Daria: I'm beginning to think I would have liked what it had to say a whole lot better.  
  
Jane Lane: Tell me about it. (Sighs) Okay, the name of the sub is the Rashna, a Xenon class fast  
attack, carrying a standard ordinance load. Oooh, an old baby isn't she.  
  
Daria: Xenon class, yea at least twenty years old. (Daria reads further and begins to laugh)   
  
Jane Lane: What?  
  
Daria: Read down to what it says about the possible reason for the mutiny.  
  
Jane Lane: (reads down) Oh god, that bastard. Has their captain no shame? (Read aloud) Captain  
Putin has been known to play albums from Yanni throughout most of his voyages despite constant  
complaints from the crew.  
  
Daria: Now THAT I don't buy, bad music or no that isn't something to risk getting killed over.  
  
Jane: Okay, so the bottom half of this is worthy of toilet paper. We'll just rip it off and I'll use it in  
the crapper the next time I have to.  
  
Daria: No problem, on the way home this baby is all yours. (Daria picks up the comm and buzzes  
the conn) Number two, set a new coarse bearing zero three three, secure the main propeller,  
engage the caterpillar drive, and make turns for thirty knots. Daria hangs up and then buzzes the  
sonar station) Sonar, tune you're equipment to max sensitivity and keep you're ears peeled for a  
xenon class soviet sub. (Daria hangs up)  
  
Jane Lane: So what now?  
  
Daria: Now we wait, it'll be at least two days before we reach the ice cap even at thirty knots.  
  
Jane Lane: And if we go any faster we could run over Trent's AMP and not hear it. Which brings  
me to another thought, all that ice is bound to reflect a lot of white noise back at us, the ice itself  
moving, our own plant noise, and so forth. And if this sub IS there his plant noise will probably  
blend right in with all the background clutter making it very difficult to track him.  
  
Daria: Yea, I was thinking about that. We might be able to generate a low level EMP  
(ElectroMagnetic Pulse) through that new electronic warfare equipment we're carrying and if  
there's anything metal in the area it'll send back a return signature that can be tracked through the   
ships magnetic anomaly detector.  
  
Jane Lane: Oh I love it when you get all technical on me.  
  
Daria: Oh shut up.  
  
Jane Lane: Seriously though, do you think that might work?  
  
Daria: Your guess is as good as mine at this point, but until we come up with something better...  
  
Jane Lane: Yea, ....we'll I guess there's no point in procrastinating. We might as well head back up  
to the conn and post the orders.  
  
Daria: It's not like we have someplace to hide out in the meantime. (At this they both get up and  
head out of the room)  
  
(Cut to Daria's house back on land that evening)  
  
(Jake and Helen Morgendorffer are over at the house sitting at the kitchen table talking the night  
away with Trent)  
  
Helen: I just don't think it's right for them to pull Daria away from her family at a moments notice  
like that. How is she ever supposed to raise the girls right if she's gone half the time.  
  
Trent: Um....Helen, I AM here you know. It's not like the Jane and Amy are home alone or  
something.  
  
Helen: I know Trent and you're doing a wonderful job, but a family just isn't complete without  
both parents home with their children.  
  
Trent: I guess that's why Daria hated her childhood so much, you two were always out working  
and never home to spend time with her.  
  
Helen: (laughs nervously) Well in my defense, I did TRY to be home as often as I could.  
  
Trent: (turns to look away) Whatever.   
  
Jake: Um Trent, my man. Are the kids doing okay in school? I mean with Daria away so much  
and all.  
  
Trent: (smiles) Are you kidding, they're sharp as razors. They may have the opportunity to skip a  
grade or so if they keep up their present pace. (Takes a sip of his beer) They're a credit to their  
mother in every department.  
  
Helen: You know it's funny now that you mention it, I've never heard you mention how they take  
after YOU, other than in physical appearance I mean.  
  
Trent: I don't need to remind myself of how they take after me, I'd prefer that they take after their  
mother. It means they're sure to get somewhere in life. I just got lucky, that's all. (Takes another  
sip of his beer) But you can see bits of me in them, you just have to look a little harder where you  
don't expect to find it. (Puts his beer down) Are you guys hungry? I could get dinner going for  
us. (Gets up and calls into the living room) Hey girls, are you hungry?  
  
Helen: (to herself) Oh no.....  
  
Jake: Hey, I know I am. Come on Trent we can get the grill going outside, I've got a few  
barbeque recipes you're sure to love. (The two of them get up and walk through the sliding glass  
door to the back porch. Jane and Amy come walking into the kitchen and stand to watch as Trent  
and Jake try to get the grill going.)  
  
Jane: (turns to Helen) Hey Grandma, are they trying to get the grill going.  
  
Helen: Trying is what I guess you could call it. Preparing for disaster would be a bit more  
accurate, I think.  
  
Jane: (smiles evilly) Five bucks says grandpa is the first to burn his eyebrows off.  
  
Helen: (chuckles) I'll take that bet.  
  
Jane: (turns to Amy) I'll flip you for fire extinguisher duty. (Amy just smiles and reaches into her  
pocket for a coin)   
  
(Cut to the sub two days later)   
  
(Daria is in her quarters typing in her electronic diary)  
  
Daria: (in text) We crossed under the outer edge of the polar ice cap at about eight this morning,  
I've ordered for the ship to slow to fifteen knots and maintain a one thousand foot depth to avoid  
any loose or free floating under water ice. There is still no sign of this Russian sub, but then with  
all the background noise being reflected off the ice we could easily end up chasing ourselves for  
days. (Daria is interrupted by a knock at her door) Come....  
  
Jane Lane: (enters with a towel around her neck and a wrapped package in hand) Not today my  
friend, the laundry room was empty so I couldn't find a suitable male victim.  
  
Daria: The stuff I let you get away with, and yet the crew never talks.  
  
Jane Lane: They all love me.  
  
Daria: They must. Did you just get done you're run about the ship?  
  
Jane Lane: Yea, I thought about going around for a fifth time but seeing the same scenery over  
and over again just gets so boring after a while. So instead, I opted to bring you this. (Hands the  
package to Daria)   
  
Daria: And what might I ask is this?  
  
Jane Lane: Your real birthday present, a little belated of coarse.  
  
Daria: (Takes the package and unwraps it) A book, Jane I'm touched.  
  
Jane Lane: Not just a book, it's a record of everything that's happened to everybody we knew  
back in high school. I had to call in some favors from a few people I know in the CIA (Central  
Intelligence Agency) To get the lowdown on everybody so quickly, but for you it's worth it. Hell,  
You and I are even in there.  
  
Daria: Even Jesse?  
  
Jane: (face takes on a somewhat saddened look) Yea......even Jesse. (Perks up) But anyway, now  
we can look back and check out the dirt on the people we hated so much.  
  
Daria: I can't wait to read it, but it'll have to wait. I was just about to head up to the conn. (Puts  
the book on a shelf nearby) Thanks Jane, I know I'll read through it an inordinate number of  
times.  
  
Jane Lane: I have to head up there as well, my shift is coming up. But I wanted to give you this  
first as long as I had the chance. Listen, let me go get changed and I'll meet you up there.  
  
Daria: Can do.  
  
(Cut to the conn fifteen minutes later)  
  
(Daria is already there standing near the sonar station, Jane comes walking up to her)  
  
Jane Lane: Did I miss much?  
  
Sonar officer: Sonic ghosts and some white noise, I've been able to filter most of it out though.  
  
Jane Lane: (turns to Daria) What do you think?  
  
Daria: I think I'm about ready to give our idea a try.  
  
Sonar officer: Sir there is a bit of a flaw with that idea, the EMP is likely to cause the Russians  
equipment to spike, at that point He'll at least know that SOMEBODY is looking for him.  
  
Daria: Well, nobody said it was a perfect plan so if anybody has a better idea I'm listening.  
  
Jane Lane: Nothing comes to mind kemosabe, but there is another matter. If we're supposed to  
talk this guy into heading back home before we have to enforce the soviet patrol borders, how  
exactly are we supposed to do that. Radio doesn't exactly travel well in deep water and a collision  
with an underwater iceberg is to risky if we go shallow.  
  
Daria: I imagine we'll figure something out, but in the meantime charge the EMP and keep an eye  
on the ECM station. (Electronic Counter Measures) (The sonar officer gestures to another  
officer who sits down at the ECM station nearby)  
  
Sonar officer: EMP is charged an ready sir.  
  
Daria: Very well, release when ready.  
  
Sonar officer: Aye sir, pulse is released.  
  
Jane Lane: (watches the monitor in front of the sonar officer) This is like watching tv, I should  
send somebody to bring back some popcorn or something. (Everybody tries to keep from  
laughing)  
  
Sonar officer: Well, so far nothing but white noise.  
  
ECM officer: Well I'll be damned, I've got a magnetic anomaly at bearing zero one three, best  
range is three miles.  
  
Jane: There's metal in them thar waters, full speed ahead.  
  
Daria: (Shakes her head) Helm, come to bearing zero one three and maintain fifteen knots.  
  
Helm: Come to bearing zero one three, aye sir. (Begins to turn the wheel to the left) New coarse  
heading now Zero one three, speed fifteen knots.  
  
Daria: Very well, steady as she goes. Sonar, any idea how we might be able to get a message to  
that sub once we find it?  
  
Sonar officer: (sighs as he thinks) Nothing comes to mind, sir. Though I imagine you could use  
the active sonar equipment as a loud speaker of sorts. It would take some modifications but I  
think it could be done.  
  
Daria: Opinions, Jane?  
  
Jane Lane: Hmm...turn the ship into a karioki machine, why didn't I think of that?  
  
Daria: (scowls) Jane?  
  
Jane Lane: (shrugs) Hell, it's worth a shot.  
  
Daria: So glad you approve. (Turns to the sonar officer) Make the necessary modifications.  
  
Sonar officer; Aye sir. (Daria and Jane walk back to the conn)  
  
Jane Lane: Do you think they'll be willing to listen?  
  
Daria: I hope so, It's been years since we've had to fire on another ship. I'm trying to go for a  
personal record.  
  
Jane Lane: Good luck.  
  
(Cut back to Daria's house)   
  
(The house is quiet with the exception of Jane on the far side of the house doing the laundry, the  
noise of the dryer can be heard echoing down the hallway. Amy is seen padding down the hallway  
with earphones about her neck, a portable cd player hanging off her belt and a pair of drumsticks  
in one hand. She walks into the garage where Mystik Spiral keeps their instruments set up for  
whenever they have the chance to practice. Amy sets herself up behind Max's drum set, he's since  
acquired a complete professional set since his early twenties. Amy puts the earphones on and  
presses play, Metallica's "Battery" Begins to play and after tapping her sticks together a few times  
Amy starts on the drums, keeping up with the beat of the music she is listening to. And she's  
extremely good as can be seen as she begins to add lib the beat a bit. After several minutes Jane  
comes walking into the garage unnoticed by Amy and after trying to speak over the music in  
Amy's earphones Jane finally pulls them off Amy's ears.)  
  
Amy: (stops in her tracks) What did you do that for?  
  
Jane: I can't hear myself think on the other side of the house, you're making so much noise.  
  
Amy: Oh give over, Jane. Dad's out with grandma and grandpa, when else am I going to get the  
chance to practice?  
  
Jane: Look, I know you're good and all. So why don't you get a few of you're friends together and  
start a band or something, then at least you'll be able to practice with them somewhere else.  
  
Amy: Nah, starting a band isn't my thing. I just like to whale on the drums a bit, gives me  
something to do. But as long as I have you're attention, why don't you join me.  
  
Jane: No thanks, I've got stuff to do as it is.  
  
Amy: (smirks) Where's the laundry going? It'll be at least half an hour before it's done, dad's guitar  
is over there. Plug in the amp and jam with me a bit.  
  
Jane: (lifts an eyebrow) You KNOW I'm not very good.  
  
Amy: You're not so bad, you just have some room to improve. (Points to Jane with one of the  
drumsticks) You're biggest problem is getting the hang of that open D.  
  
Jane: Yea I know, I wonder if dad ever had that problem?  
  
Amy: Who knows, why don't you ask him sometime.  
  
Jane: Eh, maybe. (Thinks for a moment) What do you think the odds are of dad's amp shorting  
out and bursting into flames?  
  
Amy: (Smiles) Pretty fair.  
  
Jane: (smirks) How can I resist odds like that.  
  
Amy: I knew you'd see things my way.  
  
Jane: (plugs the amp in and then the guitar into the amp) Just play something I can keep up with.  
  
Amy: You've got it, one of dad's old songs should be simple enough. How about "Little Sister"?  
  
Jane: You being five minutes older, that seems strangely appropriate. (Amy establishes a beat and  
Jane joins in once she's got the rhythm. After that song seems to go well They begin to play  
something a little more involved. The steady bass beat from the drums combined with the high  
volume of the amp is enough to cause some of the lighter objects in the room to shake a little bit  
as they work their way through a number of sets. After about half an hour a model submarine that  
is sitting on a nearby shelf along with a picture of Daria and Trent and some other personal effects  
that are important to Trent, has worked it's way to the edge of the shelf and finally goes over and  
falls to the floor. The two stop playing immediately as soon as they see this and walk over to  
inspect the model.)  
  
Jane: Ohhhhhhhhhh.........dad's going to kill us.  
  
Amy: Relax you're sphincter my dear sibling, it's not broke. (Amy puts it back up on the shelf and  
pauses to look at the picture of Trent and Daria)  
  
Jane: What? What's wrong?  
  
Amy: Do you believe in bad omens? (Jane just looks at her sister oddly)   
  
(Cut to the sub)  
  
(Daria and Jane are standing at the conn patiently as the ship cruises beneath the thick glacier that  
is the arctic ice cap)  
  
Jane: Jeez, where is this guy? (Just then the sonar officer come over the comm)  
  
Sonar officer: Conn; sonar,... new contact, xenon class soviet submarine now bearing at zero one  
five, best range now twelve thousand yards.  
  
Jane:(smacks her forehead) I should know enough to keep my mouth shut.  
  
Daria: (picks up the comm) Conn Aye, maintain you're track on him. Is there any sign that he's  
alerted to us?  
  
Sonar officer: Negative sir, target is holding coarse. Estimated speed is about ten knots.  
  
Daria: Have you finished your preparations?  
  
Sonar officer: Aye sir, we're all set down here.  
  
Daria: Very well then, send the message when ready  
  
Sonar officer: Sonar, aye. (Daria hangs up the comm)   
  
Jane: Think this will work?  
  
Daria: Are you looking for an optimistic answer or a realistic one.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey, whichever is more convenient for you. I'm not picky.  
  
Daria: Then you already have you're answer don't you.  
  
Jane Lane: Ah, the none of the above escape. A tactic proven time and time again for highschool  
students wishing to escape verbal assaults from their teachers.  
  
Daria: (The pre-recorded voice of Daria translated into Russian is heard echoing against the hull)  
Well, here we go.  
  
Jane Lane: Okay, so they hear the message, discover that they've committed an act of sheer  
stupidity and we all go home happily ever after, right?  
  
Daria; (crosses her fingers) Here's hoping. (The sonar officer comes over the comm)  
  
Sonar officer: Conn ; sonar, I've lost the xenon sir. He picked up speed and disappeared behind an  
underwater ice flow.  
  
Daria: Damn  
  
Jane Lane: So much for hoping, what did you say to them anyway?  
  
Daria: I just told them that were in violation of their borders and that we were here to escort them  
safely back home. Nothing complicated.  
  
Sonar officer: (comes over the conn again) I did hear some sort of muffled reply sir, just before  
they disappeared. We're translating it now.  
  
Daria: Well, that's a start.  
  
Sonar officer: I think we've got it sir, but I don't quite understand it.  
  
Daria: Let's hear it.  
  
Sonar officer: They said, ....."Attention federation vessel, lower you're shields and prepare to be  
boarded."  
  
Jane: (Picks up the comm) Please tell me this is some sort of elaborate joke.  
  
Sonar officer: No sir. We've translated it twice already.  
  
Daria: I don't believe it, they're ALL nuts.  
  
Jane: They're worse than nuts, ....they're die hard trekkies. Sounds like somebody snuck aboard a  
serious supply of the happy plant and wasn't afraid to share.  
  
Daria: Happy plant or not, I'm not taking chances. Tactical, load and flood all torpedo tubes.  
Sound general quarters.  
  
Tactical officer: Aye sir, sound general quarters. (Flips a few switches and the lights on the conn  
turn to blue accenting the green glow of the computer monitors, and a pulsing tone is heard  
throughout the ship as everybody hurries to their stations.)  
  
Sonar officer: Conn; sonar, high speed screws....torpedo in the water. (the high pitch of a  
torpedo is heard passing by the outer hull)   
  
Jane Lane: (picks up the conn) Sonar report!  
  
Sonar officer: The torpedo failed to arm itself, sir. It was more or less a shot in the dark.  
  
Daria: Helm, increase to twenty five knots. (Picks up the comm) Sonar where did that torpedo  
originate from?  
  
Sonar officer: Torpedo originated at bearing two one five, distance about fifteen thousand yards.  
  
Daria: Helm, come to bearing two one five and maintain speed.  
  
Helm: Come to two one five, aye sir. (Begins to turn the wheel)   
  
Sonar officer: Conn; sonar, he's shooting again sir. The torpedo has acquired and is homing.  
  
Daria: Diving officer, twenty degree's up angle on the bow planes. Counter measures station  
prepare to launch a spread, port side.  
  
Jane: You're going to use the ice to distort our plant signature?  
  
Daria: That's what I'm hoping.  
  
Sonar officer: Sir, torpedo is still on our tail. Impact now estimated in fifteen seconds.  
  
Daria: Helm, hold you're coarse.  
  
Sonar officer: Conn; sonar. Sir, there is an ice flow one thousand yards dead ahead..  
  
Daria: Counter measures station launch you're spread.  
  
Countermeasure station: Aye sir, spread is away.  
  
Sonar officer: Sir, the torpedo has reached the countermeasures,..... torpedo has lost contact, but  
is still on this coarse.  
  
Daria: Helm, ...Right full rudder, reduce starboard caterpillar thrust by half. Diving officer thirty  
degree's down angle. (The officers respond in kind and the ship begins to tilt steeply down and to  
the right. After about five seconds the sound of the torpedo passing several hundred yards off is  
heard and seconds after that it detonates against the ice flow. The ship shudders slightly from the  
distant shock.)  
  
Jane Lane: Helm equalize caterpillar thrust, diving officer level us off on this heading. (The  
corresponding officers reply and carry out the commands)   
  
Daria: Where's that xenon, sonar?  
  
Sonar officer: I've lost him again, sir. He's disappeared behind an ice flow.  
  
Jane Lane: Who are these people, Houdinni wannabe's?   
  
Daria: I don't know, but whoever's in charge over there seems to know these waters pretty  
damned well if you ask me. Helm continue this coarse and speed.  
  
Jane Lane: That first shot was a fluke, if we get another one out of nowhere we may not have  
time to react.  
  
Daria: I know. (Thinks for a moment) Tactical, open the outer doors on all tubes. The second you  
get a targeting solution on this guy. Fire at will.  
  
Tactical: Aye sir.  
  
(Fifteen minutes pass by without a word uttered by anyone at the conn)  
  
Sonar officer: Conn; sonar, I've got him sir, six hundred yards and closing fast, off our port bow.  
  
Jane Lane: Shit!! Sound collision. (A claxon begins to sound)  
  
Daria: Diving officer, full dive on all planes. All hands brace for impact. (Before anyone can  
speak another word the entire ship shakes violently and rolls over once sending everyone tumbling  
about the conn, once the ship begins to right itself the tactical officer stumbles to his console and  
works feverishly. The sound of multiple torpedo launches are heard seconds before all power fails  
aboard the vessel and the emergency lights come on. The active sonar of the fired torpedo's can  
be heard against the hull as they speed away and about fifteen seconds later a shockwave shudders  
the sub again as one or more of the torpedo's finds their mark on the Russian sub and cause  
secondary explosions.) (Daria stumbles to her feet in the dim yellow light that bathes the conn)  
Damage report!!  
  
Tactical: I got off the entire volley at once, sir. It sounded like we got him.  
  
Daria: (Places her hand against a bleeding gash on her forehead) Kudo's, if we get home in one  
piece you've got yourself a commendation. Can I get that damage report?  
  
Jane Lane: (stumbles to her feet while clutching one arm and walks over to a nearby console and  
gets on the comm) Damage report, all hands. (After a moment the chief engineer comes on the  
comm)   
  
Chief engineer: We've got some minor flooding in section twenty three, we've got people working  
to contain that now, it should be only a matter of minutes. Main and battery power are offline,  
The reactor scrammed as soon as the ship rolled and the batteries are in the compartment that's  
been flooded out so they're a dead short.. The emergency lighting systems and comm are  
functioning on individual battery supplies, but they won't last more than a day or so. The ballast  
tanks are closed and holding so maintaining current depth shouldn't be a problem so long as we  
don't encounter an ice flow. Basically, we're dead in the water and drifting with the currents, sir.  
  
Jane Lane: (hangs up) It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood..... Ow, my arm. (Jane slides back  
in her chair)  
  
Daria: Are you all right, Jane?  
  
Jane Lane: Ugh, ....I think I can go with a no on that one. My arms broke for sure.   
  
Daria: Lieutenant commander Gibbs, escort Commander Lane to sick bay. (Gibbs helps Jane to  
her Feet and assists her out of the conn) (picks up the comm) Sick bay report all injuries.  
  
Sick bay: Reports are still coming in from all over the ship, we've got eight confirmed dead, the  
rest ranging from minor to moderate.  
  
Daria: Damn..............keep me informed. (Hangs up)   
  
(Cut to eight hours later)  
  
(Daria enters Jane 's quarters with the book that had been given to her by Jane)  
  
Daria: Um...hey, amiga.  
  
Jane Lane: (chuckles) You do that no justice old friend.  
  
Daria: Sorry, but at least I got you to laugh.. How's the arm?  
  
Jane Lane: Hurts like hell, but at least I'll get a purple heart out of it.  
  
Daria: It looks more like you got a purple arm out of it, that's a good amount of swelling you've  
got going there.  
  
Jane Lane: Yea, it's broke pretty bad, and they didn't even give me one of those cool designer  
casts dammit.   
  
Daria: A purple heart for a purple arm, not exactly an even trade if you ask me.  
  
Jane Lane: Oh it's all in good fun, (shivers) Man, it's getting cold in here.  
  
Daria; (Grabs a blanket from Jane's bunk and wraps it around Jane) Yea, without any power the  
heater is useless.  
  
Jane Lane: How long?  
  
Daria; Chief Thompson thinks he can get the reactor online in another few hours. The battery  
system is shot to hell though.  
  
Jane Lane: (shivers) Not soon enough if you ask me. You know Daria, I couldn't help thinking  
about how we came THAT close to being buried at the bottom of the arctic ocean. For what,  
where did we go wrong?  
  
Daria: (sits on Jane's bunk) I think,.........we went wrong by not telling sublet where they could  
shove this mission. I don't know what bug was up the ass of whoever was in charge on that sub  
but it's pretty obvious that not one of them was in their right mind. And I think sublet knew about  
it.  
  
Jane Lane: Bastards probably did too, so why didn't they just order us to shoot the nut balls  
instead of trying to communicate and giving our position away.  
  
Daria: (shakes her head) Who knows, but if you can figure out why the military thinks the way it  
does then you're smarter than I am. But,..........in the meantime I figured you could use some  
company so I brought the book you gave me. We can look through it together to pass the time.  
  
Jane Lane: Aw Daria, you sweet talker you.   
  
Daria: Oh shut up.... (Jane pulls her chair close to the bunk and they start flipping through the  
pages and marveling at what had happened to whom. The time seemed to pass unnoticed by the  
two of them and eventually the lights in Jane's quarters sprung to life and the sound of the engines  
powering up could be heard through the deck plates)  
  
Jane Lane: (Throws up her good arm) And on whatever day it was, Jane Lane said into the  
darkness. Let there be light!! And there was light, and it was good.  
  
Daria; Wonderful, now if you could just bring heat into existence we'll all be a lot better off.  
  
Jane Lane; Hey give me a chance, even god rested you know.  
  
Daria: (rolls her eyes and walks over to the comm) Conn, report.  
  
Second officer: Engineering reports main power and propulsion are have been restored, sir.  
  
Daria: Very well, set a coarse for home. Best possible speed, I'll be right up.  
  
Second officer: Aye sir. (Daria hangs up)   
  
Jane Lane: Time to go home compadre?  
  
Daria: In the words of our now late adversaries, (Daria clenches her fist in an impersonation of  
captain Kirk) "Warp speed, Now!!"  
  
Jane Lane: Well said, amiga. Now lets head up to the conn, it's probably warmer up there than it  
is here.  
  
(The two of them get up and walk out of Jane's quarters and head up to the conn)   
  
(Cut to four days later)   
  
(Trent, Jane, Amy, and William are standing on the nearby docks watching as the crew are just  
beginning to leave the sub for a debriefing. )  
  
Trent: What do you know William, we got lucky after all.  
  
William: Where are they?  
  
Trent: Hey, their the head honcho's on board. They have to be the last to leave. (After about five  
minutes) You see, there they are!! (As Jane and Daria come closer their injuries can be seen) Oh  
my god, what the hell happened? (the kids leave Trent's side and go running to their mothers)  
  
Jane and Amy: MOM!! (They stop short and speak in unison) What the hell happened to YOU?  
  
Jane Lane: (as William gives her a bear hug) AH, the arm. Watch the arm.  
  
William: Thank god you're home.  
  
Jane Lane: Yea, I've found myself saying that same thing over and over to myself.  
  
Daria: While clicking her heels no doubt.  
  
Trent; (Comes walking up) Daria, what happened to you?  
  
Daria; What happened is unfortunately classified, what's GOING to happen is we're all going  
home and ordering out for pizza, and then I'm going to my room to fall down.  
  
Jane Lane: I second that, but do you mind if I do it at you're house? I could use some of that  
pizza, grease is good for a healing body. It acts like glue to hold the bones together.  
  
Daria: Oh and one more Thing Trent.  
  
Trent: Yea?  
  
Daria; When we get to the house, crank the heat up, I still have that icy feeling from the sub.   
(Trent smirks and motions for everyone to head to the car. Daria leans forward to look at Trent's  
eyebrows to see that he HAS none) Trent, where are your eyebrows? (Jane, Amy and William  
burst out laughing)  
  
Amy: We'll tell you about it in the car, mom. You and aunt Jane are gonna LOVE to hear about  
this one.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey Daria, do you think this is what they call a semi happy ending?  
  
Daria: I'm to tired to think right now, Jane. Ask me once I've got some pizza in my system.  
  
Jane Lane: Well said old friend.  
  
( The group walks to the car and they all pile in proceed to leave the base. As he is Driving Trent  
looks over at Daria in the front passenger seat and noticed that she has quickly fallen asleep with  
her head against his shoulder. Trent smiles and turns to face the road once again.)  
  
The end..........................  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. A Walk in the Park

Disclaimer: Daria and all related characters are the property of MTV  
  
NOTE : This story as did the others before it in this series proceeds under the premise that whatever was originally feared to go wrong at the onset of Y2K ......did. For at least a better understanding it would help if you read "The Last Journey Home"  
  
  
A Walk In The Park  
By  
Wildgoose  
  
  
Daria came in the door to her home that evening looking for nothing more than something to eat and maybe some time alone with her husband. To her surprise when she entered the kitchen with a bag of groceries in each arm, she found her best friend and former co worker Jane Lane, as well as her two daughters Jane and Amy sitting at the kitchen table across from her husband Trent while having a most vivid conversation over a pie of pizza. The conversation, about what Daria could only begin to fathom as never before had Daria seen her entire family in one spot at one time granting the exception of Christmas morning. The four of them were almost talking over each other while wolfing down what smelled like a very fresh pie.  
  
Daria: (Places the bags on the counter) I sure as hell hope you guys saved some of that for me. You did didn't you?  
  
Jane Lane: Sure amiga, pull up a chair. I'm pretty sure we have a few extra slices floating around here somewhere. (Jane reaches into the pizza box and pulls out a slice, then hands it to Daria)  
  
Daria: Thank god, I'm starving. (Takes a large bite) So what's the occasion?   
  
Amy: What do you mean?  
  
Daria: I mean typically it would take Devine intervention to get everybody at the table at once. So what gives?  
  
Jane: I dunno mom, I guess we just all got pulled into the conversation.  
  
Amy: (smirks) Damned gravity.  
  
Daria: Uh huh, .....and the pizza? (Amy without saying a word directs Daria's attention to the kitchen stove which seems to have been sprayed with a fine white powder. Sitting on the counter next to the stove is an empty fire extinguisher)   
  
Amy: Dad killed the roast.  
  
Daria: (Sighs and takes her glasses off placing them on the table) Oh for gods sake Trent, .....again?  
  
Trent: Hey,.....I'll get it right one of these times.  
  
Amy: It's not so bad, mom. At least dad managed to keep his eyebrows this time.(1) (Daria can't help but burst out laughing as the memory of that incident springs to mind)  
  
Jane: (chimes) Even better, he didn't have Grandpa Morgendorffer to help him either. (Jane Lane erupts into laughter at this addition)  
  
Daria: So this is what everybody's gathered together for, to have a good laugh at Trent?  
  
Jane: It didn't start out that way, but basically yea.  
  
Trent: Okay everybody, enough is enough. Let's change the subject for a bit. (Daria gives a weak smirk towards Trent in sympathy)   
  
Jane Lane: Ooh....I know, you know what that face just reminded me of Daria?  
  
Daria: (frowns) No, but I'm sure any second now you're going to shower me with your pearls of wisdom.   
  
Jane Lane: (smirks) Oh how I do love to watch you squirm. It reminds me of when you first found out you were pregnant with these two here. (Gestures towards Jane and Amy)   
  
Daria: (grumbles) You would bring that up, Jane.  
  
Amy: Oh, if you didn't have our undivided attention before aunt Jane then you definitely have it NOW. By all means, please continue.  
  
Daria: NO!! Not everything is meant to be shared you know.  
  
Trent: Aw come on, Daria. Even I don't recall hearing about this one.  
  
Daria: Trent, what the hell are you talking about? I told you when I was pregnant, it's not like I could keep something like that a secret you know.  
  
Trent: Yea, but you never told me what your very first reaction was. (Trent, Amy, and Jane all turn to Jane Lane in unison) TELL!!!  
  
Daria: (Puts her head down on the table) Oh god, here it comes.  
  
Jane Lane: It all started when.........  
  
(The scene fades out and then fades back in again. Jane Lane is doing her daily run about the sub when she comes across Daria in the torpedo room leaning up against one of the inactive weapons)   
  
Jane: (comes to a stop and begins to catch her wind) You okay amiga? Your looking a little paler than usual.  
  
Daria: Dammit, I can't get ANY peace on this ship. Can't a woman just go somewhere to be sick in peace?  
  
Jane Lane: Stomach flu,...again? This has been going on since we left port a week ago, are you sure you're alright?  
  
Daria: This damned bug just doesn't want to give up the ghost, that's all. I'll live.  
  
Jane Lane: If you say so, just try not to get sick on me. These are a new pair of sneakers and getting near the laundry room is next to impossible as it is.  
  
Daria: I'm trying to keep what's left of my breakfast down and you're worried about your running shoes. What kind of friend are you anyway?  
  
Jane Lane: The cool, but obnoxious kind I think. If there is such a thing.  
  
Daria: If there is, then you're the one who probably invented it.  
  
Jane Lane: I don't doubt it for a second. Well take it this way, at least the ship isn't running on the surface. If the weather is anything like it was a few days ago this ship would be rocking like hell and you would know the true meaning of sea sickness.  
  
Daria: (scowls) Thanks for the vote of confidence there, Jane. You're a tremendous help.  
  
Jane Lane: Just out of curiosity though, have you thought about getting checked out in sick bay or something? Maybe they've got some stuff to settle your stomach.  
  
Daria: And have the Doc. isolate me to keep the rest if the crew from catching it? No way, If I have to get sick then so does everybody else. Why should be so I be so special?  
  
Jane Lane: (smirks) Just trying to save you some grief there friend.  
  
Daria: I'll live.  
  
Jane Lane: So be it then, when do you go on duty?  
  
Daria: The same time as you do, Jane. We share the same shift on the conn, remember?  
  
Jane Lane: (smiles) So that's why I keep seeing you around. And here I thought you just a plain and simple stalker.  
  
Daria: Sorry to disappoint you.  
  
Jane Lane: I AM disappointed, I've always wanted somebody who would admire every little thing I did. (Daria just rolls her eyes)  
  
Daria: Come on, lets get out of here. I feel like being sick somewhere else right now.  
  
Jane Lane: (looks concerned) Are you going to be able to hold your lunch through the shift? Because if you blow chunks on the conn it won't be your choice wether or not to go to the Doc. anymore. The captain will order it right quick.  
  
Daria: Relax, I'll live already. Let's just move away from the high explosive weapons for now.  
  
Jane Lane: Would you like me to make it so, number one.  
  
Daria: You crack one more star trek joke and SHOULD I have to hurl again, and I'm going to aim right for you. Or maybe your sneakers if your wearing them.   
  
Jane Lane: Hey now, there's no reason to get disgusting on me. A simple violent threat would have done nicely. So alright then, lets get going. (They both walk out of the room into the corridor)  
  
(Cut to the conn halfway through Daria and Jane's shift. All is calm, it's just another day as far as operations go)  
  
(Daria is standing at the conn near the captain when she notices her vision blurring for a second as she feels herself sway forward slightly. She removes her glasses and cleans them with her sleeve before replacing them)   
  
Captain: (looks at Daria oddly and then speaks to her in a hushed tone) Is everything alright X.O.? You look a bit pale.  
  
Daria: Yea, just had a blurry spot on my glasses.  
  
Captain: Since when does spotty eye wear make you look pale?  
  
Daria: Huh? Oh, they don't. It's probably just the lighting in here, you know how flourescent lighting makes everything look.  
  
Captain: (shrugs) Point taken. (Beat) Well, I suppose we should run a sonar check through the baffles. (Picks up the comm) Sonar; conn, stream the port towed array about one hundred yards and keep your ears peeled.  
  
Sonar Station: Stream the port towed array, aye sir.  
  
Captain: X.O. , I need you to...... (Hears a heavy thunk on the deck plates and as he turns to investigate he see's his first officer passed out on the floor. The captain immediately picks up the comm) Conn; sick bay, medical team to the conn S.T.A.T.  
  
(Cut to sick bay as Daria opens her eyes, her vision is still blurry but this time it is due to the fact that she is not wearing her glasses. After a moment Jane comes into view.)  
  
Jane Lane: Hey Dorothy, I think you clicked your ruby red slippers one to many times. Instead of being taken home, they took you to sick bay.  
  
Daria: Funny, Jane. What the hell happened?  
  
Jane Lane: (smirks) You fall down and go boom.   
  
Daria: And?  
  
Jane Lane: (shakes her head) I told you to go get checked out but would you listen? Oh no, ...and look at you now. Lying on a sickbay gurney.  
  
Daria: Can it, Jane. (The doctor walks into the room carrying a clip board)  
  
Doctor: Can what?  
  
Daria: Nothing.  
  
Jane Lane: Yea, just idle chit chat between friends.   
  
Doctor: (Raises an eyebrow) Okay then......  
  
Daria: (sighs) Look, I already know I've got some sort of stomach virus so can you just shove a couple of horse pills down my throat and send me on my way?  
  
Doctor: (starts writing something on his clipboard) You don't have a stomach virus, commander.  
  
Jane Lane: So what's been making her so nauseous then?   
  
Doctor: Morning sickness, so to speak.  
  
Daria: (scowls heavily) Excuse me?  
  
Doctor: Um.....lets see, how else can I put this...... You're pregnant, your expecting, you're going to be a mommy, your in the middle of an ongoing process of biological replication, you're.....  
  
Daria: All right already, enough. I get the point.  
  
Jane Lane: I don't believe it, this is so cool.  
  
Daria: How the hell can this be cool? It's only a matter of time before I start to look like a house.  
  
Jane Lane: In that case, do you want me to get you some aluminum siding? (Daria replies by flipping Jane the bird) So how far along is she?  
  
Doctor: I don't really have the equipment on board to ascertain that, but based on the information I do have. I would guess somewhere along the lines of two months.  
  
Daria: This is horrible, what am I going to tell Trent?   
  
Doctor: I've always found that "congratulations, you're going to be a father" always seems to break the ice rather nicely.   
  
Daria: I've never been able to see myself having kids, I didn't even like kids when I was a kid.  
  
Jane Lane: Oh Daria, they're not so bad when they're yours. I had William without a hitch, you'll see. They tend to grow on you in more ways than one.  
  
Daria: But.......  
  
Doctor: I'll give you something to settle your stomach in the meantime, commander. Give it about twenty four hours and you should be fit for duty again. (He walks out of the room)   
  
Daria: What am I going to do? I'm not prepared for this.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey Daria, reality check. You're not a little kid anymore, you're a married adult. It's okay to have kids now.  
  
Daria: But I don't want to have kids.  
  
Jane Lane: That's okay, I didn't want to get drafted but it happened anyway so I just got used to the idea. Get the picture?  
  
Daria: (shakes her head reluctantly) Bitch.  
  
Jane Lane: (smirks) Mother to be.  
  
(Cut back to the present)   
  
Amy: (looks at her mom with slight confusion) So you didn't want us?  
  
Daria: (looks slightly hurt) Of coarse I wanted you, I was just a little confused about what I wanted at first. It all was sprung on me so suddenly I wasn't sure what to do anymore.  
  
Jane: So what then?  
  
Daria: So, when I came home about a month later I told your father.  
  
Jane Lane: Now there's an understatement if I ever heard one. My words held true, the two of you did grow on her... with a quckness. But then of coarse, at that time she didn't know she was going to have the TWO of you. Talk about double trouble, huh? Anyway, by the time she came home she was so excited about the whole thing that instead of telling your dad about you she SHOWED him.  
  
Amy: Ewww....She showed him????  
  
Jane Lane: (laughs) Not like that, ....she took his hand and placed it on her abdomen so that he could feel you move around. She held him there until he felt a slight kick and then he REALLY got the picture. And when it finally clicked, down he went just like your mother had done.  
  
Jane: Cool!!  
  
Trent: (frowns) Hey, I wasn't THAT bad.  
  
Jane Lane: Wanna bet? I've got pictures to prove it.  
  
Trent: What? You were taking pictures of us?  
  
Jane Lane: Of coarse, I couldn't let a moment like that get away without being captured on film.  
  
Trent: I don't believe this, my own sister is out to embarrass us.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey, that's what siblings are for. (Jane and Amy look at each other and nod in agreement)   
  
Trent: (looks at Daria) Remember when we told your mother?   
  
Daria: I know, what a mistake that was.  
  
Amy: Why was that a mistake?  
  
Trent: Your grandmom didn't give us a moments peace for the rest of the pregnancy. Being a lawyer she felt she had to make sure she was in charge of every situation. During doctor visits, she HAD to be there, here were no buts about it as far as she was concerned.  
  
Daria: Not to mention having to put her two cents in every time the doctor spoke, God that was a nightmare.  
  
Jane Lane: See, I knew you'd start to open up once you ventured far enough down memory lane.  
  
Daria: Oh be quiet, Jane. I just want to make sure all the facts are straight if your going to go ahead with this story.  
  
Jane: So Grandma, was a big pain in the ass, huh? (Daria gives Jane a snide look and gives her a slight smack upside the head) Ow!!  
  
Daria: Watch your mouth.  
  
Trent: (chuckles) You've got to give her credit though, hon. She stated it rather accurately. (Daria just rolls her eyes at him)   
  
Jane Lane: Allow me to continue with the story.  
  
Daria: Thank you, Jane. I think I can take it from here. I can embellish the facts on my own if you don't mind.  
  
Jane Lane: (gestures with her arms) Be my guest.  
  
Trent: Wait a second, Daria. If we're going to bust on your mom at all then maybe you should tell them about the time some of the nurses and orderlies got even with her for all the bitching she had been doing.  
  
Daria: NO WAY!!! Do you know how embarrassing that was?  
  
Amy: Oh no way, don't hold back on us now, mom. We're slobbing on ourselves in anticipation over here.  
  
Daria: Eww...  
  
Jane: Not literally, dammit. (Jane Lane reaches over and gives her a light smack upside the head) Ow!  
  
Daria: (nods to Jane) Thanks for the assist there, Jane.   
  
Jane Lane: No problem.   
  
Daria: I'm not going to go into any real detail on that little incident, but I will tell you that the end result was that she got stuffed into a straight jacket, gagged and shoved into a closet for the duration of my visit at the doctors. (Het daughters eyes brighten at this most intriguing information and Daria smiled as she knew what was to come)  
  
Jane Lane: (Leans forward and speaks to Daria in a very hushed tone as the kids begin to talk amongst themselves) Um Daria, if you didn't want to talk about it then why did you tell them the part that was the most embarrassing to you?  
  
Daria: (in an equally hushed tone) Because watching my dad squirm as he tries to explain my belated mothers actions to them should be almost as good as payback.  
  
Jane Lane: (smirks evilly) Oh your just evil, Daria. I'll bet they've already prepared a place for you in hell.  
  
Daria: No they haven't, they're afraid I'll take the place over.   
  
Amy: (speaking to Jane) I dunno, I've just never been able to picture mom sitting on a table screaming vile things at dad while she gives birth.  
  
Jane: I doubt she did, she was probably drugged up and barely knew what was happening.  
  
Trent: (picks his head up at overhearing his daughters) Oh she screamed alright.  
  
Daria: (under her breath) Trent, if you value your sex life then don't you dare tell them about that.  
  
Trent: (continues) She saw the size of the epidural needle and where they were going to stick it, ....man you never thought a full term woman could be so strong. The nurses couldn't get within five feet of her until a waiver was signed stating that she refused it.  
  
Jane Lane: And then the fun REALLY began.  
  
Daria: (Scowls at both Trent and Jane) You WILL both die for this, I just want you to know that.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey, you wouldn't go into detail about your mothers meddling ways, so now it's your turn.   
  
Amy: I take it you were there as well, aunt Jane?  
  
Jane Lane: Of coarse I was, I'm family.   
  
Daria: Family can be removed you know, Jane.  
  
Jane Lane: It's to late for that now old friend.  
  
Daria: It's never to late to commit justifiable homicide.  
  
Jane Lane: (laughs and then continues with the story) You're mom must have called your father every foul word in the book.   
  
(The scene fades and comes back into focus fifteen years ago. Daria is in the delivery room with Trent and Jane Lane)  
  
Male nurse: (with needle in hand) Daria, your in a lot of pain and it's going to get a lot worse. You should let me give you the....  
  
Daria: (At the onset of a contraction, Daria grits her teeth and seizes the male nurse by his testicles and looks at the size of the needle in his hands as his face turns bright red from the pain) What is that for Mr. Ed? You stick me with that and I'll stab you in the heart with it. (Daria releases him and he drops to his knees while clutching his groin)  
  
Trent: (at her other side trying to comfort her) Daria.....  
  
Daria: (in an almost demonic voice) NO Drugs!!!!  
  
Jane Lane: (Watching from a safe distance snaps a picture) Whoa.....get the exorcist in here!!  
  
Daria: (tries to remember how to do the lamas breathing) Where's my parents?  
  
Jane Lane: The last I heard, Daria. They're still trying to get past admissions. Apparently the people in this hospital remembered her and called security, ....and then some.  
  
Trent: And then some??? What does that mean?   
  
Jane Lane: All I know is I saw a S.W.A.T. van pull up outside.  
  
Trent: Man, is this going to be a nightmare.  
  
Daria: (At the onset of another contraction) A nightmare!!!! You have the #@%%$*# nerve to call my giving birth to your children a NIGHTMARE? How dare you....  
  
Trent: Aw hell, Daria that's not what I was talking about. I.....  
  
Daria: You did this to me, ....this is all your fault. I should have you castrated. (A tear runs down her cheek as the contraction lets up)  
  
Trent: (pick up her hand and holds it) Look, I was trying to say....  
  
Daria: (Pants a little) I know, Trent. I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me.  
  
Jane Lane: (smirks) I do.   
  
(Scene fades back to the present)  
  
Trent: Wait, why did you say that you knew what got into Daria?  
  
Jane Lane: Because I do, I've been through the whole giving birth thing if you recall.  
  
Trent: No you don't Janie, how can you? You HAD the drugs remember.  
  
Jane Lane: (sheepish look on her face) Well, yea. But the delivery was still an incredible ride.   
  
Trent: Whatever.... Anyway, as your aunt was saying....  
  
(The scene fades back to the delivery room fifteen years ago)  
  
Jane Lane: (at the end of another one of Daria's contractions) So do you guys know what this kids gonna be? A boy or a girl?  
  
Daria: No.....  
  
Trent: Daria wanted it to be a surprise so we asked the doctor not to give us any information other than if it's healthy or not.  
  
Jane Lane: Whoa Daria, I thought you hated surprises. (Daria grits her teeth at the onset of another contraction) Relax Daria, remember your breathing.  
  
Daria: (looks directly at Jane Lane) @#%* my breathing!!!!!  
  
Jane Lane: (looks at Trent) IS it me or are her contractions getting closer?  
  
Trent: Hmm, yea.....stronger too.  
  
Daria: Can you two PLEASE stop with the performance review?? I feel like I'm trying to pass a watermelon though an opening the size of a lemon, here.  
  
Jane Lane: (smirks) I don't know, that actually sounds like a pretty accurate description if you ask me.  
  
Daria: If you like it so much then why don't you come over here and do this for me.  
  
Jane Lane: No way, amiga. Been there, done that, don't want to go through it again. (Helen's voice can be heard down the hall as she is arguing with someone)  
  
Helen: I can't believe what you people are putting me through. My daughter is somewhere on this floor and YOU people try to have me ARRESTED?? I swear when this is all said and done I'm gonna come back here and nail SOMEBODIES ass for this.  
  
Daria: Oh my god, my mom's here.  
  
Trent: I'll go have a talk with her.  
  
Jane Lane: No,......I'll do it. Daria needs you here.  
  
Trent: Are you sure? You know how loud she can get.  
  
  
Jane: (grins) Oh don't worry about me, I can handle myself. My middle name isn't coyote for nothing. (Turns and walks out of the room into the hallway. Moments later Helens shouting stops and a few moments after that Jane Lane and Helen come walking quietly into the room with the doctor right behind them)  
  
Helen: (looks at Daria) Oh sweetie......  
  
Jane Lane: Hey Trent, did Daria's head do a three sixty while I was gone?  
  
Trent: (Smirks) Yea you missed it, it was the coolest thing I've ever seen too.  
  
Jane Lane: (chuckles) Aw damn, I always miss the good stuff.  
  
Doctor: Hey there, Daria. How are things coming along??  
  
Daria: (scowls) You already know the answer to that doc, don't make me kill you for asking again.  
  
Doctor: (smiles) That well, huh? (Daria braces at another contraction) Ah, they're getting pretty close I see. (Sighs) Okay then, Daria I need to do a cursory exam on you before we take the next step.  
  
Daria: Get the hell away from me!!!  
  
Doctor: And I'm sure your husband loves you too. The sooner we do this the sooner we can get the delivery over with. (Moves to examine Daria) About nine centimeters, almost there. I'll go tell the nurses to prep for delivery. (Walks out of the room)   
  
(Scene fades to the present)   
  
Trent: And about an hour later your mother gave birth to Amy.  
  
Amy: What, that's it?? No details on my actual birth??  
  
Trent: Ah, you don't need to hear about that. It gets messy.  
  
Jane Lane: Yea it did, but you forgot to tell them about Jane's arrival.  
  
Trent: Oh no....  
  
Jane Lane: You see, your parents didn't want to know anything except whether or not you were healthy. Amongst the info that they declined to know about was the fact that there were TWO of you. (Laughs) Daria was in no way prepared for the onset of another wave of contractions. As your father was standing next to her being the supportive guy he is, the contractions hit and Daria just grabbed hold of anything that was within reach. Which in this case happened to be your fathers groin. (Jane and Amy burst out laughing as Trent buries his head in his folded arms on the table out of embarrassment.) She didn't let go for a full five minutes and by that time Jane had just come into the world. You should have seen the look on your fathers face. It's just to bad I had used up all of my film.  
  
Jane: Oh my god, no pictures...you bastard!!! (Both Jane Lane and Daria give her a smack upside the head at the same time. ) OW!!  
  
Jane Lane: You know Daria, this is kind of fun. I could get used to this.  
  
Jane: HEY!! (Jane Lane laughs at this)   
  
Daria: You know, Jane. One of these times I'm going to have to tell your son all of the interesting things YOU said and did during your pregnancy.  
  
Amy: Oh yes, we'd like to hear this as well.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey now, lets not be hasty. And besides, the pizza is all gone.  
  
Jane: (gets up from the table) Guess that's the end of story hour then.  
  
Amy: That sounds about right, we'll have to do this again sometimes. We'll be upstairs if you need us. (Jane and Amy leave the kitchen and head upstairs)   
  
Daria: Saved by a lack of sustenance, eh Jane?   
  
Jane Lane: So it would seem. I wonder if EVERY family is this dysfunctional?  
  
Trent: (lifts his head from the table) You mean there's actually such a thing as a normal family? Oh man, where can we buy one? (Jane Lane and Daria grab Trent's head at the same time and shove it back down onto the table.)  
  
The end......................................  
  
Feed back is always appreciated, I may be reached at wildgoose81@hotmail.com  
  
  



	4. One Season At a Time

Disclaimer: Daria and all related characters are the property of MTV and Viacom productions  
  
  
Note: This story as did the one that preceded it, proceeds under the premise that whatever was feared to occur at the onset of Y2K,....did.  
  
Note: This story takes place approximately one year after "The Last Journey Home"  
  
  
  
One season At A Time  
By  
Wildgoose  
  
  
  
  
(The scene opens up at the inside of a mall, Jane Lane and Daria's two daughters Jane and Amy are seen walking in through the main entrance and are immediately hit with the powerful influence of all the smells sounds and decorative sights that the mall has had to offer ever since the start of the Christmas season. )  
  
Jane: (Takes a deep breath) Oh yea, .........it's getting close to Christmas alright.  
  
Amy: (turns to look at Jane) What tipped you off, was it the Christmas lights that are hung everywhere or the fact that there is some smelly old fat guy dressed in a santa suit sitting in the center of the mall so spoiled little kids can sit in his lap and soil it while they blurt out their tangible desires?  
  
Jane: Hmm, tough call there. I'll get back to you on that.  
  
Amy: (chuckles) Take your time. (Turns to Jane Lane) Thanks for bringing us to the mall aunt Jane.  
  
Jane Lane: No problemo, I needed to come down here anyway. I haven't finished buying all the lumps of coal I need for Christmas presents. And Speaking of which, the two of you never did tell me what you wanted for Christmas? And don't give me that "oh just get me anything" routine, you know how much I hate that bit.  
  
Amy: I honestly can't really think of anything aunt Jane, I'm pretty sure mom has got the clothes department covered and I don't really consider myself materialistic, .....that is unless you're giving out cash this year.  
  
Jane Lane: So money STILL talks does it?  
  
Amy: Did it ever stop?  
  
Jane Lane: Alas, no. In fact these days I think it uses a bullhorn. (Sighs) what about you Jane?  
  
Jane: I don't think you can provide what I want aunt Jane.  
  
Jane Lane: Try me and I'll do my best.  
  
Jane: Snow.  
  
Jane Lane: (almost does a double take) Say what?   
  
Jane: I want snow for Christmas, a whole heaping pile of it. I've never seen snow fall anywhere near Christmas time, It would be nice for once.  
  
Jane Lane: You're right, I can't provide that. I think you'll need to speak to the C.O. of the cosmos on that one. Anything else?  
  
Jane: Nothing springs to mind.  
  
Jane Lane: (sighs) Has your mother ever told you that you two are about the most impossible people to buy for?   
  
Jane and Amy: (in unison) Many times.  
  
Jane Lane: (scratches her forehead in frustration and decides to change the subject) So..... who do YOU still need to buy for?  
  
Jane: Now, now.....no prying.  
  
Jane Lane: (snaps her fingers) Damn!!!  
  
Jane: As long as we're here, I do need to stop by the music store to get something for myself. (Amy turns to Jane with a curious look) What? I can think of myself once in a while can't I?  
  
Amy: (shakes her head) Tsk...tsk.  
  
Jane Lane: (rolls her eyes) Anyway, why the music store? I thought you had every cd imaginable.  
  
Jane: Nah, I don't need any cd's. I need a guitar pick, I broke my last one.  
  
Jane Lane: (chuckles) Been sneaking in a little practice on your dad's guitar, huh?  
  
Jane : Yea, but I still suck. That open D is a real bitch and a half to master. (Jane Lane gives her a snide look and then a light smack up side the head) OW! What did you do that for?  
  
Jane Lane: Sorry, orders from the parental units.  
  
Amy: (Laughs) Just when you thought it was safe to open your mouth, the younger sibling takes a lick.  
  
Jane: (scowls) I may be younger than you, but only by five minutes. So don't be so high and mighty about it.  
  
Amy: (egging her sister on) I scored higher than you on the sat's.  
  
Jane: (scowls as she crosses her arms about her chest) Hey I told you, I had cramps that week ok? (Smirks) Besides, at least I can tolerate contacts.  
  
Amy: (pretends to reel from some sort of impact) OH, .....that was a low blow.  
  
Jane Lane: Enough with the sibling rivalry, I caught enough of that action from watching your mom and her sister go at it all the time. And speaking of your mom, have you at least shopped for HER yet?  
  
Amy: Oh yea, she and dad are always first on the list. But we're trying to get an extra gift for the three of you to enjoy. It's a work in progress.   
  
Jane Lane: I take it this isn't a gift that can be bought in a store?  
  
Amy: Not exactly, no.  
  
Jane Lane: (Smirks) That's the best kind, I can't wait already. (Sighs) To the music store then. (The three of them alter their direction of travel and soon find themselves entering the music store) Okay, go do your business. I'll hang around the cd section and see if there's anything out worth listening to.  
  
Jane: (looks directly at Jane Lane and lifts an eyebrow) Respecting the law of the teenagers, are we aunt Jane?  
  
Jane Lane: (shrugs) Somebody's got to do it. (Jane Lane turns to start browsing through cd titles while Jane and Amy head to the instrument section of the store to take care of their own business)  
  
(Cut to two hours later)  
  
(The three of them have since left the mall and traveled to Mystik Spiral recordings a little ways outside of town. Show Jane Lane sticking her head in through a doorway to look at Trent sitting at a desk in his office while doing his best to make use of his computer)  
  
Jane Lane: Hey Trent, how's the business?  
  
Trent: (looks up from his computer slightly startled) Ahh.......Oh Janie, it's you.  
  
Jane Lane: Yea, last time I checked I was. But you never can tell if the aliens are going to come back and switch my body with somebody else's again. They're some crafty little devils, let me tell you.   
  
Trent: (Smiles) You're STILL weird, Jane.  
  
Jane Lane: (steps fully into the doorway and takes a bow) Thank you. So anyway, like I said. How's the business?  
  
Trent: Well, it's not exactly where I'd hoped to be with the band by now. But, .....it's always been a way of providing some extra money for the family when Daria was away. That, and at least if I can't make it big in the music business I can at least give the other underdogs a chance to be heard. That's all me and the other guys had ever wanted, a chance to be heard.  
  
Jane Lane: Oh Trent, you old softie.   
  
Trent: (chuckles) Yea,... I guess. Still though, at thirty dollars an hour for studio time. It's enough to make some decent money, yet still affordable enough for a lot of start ups and garage bands to record their stuff.  
  
Jane Lane: You've got to do what you've got to do I guess, and that brings me to another thought. I found a couple of things that belong to you, they sort of latched on to me like lost puppies and I was thinking you could take them off my hands for a while so I could go do some errands of my own.  
  
Trent: (looks confused) Huh........? (Jane and Amy step in through the door on either side of Jane Lane)  
  
Jane and Amy: (in unison) Hey dad.........  
  
Trent: (smirks at Jane) Like lost puppies huh?  
  
Jane Lane: Okay, so they're very SMART lost puppies.   
  
Trent: (chuckles to himself) Hey girls,.... so what REALLY brings you by?  
  
Jane: Not much, we just wanted to see if maybe you might be able to slide us into one of the studios for a little bit.  
  
Trent: (leans back into his chair) Funny you should mention that, the last time you were in here I found a broken string on that strata-caster I got in recently. You girls wouldn't know anything about that would you?  
  
Amy: (looks at Jane and mumbles) You're busted......  
  
Jane: Um.......sorry?  
  
Trent: Sorry, ...huh?  
  
Jane: (looks worried ) Uh......really sorry?  
  
Trent: (smirks) A bit of advice for you,....don't pluck so hard at the strings no matter how hard your trying. Mastery takes patience, it can't be forced.  
  
Jane: Um.....okay. I'll make an effort to take it easy next time.  
  
Trent: See that you do, quality strings aren't as cheap as they used to be. (Motions with his thumb) Number six should be free for the next two hours, go have some fun.  
  
Jane: Thanks dad..... (They both turn and walk out past Jane Lane) Thanks for everything aunt Jane.   
  
Jane Lane: No problem.... (Turns back to Trent) So they come in here often do they?  
  
Trent: More and more lately,.....and what's strange is I can't help but hope they're not going to try to take the road I had wanted to.  
  
Jane Lane: What's stranger is that I only found out recently that the two of them could play.  
  
Trent: You could hear them from that far away, huh?  
  
Jane Lane: Not yet, but if I know you musical types it's only a matter of time.  
  
Trent: (laugh/coughs) We did tend to get loud in our youths didn't we.  
  
Jane Lane: Oh yea.... So where did they pick it up from,... you?  
  
Trent: (smirks) No, they never asked actually. And I was afraid to push them into something they might not want to do, you know?  
  
Jane Lane: I guess, so where did they pick it up from then?  
  
Trent: (scratches at his chin) From what I can tell, Amy taught herself to play the drums. She's been sneaking into the garage to jam on Max's set. I remember when I first found out, I came home one day and I could hear her going at it from the driveway. She never heard me come in, so I stood in the doorway for god knows how long just watching. (Shakes his head) God, she's gotten good since then.  
  
Jane Lane: And Jane?  
  
Trent: (sighs) I'm not sure really, I think Nick may have had a hand in that one. She needs a bit of work to become good though, but between the two of them it's staggering how much potential is there.  
  
Jane Lane: But yet you don't want to encourage them in their talents?  
  
Trent: On the contrary, why do you think I let them use the studio equipment so much? I'm just afraid that they'll make the same mistakes I did in the past. (Chuckles to himself) I honestly think that if Daria and I hadn't gotten together, I'd probably still be a couch potato who'll never get anywhere in life.  
  
Jane Lane: Unfortunately I'm forced to agree with you there, but I wouldn't call trying to make your dreams come true a mistake.  
  
Trent: No, that wasn't the mistake. The mistake was trying to rely souly on that one break and never even considering some sort of back up plan for myself. Daria was the motivator that saved me from myself, she pushed me to get off my ass.  
  
Jane Lane: I had told her that those boots would come in handy more and more often, and she didn't believe me at first. That is until she had to use them on you. Figuratively speaking of coarse.  
  
Trent: Of coarse. The best way is probably to let them discover themselves in the music department, then let them decide where to take it.  
  
Jane Lane: Daria would agree with you on that, I think. And speaking of Daria, where is my old friend today?  
  
Trent: She'll be home this evening, she went to visit her mom for a bit. You know how Daria gets this time of year.  
  
Jane Lane: Well that explains why the girls had to come to me for transportation, even after all this time. Daria still needs her alone time.  
  
Trent: Everybody needs something, even Daria.  
  
Jane Lane: (looks at the floor for a moment and pauses before speaking) Yea, ....I know.  
  
Trent: (studies her for a moment) I was talking to William recently.  
  
Jane Lane: You're kidding, my son actually decided to pick up the phone and use it? And here I thought his computer's modem had become an integral part of him that could never possibly be severed. So what did he have to say?  
  
Trent: That you were seriously getting back into art again. He said you managed to sell one of your paintings to the 1st national bank the other day.  
  
Jane Lane: And you thought stiffs didn't have taste.  
  
Trent: (laugh/coughs) It's good to see you doing what you love most again.  
  
Jane Lane: Well, now that I'm not away for three quarters of the year at a time I find myself longing for something to do. I need to make some extra cash some how don't I?  
  
Trent: I guess. (Thinks for a moment) So are you and William coming over for Christmas?  
  
Jane Lane: Wouldn't miss it. (Sighs) Well, I've dropped my load off on you so I might as well go catch up with Daria and see how she's doing.  
  
Trent: That's cool, she's been pretty bummed out lately what with one full year having past already.(1) She needs you, you know.... to talk to. You know where it is, right?  
  
Jane Lane: I'm pretty sure I remember. I'll see you later then.  
  
Trent: Later... (Jane Lane turns and heads out the door and down the hallway to the buildings exit)  
  
(Cut to the Lawndale Cemetery about an hour later)   
  
(As Jane walks through the rows of headstones She can see Daria maybe a hundred or so yards ahead of her. Daria's back is turned and so doesn't see Jane's approach. She walks right up behind Daria and places a hand on her shoulder)  
  
Daria: (as Jane Lane places a hand on her shoulder) AH!!! (Daria turns to come face to face with Jane Lane)   
  
Jane Lane: Hey Amiga, heard any interesting conversations out here lately?  
  
Daria: Dammit Jane, you almost gave me a heart attack.  
  
Jane Lane: (looks about at the headstones) So you'd be joining the crowd out here then?  
  
Daria: (scowls) That's not funny, Jane.  
  
Jane Lane: (Sighs) Yea, I know. I'm sorry, are you okay?  
  
Daria: (looks down at the headstone bearing the Name of Helen Morgendorffer) About as well as can be expected, I guess.  
  
Jane Lane: It's been over a year now I think.  
  
Daria: According to the little calendar on the refrigerator, yea.. (Looks down at the ground for a moment) It's not the same without her, I sometimes expect the phone to ring because she's calling to nag me about something.  
  
Jane Lane: It's not going stop hurting anytime soon, Daria. You have to give it a good amount of time, one year just isn't enough. And nothing makes pain go away faster than talking with a good friend, hence the reason behind my presence here today. By the way, how long have you been out here?  
  
Daria: (smiles a little bit) All morning, it's really peaceful out here.  
  
Jane Lane: (shivers a little bit) Not to mention cold, you do know it's mid December don't you?  
  
Daria: A little birdy did mention that fact to me, yes.  
  
Jane Lane: The tell tale calendar on the fridge again, huh?  
  
Daria: You're quick as always, Jane.  
  
Jane Lane: My middle name isn't coyote for nothing.  
  
Daria: Yet you still haven't caught that road runner yet, have you?  
  
Jane Lane: (Imitates the road runner, then laughs) Hey, it's only a matter of time now. (Beat) So do you want to get out of the cold for a bit, maybe get some pizza? As much as I hate to see ourselves back in Lawndale, the pizza king IS still around and it's just so hard to get grease of that quality anymore.  
  
Daria: Hmm.....quality cholesterol, how can I possibly resist an offer of this nature?  
  
Jane Lane: It's simple,... don't. (Looks at the flowers Daria is holding in her hands) Give yourself a few minutes, I'll meet you at the car.  
  
Daria: Right then, see you at the car. By the way, are we taking yours or mine?  
  
Jane Lane: We can take mine for once, I figure I've used up enough of your gas.  
  
Daria: Wow....I'm touched, Jane. You're not going to use up all my gas for once, .....I mean it's beautiful, ...REALLY. I ....I think we've gotta hug or something. (Extends her arms in jest)  
  
Jane Lane: Whoa....A thank you will do nicely.   
  
Daria: (Laughs) I'll meet you at the car in a minute.   
  
Jane Lane: (turns to walk to the car) I'll see you there old friend.  
  
(Daria turns to face her mothers grave, stands there for a moment and then places the flowers she was holding at the base of the head stone, sighs and turns to head for the car)  
  
Daria: (once in the car Jane starts it up and they head off) To the pizza king then.  
  
Jane Lane: Oh by the way, if memory serves we do have to drive by the school on the way.  
  
Daria: It's still there?  
  
Jane Lane: Not exactly, they had to rebuild it after Y2K. Apparently the concrete used to build the school was sub standard or something and ended up being susceptible to various levels of nuclear radiation. The whole thing came crumbling down one night and they had to rebuild it from scratch.  
  
Daria: (slight disbelief) I never heard about that. I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for having missed such an auspicious moment. (Punches the dashboard lightly) DAMN!!!!!!   
  
Jane Lane: Well, you would have at least KNOWN if you had read all the way through that book I had put together for you. (3)   
  
Daria: (rolls her eyes) The one time I forgot to study and look at what I've missed out on.  
  
Jane Lane: Tsk, tsk....WHAT am I going to do with you young lady?  
  
Daria: (looks at the mirror ro see some of the gray that has started to appear over the years) Young? I only wish I still fit that description.  
  
Jane Lane: Your only as young as you feel you know.  
  
Daria: (scowls) Don't even TOUCH on that one, Janet.  
  
Jane Lane: (gritting her teeth) I TOLD you, don't EVER call me that!! (Daria turns to face the window and laughs. As the car turns the corner the high school comes into view) I wonder if we'll see any of the old faculty hanging around outside.   
  
Daria: (turns to look at Jane) Don't tell me Ms. Li is still the principle there?  
  
Jane Lane: Actually, no. She bought it a few years ago from what I hear, apparently one or more students either current or ex was holding a grudge of sorts and planted a bomb in her car. She went to leave the school for the day and when she opened the car door....BOOM. The next thing you know Ms. Li is scattered across the Lawndale High landscape.   
  
Daria: I guess all of those extraneous security measures of her's were all for naught. They couldn't even save her from one little explosive device.  
  
Jane Lane: (Shakes her head) It's all in that book I had made up for you. You really haven't finished it yet have you?  
  
Daria : Not completely, no. And thanks for reinforcing my Christmas spirit with that imagery back there Jane.   
  
Jane Lane: Hey somebody had to do it, the next thing you know you very well might have broken into song and started to sing Christmas carols or something if I hadn't. Remember last year? You were so happy to be home for the holidays for once.  
  
Daria: (shivers at the thought of this) On second thought, thanks again.  
  
Jane Lane: I thought you might see things my way. (Jane accelerates past the school and within ten minutes they both find themselves entering the pizza king and sitting down with a pie. Jane places a plastic bag off to the side which she had taken from her trunk before entering the restaurant)  
  
Daria: Are you going to tell me what's in that bag or not?  
  
Jane Lane: Oh this, ....I took the liberty of stopping by your house and retrieving something before coming to find you.  
  
Daria: You went in my house without anybody home?  
  
Jane Lane: (smiles) Aren't you glad you gave me a key?  
  
Daria: Oh yea, I'm just wearing one HUGE happy hat over the fact. So what did you swipe from my house already?  
  
Jane Lane: Eggar aren't you? I knew you hadn't finished the book yet, so I brought it with me. I figured we could spend the afternoon laughing at the past.  
  
Daria: (takes a slice out of the box and digs in) So how DID you manage to get the CIA to research all of this for you?  
  
Jane Lane: Like I said when I first gave it to you, I called in some markers with some of the people who work there.  
  
Daria: Now what sort of markers could those people possibly owe a retired navy commander?  
  
Jane Lane: Hey, I wasn't retired at the time. (smiles evilly) Besides, ever hear of classified information?  
  
Daria: (shakes her head) Never mind, I already don't want to know.  
  
Jane Lane: You're better off not knowing I think. So anyway, how far have you gotten in this thing?  
  
Daria: (swallows a bite of pizza) About page thirty I think.  
  
Jane Lane: (gawks) You read only thirty pages? Rob made his best effort to collect every piece on nitty gritty available on everyone we went to high school with. I thought you'd be a little more interested than this.  
  
Daria: Rob?  
  
Jane Lane: (blushes) My friend in the CIA.  
  
Daria: Really, how CLOSE a friend.  
  
Jane Lane: (mumbles) Closer than his wife would like no doubt.  
  
Daria: (lifts an eyebrow in interest) Bump buddies??  
  
Jane Lane: Look, lets just leave it like this. I like him, he likes me, she's not giving him any, I am, and then he does dirty jobs for me to make me happy. It's the perfect relationship without the unnecessary entanglements. We can both walk away from it if we need to. Understand?  
  
Daria: Give me a minute and I'll do my best sergeant Schultz impression.   
  
Jane Lane: (grins) Again, I knew you'd see things my way. (Pulls the book out and begins to flip through the pages until she comes to the one about Ms.Li) See, I told you she bought it.   
  
Daria: (leans forward to take a closer look) And according the bomb damage assessment, the culprit was likely a professional. What IS the world coming to?  
  
Jane Lane: It's senses perhaps?   
  
Daria: Just maybe. (Beat) So whatever happened to Andrea?  
  
Jane Lane:(begins flipping through the pages) Jeez, it's a good thing these people are listed in alphabetical order. Oh here we go, incinerated at the onset of Y2K. Apparently she decided to embrace the horror by standing outside and watching the night unfold until the town she was in at the time took a direct hit.  
  
Daria: The town she was in at the TIME?   
  
Jane Lane: Yea, apparently her grandparents live down south and she was visiting for the holidays.   
  
Daria: (shakes her head) Done in true Andrea style to the end.(2) (The scene fades out and then in again as Daria tries to imagine Andrea's last moments. The scene is now somewhere in south Carolina at her grandparents house)  
  
(Andrea is standing out in her grandparents back yard holding a forty of beer in one hand and a joint in the other. She's obviously inebriated as she can barely stand as she watches this night gone horribly wrong unfold)  
  
Andrea: (looking up at the sky as the fire trail from an ICBM passes over head) Ha!! You (hic) missed me! (Takes a swig from the beer)   
  
Grandmother: Andrea, get the hell in here. We have to get the hell out of here NOW!!  
  
Andrea: No Way! Dammit, if the whole world is going to hell in a handbasket I want to see it happen! (Hic) The sky in the distance turns bright white as an explosion takes place and the constant rumble that is heard causes the windows on the house to rattle until they shatter. Shortly afterward a dissipating shockwave passes through the area and is just barely strong enough to toss Andrea backward several feet.) (Yelling at the sky towards another approaching fire trail) You call that a hit?? Bring it on Dammit! (Stumbles and falls on her ass seconds before the missile passes over head and a few seconds later detonates in the air, the scene turns blindingly bright and the scene fades out and back into the pizza place with Daria and Jane)   
  
Daria: So who else is in there?  
  
Jane Lane: I thought you'd never ask. (Jane flips to the next page and the scene fades out)  
  
(Cut to Jane Lane's home the day before Christmas eve.)  
  
(Jane, Amy, and William are upstairs in William's room, William is busy with an odd sort of painting featuring possibly one of his teachers being subjected to the rack while at the same time the person is subjected to Chinese water torture. Amy is lying upside down on William's bed while speed reading a book, and Jane is busy at the computer desk typing something.)  
  
Jane: (turns around from the computer) I said it once, and I'll say it again William. You have THE coolest room   
  
William: (smirks) Yea, well I can't take all the credit for that one. (He puts down his paint brush and walks over to the computer desk and opens a drawer withdrawing a stack of pictures) I have to admit I followed someone else's example. (William hands the photos to Jane and she starts to thumb through them)  
  
Jane: Where was this photo taken an insane asylum? This looks like a cross between an isolation tank and a teenagers room.  
  
William: Believe it or not, that's your mom's room when she was a little bit older than you are.  
  
Amy: (tosses her book aside) Whoa, this I've got to see! Where did you get these?  
  
William: My mom has them all over the place, she liked to take photos of just about everything that was sick and sad. And it just so happened that your mom's room fit that description at the time. Pretty cool huh? (Jane thumbs further though the stack) Some of these were the inspiration behind my best works so far. There's a picture of our parents when they were teenagers in there somewhere. (Jane thumbs further) There you go!  
  
Amy: Damn! Mom sure was a lot shorter back then.  
  
Jane: (Points to Jesse) Who's this guy? He's cute as hell.  
  
William: That is.....WAS my dad. He died before I was born.  
  
Amy: (looks back and forth between William and the photo) You know if you had brown hair you'd be a dead ringer for him.  
  
Jane: (looks William over) Eh....he'd need to work out a bit too.  
  
Amy: It's close enough.   
  
William: I'll take it as a compliment anyway. (Points to Jane Lane in the picture) There's my mom, your dad, and there's aunt Quinn.  
  
Jane: So who's holding the camera?  
  
William: You've got me, maybe your grand mom.  
  
Amy: Are there any pictures of HER in this stack?  
  
William: None that I've seen, sorry. You can hold onto those if you want, I've completed any projects that have stemmed from them. And speaking of projects, how's your end of the Christmas project coming along?  
  
Jane: Well, the lyrics are almost done. I'm still tweaking them a bit. How about your part?  
  
William: Sheet music's BEEN done, we just need to get some practice in. Christmas is only a week away you know.  
  
Jane: Why do I have to be on lead? I suck at the guitar.  
  
Amy: We discussed this already, I can't play the guitar and William is good on the base but he doesn't have the voice for the lyrics. You do, therefore you're on lead.  
  
Jane: I'm gonna screw up, I do maybe half the time.  
  
William: (reassuringly) Look, if you think you're gonna bone a chord then just add lib it into something you can manage. Cool?   
  
Jane: I'd feel better about it if you were on lead instead.  
  
William: (shakes his head and turns to Amy) How is it that the two of you are twins, yet she's so insecure about her talents and you're cool as a cucumber?  
  
Amy: We're fraternal twins, not identical.  
  
Jane: (shrugs) Yea, besides cucumbers need to be peeled first.  
  
Amy: (scowls) Remind me to kick your ass later, sis. (Jane laughs)  
  
William: (looks confused) Um....ok, what did I just miss here?  
  
Jane: It's a personal joke, I could tell you but then my sister would have to kill you for knowing to much.  
  
William: (pinches his sinuses) Whatever, listen getting back to the "project", when do you think your garage will be available to use for practice. I'm assuming your dad's band still keeps their stuff set up in there.   
  
Amy: Are you kidding, it's one of the constants in the universe, it ranks right up there with Newton's laws of physics. "The instruments of the band Mystik Spiral once set up shall remain set up unless acted upon by a superior outside force."   
  
Jane: In other words, unless she starts whaling on the drums a little too hard, the stuff should always be there.  
  
William: Works for me then. (Looks at what Jane has been typing on the computer) Are these the lyrics?  
  
Jane: Yea, but like I said. I'm still tweaking them. What do you think so far? (Amy comes over to join William in looking over Jane's work)   
  
Amy: Not bad, keep tweaking though. Some of it doesn't quite sit right.  
  
Jane: How so?  
  
Amy: Well look at the lyrics and try to think of them as a mathematical algorithm, everything has to go together just so in order for the whole thing to work the way you want it to.  
  
Jane: Like an algorithm? Are we talking boolean logic here or what?  
  
William: (starts glancing back and forth between Jane and Amy while giving a bazaar look) Can I interrupt for a second? The two of you are talking like you've got doctorates already, what the hell are you still doing in tenth grade?  
  
Jane: What do you want,... last year the school board insisted we skip a couple....maybe three grade levels and well, here we are.  
  
William: Well listen, this is music we're talking about here so lets keep the lingo on a level I can understand okay?  
  
Amy: Jeez, you try to find a better way to relate to something and everybody gets anal about it.  
  
William: Hey, lets get back to the task at hand. I thought we were in the process of busting on your sister.  
  
Jane: (smirks evilly and decides to twist his words around) You WOULD be looking at my bust.  
  
William: (smirks and decides to bite) Well the letters on the front of your high school sweat shirt HAVE started to seriously bend around the sides in the past few months, how could a guy not notice THAT.  
  
Jane: (raises an eyebrow) That's like saying how can a girl not notice that you have a nice tight ass, right William? (William blushes slightly as Jane chuckles to herself) That got him.....  
  
Amy: (looks at the two of them) I guess incest really IS best when you put your cousin to the test  
  
Jane: (attempts to play it off) Oh give your hormones a rest will you Amy. (Grabs a wadded up piece of paper off the desk and tosses it at Amy)   
  
Amy: Blasphemy, you dare attack me with a shredded tree? (Reaches over and grabs the pillow off Williams bed and swings it at Jane who ducks just in time only to see William take the hit)   
  
William: (reels from the impact and then grabs the other pillow off the bed) Foolish mortal, you dare attack the night who says neep? (Swings the pillow into Amy's side) And I shall say neep again if you do not appease me. (Reference to Monty Python)   
  
Amy: (laughing) Jane, hold him down while I beat the hell out of him.  
  
Jane: (just stands off to the side and watches while pretending to munch on popcorn) Nah, that's okay. Your doing fine as it is.   
  
William: (ducks Amy's next swing and holds his arms out as a signal to stop) Whoa, .....whoa!   
  
Amy: What?  
  
William: (points his thumb towards Jane) We can't just leave your sister out of this, we're having to much fun over here.  
  
Amy: You know what, you're right. I mean after all, she did start all of this. (They both turn to look at Jane with evil grins)   
  
Jane: Oh crap! (Tries to run past them but is tackled in the process and Amy and William commence they're bombardment with pillows) Guys, the project. OOF! We should get back to work, Christmas is next week.  
  
Amy: (pauses in her assault) Oh it can wait a minute. How about you Will?  
  
William: (looks at his watch) Oh yea, We've got HERDS of time. (Continues with the pillow fight)   
  
(Cut to Daria's car that evening)  
  
(Daria and Jane are en route to a not so nearby mall in effort to finish their Christmas shopping)  
  
Jane Lane: So why didn't you drag Trent along with us, I'm certain he would have made a good pack horse. And just think of how much he'll appreciate being at home with you when it's all over and he needs a foot massage or something..  
  
Daria: Well, that thought did cross my mind, except for the foot massage, ....Ewe. But I'm afraid he'll fall asleep during bipedal transit and fall head first into that big water fountain in the center of the building.  
  
Jane Lane: So no matter where you were in the mall, you'd worry about Trent somehow sleepwalking his way to a giant water fountain and drowning himself?  
  
Daria: Hey, he's done stranger things in his sleep.  
  
Jane Lane: Really, Dare I ask?   
  
Daria: You may not, some of these incidents are rather personal in nature.  
  
Jane Lane: None of them involved you bending over backwards did they? (Daria doesn't answer) Damn Daria, you really Do keep the most interesting details of your life from me. I need to pry for information more often.  
  
Daria: Maybe I should inquire about your personal exploits with a married man more often.  
  
Jane Lane: Ouch! That's a pretty low blow there, Daria.  
  
Daria: Not really, I've never been into that sort of thing. (Gives Jane a snide look)  
  
Jane Lane: (smiles) I knew you had sick sense of humor hiding within you somewhere.  
  
Daria: I must, how else could I stand listening to your personal exploits while we were on duty.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey, I still have a bunch of stories I haven't told you about yet. So anyway, getting back to Trent. What's he doing tonight instead coming to the mall with us?  
  
Daria : He went to look for a Christmas Tree.  
  
Jane Lane: Wait, how can that be? The girls were still at home and he had already left the house, wouldn't they want to be involved in the selection process?.  
  
Daria: For some reason they didn't seem that interested in going this year, they just kept hanging around the garage like flies.  
  
Jane Lane: (smirks) And meanwhile, you don't seem the least bit suspicious that they're up to something AND you let Trent go out by himself to look for a Christmas tree....by himself. Alright, who are you and what have you done with my sister in law? And don't lie, I have WAYS of making you talk.  
  
Daria: He didn't go by himself, I guess you didn't see who he left WITH did you?  
  
Jane Lane: I have the feeling this is about to get a lot more interesting.  
  
Daria: Naturally. I saw him meet up with Nick and Max outside the house. (They arrive at the mall and Daria parks the car)   
  
Jane Lane: That much man power for one Christmas tree? What, are they going to do drive out into east bumblefuck and cut one down themselves?  
  
Daria: Well, if they all come home empty handed looking like something heavy fell on them and they're covered with sawdust and pine needles then I guess we'll know won't we.  
  
Jane Lane: (pauses) I'm bringing my Polaroid over and waiting up with you.   
  
Daria: I was wondering if you'd ask.  
  
Jane Lane: So what type of tree do you think they'll bring home?  
  
Daria: Do you remember National Lampoons Christmas Vacation when the guy brought the tree home from the woods, set it up, and then cut the rope that was keeping the branches in?  
  
Jane: (eyes widen) Better make sure the windows are open just in case. (They both exit the car and head into the mall)   
  
(Cut to inside the mall)  
  
(The man dressed as santa clause along with a rather tall elf can be seen from Daria and Jane's point of view as they enter the main set of doors. Christmas music can be heard from the speakers in the ceiling high above which is occasionally interrupted by the service desk paging someone or by a sales pitch for a store in the mall. )   
  
Jane Lane: (looks over at a little girl getting ready to sit in santa's lap) I wonder how many times that lap has been urinated on today?  
  
Daria: Take a closer look at the suit, if it's starting to look more like a yellow then a red then it's already been too many times to save the man. (Jane chuckles just before an all to familiar laugh is heard by Daria coming from the man in the santa suit)  
  
Man in santa suite: (as a little girl sits in his lap) Uh huh huh huh, so like uh.....what do you want little girl? (The little girl whispers in his ear) Whoa,.....hey Beavis! This chick wants one of those ani....anim....An..im...ated Barbie thingies.  
  
Beavis: (dressed as the elf) Whoa....aren't those things like, for girls or something. Jeez, this kid sucks. (The little girl starts to cry and the girls mother pulls her off butt-heads lap and punches him out, then storms off with the girl in hand.) Whoa!!! That was pretty cool butt head, do it again.  
  
Butt head: No way, that um...hurt, ....or something.   
  
Beavis: Um...ok, then uh....lets find another kid. (Butt head stands up from the chair to show a large wet stain on his leg) Whoa....check it out, that kid peed on you. Mmm...heh, That's pretty cool!  
  
Butt head: (Smacks Beavis) No it isn't you fart knocker, it stinks. Now find me a towel before I kick your ass again.  
  
Beavis: Mmm...heh, you said ass. That's pretty cool too. (Turns around to go off in search of a towel and spies Daria. The wheels turn in his head for a good minute or so before he says something) Hey Butt head, check it out. I think we know this chick.  
  
Butt head: Huh, where?  
  
Beavis: Over there. (Points at Daria)   
  
Butthead: (looks at Daria) Ummm...........................uh...........................WHOA!!! I think it's that Daria chick we used to know!   
  
Beavis: Mmm heh heh, are you sure? She looks kind of old to be her, and look ...this chicks got boobs. Wasn't she flat?  
  
Butt head: You dumb ass, she must have grown up or something. Hey lets see if she'll talk to us.  
(Beavis and Butt head start their Diarrhea chant)   
  
(Cut over to Daria and Jane Lane)   
  
Daria: (shudders after B&B have drawn Jane's attention as well) Jane, if you have any sort of weapon on you, please give it to me now.  
  
Jane Lane: Since when are you bugged by a brainless moron in a santa suit?  
  
Daria: Do you remember when I first moved to Lawndale and I told you about these two idiots I managed to escape named Beavis and Butthead and how they used to twist my name into a sick joke?  
  
Jane Lane: (listens more closely to B&B's chant) Oh my god.....they've found you, I don't know how but they've found you. RUN for it Daria!! (Turns and smirks at a scowling Daria)  
  
Daria: Yea, I think fates twisted sense of humor just got insanely ugly. So about those weapons?  
  
Jane Lane: No can do amiga, I keep my service piece locked up home. Never ever to see the light of day again.  
  
Daria: (sighs) Where's a mark forty eight torpedo when you need one.  
  
Jane Lane: No good, I don't think those work very well on land. Anyway,...at least they don't know where you live, and if they find out we can run them over with the car and make it look like an accident.  
  
Daria: Shining a flashlight at me from the other end of the tunnel, eh Jane?  
  
Jane: (smirks) Sorry, I was all out of sunlight.   
  
Daria: (sighs) In that case, exit stage right with extreme haste.  
  
Jane Lane: Don't worry, we'll find another mall. (Daria reaches into her pocket and then hands Jane a hundred dollar bill) What's this for?  
  
Daria: To insure that you will never....ever talk about them in any way shape or form to or in front of my kids.  
  
Jane Lane: (scoffs) Oh yea, right....like I would want MY kid to meet those imbeciles. (Hands it back to Daria) Keep your money, I'll keep my mouth shut out of pure respect for above normal human intelligence.   
  
Daria: Thank you for that, Jane. (They turn and leave the mall quickly leaving Beavis and Butt-head to face the malls manager as he came out to fire the both of them at which point Beavis pulls his shirt over his head and begins his Cornholio routine.)   
  
(Cut to a mall in another town)  
  
Jane Lane: What are the odds of those to idiots ending up only two towns away from our homes, To say NOTHING about even finding the simplest of jobs?  
  
Daria: To be honest Jane, I'd rather not think about it right now. If only they'd just disappear from society.  
  
Jane Lane: Well, I guess those two are the exception to the rule.  
  
Daria; What rule?   
  
Jane Lane: Wasn't it always said that after a nuclear war there would only be cockroaches left to inherit the earth?  
  
Daria: What makes you think that they are an exception to any kind of rule? They both bear a strong resemblance to cockroaches to me.   
  
Jane Lane: Hmm....you may have a point there, I must say...the intelligence level was almost identical. Anyway, if you're good this year maybe the REAL santa will take care of them for you.  
  
Daria: (smirks) If only, Jane. If only.  
  
Jane Lane: (Laughs) We'll see what santa can do then.   
  
Daria: Let's just get this done and over with, I'm afraid I might have some sort of sudden and violent allergic reaction if we come across a nut stand in here.  
  
Jane Lane: Right then, a shopping we will go. Let's just make sure we get home in time to see what Trent and the guys bring home. I WANT that picture.  
  
Daria: And you shall have it, my friend... Patience.  
  
Jane Lane: Oh Daria, your such a sweet talker.  
  
Daria: Yea, yea....let's just get in here and get out. You know how much I hate shopping, ....and people.  
  
Jane Lane: After so long you still enjoy your solitude, I guess some things never do change.  
  
Daria: Thank god. (They begin to wander in and out of the stores looking for whatever items they need to make the holidays complete for the kids)   
  
Jane Lane: It's funny now that I think about it.  
  
Daria: (looks at her friend in confusion) What is?  
  
Jane Lane: Us....shopping for our kids for Christmas.  
  
Daria: What's so funny about it?  
  
Jane Lane: Well as I recall, you once said that you didn't even like kids even when you were a kid. And now here you are with two of your own.  
  
Daria: (frowns) Ok, so they weren't planned. What's your point?  
  
Jane Lane: No point, amiga. I just thought it was funny that's all.   
  
Daria: (thinks for a moment and then her frown turns to a smirk) The funny thing is that I didn't catch on right away.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey it's not your fault, morning sickness can EASILY be mistaken for sea sickness when you've spent months at a time on a submarine. Oh wait, I guess you would have gotten used to it by then wouldn't you. I guess it really WAS your fault after all.  
  
Daria:(gives Jane a shove) Just keep walking, wise ass.  
  
Jane Lane: (laughs) Better than a dumb ass.  
  
(Cut to Daria's house a couple of hours later)  
  
(Daria and Jane Lane come walking in the front door to see Trent, Nick and Max tightening the base screws of a tree stand into the base of a Christmas tree with it's branches still bound in rope.)   
  
Nick: You need to tighten them more, man. The Tree's gonna lean over to the left if you don't.  
  
Trent: Hey man, I know what I'm doing. I do this every year.  
  
Max: Yea, but you've never gone out into the woods to cut one down before.  
  
Jane Lane: (turns and looks at Daria) You were right, they did drive out to east bumblefuck to get a tree.   
  
Daria: (pulls her glasses forward a bit and looks at Jane) You're not going to owe me dinner are you?  
  
Jane Lane: Hey, I may bend all sorts of ways Daria but I assure you THAT isn't one of them.  
  
Daria: (replaces her glasses) Just checking.   
  
Jane Lane: Do you think we should help them?  
  
Daria: If you really want to, but I'm staying at a nice safe distance if you don't mind.  
  
Jane Lane: Hmm....probably a good call.  
  
Daria: (crosses her arms) Uh huh.....  
  
Jane Lane: (pulls out her camera and get it ready) Just in case.  
  
(After a few moments Trent stands up and goes to get a knife to cut the rope with)  
  
Trent: Okay, lets cut her loose. (Starts to cut the ropes holding the branches in)  
  
Jane Lane: (to Daria) This should be good. (Daria nods silently as Jane holds her camera up to eye level as Trent finishes cutting the rope and to Jane's amazement nothing out of the ordinary happens, the tree unfolds as it should ) Oh come on, that's it? No mayhem, no chaos? I brought my camera for nothing?  
  
Trent: Hey man, I think there's something moving in this tree.   
  
Nick: What are you talking about, I don't see anything. (Leans in real close to the tree to get a look. After a long moment there is a rustle from within the interior of the tree and a squirrel comes leaping out of the branches and clings to Nicks sweater as her dances about while trying to swat at his back) Ah.....get it off me. Get it off me, man. (Knocks over an end table)   
  
Max: (Grabs one of the cushions form the couch and tries to beat the squirrel off of Nick but is instead beating Nick up by accident) Hold still, I've got him. (Swings and hits Nick in the head.) Sorry , that was my fault.  
  
Daria: (watching the chaos unfold in the living room) You wanted pictures Jane, so start shooting because it doesn't get any better than this.   
  
Jane Lane: Ah, the memories. (Holds up her camera and begins to snap off pictures as Trent, Max, and Nick continue about their antics)  
  
Daria: Are you kidding? If you think THIS is good, wait until they try to put the decorations on.  
  
Jane Lane: Hmm.....I'm thinking I'm going to need more film.  
  
Daria: I'm thinking we need to go into the kitchen before that rodent decides he's through fooling around with these guys and things REALLY start to get interesting.  
  
Jane Lane: I'm thinking I agree with you. Let's go and see what you've got in the fridge.   
  
Daria: Yea, believe it or not we actually put food in ours. (The two of them head into the kitchen to find Jane Amy and William in there munching on some cheesecake)   
  
Amy: Hey mom, is dad done with the tree yet?   
  
Daria: No, your father has run into a bit of a rodent problem.  
  
Amy: Meaning what?  
  
Jane Lane: Meaning that he's getting his butt kicked by a squirrel at this very moment.  
  
Jane: (Gets up from the table and grabs Jane Lane's camera) And we're missing it!!! (The kids run into the living room to watch the action)   
  
Jane Lane: My, my, ....they were in such a hurry they left all this cheesecake out in the open. What SHALL we do with it.  
  
Daria: (Sits down at the table) If you even need to ask then you're not going to get any because it will all be gone by that time.   
  
Jane Lane: (sits at the table across from Daria) Who could argue with logic like that. (The commotion from the others can still be heard from the living room)   
  
Trent: Max, it's on your back!  
  
Nick: I've got it!! (A loud crash is heard)   
  
Jane Lane: (cringes at the sound of the crash) Oh....that sounded expensive.  
  
Daria: (takes a bite of the cheesecake) It probably was.  
  
Jane Lane: And you're in no hurry to go investigate?  
  
Daria: Nobody is screaming bloody murder and there aren't any bodily fluids oozing past us on the floor so I'm sure it can wait. Whatever Trent broke, he'll make up for it.  
  
Jane Lane: Um...okay. I was almost hoping for a little more detail there but I guess that will do. (Jane comes walking into the kitchen)  
  
Jane: They got it.  
  
Daria: They killed it, or it escaped out the door when they weren't looking?  
  
Jane: Oh no, it's dead all right. In a wild frenzy to get the squirrel off his back Max tossed the thing through one of the living room windows and it was impaled on a shard of glass as it did so. You should come see it, the little sucker is all gross and stuff.  
  
Daria: (whimpers) No one else cut themselves did they?  
  
Jane: No we're all cool. The squirrel only went through the interior window, the storm window is still intact.  
  
Jane Lane: It's a miracle  
  
Daria: Well, at least the heating bill won't suffer any.  
  
Jane: (laughs) True, but what do we do with the squirrel in the mean time?  
  
Jane Lane: Anybody for squirrel soup? (She is met by looks of utter disgust as Jane Lane and Daria get up from the table and head into the living room to survey the damage.)  
  
(Cut to later that night in Daria and Trent's room)   
  
(Daria lies on her side as Trent climbs into bed and turns off the light)  
  
Daria: (without turning to face him) Trent??  
  
Trent: (Opens his eyes) (V.O) Nope, sleep will have to wait tonight. (Out loud) Yea?  
  
Daria: Have you ever wondered if our kids are just a little TOO much like we used to be?  
  
Trent: (sighs) Not really, ...I mean granted they do take a lot after us. But they are still their own individual selves in their own right.  
  
Daria: (turns to face him) How so?  
  
Trent: Um....well in some respects they've excelled in ways we didn't. They were given the opportunity to skip three grades and they're likely to be in college before anyone else their age.  
  
Daria: You had to point THAT one out didn't you? Now I feel old.  
  
Trent: (Draws her close) Oh come on, Daria. You should be proud, not everybody can say they've raised twin geniuses and still retained their sanity.  
  
Daria: (chuckles) It hasn't been easy has it? But you should be taking most of the credit, I was away a lot of the time.   
  
Trent: Hey, that wasn't your fault. You did the best you could and they STILL came out okay.  
  
Daria: Despite your cooking.  
  
Trent: Hey, no need for low blows there, Daria.  
  
Daria: (smirks) Sorry, couldn't resist. (Sighs) I just hope they can relate to use when we start to go the way of our parents.  
  
Trent: I don't think that will ever happen, for one thing our kids can already relate to us. Neither your parents nor mine could ever say that.  
  
Daria: (smiles) Trent, how is it that you always seem to know just the right thing to say to make me feel better?  
  
Trent: Hey, writing song lyrics for all those years was good practice I guess.   
  
Daria: Yea, who would have thought all those nonsense lyrics could have taught a man how to say the right things at the right time.  
  
Trent: (chuckles) You seem to have a lot of energy to talk tonight.  
  
Daria: Must have been the cheesecake I ate out from under the kids earlier.  
  
Trent: (laughs) Is that what they were bitching about? All I could make out was something about turning their backs for a minute.  
  
Daria: Hey, I can still be sneaky if I want to be.  
  
Trent: So how do you propose to drain that excess energy of yours?  
  
Daria: (Leans over and gives Trent a kiss) I have a few ideas that come to mind.  
  
Trent: Really? Do tell.  
  
Daria: (climbs over, kneels over him, then kisses him again) If your lucky,.. maybe in detail.  
  
(Cut to Jane and Amy's room at about the same time)   
  
(Jane comes walking quietly back into the room after spying on her parents)  
  
Amy: Are they doing what it sounds like?  
  
Jane: Yea, but you have to give them credit. They are trying to be quiet about it.  
  
Amy: I suppose, and it has been a while since we've had to endure those sounds. I guess we could spare them the cold water, maybe we'll get them the next time.  
  
Jane: (chuckles) You say that every time, Amy. I've yet to ever see you follow through with it.  
  
Amy: Hey, I can't run as fast as I'll need to yet. Dad will get winded pretty quick, but mom on the other hand made it a point to stay in shape after boot camp. She can almost keep up with Aunt Jane the last time I checked.  
  
Jane: (laughs) Run Amy, ....RUN!!  
  
Amy: I guess we'll have to grin and bear it for the mean time. Commence duck and cover procedures. (They both turn on their stomach's in bed and place their pillows over their heads to provide the necessary quiet to drop off to sleep)   
  
(Cut to the next morning. Daria Trent and Jane Lane have left the house early to finish up an last minute errands. As soon as they had all left the driveway Amy and Jane are quick to call William up and tell him to come over. Approximately half an hour later William shows up and they all head into the garage to try and coordinate themselves as best as they can)  
  
William: (As they finish their first couple of tries) Amy, your starting to early on the downbeat. Wait until about three seconds after Jane finishes the third chord.  
  
Amy: Well if Jane didn't pause at the onset of each chord it wouldn't be a problem.  
  
Jane: Hey, I can't help it. I get nervous sometimes when I'm worried about getting something right.  
  
William: That's understandable, .....considering how little actual practice we've had on this one song. I've also noticed that your pretty rusty before you warm up, ...which tends to take a while. But once you get there you can play like there's no tomorrow.  
  
Jane: I'm doing the best that I can.  
  
Amy: (chimes in) Just don't go away, we still need you. (They all laugh)   
  
Jane: Is there anyway we can turn this thing into a set of songs that we already know saving our own song for last when I'm properly warmed up?  
  
Amy: (looks at William) That's not such a bad idea.  
  
William: Do you want to give that a try now? We can start with something simple and maybe it'll help you to get the chords right?  
  
Jane: It'll have to, Christmas is tomorrow for god's sake. The last thing I need on my conscience is the fact that everyone is mad at me for boning a Christmas gift.   
  
Amy: You're not going to bone anything, ....like William said before. IF you think you're going to screw up then just ad lib and we'll do what we can.  
  
William: So, ....what do we start with then?  
  
Jane: (smirks) Knocking on Heaven's Door? A little classic G&R never hurts.   
  
Amy: Hmm, ...I don't know. Seems a little TOO slow if you ask me.  
  
William: Well in Jane's defense, we're not exactly Manheim steamroller orchestra here, and this IS supposed to be a Christmas gift. We can't exactly start out with death metal. (Looks at Amy's face) Yes Amy, I KNOW you're a Metallica fan, you always bust a nut over those drum solo's.  
  
Amy: I do not!! (William just starts laughing as Amy has nothing better to counter with)   
  
Jane: Kryptonite!  
  
William and Amy: What??  
  
Jane: Three Doors Down, I love that song. I could play it in my sleep.   
  
Willaim: (looks at Amy and they both shrug in unison) But can you SING it?  
  
Jane: (sighs) Well, ....there's one way to find out. (Pulls out her guitar pick and prepares to play) On Three guys. (They start to play without a hitch and after that one they move on to more complicated songs working their way up as they go, debating over each song they play as to whether they should play it for their parents.)  
  
(Fade to Christmas day after all had been said and done, The gifts had been exchanged, breakfast and lunch had been served and the entire family was now together as Jane and William to say nothing about Jake Morgendorffer had come over to spend the holidays together and to hopefully spend Christmas dinner together without having to call the fire department. )   
  
Jake: So Trent, My man. Do you need any help in the kitchen this year?  
  
Trent: Nah, I don't think so. Daria's said she wanted to take care of that this year, she said something about not liking the taste of carbon on the turkey. I wonder what she meant by THAT?  
  
Jake: Oh you know how women are around the holidays, they want to make sure everything is perfect and that only they can make it that way.   
  
Trent: That's a relief, I thought she was worried that I'd burn my eyebrows off again. Man, you burn the hair off your face just ONCE and they never let you live it down.  
  
Jake: Yea, Helen was the same way. Of coarse I DID almost burn the house down. Buy hey, I'm only human. I make mistakes too you know, dammit! (Jane comes out of the kitchen with a glass of wine in hand)   
  
Jane Lane: What the hell are you talking about now?  
  
Trent: Oh hey, Janie. Nothing much, past mistakes and stuff.  
  
Jane Lane: Sounds like it's going to be a long and involved conversation. Should I tell Daria that you'll be a few days late for dinner?  
  
Jake: Oh come on now, we're not THAT bad. (Looks at Trent) Are we? (Trent just raises an eyebrow without answering)   
  
(After a few minutes of silence Amy comes walking into the living room hoping to catch everyone's attention)   
  
Amy: Hey dad, where's mom?  
  
Trent: In the kitchen I think.  
  
Amy: She wouldn't let you near the stove this year huh? Damn, I guess we'll just have to cancel the betting pool.   
  
Jane Lane: You guys had a betting pool going? What kinds of odds was your father getting?  
  
Amy: Better than grandpa  
  
Jake: Hey!!  
  
Jane Lane: (smirks and looks back to Amy) So what's up amiga? This is the first I've seen of you since I got here.  
  
Amy: We've been working on some stuff in the garage, and we kind of wanted you all to hear it.   
  
Jane Lane: Are we talking about a belated Christmas gift here?  
  
Amy: Maybe, but for the most part we just wanted you guys to hear us play and let us know what you think.  
  
Jane Lane: Sounds cool, you up for it Trent?  
  
Trent: I could stand some tunes, Jake why don't you follow these guys and I'll go get Daria.   
  
Jane Lane: Yea, if she'll even let you through the kitchen door. (Amy Laughs a little as Trent heads into the kitchen and the rest follow her to the garage. Several moments later Daria and Trent enter the garage to see that Jane, Amy, And William are all set up on Mystik Spiral's equipment.)  
  
Trent: So THIS is why my strings have been wearing out so quickly.  
  
Jane: It was all for a good cause, dad. You'll see.  
  
Daria: So what have you got for us?  
  
William: Mostly stuff you've heard, we just wanted to see what you thought of us.  
  
Jane Lane: (whispers to Trent) I think you're worst fears are being realized, they've turned their own family into a band. They could probably call themselves "Sibling Rivalry" or something.   
  
Trent: Mmm....It's got potential. Now I AM worried.  
  
(Jane Takes position in front of the mic and after a few moments of stage fright she begins to play, but not what was expected by Amy and William. She starts off with "Running Down A Dream" by Tom Petty and the Heart Breakers. They both flash each other looks as if to say "What the hell is she doing?" But after the first set of chords they just decide to flow with it and pick up the beat. After that she starts up on the song she was originally supposed to start with which was "Kryptonite" by three Doors Down, and then go on with the play list as it was planned until finally they get to the end where they are supposed to play the song that they themselves came up with.)  
  
Jane: (pauses as this is the moment where she really feels put on the spot) Uh.........well,.....this next one we've been working on ourselves for a good while now. And since we'd intended it as a Christmas gift for all of you, from the three of us, It's so dedicated.  
  
Jake: Let it rip kiddo!! (Jane Lane, Trent, and Daria all give him a dirty look as if he were some strange nut ball and push him towards the back of the group) What did I do?  
  
Jane: (nervously looks back at William and Amy, who mouth the words "Don't mind him, he's old" in encouragement. Jane then looks forward towards the adults Before reluctantly starting) (V.O) Ok, here goes nothing. (Out loud)  
  
(slow almost rustic guitar chords) We're all just passing strangers.  
Doesn't mean that much to those who rule our day.  
You'd think that with all those around there's no left to care.  
  
(Set of Chords starts over again)   
We wait for them to come home  
weeks and months could pass before we their face  
But then the thought of hope is cast upon our souls  
from the one who shows that memories are what's within  
  
(Same chords but slightly upbeat)  
And then we smile cause' we know that someday  
You'll be home with us and the rest will be ok. (William starts in with the base one half beat behind)  
And the time will burn, and the seasons pass, and we grow up as your watching  
but the memories remain, like a ground in stain, and we almost feel like crying.  
  
(Amy starts in on the drums as Both Jane and William begin an almost metal rhythm)  
But now you see, that time can heal, and all can be alright  
We'll take our chance, if only a chance, to see that things end up right  
If nothing else, then just show that we're alright  
  
Retirement can be a pill  
When your not even over the hill  
You're family can drive you nuts  
As long as you try,... as long as you try  
  
(William joins in as a chorus as Amy provides a rolling drumbeat)  
Just live it up, and let it rip  
Show your love in a friendly tip  
Don't ever be afraid to crack the whip  
Just remind us you care, ....as long as you care  
for this we can only thank you  
All we can do is love you  
For peace of mind just love us back  
Just as you've always done.  
  
(The garage quiets as the song comes to a halt and no one speaks as Daria, Trent, Jane, and Jake all look at each other)  
  
Jane: Um, ....Merry Christmas everybody. (There is still silence and then a few moments later everyone except Jake pulls out a lighter, ignites it and holds it up in the air)  
  
Jane Lane: (turns to Daria) Well, it was original, you have to give them that.  
  
Daria: Not bad for their first song, .....needs work but still not bad. (Meanwhile Jake is still searching through his pockets)  
  
Jake: Hey, .....how come I don't have a lighter? Dammit, I'm always left out of these things.  
  
(Jane, Amy, And William put down Mystik Spirals's instruments and approach their parents)  
  
Jane and Amy: We hope you liked your gift everybody.  
  
(Everyone just crowds around them and does a group hug)  
  
Jane: Oh god save us, their reliving the sixties or something.  
  
William: Most of them weren't alive in the sixties, well then the eighties then, all I know is somebody isn't wearing deodorant. (Amy Just bursts out laughing as the scene fades out)  
  
The End........................................  
  
Footnotes :   
  
1. Reference to "The Last Journey Home" when Daria had to come home from over seas to attend Helen's funeral.  
  
2. A reference to "The Last Journey Home" , during that story Daria and Jane reflected on how the Y2K bug caught up with every one with a vengeance by accidentally launching several missiles and causing a nuclear disaster and international conflicts that rage for years leading to the eventual drafting into the navy of Daria and Jane.  
  
3. A reference to "Into the Depths Once again" Where Jane gives to Daria as a gift a book containing the history and nitty gritty on everyone Daria and Jane went to high school with that had been compiled by a friend of sorts that Jane has in the CIA.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Reflections Before Summer

Disclaimer: Daria and all related characters are the property of MTV  
  
Note : This story as did the ones that take place before it in this series proceeds under the premise that whatever was feared to occur at the onset of Y2K, ...did.  
  
Note : This story is the next in the Submariner series, It takes place a few months after "One Season at a Time"  
  
  
  
Reflections Before Summer  
By  
Wildgoose  
  
  
(The halls Of Lenape high filled with students varying between all four high school years as the eighth period bell rang sounding the end of the school day. As with any typical high school the halls are overly crowded and student push past each other to get to their lockers, their cars, and or their bus home. Amidst the turbulent fluid like movement of the students bodies passing between each other, Jane appears from the crowd to meet up with her sister Amy at her siblings locker.)   
  
Jane: (As she pushes through the students until she reaches the locker) Hey Amy, ....I'm glad I caught up with you. (Holds up a slip of paper with the school seal on it) Did you get one of these slips saying to report to the principals office?  
  
Amy: (holds up a similar piece of paper) What, you mean one of these? (Crumples it) Yea, ....but I was planning to ignore it. To my knowledge I've done nothing wrong and I can't think of any other reason why I would want to pay a visit to someone I could care less about. Besides, it's not like it's a court summons or something.  
  
Jane: Point taken, ....I wasn't tremendously concerned about it. I was just curious to know if you had any information regarding WHY our presence had been requested. If memory serves the last few times we were called down to the office the principal wanted us to participate in some stupid extra curricular activity that would bring some form of honor to the school.   
  
Amy: (Laughs) Sounds like what mom used to complain about when she talked about her high school days. What was the name of the principal she had, ....the one that was the security nut?  
  
Jane: (Shrugs) I forget, ......it was some Asian name I think. I didn't really care at the time about what her name was. I was just interested in how well mom's stories always seem to relate so well to our own experiences.   
  
Amy: That is pretty cool how she manages to do that, ....I wonder why nobody else's parents are able to do that.  
  
Jane: Eh, who knows. (A voice comes over the public address system)  
  
Voice: Would Jane and Amy Lane please report to the principals office. Jane and Amy Lane to the principals office please.  
  
Jane: Oh god, ....now we're being beckoned by an almost inhuman voice from beyond. What shall we do my dear sibling?  
  
Amy: Hmm....Lets see, this is a most interesting dilemma we have here. On the one hand we could totally ignore the multiple summonses we've received and just go home in hopes that this will all have been forgotten by tomorrow. (Pauses) But on the other hand we could actually go to the office, find out just what exactly we'd be getting ourselves into and possibly find some unique way to humiliate or blackmail the faculty.  
  
Jane: Hmm, .....humiliate or blackmail the faculty. GOD, ....that sounds pretty tempting.   
  
Amy: We've done it before, if you recall on those occasions I mentioned before about being railroaded into extra curriculars.  
  
Jane: Yes Amy, ...I recall with great accuracy. My memory is just as good as your you know. (Sighs) Well, ....I think my curiosity is getting the better of me. What do you say we go find out what we're wanted for?  
  
Amy: (Shrugs) Yea, ....if anything it should prove a challenge to worm our way out of. (Sighs) Okay, ....lets go see what the dreaded infidels want with us THIS time. (They both turn and begin walking in the direction of the school office)   
  
(Cut to the principals office as Jane and Amy enter through the door. Waiting for them in the office is Principal Calibrese, and he is not alone. He has in his company a woman, apparently some sort of PhD. )  
  
Amy: (to the principal as they enter the office) We were summoned..?  
  
Calibrese: Oh hi girls, ....thanks for coming down on such short notice.  
  
Jane: (Lifts an eyebrow) Well, we thought about ignoring you and just going home but then you would probably just badger us again tomorrow by beckoning to us over the PA. So what stick have you got up your rear this time? (Principal scowls at this comment but lets it slide. He then gestures for Jane and Amy to have a seat.)  
  
Calibrese: (sighs) Ladies, .....this is Dr. Khan. She's the district attache on student sociological and educational well being.   
  
Jane and Amy: (exchange looks with each other) .......Shrink!  
  
Amy: So what's up doc? And please do us a favor and cut to the chase, ....we have some place to go. (Jane turns to look at Amy) What, .....Tv counts as a place you know.  
  
Dr. Khan: (Smirks at the comment) It's funny, ....with your scores on the SAT's and your overall tested IQ's I would think you would prefer to bury your noses in a book.  
  
Jane: Sure we do, .....but you can't expect us to live as book worms. There's got to be time to have a life you know.   
  
Dr. Khan: Of course there does, ....which is why we've asked you to be here today. We'd like to discuss your lives, ....or your future lives for that matter.   
  
Jane: (looks to Amy) Is it me or did we hear this exact same speech about a year and a half ago?  
  
Calibrese: (Chuckles) No doubt about your memories, ladies. As you no doubt recall, about a year and a half ago you both attended a meeting along with your parents to discuss your future education. It was found that your level of educational instruction at that time was .....insufficient,... to keep up with your advanced needs.  
  
Amy: (faux irritance) Is this the part where you tell us that we were just too smart for our own good? Because we already know that part, so if you could just hurry up with this.  
  
Dr. Khan: (Sighs) Ladies, ....we're not hear to bore you. So far you've spent three quarters of the school year as juniors, three years ahead of everyone else your age. And well, ....frankly your grades and overall performance show that you're still not being challenged.  
  
Calibrese: What the good doctor is getting at is that we already KNOW your smart enough, ....and we'd like to offer you both the opportunity to test out of high school. You'd still be able to walk with this years senior class, I wouldn't think of cheating you out of that honor.  
  
Jane: (frowns) To hell with our educational development, what about our social development? It's hard enough having a social life when you're a junior in body of a freshman, ....now you want us to be high school graduates in the bodies of high school freshman. What about if we try to go to college, .....do you have any idea what kind of outcasts we'd be? For god's sake we can't even drive yet!  
  
Dr. Khan: I understand what you're going through, ...believe me. I went through something similar myself, ....sometimes it's no fun at all being as intelligent as you are. But still, .....the two of you have the ability to absorb and understand information FAR faster than most people your age.   
  
Amy: (irritated) MOST people our age?  
  
Dr. Khan: Okay, .....a vast majority of the people your age. If you wanted to you could end up as one of those people with multiple doctorates by the time your twenty two.  
  
Jane: How can you be certain of that, ....Amy scored perfect on the SAT's and I fell short by about ten points.  
  
Khan: All evidence seems to point to that as some sort of fluke, ...in all probability from what we've seen, ...you should have scored the same  
  
Jane: (smirks at Amy) I told you.   
  
Amy: Yea, ...yea, ....so you weren't kidding about the cramps thing. The fact of the matter is that regardless of what you scored, ..they still think we should graduate early and go off to college.  
  
Jane: Yea can you believe this, ....they want us to burn out on school before we're old enough to drink.  
  
Dr. Khan: Look at the facts ladies, ....just to list a FEW of your talents, you're both capable of speed reading. You've mastered math magic which allows you to do some of the calculations in your head in a few minutes what would take NASA a week to figure out. We've SEEN you do it, so don't try to play it off.  
  
Jane: Now your just blowing smoke up our butts. I hate it when people exaggerate like that.  
  
Amy: (to Jane) I was wondering why the test center had so many mirrors. (Jane smirks)  
  
Dr. Khan: Okay, ...so there was some slight exaggeration on that last bit, ...I was just trying to boost your ego's. But truthfully, it takes the two of you a very short amount of time and instruction to understand and master just about any mental concept you've come across. And I've come to understand that you're both musically talented, ....if you don't mind my asking. What instruments do you play?  
  
Amy: We'll decline to answer that for the sake of preserving our privacy. A girl has to have SOMETHING to keep to herself. (The doctor sighs and writes something on the clipboard she's holding) But just as a point of order, ....given that we've not yet reached the age of consent. Shouldn't you be discussing this with our parents rather than us?  
  
Calibrese: And we intend to, .....but your perspective on the matter is equally as important. We wanted to hear your thoughts on the matter before speaking with your parents. Well arrange a meeting as soon as possible, ....I hope you'll attend that meeting as well.  
  
Jane: (sighs) As if we had a choice. (Gets up from her chair) And since you've ceased talking for the moment we're going to take this time to excuse ourselves from your presence. (Jane and Amy get up and let themselves out of the office.)   
  
(Cut to the front of the school where Jane and Amy are preparing to walk home.)   
  
Amy: I don't believe this, .....being smart is sometimes like a curse. It's bad enough we're called brains by most of the student body, ....now they want us to advertise that we're even bigger brains by graduating ahead of everyone else in school. All I want is a normal life, sometimes I can't help but wonder why I can't just be like everyone else. (Thinks for a moment) Ok, maybe not like EVERYBODY else. But making friends can be so complicated when everyone knows you're a brain.  
  
Jane: (sympathetic) We're too young to hang out with most of the juniors and seniors, ....and the freshman and sophomores won't talk to us because they think that WE think that we're better than they are. What the shit is that about?  
  
Amy: Ah who knows. But, ....there's no question that mom and dad will want this to go forward so we might as well just grin and bear it. (Beat) I guess it DOES beat out getting bored in class though.  
  
Jane: Yea well, let's just hope that if this goes through that mom and dad will give us a breather before they start asking what colleges we want to apply to. (A voice is heard approaching quickly from the far right)   
  
Voice: Hey ....Jane, wait up! (Jane turns to look at an approaching thin, brown haired young man)  
  
Amy: (looks at Jane) Well, at least we managed to find two or three people in this school who didn't care that we were young AND smart. (Gestures towards the approaching man) Keep your guard up though, ....I think Allen's got a thing for you.  
  
Jane: (crosses her arms across her chest) I ALWAYS seem to attract the older guys, ....go figure.  
  
Allen: (As he catches up with them) I looked for you after class let out, ....where did you disappear to?  
  
Jane: Eh, ...the principal wanted a chat with us.  
  
Allen: (smirks) About nothing bad I hope.  
  
Amy: (Cuts in) Depends on how you look at it, ....basically he wants us to test out of high school.  
  
Allen: (turns to Jane) COOL, .....maybe you and I will have some more time to hang out then. That is, ...after I graduate myself in a year or so. (Jane blushes a little)  
  
Jane: Yea, ....I wouldn't mind hanging out more often. It would sure give me something to do until my parents ship me off to college.   
  
Allen: I hope they at least use fed-ex, ...ground mail can be so stuffy and cramped, they ALWAYS seem to forget to punch air holes in the damned box too. (Smirks and then pauses) I always WANTED to have the chance to hang out with a college chick. (Amy rolls her eyes) So anyway, ...is anything else new?  
  
Jane: Nah that's about it,.....I figure we'll probably go see if William is home from school yet and hang out with him.  
  
Allen: (looks down slightly) Oh, .....so you've already got a guy then.  
  
Amy: (nudges Jane with her elbow and mumbles) I told you so.  
  
Jane: (smirks) Of coarse not, .....he's my cousin. I haven't met a guy yet who'd talk to me,.. to say nothing about having an interest. Outside of family that is.  
  
Allen: Oh.....that's uh...too bad. (Coughs) Uh listen, do you two want a ride home? I got my licence about a month ago, ...been driving every moment since.  
  
Amy: It must be great for you, ......do you even have your own car? Or is it mommies?  
  
Allen: (scowls) Hey now, everybody has to start somewhere. At least I can drive, ..what about you?  
  
Amy: (shakes her head) Okay, ....I'm sorry. So what kind of car are you driving today?  
  
Allen: Well, .....it's a hunk of crap, but it runs and it isn't my moms. I've got myself an old dodge charger, ....like I said. It needs a good amount of work but for the meantime it gets me where I need to go. I'm hoping to get a jeep when I can scrape the money together.  
  
Amy: Well, good luck to you then. But don't get your hopes up, ..those are kind of expensive these days so you may be waiting for a while.  
  
Allen: Eh, ...it'll be worth it. So do you want that ride?  
  
Jane: It's not a death trap or anything is it? I don't think I'm ready to end my life just yet, ...I'll save that for years down the road when I'm burnt out from work and recovering from a bad divorce. (Amy flashes her a bewildered look)   
  
Allen: Well, ....the engine cuts out once in a while when it gets over heated but it always starts back up, my dad is helping me to fix that problem this weekend though. It never seems to cut out unless I stop somewhere so I would still say yes, ...it's safe to drive.  
  
Jane: (exchanges looks with Amy) Okay then, ....lead us to your hunk of crap. Hell, it beats walking.   
  
Allen: You've got it, ...and listen. John, Zachary, and myself are heading over to the Medport to grab something to eat later. Do either of you want to come along?  
  
Amy: Celebrating getting your license are we?  
  
Allen: Oh hell no, ...just hanging out. There's nothing playing at the theater and it's a school night so we can't really stay out all night driving around, ....so this is just to kill some time. It beats being cooped up at home with nothing to do, doesn't it?  
  
Amy: As opposed to being out on the town with nothing to do?  
  
Allen: (shrugs) At least it leaves a wider range of potential options, ...what are your options at home?   
  
Amy: You may have a point there. Okay, ...I guess we're in. It's been a while since we hung out with those guys anyway, ...I was starting to think they were avoiding us or something.  
  
Allen: Oh hell no, ....in fact this is the first time any of us have been able to hangout together in a good while. Zachary's been all bummed out about SOMETHING or other lately and as a result hasn't wanted to hang out with anybody. And John, ....I don't know what's up with him. I think he's been suffering withdrawal since his last computer died. He only recently managed to acquire another one.  
  
Amy: PC addiction, ....it's a nasty habit. BUT....at least he's got his fix and he's back to normal.  
  
Jane: (wears an odd expression) John was normal? (Amy and Allen bust out laughing and then follow Allen to the student parking lot and soon leave school grounds)   
  
(Cut to the inside of Allen's car)   
  
Jane: I'll show you where Will lives, ...it's not far from our house so if he's not home yet we can walk home from there.  
  
Allen: You'd rather walk home? I can drive you if he's not home you know.   
  
Jane: It's walking distance, Allen. It's no big deal. (Amy, who is sitting in the back seat rolls her eyes in disgust and make s a loud cough and when Jane turns to look, Amy makes a go ahead gesture with her hand) (sighs) Hey Allen...?  
  
Allen: Yea..?  
  
Jane: Amy's got it in her head that you've got a thing for me.  
  
Allen: (blushes) ....She does huh?  
  
Jane: I couldn't help but notice you've been acting a little squirrely around me as well. So......do you?  
  
Allen: Blunt as always, Jane. And the answer is maybe, ....is that a problem.  
  
Jane: (smiles) You could have just asked me out you know. It's not like I've got guys beating down the door to get my attention.  
  
Amy: Well actually, ..there is one. But I'm not sure if dad beating on the bathroom door yelling for you to get out really counts.  
  
Jane: (face turns red in embarrassment) .....AMY!!  
  
Allen: (laughs) That was pretty funny, ....so you don't mind the age difference?   
  
Jane: (calms herself down) Big deal, ...you're a few years older. There's a bigger difference between my parents and grand parents. If you like we can consider tonight a date.  
  
Allen: (shrugs) The less formal the better, ...it takes the pressure off. So is there anything you're looking to do after we meet up with everyone else?  
  
Jane: (frowns) You weren't hoping to make out or something were you?  
  
Allen: Oh no, ....nothing like that. I just meant, ...did you want to find something to do afterward, ....find a mediocre movie or just take a walk somewhere. Something like that is what I had in mind.  
  
Jane: It's a nice thought, ....but for now lets just keep it simple and see how tonight goes.  
  
Allen: That's cool too. So I'll pick you guys up around seven then?  
  
Amy: Works for us, we'll see you then. (As Allen's car arrives at William's house Jane and Amy get out and leave Allen to drive off for home)   
  
(Cut to Daria and Trent at home)   
  
(Daria is seen talking on the phone shortly after walking in the door from work. Her attire is business casual, khaki's and a dark colored shirt)  
  
Daria: Yes, ....I'm sure we can arrange a meeting sometime soon. (Sighs) You've talked to them ALREADY, ....you guys don't waste any time do you. (Sighs) But,..... it beats the school faculty going behind the students back like I remember when I was in high school. (Beat) I agree, ...it is better for the student to know everything that's going on, ...it makes for much better developed sense of judgement. And it makes it easier to tell which teachers NOT to trust. (Pauses) Are you sure about this, you already pushed them ahead a few years. I just don't know, ...I'll have to discuss this with my husband and then with them. I'll let you know what I think when we meet. (Hangs up and then laughs to herself) And to think, ...I was only offered to attend a school for the GIFTED. (Shakes her head and proceeds to get the rest of the way in the door and start dinner)  
  
(After a short time Trent comes in the door and greets Daria in the kitchen with a hug)  
  
Trent: Hey love, ....how did your day go?  
  
Daria: No so bad, .....the publishing company sends more than enough material to review my way, ...making my day pass pretty quickly if I do say so myself.  
  
Trent: Did you talk with anybody at the company about the possibility of getting your own book published?  
  
Daria: (groans) Yea, ... but the most they said was that they'd take a look at it when I finish it.  
  
Trent: Bummer, ....are you still going to write it?  
  
Daria: I don't see why not, ....I'll just have to be careful as to what information I choose to include. Half of my work in the navy was classified, ...so If I include the wrong information then I'll have to shoot anybody who actually reads the book.  
  
Trent: (laugh/coughs) Almost sounds like fun if you ask me. It'll work itself out in time, ...you'll see. (Beat) So is there anything else new?  
  
Daria: As a matter of fact there is, ....the school called today.  
  
Trent: (lifts an eyebrow) Your kidding? What did they want THIS time, ....the kids refused to participate in another imposed extra curricular activity. (Sighs) Jeez, when will these people learn that you can't MAKE a student want to participate in stupid activities.  
  
Daria: It wasn't about THAT. They want Jane and Amy to test out of high school and move on to college.  
  
Trent: (slightly stunned) But they only just pushed them ahead this school year. As far as their age is concerned they should be freshman.   
  
Daria: Well, people say that one of the points of having kids is to improve upon yourself. I'd say we've done that and then some.  
  
Trent: Yea, ...no kidding. You weren't looking for a third kid were you? I mean the ones we have seem to be growing up too fast for us as it is. It won't be long before you we'll have to let go and end them out on their own. It'd be so quiet around here, ....I can see how you would miss the kids being around.  
  
Daria: (frowns) You sound more like YOU'RE the one who'd want another kid. Which is easy to understand, ...YOU don't have to carry it in your body and then squeeze it out later.  
  
Trent: (drums his fingers on the counter and then sighs loudly) Hmm...yea,..okay. I guess it was just a stupid though.. (Starts to walk towards the fridge when Daria grabs his arm)   
  
Daria: (rolls her eyes) We're not exactly OLD Trent, we've got time. We'll just leave the option open for now that's all, ....we can talk about it later if you like and you can tell me the REAL reason this came up.. (Trent smirks)   
  
(Later when Jane and Amy come home, Daria, during dinner, informs them that the school called and had told her about the possibility of their advancement.)   
  
Amy: Jeez, ...that was quick. I thought for sure they would wait a day or so before getting around to calling home. So what did you tell them?  
  
Daria: That I would talk it over with you and see how you feel about all of this. Do the two of you actually think you're READY?  
  
Jane: (sighs heavily) Eh, ...it all depends on how you look at it mom. I mean, ....academically I think we can handle just about anything they throw at us. But at far as socially, ....I wouldn't mind finishing high school the way everyone else does.   
  
Trent: (raises an eyebrow) Socially...? You've got some new friends do you?  
  
Amy: (points her thumb in Jane's direction) Jane's just started seeing a guy.   
  
Daria: (looks surprised) You're kidding? When were you going to tell your father and I?  
  
Jane: Do I need to, ...Amy just did it for me. Besides, ....tonight's our first date. (Pauses) Actually it'll be more like hanging out, ....but you get the idea.  
  
Daria: (smirks) So what kind of guy is he,.... if you don't mind my asking?  
  
Amy: Relax mom, ....we know the guy. We've been friends for a while and he just asked Jane out today.   
  
Trent: Hey, ...that's cool. Where's he taking you out to?   
  
Jane: Oh it's no place special. We decided to keep it informal so Amy and I are going to hang out with Jane's guy and a few of our friends. We'll probably just get something to eat and then hang out for a while.  
  
Daria: What time do you think you're going to be home? It IS a school night after all.  
  
Jane: (smirks) Hey, ....I thought you promised never to turn into YOUR mom.  
  
Daria: (scowls) HEY, she did have her strong points. And one of them was giving a damn, even if she usually went about it the wrong way,....so when do you think you'll be home?  
  
Jane: (sighs and the shrugs) Uh.......ten-ish? I hadn't really thought about it that far in advance. (Daria just nods in approval and then returns to the topic of school)   
  
(Cut to the inside of Allen's car later that evening. Jane is riding shotgun next to Allen while Amy is stuck in the back seat next to the window with John in the center and Zachary sitting next to the opposite window)  
  
Allen: (looks in the rear view mirror briefly) You're pretty quiet back there Zach, ....is everything okay with you?  
  
Zachary: Eh, ....it's the same old stuff. You know how it is.  
  
Allen: Anything you want to talk about as long as we're looking for something to do?  
  
Zachary: Hey, ...we ate already. It's been a full evening as far as I'm concerned.  
  
John: (looks over at Zachary) You know I seem to recall a time when you were actually cheerful. You even cracked some of the best jokes around.  
  
Zachary: Hey man, things can't always stay the same now can they.  
  
Amy: An unfortunate truth, .....look at what the school is trying to do to my sibling and I.  
  
Jane: Hey now, ....no more talk about school. We're out to get a break from the world remember?  
  
John: Oh is THAT what this is, ......I thought you were just so anxious to go back that you couldn't sleep or something. (No one laughs) (does an impersonation of south park's Eric Cartman) I hate you guys, .....I really....really hate you guys. (Everyone starts to snicker)   
  
John: We could always stop by the Wawa and pester the hell out of Lynn for a while. That's always been good for a laugh.  
  
Allen: Now THERE'S a plan if I ever heard one, we haven't seen Lynn since last year. (Sighs) And it couldn't possibly beat a game of car tag but since that requires more than one vehicle.....  
  
Amy: Oh you guys and car tag, ....that's a summer game. Nobody's ever available to get a game together this time of year.  
  
John: Hey, ....it's still a kick ass game. We definitely need to get some people together one of these times, ...if just for old times sake.   
  
Zachary: John, ....you yourself have only held a drivers licence for six months. What could possibly be old about all of that?  
  
John: Jeez man, ....it was just a figure of speech. Don't take things so literally. (Zachary grumbles)   
  
Jane: (leans closer to Allen and speaks in a hushed tone) Do you guys ever worry about him? Zach seems a lot more depressed than you originally let on.  
  
Allen: (hushed tone) He didn't used to be this way if you recall. He just seems to be getting worse as of late.  
  
Jane: I don't know, ....I just think we should keep an eye on him or something. He's starting to worry me.  
  
Allen: (sighs in sympathy) I know what you mean. ( The group pulls into the convenience store parking lot and they all head inside the building. Once inside they spot Lynn at the cash register and greet her in their own unique way)  
  
Lynn: (As she watches them come into the store) Oh no.........  
  
(The group of teens once inside the store greet Lynn by standing in a row and giving a WWII German salute without the words of coarse)   
  
Lynn: You know sooner or later the wrong person is going to see you guys do that and then the shit will REALLY hit the fan.   
  
John: (everyone looks back and forth at each other) She does have a point guys, ....but in our defense. We don't put any meaning behind it, ....we just do it because you're parents are German and we know it pisses you off. (Smirks) You know how we love to do that.   
  
Lynn: Yea, ...I noticed. But that stuff isn't in any way funny, ....so I need you guys to knock it off for me.  
  
Amy: (Shrugs) Yea okay, ....we're sorry. We didn't realize we were taking it too far.  
  
Lynn: (rolls her eyes) Sure you didn't. So for what reason do you guys darken my work place this time?  
  
Allen: What can we say, ....we were bored and bugging you is always so much fun. How could we possibly resist? (Lynn smirks)   
  
Lynn: (looks at Zachary) Well, ....At least I know YOUR intentions for being here are legit. (Reaches up to the display and tosses Zachary a pack of camels) You're usual five finger discount, Zach. You should just be glad that I'm the night manager here, ....this way nobody can get me into trouble for this.   
  
Zachary: Thanks Lynn,...I owe you. (Unwraps the pack and pulls a cigarette out and tries to light up but his lighter fails.) Dammit, ..only when you need it. (Sighs) Lynn, ...does this place still carry butane refills?  
  
Lynn: (sighs and points to a nearby isle) I really don't know why I front you cigarettes, ...I really wish you would quit.  
  
Zachary: (frowns and then scoffs) It can't possibly kill me any faster than life already is. (Goes to get the butane, comes back to the register to pay for it and then heads for the door) I'll smoke outside if you guys are that worried about your health. (Walks outside to the car)  
  
Lynn: What's HIS problem? And what exactly did he mean by THAT?  
  
John: You've got us, ...he's been like this for weeks. Something sure as hell has him bummed out.  
  
Allen: Yea, it's just too bad he won't tell anybody what it is.  
  
Amy: What are you going to do I guess, huh? Pushing him to talk will probably only make him withdrawal further.  
  
Jane: That sounds about the size of it. (Sighs) Just let him smoke if he needs it that badly. (Everybody else either nods or shrugs in agreement)   
  
Lynn: So Allen, ...what's up? (Winks at him) And are you seeing anybody lately?  
  
Allen: (blushes slightly) Um...actually I am, Jane and I were just getting together.  
  
John: Whoa, ...and when exactly were you going to tell the rest of us? This is critical stuff that could affect the friendship collective or something.  
  
Allen: (flashes John a weird look) John, ...when you hear yourself talk. Does it make sense to you?  
  
John: (flips Allen the bird) That's just cold, man.  
  
Lynn: (shakes her head) I never would have guessed you had a thing for younger women, Allen. (Beat) I guess it's my loss then. (Looks at Jane) So you're what, a freshman?  
  
Jane: (scowls) JUNIOR! Soon to be graduate if the school gets their way.  
  
Lynn: (thinks for a moment) OH ....that's right, I remember you now. You and your sister are the school geniuses. Sorry about that, ...for some strange reason when you become a senior you seem to forget about all of the underclassman. It's really a horrible lapse of memory.  
  
Amy: (Grins) Well,... at least she didn't call us brains.  
  
Lynn: Hey, ...there's nothing wrong with being above average. All it really means to me is that you'll eventually get jobs making ten times what I do. Unless of coarse you burn out and become shut in's.  
  
Amy: (turns to Jane) You get the feeling we should stock up on no doze in preparation for college? It would probably postpone the shut in stage if we ever get there.  
  
Jane: (shrugs) Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?  
  
John: Tell that to the guy in Wisconsin who's been struck in the head fifteen times by lightning. (everybody looks at him oddly) What, ....I saw it on the discovery channel yesterday. Besides, ...it didn't kill him and he didn't exactly LOOK any stronger if you ask me. With his hair turning white in that one area of his head, ..the guy looked like a human skunk. (Everyone chuckles at this)   
  
(The group continues chatting around the occasional customer who comes walking in to buy something. Fifteen minutes more pass before Jane looks at her watch)   
  
Jane: Hey, ...how long does Zachary usually take to smoke a cigarette anyway?  
  
Allen: I don't know, ...I've never timed him. It does seem like he's been gone a while though hasn't it. Maybe we should go out and check on him for a minute.  
  
John: That's probably not a bad idea, ....the way he's been acting I don't think it would be a good idea to leave him alone anywhere. I'll go check on him now.  
  
Jane: No, ....I'll do it. I need to walk around a bit anyway, ...my legs feel like they're getting stiff from standing around.  
  
John: Well then, ...off with you. (Jane smirks and head for the door)  
  
(Cut to the outside of the store, ...from Jane's point of view Allen's car can be seen as she approaches it, ... she looks in the window to see Zachary in the back seat and knocks on the window to get his attention, ...but she gets no response. )  
  
Jane: (opens the car door and is hit with the smell of gas) Whoa Zach, .....what did you do break open your lighter? You know you really shouldn't sit in a closed space while refilling that thing. (Jane receives no response from Zachary, ...she then pushes the front passenger seat forward and leans in to wake him up after figuring he'd dozed off or something. As she leans closer, ..she notices in the dim light provided by the overhead lamp that Zachary's eye's are halfway open. Jane's reaches out and shakes him) Yo Zach, ....are you all right? (No response comes, she reaches forward again and gives him a light smack on his cheek only to notice his skin is clammy)  
What the hell....., Zachary wake up man you're starting to scare the hell out of me! (She looks down towards his lap and spots the can of butane with his fingers tightly atrophied around it and after noticing the smell again puts two and two together pretty quickly.) Oh my god, ....you DIDN'T! You stupid son of a bitch, ...NO! (Shakes him violently) Wake the hell up Dammit!! (Jane climbs out of the car and yells toward the store) You guys get the hell out here quick!! (After a moment everyone comes rushing out of the store)  
  
Allen: What's wrong?  
  
Jane: Zach's unconscious, ...I think he inhaled the lighter fluid.  
  
John: Oh my god,...Zach you dumb ASSHOLE! (They all try to pile into backseat at once and drag Zachary out of the car) Come on man, ...wake up. Don't do this to me man, ...we're friends remember? (Starts shaking him and slapping him around doing anything it took to get him to snap out of it.)  
  
Allen: (pushes John back a bit) Back off man. (Places his finger against Zachary's neck) No pulse, ....somebody call an ambulance!! (Everyone stops in their tracks not knowing what to do) Well don't just stand there, ....hurry the hell up!! (Amy runs for the nearby payphone and calls 911 ) We've got to do CPR, ....who knows it.(looks directly at Jane) Jane you're the smart chick, you've read books on this stuff right?  
  
Jane: (Frightened) In HEALTH class, ....it's not exactly red cross certification.  
  
Allen: It'll have to be good enough, ...get started.  
  
Jane: Why ME? You're stronger.  
  
Allen: Just DO IT! (Jane flusters and quickly looks Zachary over, then tries to perform CPR as best as she can given her limited instruction on the matter)  
  
Jane: (finishes a set of chest compressions) Come on you stupid prick, ...don't die on me. (She gives him mouth to mouth) Ugh, ...butane breath. Zachary, I swear to god if you wake up I'm going to kill you, ...bring you back and then kill you again! (Starts chest compressions again) Oh Christ, ...I think I heard a rib crack!  
  
Allen: Worry about it later, ...just keep going! (Looks down at the empty can of butane) And get this SHIT away from him! (Pry's the can out of Zachary's hand and tosses it into the nearby bushes)   
  
John: (looks as Amy signals from the phone) Helps on the way, ....don't give up on us Zach. (After a few minutes sirens can be heard in the distance and the scene fades)   
  
(Cut to Daria's house at about midnight that same night. Daria and Trent are seen siting together on the couch while waiting up for the kids)  
  
Daria: Where the HELL could they be at this hour? They said they'd be home around TEN, ...it's now past midnight. How could they make us worry like this?  
  
Trent: There's got to be an explanation, Daria. We did stuff like this when we were kids too you know. They were probably just out having fun and lost track of the time, ...you know how it is.  
  
Daria: They could at least call home or something, ....I would have.  
  
Trent: Funny, ....I don't recall you every worrying about calling your parents to let them know where you were.  
  
Daria: (mumbles) Yea well, ...I would have if my mom didn't always track me down first.  
  
Trent: (Laugh/coughs) She DID have an uncanny ability to track you down didn't she. Sometimes I almost expected a nearby payphone to ring with your mother on the other end, ...I'll bet she had you Lo-Jacked somehow.  
  
Daria: (Smirks) It wouldn't surprise me in the least, ....she could very well have gotten tips from Mrs. Li on that sort of thing.  
  
Trent: No doubt about that. (The phone on the end table next to the couch rings and Daria grabs it almost faster than the eye can see)  
  
Daria: Hello Jane, ....Amy?  
  
Jane: (trying to hold back some tears on her end) He's dead mom......  
  
Daria: (eyes widen) Whoa...huh...WHAT??? What are you talking about? Use complete sentences for gods sake.  
  
Trent: (concerned) What's wrong?  
  
Jane: Zachary's dead mom, ....he's just.... dead. I .....I just can't handle this, ....I need you to pick Amy and I up. We're at the police station in town. Come quick mom, ....please get us out of here. I want to come home.   
  
Daria: (Quickly with a raised voice) Who the hell is Zachary? (Beat) Never mind, ...just stay there. Your father and I are on our way. (Slams down the phone)  
  
Trent: What's gong on?  
  
Daria: I have no idea, ....all I do know is that Jane said that somebody's dead.   
  
Trent: (jumps up from the couch and runs to grab his jacket) Oh my god, ...are they all right?  
  
Daria: She didn't say, .....but she's at the police station and somebody's dead so things can't exactly be hunky dorey now can they? (Daria grabs her Jacket and they high tail it down to the police station)   
  
(Cut to half an hour later. Jane, Amy, and John are sitting on a bench in the hallway of the police barracks. A moment later Allen comes walking out of a room with a state trooper close behind him)  
  
Trooper: Have a seat on the bench with your friends. (Allen obeys and the trooper walks back to the room and closes the door)  
  
John: So what did they say to you?  
  
Allen: Probably the same things that he said to you guys, ...he asked me about everything I knew about what happened tonight. They even recorded my statements and everything, ..jeez. Oh, and my cars impounded pending some sort of investigation. They want to search the car for stuff I think, ....they probably have us all pegged as druggies or something.  
  
Amy: Great, ....that's ALL we need right now.  
  
Allen: Even if I DO get it back, ...I'm not sure if I would want to drive it again. A guy died in the back seat of my car, .....that just messes with my head in more ways than you can imagine. (Beat) I just can't believe Zach would DO that to himself, ...his life could NOT have been that bad. Sure he was depressed, ...But I thought it was just a phase. EVERYBODY goes through that now and again, right?  
  
John: If you say so, man. All I know is that there is absolutely no chance in HELL I'm going to sleep tonight. I'm having trouble thinking straight as it is.  
  
Jane: Did anybody else call their parents besides Amy and I?  
  
John: Yea, ...they let us use the phone in the interrogation room, ...or whatever they would choose to call it. (Moments later Daria and Trent's voices are heard in the lobby down the hall)   
  
Amy: Well Jane, ...brace yourself for a night of intense questioning.  
  
Jane: (smiles weakly) I know what you mean, ...the cops here have nothing on a couple of scared parents. (Shakes her head) I hope you guys get home soon, .....and Allen. Before this happened, ....I was having a great first date. Maybe we'll do it again sometime, ....just let's not make it a repeat of tonight.  
  
Allen: Now there's my first relief for tonight, ....they say first impressions mean everything. I was afraid you'd run screaming into the night or something.  
  
Jane: (chuckles) I'm not that bad, ....but this IS a lot to deal with for right now. And it wasn't your fault, ....nobody knew he was going to do this.  
  
Allen: Yea well, ....don't think that's going to stop me form kicking myself for a good long time.   
  
John: That goes double for me.   
  
Amy: I guess we'll see you sometime soon then. Come on Jane, ...lets go face the music. (Jane and Amy walk down the hallway to meet up with their half hysterical parents)   
  
(Cut to the next day, ....it's late in the afternoon and Jane is being woken up by Amy as she shakes her sister around)  
  
Jane: (opens her eyes) Yo, ...knock it off. What's wrong with you?  
  
Amy: (smiles weakly) Just making sure you're still alive, that's all.  
  
Jane: (scowls) That's not funny in the slightest, Amy.  
  
Amy: It wasn't meant to be, ....one person keeling over is already too much for me to handle. So there's nothing wrong with taking precautions.  
  
Jane: (sits up in bed) I know what you mean, .....I was almost afraid to go to sleep last night. I kept seeing Zach's face over and over in my head. That look on his face when I first found him, ....he was just sitting there, ....his eyes were open like he was awake. I thought he was just ignoring me for some reason. Seeing that face in my mind must have haunted me for half the night. Just knowing that it meant he was dead, ....I turned my pillow over because I soaked the other side from crying.  
  
Amy: I know EXACTLY how you feel. (Sighs) It's in the paper this morning, ...with a high school picture and all. (Beat) John called a little while ago and said they had a moment of silence for him before classes started and they lowered the flag to half mast.   
  
Jane: Oh god, ....it was in the paper already? How did the newspaper people catch wind so damned fast?  
  
Amy: Who knows,....they probably call the police on a daily basis to see if there's anything new to report. (Beat) Our names are in there too, ....can you believe it? Is NOTHING sacred anymore?  
  
Jane: Well, ....at least they didn't try to call us about it.  
  
Amy: No, ...but they did call Allen and John. They want to do a follow up story, ...so they'll probably be calling us sooner or later. If they do, ...do you think you'll want to talk about it?  
  
Jane: (Shakes her head) No, .....I'd rather not. I need to deal with this myself first.  
  
Amy: (places her hand on Jane's shoulder) Then I won't either, ....siblings stick together. (Jane smiles sympathetically)   
  
(Cut to the kitchen. Daria is seen at the kitchen table using a laptop to review some work she had brought home with her the previous night. The phone rings and Daria picks up to find Jane Lane on the other end)  
  
Jane Lane: Hey Daria, .....how are you holding up?  
  
Daria: What's THAT supposed to mean?  
  
Jane Lane: Don't play dumb with me young lady, ....I've known you for too long. Besides, ...I read the paper this morning. So....how are you?  
  
Daria: I'll live, Jane. The votes not in yet on the kids though.  
  
Jane Lane: Yea, ...I can imagine. Listen, ...I would have called earlier but I figured you would want some time to regroup and stuff.   
  
Daria: Sounds like you made a pretty good judgement call, ....but now that you're on the phone and all. What's on your mind?  
  
Jane Lane: I just thought I'd check op on my sister in law and her family, ...that's all. So these people Jane and Amy were hanging out with, ...they're friends of theirs?  
  
Daria: Apparently, (sighs) ....I never thought a time would come when I didn't know enough about my own kids.   
  
Jane Lane: (chuckles) I think those words have been uttered by every single parent since the beginning of time.  
  
Daria: Funny, ...I only started to hear it after that columbine incident so many years ago.  
  
Jane Lane: (Chuckles) Remember when Mrs. Li replaced those emergency med kits that were placed around the school with boxes of flack jackets mounted on the walls? .  
  
Daria: Yet another unnecessary precaution based on the assumption that all teenagers were violent psychopaths just waiting to explode.  
  
Jane Lane: Trying to cheer yourself up I see. Is it helping any?  
  
Daria: Nope.  
  
Jane Lane: (frowns) I didn't think so. Face it Daria, you're a concerned parent who's children just suffered a traumatic experience. No amount of sarcasm or cynical joking is going to make this problem go away over night. (Long pause) So this friend of your daughters, ....how did he die?  
  
Daria: Everybody's pretty sure it was suicide, .....the kid huffed a can of butane he had supposedly bought to refill his lighter with. Amy was telling me last night that she and her friends were becoming concerned because the kid was becoming increasingly depressed.   
  
Jane Lane: Oh god, ...why the hell did they leave him alone?  
  
Daria; They thought he was just going outside to refill his lighter and smoke a cigarette. She said that he'd never given any sort of warning signs that he might take such an action. (Sighs) I just don't understand people anymore.  
  
Jane Lane: Bad habits start as young as ever these days don't they? You should be damned proud of your kids, Daria. They've managed to avoid most of the harmful things in life using their own good judgement, ...and if anything GOOD comes out of this at all it would probably be that Jane and Amy have learned a valuable lesson that they might be able to pass on themselves one day.  
  
Daria: (groans) If only it didn't have to be learned so painfully.  
  
Jane Lane: Tell me about it, ...listen I have to go. Could you tell Jane and Amy that William was asking about them. He'll probably call himself later on.  
  
Daria: I'll pass the word, ...take it easy old friend.  
  
Jane Lane: Later on amiga. (As they both hang up Amy comes walking into the kitchen to get something to eat)   
  
Amy: Who was on the phone?  
  
Daria: Your aunt Jane. She says William was asking about you, he'll call you later on.  
  
Amy: (depressed tone) Cool. (Turns to face Daria) Thanks for not yelling at us last night.  
  
Daria: Why would I yell at you? I was just happy that it wasn't YOU who was dead, ...that's what the fuss was about.  
  
Amy: Even after the part about "how could you let this happen?"  
  
Daria: (sighs and takes a sip of her tea) Look, ...sometimes things get said that we don't mean to say. I was worried as it was because you hadn't come home yet, ...then I get that phone call. God,... I thought my heart was going to stop.  
  
Amy: (smirks) Well, if it ever does then Jane can be the one to do the CPR. She sure as hell got a good amount of practice last night.   
  
Daria: I can imagine. (Thinks for a moment) So how are the two of you handling this so far?  
  
Amy: Better than last night, ...thanks for letting us stay home today.  
  
Daria: (Sips her tea) You're friend died last night, ....It's not something you just bounce back from.  
  
Amy: It'll be hard talking to people about it, ....you know there are going to be questions when I get back to school. An innocent person died, ....I know it wasn't my fault but I can't help thinking if there was something more I could or SHOULD have done to stop it? How will anybody be able to relate to that?  
  
(Daria pauses as she reflects upon a moment in the past, ...the scene blurs and comes back into focus. Daria and Jane Lane are seen on the Conn of the USS Cynicism amongst other officers move about at a brisk pace. The lighting has since changed to a blue flourescent color to better accent the displays on the computer monitors indicating that the sub was at general quarters. It is in the last year of the millennium wars, ...this is Daria's first time as captain of her own submarine. Her current assignment was to track down and destroy an advanced Russian electronic warfare vessel that had sustained damage in a recent engagement with U.N. forces)   
  
Daria: Status report, ...all stations.   
  
Sonar officer: (over the comm) Sir, ....I hold contact sierra eight two at ten miles. She appears to be hiding in a commercial port, sir.  
  
Jane Lane: (picks up the comm) Hiding how?  
  
Sonar officer: She's hiding smack dab in the center of the harbor, ....it looks like the commercial traffic is being used as a deterrent against attack.   
  
Jane Lane: Note the larger civilian vessels, ...they'll be the hardest to avoid.  
  
Sonar officer: Aye sir, ...large civilian vessels are as follows, A passenger liner, a commercial freighter, and two fishing vessels. The rest are small private craft.  
  
Daria: Tactical,.....do you think you'll be able to get a clear enough shot at this range?  
  
Tactical officer: Aye sir, ....it shouldn't be a problem if we haven't been detected yet.  
  
Jane Lane: Sonar, ...any evidence we're being tracked.  
  
Sonar officer: Negative, ...there's nothing to indicate they know we're here.  
  
Daria: All right then, let's do this and get it over with. Tactical, load tubes one and two with harpoons and flood when ready.  
  
Tactical officer: Aye sir. (Moments later) Tubes one and two are ready, ...and I have a firing solution or sierra eight two. We're ready to shoot.  
  
Daria: Helm, ...make your depth fifty feet and slow to five knots.  
  
Helm: Make my depth fifty feet, slow to five knots, aye sir. (Five minutes later) Fifty feet, ...five knots, sir.  
  
Daria: Tactical, open the outer doors and prepare to fire.  
  
Tactical: Outer doors on tubes one and two are open. (The tactical officer inserts a key into a lock on the console and turns it, several lights on that consol turn red as a result) Firing safety has been removed, sir.  
  
Daria: (looks at Jane) Anything profound to say before we do this?  
  
Jane Lane: (shrugs) I really, ....REALLY, ...hate this part of the job. (Daria smirks)   
  
Daria: I know EXACTLY how you feel, X.O. (Sighs) Tactical officer, you are authorized to release you're weapons.  
  
Tactical officer: Aye sir. Weapons release on my mark, ...three....two ....one....mark. (He pushes one of the red buttons on the console and the sound of compressed air being released is heard followed by the sound of a missile engine igniting once it breaks the surface) Harpoon one has been released, ...telemetry reports normal. (Beat) Three ....two...one....mark. (Pushes another red button) Harpoon two is released, ...telemetry reports a good launch. Twenty seconds to target.......ten seconds to target....  
  
  
Sonar officer: Conn ; sonar, ....hot noise in the water. My equipment is spiking, electronic counter measures have been released. It's obvious they know we're here now.  
  
Tactical officer: (quickly) Confirmed counter measures, ...harpoons have lost their track and are searching for another target.  
  
Daria: Oh HELL.   
  
Jane Lane: (Quickly) Prepare to destruct the missiles.  
  
Daria: (turns to the tactical officer) Concur, ...destruct the missiles, ..NOW. (The tactical officer moves as quickly as possible to comply)   
  
Sonar officer: Conn; sonar, ...loud explosion in the water bearing zero nine zero. A moment later, ...Conn; sonar..., second explosion in the water bearing zero nine one.  
  
Jane Lane: (Face pales in the dim light of the conn) Oh Christ, ....what did we hit?  
  
Sonar officer: Working on that now, sir. (Several moments later) Conn; sonar.., target sierra eight two has been destroyed by harpoon one. Harpoon two impacted a civilian vessel, ...I believe it was the passenger liner.  
  
Jane Lane: Oh god.....!  
  
Radio officer: Conn; radio, ...I'm receiving a general distress message over civilian broadband..  
  
Daria: (Staring wide eyed) Oh my god, .. we've just killed a bunch of innocent civilians. (The scene blurs and comes back into focus in the present)   
  
Amy: Mom...?  
  
Daria: (blinks) Huh...?  
  
Amy: Are you okay? You kind of zoned out on me for a minute there.  
  
Daria: Oh...yea, ...I was just relating to how you must be feeling.  
  
Amy: You'll have to let me in on it sometime, ....I can use all the comfort I can get.  
  
Daria; Maybe someday, ....but I'd rather not talk about it right now. (The doorbell rings in the background)  
  
Amy: Some other time then. (Gets up to answer the door)   
  
( As Amy opens the front door Allen can be seen standing there looking thoughtful as he waited for someone to answer the door)   
  
Allen: Hey Amy, ....did you sleep well?  
  
Amy: No, ....you?  
  
Allen: Not a wink, ....the thought of Jane doing CPR on Zach kept rolling through my mind over and over again. After that it was the paramedics putting him into a body bag, ....followed by the repeated questions by the cops. How many answers could they possibly think we had to the same damned questions?  
  
Amy: They were hoping to catch one of us in some sort of lie, ...that way they could press charges against a couple of kids and make themselves feel like they've done something useful with their day.  
  
Allen: Yea, ...I guess eating donuts all day long just isn't as fulfilling as it used to be. (Beat) So how's Jane holding up?  
  
Amy: (smirks) I was wondering when you'd bring her up, ..you really do care about her don't you?  
  
Allen: (looks down for a moment) She's my friend.  
  
Amy: More than that as of late,... if I recall correctly.  
  
Allen: I just want to get to know her better, ....no funny business involved.   
  
Amy: (pats him on the shoulder) There better not be, ...you've got a few years on her as it is. (Pauses and points her thumb in the direction of the stairs) Jane's upstairs, ...I'll go get her for you. (Allen follows Amy inside and she goes to get Jane. After several moments a weary eyed Jane comes down the stairs wearing wrinkled clothing)   
  
Allen: (looks her over) Hey Jane, Nice clothes. Did you sleep in those?  
  
Jane: (rubs her eyes) There was such a wide selection of previously worn clothing on the floor, it just seemed so much more preferable to something fresh out of the drawer. (Beat) So what brings you over here?  
  
Allen: Well, ...I figured since I was skipping school today I might as well spend it with someone who might make the day more interesting. Do you feel like getting something to eat?   
  
Jane: Sure, ...I slept clean through breakfast, ...and lunch for that matter.  
  
Allen: Cool, we can head out as soon as your ready then. (Beat) Listen, I've got the word, after deciphering it through his mom's tears, that Zach's funeral is on Friday at six in the evening over at Taylor's funeral home in town.  
  
Jane: (Sighs) Give me a sec, ...I'll be right back. (Goes to tell Daria where she is going and the Jane and Allen leave)   
  
(Cut to later in the day, Daria is sitting at the table reading her paper when the front door opens and after a moment or two Jane comes walking into the kitchen)   
  
Jane Lane: Hey Daria, anything new in the paper? (Daria turns the paper over so that Jane can see the article about Jane and Amy's friend accompanied by a photo of the deceased. Jane reads the headline aloud) "Local student dies after huffing lighter fluid", ...well you can't be any more direct than that now can you?  
  
Daria: Not without a sledgehammer, no.  
  
Jane Lane: It's funny, ...the paper I read seemed to have a larger photo of the kid.  
  
Daria: Hey, they've got to find SOME way to make their version of the story seem original. They might as well do it with graphics.  
  
Jane Lane: Life's gonna go on, Daria. Your kids are going to be okay, and they'll be stronger for it. You'll see, ...now stop beating yourself over the head for it.  
  
Daria: Yea, ...I guess the jack hammer I've been using since last night is worn out enough. I should probably find something a little heavier to beat myself up with.   
  
Jane Lane: Sorry, ...I'm all out of titanium blocks. I'm afraid you'll just have to deal with the matter as it is.   
  
Daria: (Sighs) I guess so.  
  
Jane Lane: (Changes the subject) Jane called me yesterday, before all of this that is. ....She was telling me that the school wants to push them ahead again. (Smirks) Your mom would be proud of them.   
  
Daria: (Shrugs) If she were alive to see it that is. I have no doubt that she would want to dwell on how much they take after her side of the family.  
  
Jane Lane: Forget the whole side of the family thing, ...they take after you specifically. You were the one the residents of Lawndale once called a "Brain." So it seems to me that they're just following in your footsteps. (Pause) Daria, it's okay to be proud once in a while. (Pause) So are you going to let them test out of high school?  
  
Daria: (Smirks) I told the kids that I would let them decide and that I would support them no matter what.   
  
Jane Lane: Good call. Do you think they'll be able to handle it?  
  
Daria: I guess we'll see won't we. But for now I'm going to postpone that meeting with the school faculty until the kids are past this whole thing about their friend. (Beat) But there's something else to go along with that set of baggage, ....Trent's a little concerned about how fast the kids are growing up. I think he's afraid of having an empty nest so to speak.   
  
Jane Lane: (Laughs) Trent IS becoming an old softie isn't he. He has a couple of smart kids and now all of a sudden he's afraid of them leaving him alone by himself. What did he have to say on the matter?  
  
Daria: (scoffs) He suggested the possibility of having a third kid.   
  
Jane Lane: Oh god, .....he would actually want you to go through that whole pregnancy thing again? So how many new assholes did you tear him?  
  
Daria: None, .......I told him that we're still young and that we have time to think about it.   
  
Jane Lane: So you may or may not have been thinking the same thing yourself huh? ....Wow what a mind job that must be. I can't say it's something that I would want to go through again.   
  
Daria: (Scowls) I didn't say I WOULD, ....I just told him that I would think about it. To get him to shut up, ...you know how he can ramble on about unimportant things.   
  
Jane Lane: (Smiles) Uh huh, ...sure. But here's a thought for you to ponder, ....you've already had two super smart kids, ...what if they ate up all of the intelligence genes and this third kid turns out to be a Kevin Thompson or Brittany Taylor?  
  
Daria: (Shudders) Don't say that, .....you'll give me nightmares. And I REPEAT, ....I didn't say anything about actually HAVING another kid, ...I just told Trent that I would THINK about it.  
  
Jane Lane: Uh huh, sure. (Looks at Daria for a moment) Oh all right, ...I'll change the subject. Jeez, ....your so touchy when it comes to talking about your own body aren't you.  
  
Daria: I am NOT, ....I just don't like the way you make such a big deal over something that Trent brought up.  
  
Jane Lane: Well I have to make a big deal out of something, ....you won't let me do it to YOU.  
  
Daria: And you know very well why. If I were to let you make a big deal out of something small like this, ...Who knows what you'd do over something MAJOR.  
  
Jane Lane: Oh I wouldn't worry, ...you're bound to find out one of these days. Although it will probably be the day that you DIE.   
  
Daria: Still getting your hopes up I see. That's going to get you into trouble one of these days.  
  
Jane Lane: (Smirks) Bring it on!! (the scene fades out)   
  
(Cut to that Friday as the funeral service for Zachary was being concluded. Most of the people had retreated to their cars so that they would not have to view the casket being lowered into the ground. But contrary to everyone else, ...Zach's friends stayed to watch. As soon as they were certain that they were now alone after the hole had been filled and the backhoe operator had left, the small group began to say goodby to their friend in the way they felt was much more meaningful than what had been provided)  
  
John: A final goodbye can never be done in front of those who are not within the circle of friends. We know not why you chose the easy way out, ....but it was your decision old friend. And it is one we wish you had reconsidered.   
  
Allen: Although it is no longer permitted to place personal effects in with the deceased, ....when no one was looking we snuck in a pack of camels and your favorite lighter with you. Don't know what you'd be able to do with them at this point, ....but that hardly matters. We know you would have wanted them.   
  
  
Jane: You may not have been of legal age, ....but god knows you got a kick out of sneaking an occasional drink when your parents weren't looking. (Jane removes a bottle from a small bag she is carrying) So for the sake of friendship, ...and one for the road, ...we offer one last toast to you. (She opens the bottle and takes a swig, ...then passes the bottle around until everyone in the group has taken a drink until the bottle comes to Amy)   
  
Amy: (takes her drink) And the circle ends with you, Zach. .....Salude! (Amy pours the contents of the bottle slowly over the fresh dirt that now filled the grave.) Rest in peace old friend. (The group stands in silence for several minutes and then turn and walk towards the waiting cars keeping pace with each other so that they maintain a straight horizontal line with a space in the center symbolizing the missing man in the group until they reach the cars and the scene fades to black)   
  
The End.....   
  
This story is dedicated to the memory of Roger Perry.  
He was a good friend......  
  
  
  
  
Comments are always welcome, ....my address is wildgoose81@hotmail.com  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. The Old and the New

Disclaimer: Daria and all related characters are the property of MTV and Viacom productions.  
  
Note: This story is the next in the submariner series and as the stories that preceded it, it proceeds under the premise that whatever was feared to go wrong at the onset of Y2K, .....did.   
  
Note: This story takes place two years after "Reflections Before Summer"   
  
  
  
The Old and the New  
By  
Wildgoose  
  
  
  
(The house bustled with activity early this morning as Daria was preparing to leave on a weekend trip to Washington D.C. Trent was busy attempting to lug Daria's suitcase out to the car, ....the way he carried it one would think it weighed a ton and a half. Finally Daria came walking briskly past him grabbing the suitcase as she did so and carried it out to the car with little effort at all. Jane laughed from her seat on the couch in front of the coffee table just before going back to working on her college studies.)  
  
Jane: I guess somebody needs to get into better shape, ....huh?   
  
Trent: (looks back at his daughter with a sheepish grin) Maybe I'm iron deficient or something, ...what do you think?  
  
Jane: I think you just need to exercise, dad.   
  
Trent: (smirks) Didn't you know? Old people are supposed to be like this, ....why else would their children have invented nursing homes?   
  
Jane: Because kids get tired of seeing their parents kill themselves trying to do everyday tasks. (Beat) Of coarse there wouldn't be a need for such homes if parents would take after mom and aunt Jane's example and keep themselves in shape.   
  
Trent: (plops himself down beside Jane on the couch) Yea well, ......your mom and aunt Jane had the benefit of boot camp to get them there in the first place. Once you're there, ....staying that way is probably a whole lot easier.   
  
Jane: You may have a point, ....but you should probably give it a shot anyway. Try running with aunt Jane and I in the morning, ....it does wonders for the body.   
  
Trent: (Laughs) You found the time to pull your nose out of a book to go running with your aunt?   
  
Jane: Sure, ....I mean I would have gone with William too but you know how much of a couch potato he is.   
  
Trent: (laughs) I wonder what side of the family he got THAT from? (Daria is heard walking back in from outside)   
  
Daria: Hey, ....I thought you guys were supposed to be helping me this morning.   
  
Jane: You've got one suitcase there mom, .....how much help could you possibly need? I mean you've never been one to travel heavily. (Amy comes walking into the room carrying a bag of Doritos)   
  
Amy: (As she munches on her chips) Who's traveling....?  
  
Jane: Geez, ....aren't you awake yet? Mom's leaving for D.C. this morning.  
  
Amy: Oh is that why you've been running up and down the stairs, .....I thought she was doing some weekend cleaning and I didn't want to come out of my room for fear that she would want volunteers.   
  
Daria: (scowls) It's nice to know I could have depended on you should you have been needed.   
  
Amy: No sweat, ....that's what kids are here for right?  
  
Daria: I'll keep that in mind for next weekend, .....I'm sure I can find all sorts of things you can help around the house with.  
  
Jane: (laughs) You just screwed yourself, ..sis.   
  
Daria: (turns her attention to Jane) You can help her out since it's so funny. (Amy snickers) But as long as next weekend hasn't come yet, ....what are the two of you up to THIS weekend? Since I won't be around to badger you both that is.  
  
Jane: Not a whole lot, ....I'll probably hang around with Allen when I'm not trying to keep dad from burning down the house.  
  
Daria: (smirks) Do you think it would help if I just started buying microwave dinners?  
  
Amy: As long as it isn't lasagna, .....grandma Morgendorffer used to stuff us with that crap every time we went over for a visit. It's safe to say we'd puke it up if we ever had it again.   
  
Daria: ( smirks) So noted.  
  
Jane: Besides, .....what makes you think dad won't be able to burn the house down with a microwave? He's been known to forget to remove the metal tops from those containers you know.  
  
Trent: (scowls) Hey, ......I always remember to remove the tops.   
  
Daria: Not on the last microwave we had you didn't. (Amy and Jane begin to snicker)  
  
Trent: Ah,... that thing was defective.  
  
Daria: Funny, ....defective things usually don't wait until three years after you buy them to become faulty. (Daria smiles as she knows Trent can't reply to this and as such she switches the subject by diverting her attention to back to Jane) So you're hanging out with Allen, .....you've been together for a good while now haven't you?  
  
Jane: About two years, ....why?  
  
Amy: (with a mouthful of Dorito's) Have you screwed him yet? (Everyone pauses to gawk at Amy's awkward comment and then suddenly turn to Jane awaiting the response)   
  
Jane: (looks back and forth between everyone) What, ......you can't possibly think......we are NOT having sex!! For god's sake I thought you trusted me enough to ignore such comments from my troublesome sibling.  
  
Daria: Just checking that's all, .....I always claimed I didn't have hormones too until I came face to face with them in a fall out shelter.   
  
Jane: Note to self, ....avoid fall out shelters in order to retain virginity. (Trent snickers)   
  
Trent: Don't worry love, I'll keep an eye on her for you. In fact I can see to it that they spend their time together over here, ....we can rent a movie or something. (Jane just rolls her eyes in embarrassment)  
  
Daria: (turn to Amy) So what about you, ......what are YOU going to do to keep yourself busy this weekend while I'm gone?   
  
Amy: Not too much I guess, ....the guys at school mentioned something about a charter boat tomorrow. Maybe I'll try my hand at salt water fishing, ....at the very least I'll get to enjoy the ocean for a bit. I've never seen the sea from that far out.   
  
Daria: Believe me, ...when you're that far out it all looks the same.   
  
Amy: This from a person who spent most of her tour of duty in a boat with no windows?   
  
Daria: I wasn't always stuck on a sub you know, .....I saw my share of the action on the surface.   
  
Amy: Cool, ....maybe you could let us in on it sometime. All we've ever heard were the sub stories.  
  
Trent: (Shakes his head to Daria) Not everything is meant for such young ears.  
  
Daria: (looks slightly saddened) And not everything is meant to be shared period. (Sighs) Well, ....whatever you all end up doing I hope you have fun. I'll give you a call when I get to Jodie's. (Everyone says their goodby's and Trent escorts Daria to the car before she leaves for the airport.)   
  
Jane: (As she watches from the bay window as her father kisses Daria goodbye before she gets into the car) So why isn't dad going with her?  
  
Amy: Come on, ...we're teenagers. Would YOU leave us home alone?  
  
Jane: Are you so sure dad can actually count as adult supervision? He can be more of a hazard then we can.  
  
Amy: True, ....but you've got to give the guy some credit. His heart is always in the right place, .....besides Jodie is mom's friend. She and dad probably wouldn't have anything in common.   
  
Jane: (Sighs) I guess. (Beat) So anyway, .....why the sudden urge to go deep sea fishing?   
  
Amy: There's no urge involved, ....John mentioned something about it at school that he and the guys were thinking about going as sort of a day trip and they asked if I wanted to come. All we ever seem to catch off the dock in the back of the house is blue claw crabs and maybe an occasional eel. Maybe I'll be able to catch something decent for once.  
  
Jane: It's a saltwater marsh leading into the bay for gods sake, ....what did you expect to catch in a small tidal waterway? And dad doesn't exactly let us take the boat out on our own that often.  
  
Amy: All the more reason to head out on a charter.   
  
Jane: (shrugs) True. I guess I didn't make for much of an argument this time around, ..huh?  
  
Amy: Everybody has their dog days, ....you'll do better next time. (Beat) So now that mom and dad are outside, ...tell me the REAL story. What's the deal with you and Allen?   
  
Jane: There IS no deal, ...we haven't done anything.   
  
Amy: Two years together and you still haven't done anything? Give me a break Jane, ....you try to watch the playgirl channel on cable whenever you can hack into the cable company's computer system. You CAN'T give me that crap about having your hormones under control. First, second, third, ....just give me a hint here. You KNOW I'll cover your six.  
  
Jane: (Blushes slightly and then mumbles) Third. (Amy smirks and the gives Jane a high five)   
  
Amy: You've got to give me the dirt later. (Peers out the bay window) But for now hold that thought, ....dad's on his way back in. ( Trent comes back into the house through the front door) So dad, ....how long do you figure it'll take mom to get to D.C. once her plane leaves?   
  
Trent: (thinks for a moment) Not too long, ....about an hour or so if there are no delays. We can give her a call around about when she should have landed to make sure everything is cool.  
  
Jane: Yea I guess so. (Closes her books) Well, ....that's about enough studying for today I think. I guess I'll go see if Allen's up for a little baseball. (Jane gets up off the couch and heads into the next room to look for the cordless phone.)   
  
Trent: (Raises an eyebrow in interest and then looks over at Amy) Since when did your sister ever take up interest in sports?  
  
Amy: (shrugs) Oh you know us teenagers, ...our interests change from one day to the next.   
  
Trent: That's for sure, .....you'll have to clue me in to what she's interested in sometime. Maybe she'll want to play a little ball with her old man.   
  
Amy: (Under her breath) I think that would count as incest, dad. (Out loud) Um....yea, no problem. (Beat) Listen, ....I'm going to go into the garage and jam on the drums for a bit if that's okay.   
  
Trent: (shakes his head) Man, ....it's a good thing I had that garage soundproofed this past spring. The neighbors were starting to eye up a good tree to hang us all from.   
  
Amy: Ah, ....they just don't appreciate talent when they hear it, ...that's all. (Turns and heads in the direction of the garage)   
  
Trent: Oh they appreciate talent, .....just not when it causes things in their own homes to vibrate due to the base emanating from OUR house. (Trent leans back onto the couch and uses the remote to flick on the Tv)   
  
(Cut to a few hours later. Daria can be seen getting settled into a motel room somewhere in Washington D.C, ....after a moment her cell phone rings and Daria picks up to find her husband Trent on the other end)   
  
Daria: I was wondering when the hell you were going to call, ...I would have figured you to call as soon as you thought I would be on the ground again. What happened, ....did the kids miscalculate or something?   
  
Trent: (Laughs) No, ....actually they're both off doing their own thing right now. Jane's out with Allen again, ....and the sub model above the fireplace is still vibrating slightly which means Amy is still on the drums in the garage.   
  
Daria: The sound proofing is helping then?   
  
  
Trent: Oh yea, ...bunches. I can actually hear myself think now.   
  
Daria: As opposed to years ago when you would sit down in the basement thinking NOTHING and hoping inspiration would pop into your head?   
  
Trent: Hey, ....inspiration scares easily. I didn't want to frighten it away with all the other jumbled thoughts in my head.   
  
Daria: (decides to get to the point on her mind) So what are Jane and Allen really up to?   
  
Trent: Jane mentioned that they were going to play baseball.  
  
Daria: (frowns) She still uses that old line, huh? Did you search her room after Amy went into the garage?   
  
Trent: Yea, ....no sign of any incriminating paraphernalia. I don't think they've let their relationship proceed that far just yet. But I've got my eye on them, ....I'll make it a point to confront Allen about it when I get the chance.  
  
Daria: Thank god, .....so far it looks like she's using her head. I just hope that she comes to us for advice if and or when they decide to go that far.   
  
Trent: I think she'll be okay, ....we've done a pretty good job at raising her to be responsible.   
  
Daria: (smiles) You faked being oblivious as usual I take it?   
  
Trent: (chuckles) They fall for it every time. God, ....I never thought pretending not to catch onto anything would prove to be so useful. And I'm so damned GOOD at it too!  
  
Daria: (Sighs) Just remember, ....I know all your old tricks so don't even try any of that stuff with me.  
  
Trent: Oh no, ....I've got all NEW tricks for you. Don't you worry a bit about that. (The conversation continues until much later when they finally say goodby and hang up. The scene dissolves into the next day where Daria can be seen escorted into a large oval shaped room by a man wearing a very neat suit. He is obviously some sort of security guard as can be told by the skin color ear bud protruding from his left ear and the fact that he occasionally talks to his cufflinks.)   
  
Man: Please wait here captain Lane, .....the president will be with you shortly. (The man turns and exits through a door that seems to blend in with the wall perfectly as soon as the door is shut.)   
  
Daria: (scowls) How the hell do they always find their way out of here if the doors are hidden THAT well? (Daria sighs as she begins to look about the office. Towards the center of the office is a large heavy desk made of cherry wood, the desk is covered with various papers and portfolios. All of them bearing the seal of the president of the United States. In front and also to the side of the desk are several comfortable looking chairs in which an official audience could gather for whatever reasons were necessary at the given time. Daria walks over to the double windows behind the desk as they offer a remarkable view of the front lawn.) God, .....I bet Trent would hate to have to mow THAT patch of grass every other week. (As Daria continues to peer out the windows the main door to the office opens offering through it first the secret service agent who had accompanied Daria into the office earlier, following this man a few steps behind was Jodie Mackenzie dressed in a silk blouse and a dress skirt.)   
  
Jodie: "Hell Fire Lane" as I live and breath, ....god it's been a long time since we saw each other last.   
  
Daria: (cringes as she hears the mention of this moniker which had been bestowed upon her against her will in the past by someone she had once worked with) (as she turns to face her friend) Jodie, .....you've always been my friend but I swear to god. If you call me that ever again I WILL put a bullet right in your forehead. ( The moment Daria mentioned the word bullet the secret service agent began to reach for his gun as a precautionary measure)   
  
Jodie: (extends her arm towards the agent) Take a pill Walter, .....that was her version of a joke. Daria is one of the few people I would readily trust with my life. (Beat) It will be alright for you to wait outside, Walter. (Reluctantly the agent complies) Sorry about that Daria, .....but I already had some nut try to bump me off earlier this year.   
  
Daria: I guess you can't be too careful then. (Jodie gestures for Daria to take a seat and then follows suite herself)   
  
Jodie: I'm sorry to bust on you as soon as I came in the door but I got back from the naval academy earlier today, they were graduating their latest class of recruits. And it seems that you've become quite the legend in the naval community, ......and the story seems to get wilder and wilder every time I hear it.   
  
Daria: (looks like she might be sick) Oh god, ....why is it that history can't remember all of the important things that have ever transpired but if some nobody commits a single act under duress history will not only remember it but stretch the truth beyond belief.   
  
Jodie: That's the way life works old friend, ...which is why I brought it up. I was hoping to get the actual honest to god account from YOU.  
  
Daria: You called me all the way down to Washington D.C. JUST to get the honest to god account of something that I would prefer time forgot all together?   
  
Jodie: (shrugs) There's that and it seemed like a good enough reason to see you again after all this time.   
  
Daria: Don't you have the report from that? It should all be right there I would think.   
  
Jodie: (Picks up a folder of her desk) Yea, ....as a matter of fact I happen to have the original report right here. But the report is coming from one of the marines who was still in the water at the time. (Jodie opens the folder) A lieutenant Jades, ....whom you happened to take a bullet for as you tried to haul him into the boat after he'd been hit in the leg already.   
  
Daria: (scowls) I didn't take a bullet for ANYBODY!  
  
Jodie: (closes the folder) There's my point in a nutshell right there, Daria. The report I have is not entirely accurate, ....so I'd like to hear your first hand account of it. Not for any official reason mind you, ....I just want to satisfy my own curiosity. (Daria crosses here arms and stares at Jodie for several minutes) Oh alright, .....there's a SORT of official reason. It seems that following the incident for which you are famed, you were nominated for several awards. The purple heart, ....which you accepted for being wounded in combat.  
  
Daria: Hey, ....it was the least the navy could give me for all my trouble.  
  
Jodie: May I continue...? (Daria rolls her eyes and gestures the go ahead) Thank you, ....as I was saying, ...you were also nominated for the navy cross which you turned down, .....you were recommended for promotion by the same officer who nominated you for the navy cross, ....and you turned it down. (Beat) Do I really need to go on Daria?   
  
Daria: Can you?   
  
Jodie: You know Daria, ....if you hadn't turned down the promotion you might very well have made rear admiral before you retired.   
  
Daria: My family comes before my job, Jodie. It always has, ......and I was sick and tired of being screwed in the ass because somebody at the top thought I was the best person for some risky little task that nobody else wanted. I wanted to be with my family more and I hated my job, ....those two reasons were more than enough to warrant my early retirement.   
  
Jodie: Those are some pretty good reasons, Daria. I'll grant you that. But getting back to the original topic, ....according to the information in front of me here you still deserve all of these commendations. And unless you tell me WHY you don't want them, ...as the leader of a nation that is grateful for your contributions, ...I'm obligated to give them to you. Or your children if they choose to accept them in your place. I'm sure they'd LOVE to hear all of the storied that you've never told them regarding your past experiences.  
  
Daria: (glares) What makes you think I haven't told them already?   
  
Jodie: (smirks) I know you Daria, ....you won't tell anybody ANYTHING that might cause them to glorify your past. Kids see all of the violence in movies these days and they think it's cool as hell, ....then they hear that somebody in their family has been in combat and the next thing you know that person has their complete attention. Am I right? (Beat) You have my word as your friend Daria, ....that your kids will never hear mention of any of this from ME.   
  
  
Daria: (sighs reluctantly) I was a young lieutenant at the time and the navy had sent myself, Jane, and one other officer from the carrier we were assigned to at the time to deposit and extract a team of marines on special OPS using an assault water craft. The thing was basically a modern day PT boat with all the bells and whistles. With this craft and all our equipment we were ordered to travel up this tidal waterway that led several miles inland and passed by a munitions production plant. And this was no easy trip either, ....the area along the waterway was completely grown over for at least a hundred yards beyond the banks, ....you couldn't see squat past the shoreline. But regardless the deposit went off without a hitch, ...Jane was at the helm, ....chief petty officer Miles was manning the twin fifty caliber turret at the back of the boat and I was manning the mark forty on the bow. After the deposit we were to fall back to point Charlie three on the map and wait until we were called upon for extraction, ....well that call came sure enough about two hours later following the sound of a distant explosion. The marines were under heavy fire and......(The scene fades out and comes back up aboard the water craft in the past. Jane is at the helm with the boat pushing full bore while the com piece in her ear screams for extraction. Both Daria and the other officer stand at their respective positions as the sound of the bow of the boat bouncing across the water muffles anything they said without aid of the comm. Ten minutes later the boat arrives at the extraction point just as the marines are reaching the banks laying down heavy cover fire over every inch of their retreat but despite this mortar fire from the opposing forces had just begun to rain down on them. Jane waited until the last possible second and then shoved the engines into full reverse stopping the boat on a dime only yards away from the marines and causing the bow where Daria was to almost dip below the waterline. The moment the boat was stopped Daria opened up with the mark forty automatic grenade launcher laying down very short intermittent bursts of cover fire while at the same time chief Miles did the same with the fifty cals covering as best as they could the marines retreat into the water. Mortar fire was intensifying as the first soldier made it to the boat and attempted to pull himself in, ....the others still in the water laying down cover with their own weapons. A second soldier carrying a third who was wounded after stepping on a land mine tried to make their way to the boat as small arms fire began to pour in from the thicket of brush and trees lining the area behind them. Just as the wounded marine was brought aboard the other was hit and dropped below the water line. Daria yelled for somebody to cover her and she dove into the water surfacing with the marine a moment later with her arms wrapped about his chest in effort to keep him afloat. Daria managed to drag him to the boat and almost had him aboard when a rifle shot cracked and a large caliber bullet pierced the left lung of the wounded soldier and exited his back piercing Daria's shoulder and exiting her as well. Daria fell back into the water as the wounded soldier was still being pulled aboard. Fortunately for her another marine went under after her and pulled her to the surface only to have Daria shrug him away and force herself onto the boat. Once there she found her way back to her post and began screaming obscenities as she opened up with a continuous unending sweep of automatic grenade fire. The rest of the marines found themselves taking cover underwater and swimming to the other side of the boat and climbing aboard to elude Daria's wrath. Tree's were exploding in half and showering sparks, limbs and tree trunks on the unseen assailants as Daria continued to fire for two full minutes until the barrel of her weapon was glowing bright red and could no longer fire. The second the last marine was on board Jane Did a high power one hundred and eighty degree turn and high tailed it out of there despite the fact that Daria had since given up on the mark forty and was now firing with her own M-16 until the clip had emptied. When the coast was all clear chief Miles attempted to see to Daria's injury but was shoved away by her and was told to "go see to the guy who got his foot blown off" (The scene fades and comes back in the present as Daria concludes her story to Jodie) And it just so happened that one of the marines was a true southern red neck. The second we got back to the ship the guy walks over to me as I'm being put on a sick bay Gurney, gives me a slap on my bad shoulder, and says "Hell fire Lane, .....you lit up that area like a god damned Christmas tree!!" Right in earshot of several dozen people who never even witnessed the event. By the time I got out of sick bay the Marine had already told his version of the story to the crew and the whole ship was calling me "Hell fire Lane"  
  
Jodie: (smirks) You still took a bullet trying to save another officer under heavy fire, Daria. While your actions in themselves don't warrant a promotion, ....that combined with your outstanding record at THIS moment....does. Congratulations Daria, ....you've failed to convince me. (Jodie slides a small jewelry box across the desk) There's your navy cross. (Slides another jewelry box across the table) And retired or not, .....there's your star.   
  
Daria: Jodie, ....even YOU can't promote me for that. There are requirements to be met.  
  
Jodie: Which you had met already about two months before your retirement, ....if you recall you did put in for it.   
  
Daria: (scowls) But I was passed over, ....that's another reason I chose to retire  
  
Jodie: Yea, ...the christening incident. Admiral Bates was still holding a grudge over that so he passed you over to spite you. Actions that were completely unwarranted in my book, ....I didn't want that sub named after Clinton either.   
  
Daria: So.....this had nothing to do with awards I turned down. You just wanted to hear the story from ME?  
  
Jodie: No, ...it did have to do with all that. I just wanted to make sure you accepted what was rightfully yours,.. despite admiral Bates little faux pas.   
  
Daria: Even though,..... since I'm retired it'll just be a title.  
  
Jodie: (shrugs) Yea well, ....I'll see to it that you get the benefits that go with it.  
  
Daria; (raises an eyebrow) Cool.... (The room is silent for the next minute or so as they attempt to change topics.)   
  
Jodie: So uh, .............I heard about Quinn. How's she taking to life in a wheel chair?   
  
Daria: Nothing ever seems to slip by you does it. What have you got surveillance on my whole family or something?   
  
Jodie: (laughs) I'm the president, ....it's my job to keep tabs on everything. Especially my friends, ....so like I said....?   
  
Daria: What can I say, ........she hates it. For the first couple of months she cried off and on despite the fact that the doctors had informed her that she would likely lose the use of her legs if they tried to remove the tumor from her lower spine.   
  
Jodie: It was dug in that deep...?   
  
Daria: Not so much deep, ....it was interwoven between several main nerves. Even the best doctor couldn't have completed the procedure without breaking or cutting at least one of them. But it was either that or eventual death as the doctors said it was certain to spread quickly. Fortunately Quinn has come to accept that fact and is now doing the best that she can to cope. Joey has been a tremendous help in that department, .....I have to give him a lot of credit. I thought from my experiences in high school that he would be the worlds second biggest loser when Quinn married him. But I was wrong, .....he's really been supportive of her. Especially now, .....he's put up with so much of Quinn's crap stemming from her loss yet every time he comes up with a new and inventive way to help her.   
  
Jodie: Oh my god, ....that' so sweet. Like what for example?   
  
Daria: (thinks for a moment) Uh,.....well he asked if she wanted one of those motorized wheel chairs but Quinn turned it down flat stating that she had to find some way to stay in shape without using her legs so she'd prefer use her arms to push herself around rather than get fat. Though I think it had more to do with maintaining her independence. (Beat) However she DID let him get her a chair with a seat that raised up and down so she could still reach high up shelves, .....I imagine that as sort of a compromise to make him feel more helpful.   
  
Jodie: Did Quinn stay with you at all after the surgery?  
  
Daria: (Sighs) As much as I hate to admit it, ...I did offer. (Shrugs) But Quinn refused, ....saying that she didn't need my sympathy and that we'd just get into our old routine of fighting with each other.(Beat) She was probably right. (Jodie laughs)   
  
Jodie: She still has control of her other personal functions though, .....right?   
  
Daria: Yea, ...fortunately all she lost was the use of her legs. She still has control of everything else, .....it's a shame she couldn't have kids in the first place though. She's always envied me for that.   
  
Jodie: She's not alone on that one you know, .....three hundred million worldwide were killed at Y2K and sixty percent of the worlds surviving population were sterilized as a result of the fallout that circled the globe. In the US alone maybe one in fifteen people can reproduce, .....I know dozens of people in this building alone who would gladly pull their own teeth to be in YOUR shoes.   
  
Daria: (looks uncertain) Just what are you getting at, Jodie?   
  
Jodie: You've no doubt heard of the surrogate foundation.  
  
Daria: You're suggesting that I donate some of my own eggs to some stranger I'll never even know?   
  
Jodie: No, ....I'm suggesting that you make arrangements to donate ONE......to your sister. Give her the chance to have what you have.   
  
Daria: (glares) You know what, ......I can't even talk about this right now. It goes against what I believe in far more ways than I can think of. Next subject please....!!  
  
Jodie: But......  
  
Daria: Next subject please!!  
  
Jodie: (sighs) Fine, ....I was going to discuss this later with you but it's obvious it'll have to come sooner. What we're about to speak of is classified and does not leave the room. (Jodie opens a drawer in the desk and pulls out a CD player and the loads it just before pressing the play button. A strange sounding gibberish is heard emanating from the speakers) Have you ever heard this before.....?  
  
Daria: (Listens closely) Yea, ....we'd pick it up on SONAR from time to time. We'd always dismissed it as either noise clutter caused by the crew reverberating off our own hull or some sort of interference caused by our own equipment. Why do you ask?   
  
Jodie: Because yours wasn't the only sub to pick it up. And everybody's equipment can't be malfunctioning.  
  
Daria: So what then...?   
  
Jodie: We're not sure, ....all we know is that whenever it's picked up the computer says it's coming from the boat itself. Yet all equipment checks out normally, ....and something else interesting, ....it only occurs in the mid to northern Atlantic.  
  
Daria: (shrugs) Okay, .......so what do you think it is...?   
  
Jodie; That's what I'd like YOU to help us find out.   
  
Daria: (smacks her fist on Jodie's desk in irritation) Son of a bitch, .....I knew it! I knew the second you mentioned that promotion "I deserved" as you put it, ....that you had the intention of reactivating me. My situation is clear Jodie, ....my family comes first. I'll be damned if I'm going to go traipsing around the Atlantic for months at a time again.  
  
Jodie: I never said you were, ....and I'm not reactivating you. I'm ASKING you to come back for a LIMITED amount of time, ....and although you WILL have command over as many as six vessels, ......there will not be the need for you to leave land. This for the most part will be a regular job, ...you'll be able to go home to your family every day.   
  
Daria: (raises an eyebrow) So...... I can say no and you'd respect that....?   
  
Jodie: I would, .....but I'm hoping it won't have to come to that. You can take time to think about it, ....this isn't exactly top TOP priority, ....we'd just like to solve this little mystery and I know you well enough to think you're the best person for the job.   
  
Daria: Meaning what?  
  
Jodie: Meaning, .....you're one of the few people in the military who doesn't believe in shoot first and ask questions later.  
  
Daria: (smirks) Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't reconsider that belief. (Sighs) So if you're worried about shoot first and ask later then you believe this might be some sort of new sea life?   
  
Jodie: Our intelligence people think this may be some sort of language, ....so yes.   
  
Daria: Interesting, ....so tell me what you'd need from me and I'll think about it. (Jodie smirks and presses the intercom to order lunch while they discuss the topic at hand)   
  
(Cut to several miles out to sea, ....Amy is aboard the charter boat with John as it motors about the Atlantic with it's fifty or so passengers hoping to catch at least SOME fish. John stands by the railing on the port side while regularly changing his bait hoping something will bite, ...Amy on the other hand has opted to reel in her line and just watch everybody else's futile attempts while every so often going below decks to buy another box of bait for John.)   
  
Amy: So how much of that stuff are you planning to waste before you finally realize that the fish are just too smart to take your stupid booby trapped food?   
  
John: Hey, ....they've got to slip up sooner or later. There's obviously something hungry down there because everybody's bait keeps disappearing off their hooks. So I'll keep it up as long as it takes just to come up even.   
  
Amy: It's your money, .....do with it what you like. (Moves to lean against the railing next to John) I'll just stand here and watch you make a fool of yourself. (Steals the baseball cap off his head and places it on her own in an attempt to flirt. John just stares at her with an amused expression)   
  
(Cut to the bridge of the charter boat. The captain is busy at the helm as another crewman stands nearby looking at the map and checking their coarse)   
  
Crewman: We're coming up on jetty light, sir. It should be another fifteen minutes, ....and then once we're into the channel maybe another half hour before we pull back into port.   
  
Captain: Yea, ....that sounds about right. (Clenches his fist near his thigh because of a dull ache radiating down his arm) How did our would be fisherman do today?  
  
Crewman: Not well at all sir, .....I guess we've just stumbled into a dry patch or something.   
  
Captain: Eh, ....it's not the first time. It'll pick up again in a week or so, ....it always does.   
  
Crewman: (who has been watching the captain clench his fist off and on) Are you okay sir, .....you look like you're in pain.   
  
Captain: (chuckles) Eh, ....it's probably just my arthritis acting up. I have a bottle of pills down in the med cabinet below decks. Could you go get it for me?   
  
Crewman: Sure, ...no problem. (Leaves the bridge to find the captains medication)   
  
(Cut to the outside deck near the port side railing fifteen minutes later, ...John has since pulled in his line as he can see they are approaching the jetty lighthouse that marks the beginning of the channel into the bay. The Aperture of the channel consists of two man made islands of jetty's, ...on top of one of these rock islands is a light house standing seventy feet tall with black and white striping lining the exterior.)  
  
John: Ah the hell with it, ....I guess this just wasn't my day that's all.   
  
Amy: (Tilts her glasses down a bit and peers over the frames at John) Crawling home busted are we?   
  
John: Not completely. (Steels his cap back from Amy and places it on his own head)  
  
Amy: (Smiles as she shakes her head) Have you ever thought of us being more than just friends, John?   
  
John: I thought we WERE more than just friends, ....how many regular friends do YOU know of who would let you steal their favorite baseball cap without beating the shit out of you?   
  
Amy: (sighs) That's not QUITE was I was getting at.   
  
John: (chuckles) I know, .....I'm just messing with your head a bit. I dunno, ....we get along great. I've just never been able to picture us together. Maybe that's the problem, ...I'm too used to thinking of you as my friend to think of you in any other way.   
  
  
Amy; So basically you're saying you respect me too much to even think of getting me in the sack someday?   
  
John: HEY now, ....I wouldn't go that far. But then I know you well enough not to take that last comment seriously.   
  
Amy: Whoa, ....and the guy scores a point with the lady for intelligence. What a surprise!  
  
John: (Laughs) And besides, ....there'd be the whole awkwardness thing caused by our changing relationship. What if it didn't work out, ....could we REALLY go back to just being friends?   
  
Amy: Eh, ....you might have a point. But sometimes it's worth it just to take a risk.   
  
John: Am I hallucinating or does it sound like you're actually fishing for a kiss?   
  
Amy: You never know, ...it just might be the only fish you'll catch today.   
  
John: In that case I hope you don't stink up the car on the way home. ( Amy gawks and then grabs Johns cap off his head and smacks him with it. Before they both lean closer together to try for an experimental first kiss)   
  
(Cut to the bridge of the ship, ....the crewman still has not returned with the captains pills and by this time it is obvious that the pills the captain had wanted were not for arthritis. The captains face has turned a shade of red and he is now sweating and panting as he attempts to remain upright. But after a moment the captains knee's buckle and he falls forward onto the steering wheel and then rolls onto the throttle assembly before sliding down onto the floor)   
  
(Cut to the port side deck at the very same moment, ....Amy and John are just about to make contact when the ship suddenly veers to the right throwing many of the people on board back against the hull as the engines pick up momentum having been shoved to full throttle. )   
  
John: (Picking himself up) What the hell just happened? Did the captain change his mind about going home or something? (As John is saying this Amy is busy trying to get his attention)  
  
Amy: (After John turns to look at her she points out that they are now on a diagonal intercept coarse with the jetty islands and closing fast) We're gonna run aground!!! (Seconds later the charter boat rams the rocks at full speed causing the bow of the boat to crumple and run up on the jetty's to some extent. The boat tilts violently to the port side sending many of the passengers on that side into the water. Amy having been one of the unfortunate fell into the water and after a moment attempts to surface for air only to have some fat lady who was trying to hold onto the railing of the boat lose her grip and fall into the water right on top of Amy. She tries to come to the surface again with limited success only to have the lady try to use Amy as a flotation device because she can't swim.) (Sputtering for what air she can) Lady, .....get the hell off me or we're BOTH gonna drown!! ( The woman in a panic shoves Amy under again. Realizing that this lady will never listen to reason, ..Amy attempts to push off and swim away under water but instead catches the heel of the lady's boot on her forehead as the fat lady continues to kick and struggle to stay afloat in her panic. Amy is rendered unconscious and is seen drifting out of sight into the murky depths below)   
  
(Cut to Jane and Allen as they are sitting in the local pizza place scarfing down a slice each)   
  
Allen: So what's it like to be a college teenager?   
  
Jane: Eh, ....not really all that much fun as it's cracked up to be. Most of the students look at me as if to say "what the hell are YOU doing here". A bunch of jerks, ...all of them. Many of them won't give the time of day, ...they treat me like a damned child.  
  
Allen: Sometimes that's the price you pay for being so smart.   
  
Jane: The price is just a little to damned high if you ask...........(Jane pauses and slaps her hand to her forehead) OW!!!   
  
Allen: (amused) You know with most people, ....the hot pizza cheese usually burns the inside of the throat rather than the forehead. But hey, ....there's nothing wrong with being the individual now is there.   
  
Jane: (Rubs the spot on her forehead) Damn, .....it felt like I just got kicked in the forehead or something. Now it just feels numb, ....it's really scary.   
  
Allen: You're a bit young to have a stroke aren't you?   
  
Jane: Shut up, ....this isn't funny. I think something's wrong.  
  
Allen: Okay, ....do you want me to take you to the doctor to get checked out or something?   
  
Jane: (thinks for a moment) No, ....I guess I'll live. I just have a bad headache now and this sudden nagging urge to go to the beach.  
  
Allen: Yea, ....headaches always do that to me too. It's a wonder I don't get sunburn as often as I feel driven to go down there.   
  
Jane: (scowls) HEY, ....I never make fun of YOU like that.   
  
Allen: Yea you do, ....that's one of the many reasons we get along so well, ...remember? (Looks at her for a moment and then sighs) All right, ....finish your pizza and then we'll go.  
  
(Cut to about two hours later on a reclusive shore a couple miles away from the derelict charter boat. The scene is dark as waves can be heard crashing in the background, ...a groan comes from a young woman who is suffering a stomach ache from swallowing sea water. Though not completely awake the woman feels the sensation that she is being probed, ....specifically about her feet. One of her legs feels like it is being lifted off the beach sand. As seawater washes up around her from a dissipating wave, ...the light comes up as Amy opens her eyes wearily to see that her right foot is being held in the air by someone else but at this angle Amy only see's a hand with an arm attached to it. Amy straightens her glasses which surprisingly are still on her face and turns her head to look at this mystery person. Her eyes fixate on a slender young woman who appears slightly older than her, ...and she is naked, ...at least from the waist up. The woman's long black hair pours over the shoulders to conceal her chest either by accident or on purpose., ...Amy wasn't sure. The woman seemed to be fascinated with the concept of toes and was studying Amy's closely.)   
  
Amy: Oh my god, ....I think I'm gonna be sick. I must have swallowed too much seawater or something. (A moment passes) Oh yea, ..........gonna be sick. (Amy hurls up whatever water was in her stomach accompanied by her lunch. After she was finished Amy turned back to look at the woman who was now wearing the most startled look Amy had ever seen. She looked down to get a better look at the person who Amy assumed had pulled her from the water saving her life. She was surprised as all hell to discover that this woman did not possess legs but rather fins and a tail similar in color to the skin of a dolphin) Oh god, ....what ARE you? Amy reaches forward to touch the woman in attempt to assure herself that she was not hallucinating but only manages to scare the mermaid into a retreat to the sea. As she does so Amy manages to grab her arm) Wait, ....I won't hurt you!! (the mermaid continues to try to pull away until she reaches the point of panic and inadvertently coughs up what seems like a gallon of seawater. It's at this point that she starts to grasp at her throat and her face quickly begins to turn a shade of blue.) (After staring for a moment) Oh god, ......your lungs were full of water. THAT's why you were able to stay out of the water. (Beat) And you can't breath, ....so why am I sitting here like an idiot? (Amy climbs to her feet and drags the mermaid back into the surf and shoves her under water for what seems like forever. After about five minutes the mermaid begins to struggle again and slaps Amy in the head with her tail fin knocking her down into the water. When Amy surfaces she is shocked to see that the mermaid has not fled but is staring at her from a few yards away with the look of fear still present in her hazel eyes. Amy holds her hands up slowly to indicate that she is no danger) I won't hurt you, ...I swear and I didn't mean to frighten you. I'll just stay right here as long as you don't swim away. (The mermaid just continues to stare) Listen, ...just out of curiosity. You're not going to burst into song or something are you? I hear Disney characters are prone to doing stuff like that. (The mermaid just stares) Do you speak English? (The mermaid continues to stare) Do you speak at all? (No response) (Amy decides to make gestures in order to communicate) Do you speak...? (Amy makes a gesture with her hand indicating something coming up her throat and out her mouth. She then repeats the question in time with the gesture. After a few moments the mermaids eyes widen signaling that she understands and then nods her head) You DO speak, ....now we're getting somewhere. (The mermaid points down towards the water) You speak under water, .......which would make sense since your lungs are FULL of water. (She points to herself) Amy. (She points to the mermaid who in return points down at the water) Okay, .....lets just hope this isn't just so I don't see you swim away. (Amy closes her eyes and ducks down below the water, ...a moment later she hears the word Neirte (Nur-tee), followed by some gibberish sounding language. Amy surfaces in time with the mermaid) Um okay, ....Neirte. I guess I owe you my thanks, ....I probably would have drowned if........(Notices that the mermaid is trying to look past her to the beach) What are you looking at? (Amy turns to notice a large box of bunker that was being used for bait on board the charter boat) You saved a box of bait? (Neirte cautiously moves off to the side of Amy and as a wave comes past her she allows it to pick her up and carry her to shore with the skill of a professional body surfer. Once there she grabs the box and holds it close as if she were coveting a child.) Okay um.......you're not going to eat that are you? I mean, ....it's probably gone bad by now. (Neirte fumbles with the box until she manages to get it open and then takes a large bite out of one of the defrosted fish inside) Oh GROSS, .....I guess that all doesn't mean much to you does it. (Amy takes the opportunity,...as long as Neirte is distracted, to move in close to the shore) You were the one stealing everybody's bait weren't you? (Neirte continues to eat) How did you get here? (Neirte stops eating and looks up at Amy since it's obvious she's going to keep trying to communicate. Amy repeats the question with gestures indicating "you", ...and "here." Neirte after a moment responds by drawing a picture of a whale in the sand with a corkscrew tail.) You hitched a ride on a whale? (Beat) Whales don't have corkscrew tails.....(Amy reflects on the past when she would watch her mothers sub depart) But submarines DO! You thought a submarine was a whale and you hitched a ride with it, ....didn't you? (The scene fades as Amy and Neirte begin exchanging pictographs in the sand stopping every ten minutes or so allowing Neirte to retreat back into the water for air.)   
  
(Cut to the upstairs residence of the white house. Jodie and Daria have sat themselves down for dinner in the dining room. In the background a Tv displays the beginnings of the local news for Daria's resident town.)   
  
Daria: I can't believe you can get any channel in the country on this thing.  
  
Jodie: Hey, .....they pull out all the stops. I've got to stay informed so they get me any and all channels available. It's great, .....thousands of channels to choose from and it's all the same boring news and shows.   
  
Daria: God forbid anybody should come up with anything original. Even SSW jumped the shark a while back. They eventually took it off the air all together.   
  
Jodie: That's a shame, ....I know how much you enjoyed that program.   
  
Daria: Eh, ....it's cool. I think I about had my fill with watching the despicable nature of humanity when the worlds computers were trusted not to screw up at Y2K. And just look what THAT got us.   
  
Jodie: So how do you go about keeping yourself entertained NOW?   
  
Daria: That's where my family comes into play, ....they're non stop entertainment right there. The house is always in danger of being burned down by Trent, ....the kids are a mere sixteen years old and they're smarter than most rocket scientists. Jane's the other woman for some guy who will remain nameless and me.........well lets just say because of my career I've become a lot of things I hate, and I've become a few things for which I'm proud of.   
  
Jodie: (looks down at her plate and sighs) I'm not the one responsible for drafting you, Daria. I didn't like what went on any more than you did. (Sighs) And then when I lost Mack to cancer a few years ago, ....I would have given every thing I was just to reverse this whole mess.   
  
Daria: Are you under the impression that I'm blaming you for something? I blame nobody but myself for some of the things that I've had to do. But regardless of who's to blame for what, ....life goes on. And sometimes it even throws you a few small but priceless bonuses.   
  
Jodie: I know, Daria. And to be honest, ....earlier today when I spoke of all the people who would wish to have what you have I was speaking more of myself than anything else. I wish I could have a family like yours, ....not that I'm asking for anything. Please don't misunderstand, .....I just find myself wishing for the impossible sometimes. But on a side note, I really think you should give some thought towards your sister. She may have lost the use of her legs but she's got a loving husband and with your help could gain a loving family to compensate.   
  
Daria: (scowls and then sighs) Look........ (The news in the background interrupts with a special bulletin)   
  
Tv: Our top story tonight is a charter boat out of Seaside harbor that ran aground today on the rock islands of jetty light. The cause of the grounding is not yet known to us at this time but the authorities HAVE managed to pull most of the passengers and crew out of the water. I am however receiving confirmed reports that one or more passengers are missing. Coast guard officials are currently searching the surrounding area with so far no luck. (the sound fades to the background as Daria turns to Jodie with concern)  
  
Daria: Can I use the phone to call home..?   
  
Jodie: Punch star eight for an outside line. (Daria immediately dials and after only one ring Trent picks up)  
  
Trent: AMY...?   
  
Daria: Trent, ....where's Amy?  
  
Trent: Damn, ...I was hoping you were Amy. I was just watching the news and suddenly realized that Amy hadn't checked in yet. She was supposed to have been home two hours ago.   
  
Daria: I don't believe this, ..........Trent call everybody you can. Maybe we'll get lucky and she's just been hanging out with her friends before deciding to grace us with her presence. In the mean time I'll catch the first flight home.  
  
Trent: I don't think there's a need to worry, .....if Amy were missing I think somebody would have notified us by now. You stay there and I'll call you as soon as she comes in the door. Don't you worry, ...okay?  
  
Daria: That's easier said than done, Trent. (Daria exchanges goodbye's and hangs up the phone) Okay, ....I don't know where my kid is so I'm not about to sit on my ass. Is there anything we can do from here?   
  
Jodie: Like what? We're not even sure if your daughter is one of the missing passengers.   
  
Daria: Cut me a break, Jodie. Isn't there some extra people you can call in or something to look for her? At least for the sake of helping an old friend?   
  
Jodie: (sighs) I imagine I could call in a few extra air units from the national guard to assist. (Jodie walks over to where Daria is standing and picks up the phone)   
  
(Cut to the beach along Seaside harbor, ...it is getting towards dusk now and Jane and Allen are driving in his jeep over the beach sand)   
  
Allen: Just so you know, ....I could get arrested for driving like this. They only allow emergency vehicles on the beach last time I checked.   
  
Jane: (without turning to look at him) Nobody's spotted us yet have they? Just keep driving for now.   
  
Allen: I honestly don't think anybody is down here. Not all hunches are correct you know, ....in fact that headache you got could have been caused by just about anything.   
  
Jane: It wasn't a headache. I told you, ....it felt like somebody had just kicked me in the head and then that section of my forehead went numb.   
  
Allen: Yea, ....and you think that had something to do with your sister?   
  
Jane: We are twins after all, ....they say there's an almost psychic bond between people like us.   
  
Allen: That applies to IDENTICAL twins, ....not fraternal.   
  
Jane: It could still apply, ....and besides it's the only way I could explain how I felt.  
  
Allen: (shakes his head and turns his lights on to compensate for the fading daylight) Does the term plain and simple "migraine" mean anything to you?   
  
(Cut to Amy and Neirte who are still exchanging pictographs in the sand)   
  
Amy: (She has since drawn in the sand a sort of map of the Atlantic ocean with the landmasses on either side) Okay, ....we're HERE (she draws an x at their general location and then points to Neirte before she waves her open hand over the map she's drawn) Where are YOU from? (Neirte looks the map over for several minutes but seems unsure where to mark it. Instead she begins to write English letters in the sand next to the map. She writes slowly as if trying to recall from memory each letter, ....what she wrote spelled USS Thresher) Do you understand what you've written? (Points to herself) That's my language!! (Amy's heightened mood fades quickly as she realizes that Neirte is just copying what she'd seen and doesn't understand at all, ....she was just trying to give a reference AMY might understand) You got my hopes up for a second there. (Neirte points to the word in the sand and then points to the map) Give me a minute, ....that name sounds like something I heard in history class. (Beat) Oh WAIT, ....the Thresher was a US submarine that went down off the coast of New Hampshire. And if I catch your drift you're saying you live in a ship wreck not too far away from where we are now. Damn, .....and here I thought you were going to say you lived out in east Jabib somewhere where no human has ever gone. ( Neirte just stares at Amy as she tries to comprehend the words flying out of her mouth. After a few minutes Amy stops talking and groans as she leans to one side to remove her wallet from her back pocket) Ugh, .....this little bugger is cutting off the circulation to my butt. (Neirte actually moves CLOSER, almost to where she and Amy occupy the same space, to examen this seemingly fascinating new article) Huh, .....whip out something she's never seen before and all of a sudden caution is thrown to the proverbial wind. (Amy begins to open the wallet to reveal it's contents but doesn't get quite that far as Neirte snatches it and begins to go through it herself dropping the contents onto the sand once she's inspected them) Hey now, .....I need that stuff back. (Neirte stumbles across a picture within the wallet of Amy and her family) That's my family, ...see this is me. (She gestures to the picture and then herself) And this is my mother, father, and my sister. (Amy points to the picture and then to Neirte) Do you have any family? (She repeats the question and gesture until Neirte seems to understand. Neirte then draws three figures in the sand, pointing to the center figure and then to herself to indicate that this was a representation of her. Amy figured immediately that the other two must be her parents. Amy was shocked however when Neirte erased the figure of her and then drew a fish with large teeth on either side of the parent figures.) Oh my god that's horrible, ....your family was eaten by sharks! (Neirte moves her tail around far enough to show Amy the scars left by teeth) And they almost got YOU? Jesus, ....and I thought I had it rough growing up. So you're all alone now, ...........man that SUCKS! (Amy extends a hand to shake) Well, ...you've got somebody now. Wanna be friends? I'd love to learn more about you. (Neirte just stares) Friends, ....they're almost like family. They at the very least help each other. (She motions to shake hands again. Neirte just grabs her extended hand and then looks it over and under in confusion. Amy slowly reaches out and takes hold of Neirte's hand, fear can be seen in the mermaids eyes again as she does so. Amy guides Neirte's hand towards her own and then joins them and shakes. Neirte just looks Amy up and down before reaching out and wrapping her arms about Amy in a sort of hug) Um......okay, ....either you got the jist of things or you're under the impression that I've just adopted you. (Neirte suddenly lets go and perks her head up towards the south) What....? (Amy turns to look as headlights can be seen in the distance.) That's just a car........ (As Amy turns to look at Neirte she discovers that the mermaid has already retreated into the sea and disappeared) AWWWWW.........son of a......(smacks her fist against the sand) DAMN!! (Amy begins to pick up the contents from her wallet not noticing that the picture was missing. After several moments later the vehicle approaches close enough to tell it's a jeep)   
  
Jane: (from her seat in the jeep) You see, ....I TOLD you she was down here!! (Allen brings the jeep to a halt with Jane jumping out before a complete stop is reached. In the headlights harsh glow, Jane can see as she approaches her sister that there is a large bruise on her forehead in the shape of a boot heel) Good god, ....what happened to you?   
  
Amy: I got a first hand look at what the crew of the Titanic must have felt like, ......with a bit of a twist in the plot line.   
  
Allen: (As he walks over from the jeep) Your boat SANK?   
  
Amy: Not quite like that, ....it ran aground and then leaned hard to it's side throwing half of the passengers into the water. Along with this big fat BITCH who tried to use me as a floatation device. (beat) You mean it wasn't on the news or anything? Then how did you know to come looking for me?   
  
Allen: We never even heard the news, .....we were just following this hunch your sister had.  
  
Amy: You had a hunch, ......and it was RIGHT? (Shakes her head) Man, ....if your hunches are THAT good then I'll have to let you pick out my lottery numbers when I'm old enough to play.   
  
Jane: Eh, ......it's a twin sister thing. (Amy raises an eyebrow in interest) So where did this all happen?  
  
Amy: We ran aground out by jetty light, some fat lady fell off the boat onto me and then kicked me in the head. The next thing I knew I was waking up here on the beach. (Jane and Allen just stand there and stare at Amy) What...?   
  
Allen: Amy, ....jetty light is two miles out to sea. If you were knocked unconscious, ........how did you manage to come so far without drowning?   
  
Amy: (sighs heavily) You wouldn't believe me if I told you. (Jane's cell phone rings and after digging through her pocket she picks up)   
  
Jane: Yea..? Oh hey dad, .......yea Amy's with us. Of coarse she's fine, ....she just went for a swim that's all. We'll fill you in when we get home, ....okay bye. (She hangs up) Apparently the accident WAS on the news because according to dad he's been going out of his mind trying to find you. Oh and mom heard to, ....so I wouldn't expect to be allowed to go on a charter ever again. There's that and apparently the coast guard is out searching for missing passengers so we've got to fill them in too. What a fun night, ...huh?   
  
Amy: (sighs) Can we just go home? (Allen just nods and helps Amy up off the wet beach sand)   
  
Allen: Do you want to go get that bruise checked out first?  
  
Amy: What the hell for, ....I already know what caused it. (Jane chuckles as they pile into the jeep and depart the area. As they leave the scene pulls back to just off shore as a mermaid peers from behind a large rock looking back and forth between a wallet size photograph and the departing jeep)   
  
  
(Cut to Daria's house as Amy, Jane, and Allen come walking in the front door. Even though riding in the back of an uncovered jeep managed to dry her off somewhat, ...a majority of her clothes are damp and full of beach sand as well as sea salt. )   
  
Trent: (Trent walks up and gives Amy a hug and then backs away) Oh man, ....what the hell happened to you? You look like you swam the English channel in a pair of jeans. I thought you made it off the boat okay.   
  
Amy: Eh, .....I made it off the boat at least. As for okay, .....well I'm lucky to be alive no thanks to some fat heifer who never bothered to learn how to swim. Geez, ....if you can't swim then what the hell are you doing out on a boat for gods sake?   
  
Trent: (Looks at the bruise on Amy's forehead) Did the coast guard bother to get you checked out when they pulled you out of the water?   
  
Jane: They didn't, ...we found her on the beach a couple miles away. It's a miracle she made it that far in my opinion.   
  
Trent: (looks at Amy) So they don't know you've been found? (Sighs) We'd better give them a call then before they declare you legally dead or something. (Shakes his head) But first I think you should give your mother a call before she starts ripping her hair out. She was all ready to jump on the first plane home to come looking for you.   
  
Amy: Really, ....cool. (Trent goes into the kitchen to go get the cordless phone.)   
  
Allen: So how exactly did you manage to get a couple miles away from the boat while being unconscious and still managing to avoid becoming a drowning statistic? (Beat) Yea I know, ....we wouldn't believe you if you told us, ........well tell us anyway.  
  
Jane: Sure, ....we love a good tall tale as much as the next person.   
  
Amy: Look, ....there's no point in giving you the details because all you would do is use it to mock me over the next year or so. All I'll say is I made a new friend and she's a REALLY good swimmer. And...........she didn't want to be seen when you guys showed up. It might have something to do with the fact that she's not from this country, .....you can never tell these days.   
  
Allen and Jane: (turn to each other and speak in unison) Illegal alien.   
  
Allen: Have you ever noticed those are the kinds of people who always turn out to be the best heros? They save your life and then to avoid attention they disappear leaving you with this profound sense of mystery.  
  
(Trent comes walking into the living room with the cordless phone)   
  
Trent: You're mom's on the phone. (Hands the phone to Amy)  
  
Amy: Hey mom, .....what's shaken?  
  
Daria: Thank god, ....where the hell have you been? I've been going out of my mind ever since I saw the news earlier? I was afraid that the boat that sank was the boat you went out on.  
  
Amy: It was, .....and I managed to go for a bit of a swim. But all's cool now,.....I'm home safe. Albeit a little wet and disgusting but safe all the same. (Frowns and turns to Amy and Allen) Speaking of which, ....did anybody hear from John? I haven't seen him since the boat.   
  
Daria: He's okay, .....although he managed to get his five minutes of fame as soon as he was pulled out of the water. I saw him being interviewed on one of the news updates, ....he seemed pretty shaken up all things considered. He even went as far as to say he saw a mermaid stealing boxes of bait that had fallen into the water. I hate to say it but I think the other people at your school are going to be laughing at him for a while.   
  
Amy: (raises an eyebrow) Um, .......yea. I guess so, ....I mean that's a pretty whacked out tale right? Who would believe something like that?   
  
Daria: Are you alright, Amy? You sound a bit flustered all of a sudden.  
  
Amy: Oh no, ....I'm fine. As long as John was telling the news people about his hallucination, ....did he give a description?   
  
Daria; Does it matter? He probably just swallowed a bunch of seawater.  
  
Amy; Yea, ....you're right. I was just curious that's all.   
  
Daria: (sighs heavily) Look, ...I plan to catch the first flight out of here in the morning so when I get home you can tell me all about what happened. Just don't go on any more charters for a while, ....I've got enough grey hair as it is now.   
  
Amy: Oh mom, ....what's a few more. They're like battle scars, ... they add character.   
  
Daria: I beg to differ young lady, ...and when you get to be my age, if you ever allow yourself to live that long, you'll understand just how I feel.   
  
Amy: I'll take your word on that. I'll see you when you get home, mom. (Amy Hangs up) Mom will be home in the morning.   
  
Jane: Fabulous, ....I wonder if she'll freak when she see's the bruise and hears that you almost drowned.   
  
Trent: No matter, ....it should be an adventure either way.   
  
  
(Cut to the residence in the white house just as Daria and Amy had gotten off the phone with each other.)   
  
Daria: Amy's okay.  
  
Jodie: I told you she would be, ..didn't I?   
  
Daria: Yes, ....you're all knowing now be quiet.   
  
Jodie: As you wish.  
  
Daria: And none of that mushy talk, .....I've seen "The Princess Bride". (Jodie laughs)   
  
Jodie: (opts to change the subject) I noticed you paid attention to what that kid was saying on the news earlier.  
  
Daria: It was a load of bull being spouted by a teenager who swallowed too much seawater. What can I say, ....it made for a good laugh and it managed to get my mind off things for a few minutes.  
  
Jodie: Maybe so, .....but it seems to confirm suspicion about the Pentagon's theory. Maybe there IS something out there that we haven't discovered yet.   
  
Daria: Yea, ....about five thousand new kinds of plankton most likely. But I wouldn't count on any of them trying to communicate any time soon. (Recieves a please take this seriously look from Jodie) (Sighs) And of coarse you want ME to be the one to find it?   
  
Jodie: Like I said, ....I know I can trust you.   
  
Daria: But can I really trust YOU, .....after all you ARE a politician now.  
  
Jodie: Now THAT hurts, ....you know me better than that, Daria.   
  
Daria: I know my ass hurts from all the times I've been screwed over by this government, ....how do I know I'll REALLY be able to get out when I want to?   
  
Jodie: You have my word I'll push the paper work right through, .....I've never broken my word to you ONCE, Daria.   
  
Daria: (sighs) If it's all the same I think I'll stock up on some Vaseline anyway. (Beat) And I want to get Jane in on this if she's willing. I know she could use the money, ...her paintings haven't been such a hot item on the market as of late.   
  
Jodie: I can't get her a promotion, .....you at least deserved yours. Jane never even put in for one.   
  
Daria; That doesn't matter so much, ....we'll still be working together like old times. If she says yes then I'm on the job, ....if the answer is no then you'll have to find somebody else.  
  
Jodie: (sighs) I'll ask her then. But just to give you some reassurance that I'll watch out for you, ...(Jodie hands Daria a piece of paper with a phone number on it) This is my direct line. Just don't show that to anybody, .....not even my mother has that number.   
  
Daria: (Raises an eyebrow) ALRIGHT, .......I take precedence over your own mother. One can't expect to rank any higher than that, ....just don't expect me to tuck you in at night. (Jodie just rolls her eyes)   
  
(Cut to Amy's house about two hours later. A car has just pulled up outside of the house and is so noted by Jane peering out the front picture window)  
  
Jane: Hey Amy, .....I think John just rolled up to the house.   
  
Amy: Are you sure?   
  
Jane: Well, ....the hunk of rust he's driving looks pretty familiar. And it looks like this guy went for swim recently, ....so I would have to say yes I'm sure.   
  
Amy: Great, ....with the description you just gave it could be some nut who killed John for his car and then broke down in front of our place. (Amy rolls her eyes and gets up to greet John at the front door)  
  
(As John reaches the front door and is about to knock the door opens and Amy steps outside and closes the door behind her.)   
  
John: Amy, .....I'm glad to see you're alright. I was worried when I lost sight of you. But then when I got word that you had been found I decided to grab the car and shoot on over here.  
  
Amy: So who was it who told you the good news?   
  
John: Well, ....nobody actually TOLD me. I was just sort of eves dropping on a few of the coast guard people at the right time.   
  
Amy: Hmm.....yea, well don't get all misty eyed on me or anything because I'm okay. (John smiles and leans close and kisses her. Amy just stands there dumbfounded)  
  
John: We were unfortunately interrupted earlier so I decided to pick up where we left off. I figured I may not have the chance to do that again all things considered. And it's also my way of saying I'm glad you're okay.   
  
Amy: (Slightly flustered) Uh........ ....yea, thanks. (Beat) So anyway I heard you were on the news earlier. You know my moms laughing at you from DC over the bit about the mermaid. She thinks you swallowed too much seawater.   
  
John: Hey, ....I saw what I saw. Let her laugh all she wants, ....I don't care one bit.   
  
Amy: So.......what did she look like?   
  
John: Very pretty, ......long raven black hair, ...slender body and a grey tail. I wish I had a photo of her.   
  
Amy: Huh, ....not exactly like in the story books is it. Well, ....maybe you'll see her again sometime.  
  
John: Yea, ....in my dreams maybe.   
  
Amy: (clears here throat) Um, ....you know John. You don't exactly have to dream of fictitious women when you've got a real one right one right in front of you.   
  
John: Do my ears deceive me or are you fishing for another kiss?   
  
Amy: Not fishing, .......I've had enough of that for today. (Steals John's baseball cap off his head and puts it on her own)   
  
John: (steals back his cap and then runs his fingers through Amy's hair being careful not catch any newly formed knots from being in the ocean) In due time.........no need to rush things you know. But I really just came by to see for myself that you were okay, .....and now that I've done that I can feel sleep catching up on me so I'm going to go. I'll see you tomorrow in school, ....you can be the one defending me against those who would laugh at me for my wild imaginative story on public Tv. (John turns to walk back to his car)   
  
Amy: (As she watches him go) I wouldn't miss it for the world.   
  
  
The End........................................  
  
Comments are always welcome. I may be reached at wildgoose81@hotmail.com 


	7. The Other Side of Things

Disclaimer: Daria and all related characters are the property of MTV and Viacom productions.   
  
Note: This is the next in the Submariner Series, ....it takes place two years after "The Old and the New".   
  
  
The Other Side of Things   
By   
Wildgoose   
  
  
  
The scene is dimly lit, ....there is an almost eerie green glow being emitted from a chemical light stick that is being suspended from a piece of seaweed nearby. In the background, the floor is seen to be littered with large boxes containing light sticks of varying color and size, each box displaying the name of the fishing troller it came from. Panning around,.... the controls of a cold war era submarine line the consoles and walls of the conning tower. The POV pans further to the left until it comes to focus on a laminated map of the Atlantic ocean with all of the corresponding continents about it, the map has been marked with a water proof marker that had been found nearby. The marks were lines originating at the present location to various destinations located within a small area of the coast. The POV zooms in a little closer to that section of the map bringing the small letters spelling out the name New Hampshire into view. After pulling back again a hand can be seen a little off to the left holding a wallet size photograph of four people. They appear to be standing on a wooden dock behind a house that stands on the shore line of a marshy area or tidal waterway. The hand brings the photo farther into view as if to compare it to the map and all of it's markings somehow. Another hand comes into view with a waterproof marker and is about to draw a line to the next destination when a small parrotfish swims into view and the hand moves to swat it away before making it's mark on the map. (The scene fades to black)   
  
(Cut to Daria's home sometime around midday on a Saturday afternoon. The front door swings wide and bangs against the wall behind it just before Quinn, who is sitting in a wheel chair, rolls herself in with Daria and Trent close behind her.) (1)   
  
Quinn: (scowls) I TOLD you, ....I can get the door myself. I'm not a freaking cripple you know.   
  
Trent: Um actually.........(He is cut off by Daria before he is able to stick his foot in his mouth)   
  
Daria: No insult intended, Trent. But quit while you're ahead. (Trent looks hurt at this) Look Quinn, ....we all know you're completely independent. (Vo) Or at least you'd like to think you are, all evidence to the contrary. Otherwise Joey wouldn't have asked us to look after you while he's out of town. (Out loud) But would it hurt to let others help you out once in a while? After all, ...I AM your sister. Or are we going back to the cousin thing as long as you're pouting again about being in a wheelchair?   
  
Quinn: (tries not to show how deeply Daria had just cut her by trying to calm down a bit) I am NOT pouting, .....but I can't help it if I'm still upset. How would YOU like to be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of your life, .....stupid spinal tumor. Why couldn't they have just nuked the damned thing or even given me chemo? All things considered, I think I would rather have lost my hair than the use of my legs.   
  
Trent: (VO) Oh MAN, .......here we go again.   
  
Daria: (annoyed) HEY, .......now you listen to me. We ALL know how much you've lost, we're doing the best we can to relate so we can be more supportive. But dammit, .....it was either this or DEATH! Now which would you have preferred, .....and if you say death I'm going to bitch slap you.   
  
Quinn: (looks down into her lap as if she wants to cry) I'm sorry, Daria. I just can't help it sometimes, .....I feel so helpless. All the things I used to take for granted, ....I can never do again.   
  
Daria: (takes on a more sympathetic look towards her sister as it appears that Quinn is thinking more rationally at this point) Look, .......I know how much you loved to fly. It was as if you had found your true talent in life, .....you know. As opposed to co-ordinating your wardrobe to match your dates and the place you were going out to like you used to do back in high school. It was a duty as a member of the fashion club, ....remember those guys? (Quinn laughs nervously)   
  
Quinn: God, ....I was a stuck up little nightmare back then. (Trent gestures to Daria that he's going to head into the other room to leave them alone and then does so)   
  
Daria: (shuts the front door behind her) Yes, ....you were. But you came around, ...and that's what makes all the difference.   
  
Quinn: Actually, .....I think it was getting drafted that made all of the difference. The navy just grabbed me out of my selfish little world, tossed me into boot despite my objections and refusal to participate at first, and then tossed me into flight school because they were short on pilots.   
  
Daria: (moves over to the couch and takes a seat as Quinn wheels herself over across from her) Yea well, .....as far as I was concerned you got the quality end of the stick. At least through that you found something that you loved to do. Me, .....I got shoved into driving special forces teams into the jaws of hostile territory and then later got shoved into a huge tin can that was deigned to sink halfway to the bottom for months on end thus cutting me off from the world. (2)   
  
Quinn: Are you sure it was the world that you hated being cut off from?   
  
Daria: Ok, ....my family. There you dragged it out of me, ...congratulations.   
  
Quinn: Well, ....at least I won with you at something.   
  
Daria: Hey, ....lets not let that go to your head. You've still got a lifetime of catching up to do if you want to get ahead of me on that little game. Anyway, ....I at least THINK you still loved to fly, .....you sort of stopped talking about your little corner of life a few years back. And I'm certain there are things you're not telling me, Quinn. I'm just not certain why.   
  
Quinn: (smiles weakly) Some burdens are my own to bear, Daria. It's not something I'm content to discuss at the moment.   
  
Daria: I understand, ....but you could at least talk to the kids about what you used to do. I think they're getting just a little tired of my sub stories, .....and I'm not about to tell them about the assignments I had before that time. They don't even know that you were in the military, .....I just never said anything because YOU didn't and they never asked.   
  
Quinn: Then that's something we have in common, Daria. Neither of us finds any comfort at all in the fact that we were forced to blow people up for a living. That's one thing I definitely learned from you, ....to stand up for those principles I truly believed in.   
  
Daria: That's flattering Quinn, ....but backtracking a little. There's a difference, .....I had to look at the people I shot at. You just dropped bombs and missiles from the air, ...never having to see those that died.   
  
Quinn: I never engaged in cold blood, Daria. Only in self defense, ....which got me into a lot of trouble. And I did see them, .....every time I was presented with the damage assessment. And it's burned into my mind so much that sometimes I can't sleep at night. (In the background Jane is heard barreling down the stairs)   
  
Jane: Hey aunt Quinn, I thought I heard you come in the door. Who can't sleep?   
  
Quinn: (quickly covers) Oh uh, ......nothing. I'm just having trouble with occasional insomnia, .....nothing to worry yourself about.   
  
Jane: Sorry to hear that, ....try warm milk before bed. It works like a charm for me.   
  
Quinn: I'll try to keep that in mind. (Jane gives Quinn a hug from behind and then walks into the kitchen) Did you ever tell them what I used to be like back in high school?   
  
Daria: Hell yes, ......I had to tantalize them with SOMETHING about their aunts past. Since you don't like to talk about the rest of it and all. BUT, ........they refuse to believe me citing that nobody could ever be THAT self absorbed without somebody trying to kill them for it. I guess they're just going to have to hear it direct from the horses mouth.   
  
Quinn: (smirks) YOU tried, ...as I recall.   
  
Daria: (scowls) I did NOT try to kill you, Quinn.   
  
Quinn: Then what did you call trying to shove that web software up my rear end? That hurt enough that I THOUGHT I was going to die.   
  
Daria: (swats at the air) Oh for gods sake, Quinn. That was only when the proctologist tried to remove the CD in one piece. I TOLD you to find somebody more competent, .....but would you listen? Oh NO!   
  
Quinn: (sighs) No doubt you and your sister in law have many a laugh at my expense regarding that little incident.   
  
Daria: At least you stopped calling Jane "the weird girl".   
  
Quinn: (shrugs) The world changes Daria, ....and so we have to change with it.   
  
Daria: You know if this was twenty or thirty years ago I would have demanded to know who you really were and what you had done with my sister. (Shakes her head) You've changed by leaps and bounds, Quinn. I have to hand you that. But I'm also forced to notice that you're still pretty depressed over something. I'm certain that it's not just the wheel chair, .....but I can't seem to figure out what else it could be. If you would just talk about the past more than maybe I could help.........   
  
Quinn: (smacks her fist on the arm of the wheelchair) What bothers me is my own damned business, Daria!! (Daria looks hurt and then irritated before getting up to walk away from Quinn towards the kitchen) Daria, ....wait....... (Daria pauses and turns about to face Quinn again) I'm sorry,.......It's just something that I have to sort out myself. Please understand......   
  
Daria: (Crosses her arms over her chest) I'd understand if you would just let me into your head to take a peak. Whatever is in there, I'm sure I can relate to it if you'll let me try.   
  
Quinn: (looks saddened) Daria, ....you're a lot wiser and you have far more than I could have ever hoped for myself. But there are just some things you .........you wouldn't want to relate to. It's just,.... some things are meant to be dealt with alone.   
  
Daria: Well, ...whatever. But before I forget, ....(Daria pulls an envelope out of her back pocket) Joey asked me to give this to you. He said that this letter's been floating around the house for a couple of years now and if you don't open it then he's going to toss it and get it out of the way. (Quinn takes it from Daria without so much as a word and turns away and wheels herself through the kitchen, over the back deck and down the access ramp onto the dock in the back of the house. Only to stop and stare at the water for a while before striking up a conversation with Amy who has been out there fishing for the past few hours)   
  
Daria: (shakes her head and is about to follow Quinn in refusal to simply drop the previous matter that disturbed her sister so deeply, when without warning the doorbell rings) What the hell? (Daria gets up off the couch to open the front door and upon doing so is greeted by an all too familiar smirk)   
  
Jane Lane: Como esta` amiga, ......que` pasa? A little birdie told me that your sister has been dumped on you once again.   
  
Daria: (pushes Jane farther back from the door as she comes outside herself and shuts the door behind her) What are you psychic or something? I never told you about that, .....I didn't even know myself until last night. And sound travels you know, ....so keep it down a bit.   
  
Jane Lane: Princess grace in a pouting mood again? (Daria nods)   
  
Daria: (sighs and then smiles) You're never going to let go of that little nom de'geure,.... are you?   
  
Jane Lane: I hadn't made any plans otherwise, ....so not bloody likely. So what's she bitching about today? Her legs once again?   
  
Daria: She started to,.....but then she started to hint at something somewhat deeper. Something I "couldn't relate to".   
  
Jane Lane: ( Appears to be deep in thought for several minutes as she studies Daria's facial expressions in attempt to discover what was going through her mind at the moment) Sounds like work history if you ask me. We've all had our nasty little jobs to do along the way.   
  
Daria: (scoffs) I see your mind reading abilities are improving, .....you just quoted my thoughts verbatim. (Jane, in mockery of Daria's comments, places her index fingers to her temples and closes her eyes)   
  
Jane Lane: And now I am sensing that you are hungry, .....the image of a slice of pizza keeps popping into my thoughts. You desire high cholesterol, ......no?   
  
Daria: No, .....that's just me superimposing my will onto your psyche for the purpose of driving you to insanity. Or to make you think that you're Italian, .....either one will work for me.   
  
Jane Lane: You've got plans for me to be the beginnings of your own little mafia organization, do you?   
  
Daria: You'll never find out until it's too late so don't even worry about it.   
  
Jane Lane: Don't you mean "fo'get 'bout it? (Daria rolls her eyes and invites Jane into the house so they could order for delivery)   
  
(Cut to the end of the dock, .....Amy is still fishing as she occasionally carries out fragmented conversations with her aunt when she removes her earphones to listen to what Quinn had to say.)   
  
Amy: So aunt Quinn, .....how come you never tell stories about your past the way mom does? Jane was telling me a little while ago that she overheard that you were in the military just like mom was. How come you never told us that before? I had always wondered what you used to do for a living.   
  
Quinn: (looks down at the water for a moment as the wake from a passing boat passes underneath the dock) Your sister talks too much, Amy.   
  
Amy: That's not such a big deal, ....everybody does that once in a while. Even me! So what branch, ....army, navy, marines, air force? Where you a SEAL or something and everything's classified forbidding you from talking about it?   
  
Quinn: (scowls) You're enjoying this aren't you.   
  
Amy: Immensely, ....so give already. (Quinn says nothing) Oh come on, ....is some of this really personal or something? Mom doesn't tell us everything about what she used to do for that reason.   
I can be your confidant you know, ....I know how to keep my trap shut.   
  
Quinn: (snaps) I don't talk to your mother about it,......what makes you so special? (Amy looks extremely hurt and gets up to walk away) Amy..................................I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to come out like that. (Amy pauses and then sits back down. A long moment of silence passes before Quinn speaks again ) I was a naval pilot, ....that's what I did for a living.   
  
Amy: AWESOME, .....That must have been the coolest job in the world. I mean, ....I've seen all of those documentaries and they make it look like such an adventure.   
  
Quinn: (sighs deeply) It wasn't all peaches like Tv makes it out to be,....but it did have it's moments. And it had a LOT of pitfalls. (A tear comes to her eye) Throughout my career, .....I had only this one friend. I don't think I would have made it if it weren't for her, ....I felt like such an outcast. In fact, .....for once in my life I knew exactly how your mother felt as she was growing up.   
  
Amy: Mom was an OUTCAST? Damn, ......I'd have never have guessed.   
  
Quinn: For being a "brain". Go figure, huh?   
  
Amy: (smiles) Like mother like daughters I guess. So what about you?   
  
Quinn: I was smart in my own right, ....but I was too absorbed in my own popularity to realize it at first. I was a member of the fashion club in high school.   
  
Amy: (holds her fingers up to form a cross) YOU were a FASHIONISTA??????? Jesus, ......those people are all ASSHOLES!!!!!   
  
Quinn: As you can see, ......I've changed a lot since then.   
  
Amy: If you were anything like THOSE people then that's putting it LIGHTLY.   
  
Quinn: Hey, .....you wanted me to open up so you'd better listen because none of this is going to be repeated. (Amy settles on one of the dock pilings in preparation of a long story) I wasn't very well liked during the course of my career, .....basically because I had a tendency to question the morality of firing on a target that had not provoked me first. (The scene dissolves to the past, ....the scene is that of a pilots briefing room aboard the aircraft carrier USS KittyHawk, .....other pilots are seen filing in a few at a time. Amongst them is a rather uneasy lieutenant by the name of Quinn White, ....who after looking for an available seat takes the only one remaining in the back of the room. After ten minutes or so a lieutenant commander enters the room and takes a position behind the podium up towards the very front)   
  
Lt. Commander: Okay people listen up, ....we've got a new face among us. I'd like to introduce Lt. Quinn White, (he motions for Quinn to stand and she does so) she'll be our newest Hornet driver. We'll take a moment for her to tell us a bit about herself.   
  
Quinn: Um....hi..... (the other pilots cut her off)   
  
Pilots: (in unison) SHUT UP, ASSHOLE!! (Quinn meekly sits back down as the commander chuckles to himself.)   
  
Lt. Commander: Relax lieutenant, .....that's how they initiate everybody. But just in case you didn't hear it already, .....we're the three hundred and second attack group. Also known as the "Wild Weasels", ...since that's what we specialize in. (Quinn looks slightly confused, something that the Lt. Commander picks up on but doesn't make public) I'm going to assign Lieutenant Nickleby as your wing man, .....she'll bring you up to speed for tomorrow's briefing which will occur at zero eight hundred hours. In the mean time just listen in and you'll learn our tactics in no time. (The commander dims the lights and begins the briefing by projecting a picture onto the wall behind him of a map with circles marked to show the location of several SAM sights located along the shores of the Black sea. The scene dissolves back to reality as Daria's voice can be heard calling to Amy in background)   
  
Daria: Amy, ......some books came for you in the mail. Go put them away before you forget about them and they end up abandoned on the book shelf in the garage.   
  
Amy: (rolls her eyes and calls back towards the house) Mom, ....I'm kind of in the middle of something here. Can you put them in my room for me?   
  
Daria: What do I look like a maid to you? You ordered the things so you can put them away, .....I have things to do myself you know.   
  
Amy: (sighs) I'll be right back, aunt Quinn. (Amy gets up off the piling and prepares to run up the dock and into the house)   
  
Quinn: Amy, .....could you leave your tape player? I have something I want to listen to.   
  
Amy: (removes the walkman and hands it to Quinn) Sure, ....I'll be right back.   
  
Quinn: (sighs and looks down at the water beneath the dock) No you won't, ......I doubt you thought what I had to say was very interesting. (Beat) So much for trying to open up to somebody. (Quinn opens the envelope that Daria had given her knowing full well what was inside. She placed the tape inside the walkman, slipped on the headphones and began to listen) Okay old friend, ....let's get this over with. (After a moment a woman's voice long since familiar to Quinn comes over the headphones)   
  
Woman: Hey Purse, ........it's the crap end of the stick making this tape and all but in our line of work you never can tell how things are going to end. So I'll get to the point, ....chances are that if you're listening to this tape then something has happened to me and I've died. I don't know how it happened but I know this, ....you did whatever you could to prevent it. Another thing I know all too well is that you're probably blaming yourself for it somehow. We were like our own little family, you and I. There was never a place we didn't go together, ....and you were always there to back me up just as I was for you. But that's come to an end apparently and like I said, ....you probably think it's your fault. Well guess what, .....unless you somehow pulled the trigger yourself, It's not. So you need to get over it or you're going to torture the living hell out of yourself. Get on with your life, ....pop out a dozen kids or something. I don't give a rats hairy ass what the doctors say. Oh and one more thing, ......I win the bet. And if I were still alive you'd owe me fifty bucks. Well, ....happy contrails old friend and keep on flying for me. That's where you and I were always happiest, ....in the skies where we were free. (The tape ends and Quinn hits the stop button and begins to stare at the water )   
  
(Cut to the living room of the house where Daria, who is holding the days mail, is standing next to Jane Lane)   
  
Amy: Hey aunt Jane, ....what's up?   
  
Jane Lane: The sky, ....that's about it right now. (Jane smirks)   
  
Daria: (Hands Amy her books one at a time making note of the titles as she hands them over) "Advanced Sign linguistics and interpretation"....? "The art of interpreting body language"? What the hell are you studying at that school of yours?   
  
Amy: It's nothing to do with school, ....it's just sort of a personal hobby I've taken up.   
  
Jane Lane: A hobby that involves being some sort of translator perhaps? (Grins evilly) By chance have you met some new guy and he just happens to be deaf or something?   
  
Amy: (frowns) No, ......John and I are still together. Jeez ....mom's right, you DO like to meddle. (Jane Lane turns to Daria and gives her an appalled look before giving Daria a light punch in the arm)   
  
Daria: (Rubs her shoulder and grins at her friend) Well you DO. And you've BEEN doing it for as long as we've known each other.   
  
Jane Lane: Well, ...it's worked SO far hasn't it? (Daria just shakes her head and then gestures for Amy to go put her books away. After a moment Amy takes the hint and disappears up the stairs. (Cut to Amy's room as she's putting the books on the shelf,...the scene zooms in on the shelf to show the other books next to the new ones. Some of their titles are "Basic Sign Language", "Pictorial interpretations", and "Intermediate Sign". The scene cuts to the dock where Quinn is still sitting in her chair staring at the water, the scene zooms closer and then dissolves as she reminisces on the past)   
  
(The scene is a narrow hallway composed completely of metal, ....numerous pipes line the ceiling and it is necessary to walk though a hatch in the center of a bulkhead about every thirty feet or so. Two women are walking down the hallway almost side by side but one slightly in front of the other so as to leave enough room for others to pass in the other direction. The taller of the two women, ....wears her black hair in a short standard military women's cut. She is thin but has a noticeable musculature enough so that she doesn't appear to be a toothpick. The other woman is a slightly shorter read head who while still wearing her hair longer, it's tied back tightly so as not to get in the way at any time. )   
  
Quinn: So, ........I guess we're stuck together huh?   
  
Woman: That about spells it out, ......and my names Kathryn Nickleby. As opposed to Lieutenant, ....being as we're of equal rank and all. (She opens a manilla folder containing Quinn's file and begins to read) So how did you get transferred to iron hand duty?   
  
Quinn: The "wild weasel" thing you mean, ...right? (Kathryn looks at Quinn like she's pathetic and nods) Conflict of interest, .....I guess you could say.   
  
Kathryn: Really, .....you're file says you had an issue of morality.   
  
Quinn: That's another way you could put it, I guess. I refused to engage targets that had not provoked me first, .....on the grounds that I feel that killing in cold blood for the sake of ANYBODY is not justifiable. That and the thoughts of civilian casualties haunt me every time I go out.   
  
Kathryn: (reads further into the file) You've only been on fifteen sorties before being transferred over to this squadron. DAMN, ......they must REALLY not have liked you.   
  
Quinn: Nobody wanted to fly with me, .....they felt that I was more hazardous than their opponents. All because I refuse to be the one to start a fight.   
  
Kathryn: (smirks) I can't imagine how that would make them feel uncomfortable. So what if you lose a couple of people along the way, ....you've got to stand up for your principals right? (Beat) That was a joke, ....you can laugh now.   
  
Quinn: (frowns) It WASN'T funny, ....I don't want people to die BECAUSE of me either.   
  
Kathryn: Hmm, ....kind of a tough dilemma you've got going. Which is more acceptable, .....firing on a potentially hostile target that has not yet fired on you, ....OR getting your wing man killed BECAUSE you refused to fire on said target.   
  
Quinn: You're not helping me here.   
  
Kathryn: I can see why they chose to stick you with us, .....it's a duty that actually satisfies your moral issues. And it risks no one else's life but your own.   
  
Quinn: How do you mean?   
  
Kathryn: On iron hand duty it's actually your job to wait until they fire first, ....that way you're painted with a radar beam that the HARM missile needs to guide itself to the target and take it out. The down side is that while YOU'RE busy trying to get the target to paint you, ....THEY'RE busy shooting at you. (Beat) Anyway, ..we work in teams of two aircraft, ....ones the bait who draws them out and gets them to engage their radar. The other is responsible for locking onto the source of the radar and taking it out.   
  
Quinn: Soooo......which of us is the bait? (Kathryn raises an eyebrow in amusement) Right, .....stupid question.   
  
Kathryn: There's just three critical rules you need to remember. Number one, .....don't get dead. Number two, ....don't get ME dead. And number three, ...and this is the most important of all. DON'T get me DEAD! Or I'm gonna come back and haunt your ass. (Quinn chuckles nervously as they arrive at Quinn's new quarters) We can talk inside if you like. (They enter before Quinn can respond. Once inside the door is shut and Kathryn takes a seat on a nearby chair while Quinn sits on her bunk) So what's your call sign?   
  
Quinn: Um.....I don't really have one. (Kathryn looks astonished) Well, .....not one I'd choose to be known, anyway. (Kathryn places her chin in the palm of her hand and waits to hear this) The guys back in my old squadron used to call me..........................toe tag. (Kathryn erupts in laughter) Because they said I was bound to end up KIA sooner or later.   
  
Kathryn: Well, .....that's not really gonna do now is it. We've got to come up with something better that can stick. That last one can be considered just a bit unlucky. (Quinn chuckles nervously as Kathryn looks about the room) Purse, ......that's your new call sign.   
  
Quinn: (scowls) Why Purse?   
  
Kathryn: (points to Quinn's wash area where she had several items of makeup) Because that's where all this crap belongs, ......in a purse.....at HOME. I think you're about the only woman on board who actually can get away with wearing lipstick on duty. PINK lipstick I might add.   
  
Quinn: Old habits die hard I guess. But there's nothing wrong with doing your job and still looking just a little bit pretty while doing it. (Looks Kathryn over) In fact I could probably help you out a little bit if you want. Not that you could really put any of my tips to use on the ship, ....but maybe if you go on shore leave or something.   
  
Kathryn: (chuckles) That's okay, ....I've never really been into the whole makeup thing. And by the way, .....most people around here call me Raider. (Cocks an eyebrow in hint)   
  
Quinn: (Sighs) Ok I get the hint, ....Purse it is. It at least beats that other one. (Beat) Raider huh, .....how'd you pick up THAT name?   
  
Kathryn: (smirks) Dunno, .....just sort of did I guess.   
  
Quinn: Not going to tell me, huh?   
  
Kathryn: Hmm, .....not JUST yet. I want to see if you can survive the first few months of dealing with me day in and day out. I tend to go through wing men rather quickly.   
  
Quinn: What, ....you're hard on them or something?   
  
Kathryn: Hell no, ....they were all just too stupid to know when they should listen to me. They all thought they knew everything, .....until they got shot down that is. I've been at this game for a good long time,....so I pretty much know what I'm doing. And you'd be wise to listen to me when we're up there. (Quinn nods in agreement. At this point Kathryn stands up and extends her hand to shake) I look forward to working with you. I'll schedule a "break in" hop at zero nine hundred hours, ....and you can show me what you've got. (Quinn shakes hands and the scene dissolves to the present, ....Quinn is still sitting in her chair at the edge of the dock while staring at the water. A breeze kicks up past Quinn blowing her long red hair off to the left of her causing her to sigh in thought)   
  
Quinn: I miss you Raider.......   
  
(Cut to the inside of the house, ....Amy is still sorting through her collection of books as others she had forgotten about have caught her attention away from what she had been doing recently. Jane is busy hanging around her mother and her aunt Jane as they converse about this, that, and the other thing.)   
  
Jane Lane: (as she sits on the couch with her legs crossed) I wish the pizza guy would hurry the hell up, .....does he always take this long?   
  
Daria: Usually, .....they always seem to have a hard time finding this place. Even though they've been here about half a billion times, ....thanks to the kids that is.   
  
Jane: Hey, ....it's what we're here for.   
  
Jane Lane: To sleep, ...crap, ..and consume everything in sight. Yea, .....that about sounds like what kids are here for today.   
  
Daria: We weren't exactly any different when WE were kids you know.   
  
Jane Lane: Sure we were, .....for one thing I at least created ART when I wasn't eating or on the porcelain pony. As opposed to Trent who didn't even wake up to eat half the time.   
  
Jane: Was dad REALLY as narcoleptic as you guys say he was? Or is this just something to warp our minds with so we'll be afraid to let him drive us anywhere? (Jane Lane and Daria exchange looks)   
  
Daria: I'd have to go with both on that one.   
  
Jane Lane: Yea, ....your father HAS been known to nod off while at the wheel. You should have seen him when he was a little older than you, ....he was the scruffiest, most wiry guy you ever met with a dream that just could not be realized.   
  
Jane: Because the bombs dropped, ...right?   
  
Jane Lane: Yea well, ....there was that too. But for the most part he was hopeless anyway. That is until your mom here finally got the hints I'd been dropping for god knows how long and got their combined ass's into gear.   
  
Jane: You mean they became more responsible?   
  
Jane Lane: No, ....I mean they got their ass's into gear.....literally. Towards the back of the fallout shelter......where it was dark.......but we could still HEAR them. (Daria scowls at Jane and then punches her in the arm)   
  
Daria: Don't tell her about that, ....and we were NOT loud.   
  
Jane Lane: I beg to differ, ....I can repeat verbatim some of the things you said in the moment of passion. Shall I....... (Jane looks to begin drooling over what she thinks she's about to hear)   
  
Daria: (cuts Jane Lane off) NO, .......you shall do nothing of the sort. Or I'll be forced to play back some of the shipboard laundry room encounters between you and a few crew members that I just HAPPEN to have caught on tape.   
  
Jane Lane: (appalled) You were SPYING on me?   
  
Daria: Hey I had nothing better to do, ....besides you weren't exactly discrete. I'd come down to check on my clothes and oh LOOK, ....there's your rear end bobbing up and down on some guys johnson. (Jane is about to return fire when she and Daria turn to notice how entertained Daria's daughter has become.) And............we can change the subject now.   
  
Jane Lane: Perhaps that might be for the best.   
  
Jane: AWWWWW, ...come on. This was just getting good!   
  
Daria and Jane Lane: (in unison) Exactly!!   
  
Daria: Now go find something else to do in the meantime. (Jane plods off towards the kitchen with a sullen look on her face. Jane Lane turns to face Daria again)   
  
Jane Lane: Was my butt REALLY bobbing up and down like you say? (Daria tries not to laugh)   
  
Daria; So what else did you want to talk about? (The doorbell rings) Damn, ...hold that thought for a second.   
  
Jane Lane: I've been holding my thoughts for years, ....why do you think I've been so successful at avoiding becoming Kevin and Brittany? (Daria in the background pays the pizza guy at the door and then returns with two pies in hand)   
  
Daria: (sighs) Yea well, ...for one thing the fallout from Y2K didn't cause YOU to develop a glandular disorder that caused YOU to blow up like a balloon. THAT'S how you avoided becoming Brittany. That and you have a lot less air in your head, ......it managed to keep you delicately balanced so you don't float away.   
  
Jane Lane: (scoffs) It was such a shocker to hear that when she fell that last time, her own weight crushed her lungs. What a horrible way to die, .....couldn't she have at least taken a guy out while she was at it? At least he would have died happy, ....especially if she had fallen face down on top of the guy. With all that weight she gained they were at LEAST three times what they were in high school.   
  
Daria: (smirks) I can picture the newspaper headline, ...."Man crushed by giant breasts. Body recovered with smile stuck on face." (Jane Laughs)   
  
Jane Lane: So as long as we're on the subject, .....in what way have I avoided becoming like KEVIN? Just so I can have the indulgence of hearing your most witty response. (Daria ponders this for a moment)   
  
Daria: You didn't trip over your own shoelaces during a professional football game causing the cartilage in your nose to break upon hitting the ground thereby shoving said cartilage up into the brain killing you instantly.   
  
Jane Lane: (shakes her head) I saw that game too, .....they'd have WON that super bowl if Kevin had waited five more yards before tripping. What a bummer for the Sentinels, Huh?   
  
Daria: Some of the guys back on the sub thought so, .....a bunch of die hard red neck sports nuts that last crew was. (There is a long pause as Daria takes a moment to inhale the steaming aroma of the pizza in her hands.) Quinn's probably hungry..... (Daria turns to head into the kitchen)   
  
Jane Lane: Hey Daria, ......she's not the only one who's changed over the years you know.   
  
Daria: (stops to look her friend in the eye) How so...?   
  
Jane Lane: You actually give a crap about each other now, .......as opposed to when you used to hate each others guts and did whatever you could to avoid each other. It's a good thing, .....it just sucks that it took what it did to bring the two of you around. (Daria smiles and then continues into the kitchen to put the pizza on the table. She then heads out onto the dock in the back to inform Quinn that lunch is ready)   
  
(Cut to the edge of the dock, .....Quinn is still sitting there as the clunk of Daria's boots against the wooden planks is heard approaching.)   
  
Daria: (Sits on a wooden piling next to Quinn and studies her for a moment) So.........what's new since we talked last?   
  
Quinn: (turns in her chair to look at her sister) I was talking to Amy about the past.   
  
Daria: REALLY...? What happened to some things are just meant to be dealt with alone?   
  
Quinn: She pried and promised to keep it to herself, ....and I felt the sudden urge to talk anyway. So I talked a little.......   
  
Daria: And...?   
  
Quinn: And then you called her inside to put some books away and I haven't seen her since. I guess she just forgot about me, .....like I thought she would.   
  
  
Daria: (VO) Damn........ (Out loud) I'm sure she didn't do it on purpose, ....you know how teenagers are. The second something catches their attention........... (Beat) So......any chance you might want to talk to me instead?   
  
Quinn: (sighs) Maybe a little bit later, ...... I'm just collecting my thoughts at the moment.   
  
Daria: (reluctantly decides to accept the answer) Alright then, ......but in the mean time we've got some pizza on the table for lunch if you want it.   
  
Quinn: (smiles) Yea, .....I'm hungry. Thanks Daria. (Quinn grabs Daria's hand and holds it for just a moment. This makes Daria feel rather awkward as this is something she and her sister have NEVER done, ....even under the worst of conditions.) I hate this chair Daria, ......I feel like only half the person I once was.   
  
Daria: ( Daria tries to choke back a tear) If I could get you out of it, .....I would. (clears her throat) So, .....lets go eat before My good friend Jane Lane catches us bonding. Otherwise NEITHER of us will ever hear the end of it. (She waits for her sister to turn her chair around and then proceeds to walk behind her as Quinn wheels herself up the dock ramp onto the deck and then into the house. As Daria walks behind her sister she finds herself being thankful that she's pushed Trent into making the accessibility modifications on the house. Daria thought it strange how in the past she would have thought the world of watching her sister struggle or suffer a hardship just to see her sister get her just deserts. But that was Quinn of the past, .....a person who had the plug pulled on her the day she found out she had a cancerous tumor in her spine. A side of Quinn's personality that had been dead and buried ever since.)   
  
(Cut to the somewhere in the middle of the bay, .....approximately three miles from Daria's present location. The water is calm with the exception of an occasional motor boat disturbing the serene waters of the bay. The POV snaps to just under water where visibility is low and a patch of drifting seaweed floats in and out of view for a matter of seconds. The visible light becomes brighter as the POV breaks the surface and the surrounding water appears to drop in height about half a foot. The POV pans slowly about one hundred eighty degrees in either direction before suddenly ducking below the water again to avoid a passing boat. The POV, still under water, looks up at the churning froth created by the boats propeller as it motors away at whales pace. The POV returns to the surface and again begins to look about, stopping to notice in the distance what seemed like one or two miles away, almost too faint to view with the naked eye, is the entrance to a small waterway.)   
  
(Cut to the interior of Daria's home, .....Jane and Amy are busy talking up a storm with each other about the goings on of their personal lives now that they each had one, some of which Daria wished she couldn't hear. As some of the topics dealt with the issue of her daughters and sex. Daria knew that Jane and Allen had been intimate with each other and she took solace in the fact that Jane had been comfortable enough to come to her about it. She just wished that Jane had come to her about it BEFORE they went through with it rather than the day after. Never the less, Daria was relieved that Jane was responsible enough to think about contraception. Amy on the other hand was not so experienced in such matters to Daria's relief. She was two years into her relationship with John and so far they had not yet gone the distance with each other.   
While all of this was going on Daria and Jane Lane watched from their stools at the counter as there was not room for everybody at the kitchen table. Trent as usual just scarfed his food, belched, and then got up to give Daria a peck on the cheek before heading back to work. It was so convenient being the owner of a small business, ....it meant one could always set ones own hours. Quinn, even though she sat at the table with the others, was a different story all together. She just sat there quietly in her chair, ....occasionally taking a bite out of her food, and then staring at it for a while before taking her next bite. The kids, though genuinely concerned for their aunts well being, were at this moment more concerned with their own personal lives and the functions therein. It seemed to single Quinn out from everything else, .....everything else just seemed to flow.....and then there just sitting out of the loop, maybe trying not to be noticed, was Quinn. Daria found herself actually taking a step back and for the first time seeing herself in Quinn)   
  
Daria: (VO) My god, .......was I really like that in high school? (Quinn finished her pizza and then rolled herself away from the table and out the door towards the dock again. Daria glanced over at Jane Lane who appeared to be thinking the same thing she was. Jane jutted her eyes towards Quinn and then came back to focus on Daria, ....a gesture concurring what Daria was feeling. She pulled herself off of her stool at the counter and began to follow Quinn out to the dock being careful not to catch up until Quinn had come to a stop at the end.) A penny for your thoughts...?   
  
Quinn: (rolled herself around to face Daria in surprise and then spoke in a quinnesqe manner) You're FOLLOWING me......   
  
Daria: (in order to complete the joke she responds in kind) We go to the same school. (Daria smiles as this actually gets Quinn to laugh a little bit.)   
  
Quinn: I'm sorry I was such a pain in the ass when we were growing up, Daria.   
  
Daria: It's cool, ....it's all about making the memories. If you can't look back and laugh at yourself then chances are, ....you led a pretty freaking dull life that not even a dead person would be envious of.   
  
Quinn: Do you still want to talk about what's bugging me?   
  
Daria: Well, ......since you've got me out here already. I mean the only other place I could go to get away would be the water, right? (Quinn stares at Daria inquisitively) Oh come on, ....I was trying to be supportive.   
  
Quinn: When I was in the navy, ......I had just this one friend. She was my BEST friend in the whole world, .....I could tell her anything. We flew side by side, ....covered each others ass's, ....occasionally backed each other up in a bar fight while on shore leave........   
  
Daria: (almost falls of he piling she was sitting on) YOU got into BAR fights? YOU....................................? The person who deemed dragging a cardboard box to the curb as inhuman manual labor?   
  
Quinn: I never started them, ......Kathryn sometimes did. When she got drunk or if some guy wouldn't get the hell away from me.   
  
Daria: Kathryn's your friend then?   
  
Quinn: Yea, ....she was always there looking out for me.   
  
Daria: Sounds like she was pretty cool, .....so what happened?   
  
Quinn: I killed her...... (Daria's jaw drops nearly to the dock planks)   
  
Daria: What..........how?   
  
Quinn: It was a mistake, ......I mean...I didn't kill her myself as so much I got her killed. I broke the second and third rules of our relationship.   
  
Daria: (VO) The second and third rules? (Out loud) How did this happen?   
  
Quinn: It happened about three years ago........ (The scene fades and comes back up over the Black sea. Two F/A-18G hornets are seen flying side by side at an altitude of about five thousand feet. Each is armed with two sidewinders, multiple HARM missiles, and a compliment of retarded five hundred pound bombs.)   
  
Kathryn: (As the coast of one of the Soviet independent states passes beneath, she calls into the comm piece embedded within her mask) Eagle control, this is ghost riders one and two. Feet dry....   
  
Eagle control: Copy feet dry, .....good hunting ladies.   
  
Kathryn: Hey Purse, ....say your fuel status.   
  
Quinn: About sixteen thousand pounds, .....the gauge hasn't budged a whole lot since our last refueling.   
  
Kathryn: You've got to love these new engines the crew installed for us, .....more mileage and power for less gas. (Looks down at her terrain following radar) We're about seventy five miles from our next turn point, ....prepare to check fifteen degrees left. ( Several moments pass and then they make their turn) One hundred fifty miles to the next turn point.   
  
Quinn: Raider, ......have you ever thought about what you might do once we finally get stateside and on with our lives? I mean, ....you and I are well beyond the draft point. And re enlistment is coming up within the year for me. I was debating wether to bail from the military.   
  
Kathryn: (laughs) What's to debate, .....you hate this job. You could probably go home and have a dozen or so kids and start a whole new life. Me........I don't have anybody to go home to. Most of my family is way out of touch, ......and no guys can stand to stick around me long enough to make a commitment. Nope, ....the navy's the only family I've got now.   
  
Quinn: I can't have kids, Raider. (Kathryn looks over at Quinn in sympathy)   
  
Kathryn: Damn,.....you too huh? (Beat) Ah the hell with what the doctors say, ....you and that husband of yours will pop one out sooner or later. You just wait and see. But like I said, ....what's to debate? You hate the job and you have family at home, ....so bail.   
  
Quinn: But I love to fly, .....and I have a natural talent for it.   
  
Kathryn: That you do Purse, I've never known anyone who can evade incoming fire as good as you can.   
  
Quinn: That's not talent, .....that's saving my own ass.   
  
Kathryn: It still falls under talent since you're still alive. But you've got people at home who care about you, .....they're more of a life than this is. I'll tell you what though, ....it's only a matter of time before I get to old and they send me stateside anyway. So maybe some time I'll look you up and you can show me how to make myself pretty enough to actually catch a guy, ....what do you say?   
  
Quinn: Let me co-ordinate and replace your wardrobe as needed and you've got a deal. (Kathryn laughs)   
  
Kathryn: If you do decide to go stateside, .....do me one thing. Give some of my mermaid drawings to your sister's kids, ...or your own if you ever have any. Kids need a little magic in their lives now and again and it all seems to have disappeared from the world. Hell, ....life's magic has made me what I am today.   
  
Quinn: Raider, .....you STILL think they exist? They're just a myth told by drunk old sailors, ...nothing more.   
  
Kathryn: I'll put a fifty spot on it, ......they exist! If you can prove definitely that they don't then you win.   
  
Quinn: Count me in on that one. I could use some extra cash. (An alarm begins to sound within the cockpit and as Quinn looks down at her console the threat indicator has lit up and is showing that she has been painted by radar originating from the southeast)   
  
Kathryn: (clips her mask to her helmet) Triple A, ......there's a ZSU down there somewhere. And we thought this was just going to be another quiet night on the job.   
  
Quinn: (clips her mask to her helmet) They haven't engaged us yet, ......what are they waiting for? (The direction on the threat indicator changes from the southeast to the northwest) We've just been painted by another site, the last one has shut down. I'm getting a really bad feeling about this, Raider. (Tracers begin erupting from the ground hidden by the night) They're engaging us, ....lets do it!   
  
Kathryn: Negative, .....something's wrong. They're not even TRYING to hit us. Look at it, ......they're all over the place. Did you deploy countermeasures to throw them off or something?   
  
Quinn: Not me, ....I thought it might have been you. (The threat indicator goes silent indicating that the radar site has shut down) I'm getting a REALLY bad feeling about this.   
  
Kathryn: You and me both. (Checks her six for a moment) All right, .....there's no point in trying to second guess ourselves. Let's do it and get this over with. Standard drill, ....drop down to five hundred feet and get them to paint you again, ....I'll stay high and stand ready to engage the site the moment they do. (Quinn inverts her aircraft and begins her decent to the hard deck. Once there the triple A erupts again and Quinn begins her evasive maneuvers. Kathryn begins to yell over the comm) MIGS, .......MIGS, ....eight o'clock low and coming in fast! The sites were just tracking us for them! ( a moment later) I'm engaged with two MIGS, .....get up here fast!! (Quinn hesitates to leave the threat intact and since she is almost on top of it she goes into bombs and drops before pulling up hard and lighting her afterburner to climb as high as she can to assist her friend. Kathryn has succeeded in taking out one MIG with a missile in the time it took Quinn to come off the target, ...however the other seems almost impossible to lose) He's on my ass, Purse. Get him off me!! (At this time the dogfight has descended to less than one thousand feet)   
  
Quinn: I'm almost to you, Raider! (Kathryn along with the MIG directly behind her pass right by Quinn and she cuts the throttle, chops the flaps, and hits the speed brakes in attempt to swing in right behind the MIG, .....but she misses) Shit, ......Raider I overshot. I'm way out of position!! (Quinn immediately begins to bring her aircraft about for another attempt)   
  
Kathryn: Purse, .......I'm cutting to the hard...............(The transmission cuts to static. Quinn frantically looks to where Kathryn was headed last only to see a fireball tumbling end over end towards the ground. Quinn screams in horror as she turns her aircraft in Raiders direction to see the MIG coming towards her. With no conscious thought, ....as the MIG came into Quinn's gun sight she squeezed the trigger sending a volley of twenty millimeter cannon fire at the MIG. Small flashes burst along the MIG's engine intake indicating multiple hits and the MIG breaks off and runs for home )   
  
(Cut to the present, ....Daria is still sitting on the piling with her ear bent on every word of the story.)   
  
Quinn: I should have been there for her, .....but I screwed up. And because of it my best friend is dead. What's worse is that the MIG that got her got away from me. And there's not a day gone by where I don't blame myself for it. I used to try to keep myself busy, .....just to keep my mind off things. I continued to fly, .......but it was never the same without her. My life just seemed so..........empty. And then a year ago, .....when the doctors told me. I swear I just wanted to die right there. I've lost my friend, I've lost the ability to have kids,.....I've lost the use of my legs and with them the ability to fly, .....and for that I was discharged from the navy and left to rot in this FREAKING chair. (Pounds on the armrests) And for what, Daria? So people can make me feel even worse by seeing me as a cripple. Have you even noticed how people look at people like me? Like I'm not even human or whatever.   
  
Daria: (bites her lower lip in deep thought and after a moment decides to do, what she had once told Jodie, was the unthinkable) There's nothing I can do to change most of that, Quinn. With exception to the less than human part that is. And you are not rotting in that chair, ....I've done my very best to make you feel welcome and included. Despite all those times you've flown off the handle at the mention of you talking about what bothers you.   
(Sighs) But I think there's a way for you to have a chance to rebuild your life. A way you could sort of get back one of the things you lost. (Quinn looks up at her sister in curiosity) Jodie mentioned something to me once and I dismissed it as absurd, .....but now I'm not so sure it was. (3)   
  
Quinn: Daria, ....what the hell are you talking about?   
  
Daria: You and Joey had wanted kids for the longest time, .....and he told me once how it practically destroyed you both when you found out you couldn't have them.   
  
Quinn: So what, .....that's in the past and I've accepted it for the most part.   
  
Daria: The damage is classic right? You just can't produce eggs? And you still have control over all of your other personal functions, right?   
  
Quinn: I guess so.......   
  
Daria: (Sighs) All right then, I can't believe I'm actually going to do this but here's the deal. (Pauses and takes a deep breath) I want to help you regain part of your life, .....if you'll promise me that you'll keep talking to me about all of this to get it off your chest. Because frankly it would be traumatic to a baby for you to keep acting this way.   
  
Quinn: Wha......what are you talking about?   
  
Daria: Don't tell anybody about this, .........EVER! But I've probably only got a few years before I can't have kids anymore myself, .....And I seriously don't plan to anyway. Sooooooo.............as long as I still have a few........I'm going to give you one of mine. I'm going to give you an egg, .........just don't tell Joey how this came about. Let him think of it as some sort of miracle or something. Just so long as the kid doesn't start calling me mom.   
  
Quinn: But....how?   
  
Daria: We go through the surrogate foundation for the sake of anonymity as far as Joey and the kid are concerned. I donate to you, ....you get implanted and then I think you've got twenty four hours to screw Joey's brains out or the egg dies. It's either that or have it all done in a dish with everybody watching.   
  
Quinn: Ick.......   
  
Daria: Yea, ......that's about what I was thinking.   
  
Quinn: So....you'd do this for me?   
  
Daria: Well, ....not right away. But some time in the near future I guess.   
  
Quinn: (looks down in thought) It's not going to change the past, Daria. Or how I feel about things.   
  
Daria: I know, ......but at least if you keep talking about it. You'll come to accept it more and you'll be able to move on to bigger and better things in your life. A kid would demand a LOT of attention, ....trust me on this. (Quinn wipes a tear away from her eye) Oh god, .....don't go getting misty eyed on me. (Looks out towards the water) There's enough salt water out here as it is. (Daria gets up off the piling) I'll leave you to your thoughts for now. (Daria walks up towards the house and then inside closing the sliding glass door behind her.)   
  
(Quinn swivels her chair about in the same spot to watch her sister disappear into the house. For some strange reason she begin to smile and cry at the same time. A mixture of a thousand emotions coming at her all at once. From sorrow over her friend, to misery at all of her other losses, to happiness to an unprecedented gift from a sibling whom she herself had once refused to acknowledge in public. Such a strange turn of events this was, .....but just maybe for once. Something was about to go her way. Quinn's sorrow disappeared from thought as the greater concept of holding a child in her arms forced a tremendous smile upon her face. In a burst of energy Quinn rolled herself backward expecting to swivel around to face the water again, ....but she had forgotten how close to the edge of the dock she already was and rolled right off the edge into the water. The scene cuts to under water from about a mile away, ....the sound of something entering the water with a splash is heard echoing off the surrounding plant life and catching the attention of a curious traveler. The scene cuts again to Quinn who is still underwater, her chair is on it's side and she seems unable to free herself from the chairs seatbelt which often prevented her from slipping out when she was sitting with poor posture. Several minutes pass and Quinn has just a moment ago lost consciousness when a face appears from the darkness of the murky water and tries to get Quinn's attention before messing around with the belt buckle trying to figure out how it works.)   
  
(Cut to the surface of the water just next to the dock, Neirte (4) bursts to the surface with Quinn in hand but she is unconscious and not breathing which disturbs Neirte greatly. She submerges again and with a quick thrust propels them both up and onto the end of the dock. At this point Neirte looks about frantically for help and before long spies someone on the inside of the nearby structure. She scoots herself up the planks and over the deck as quickly as possible before smacking into the sliding glass door catching the attention of Amy who at the time was busy doing the dishes in the kitchen. Neirte while rubbing her forehead and trying to understand what she had just run into recognizes the person in the kitchen as the very person she had been searching for. )   
  
Amy: Oh my god, ......how did you get here? (Neirte frantically points towards the end of the dock where after opening the door to take a look see's Quinn unconscious and calls for help) MOM, ....come quick something's wrong with aunt Quinn!! (Amy steps over Neirte who after ward scoots out of the door way in time for everyone else to come running past, their attention focused on the problem at hand rather than her. Neirte scoots her way to the dock and then rolls off the edge back into the water for air.)   
  
(Cut to the edge of the dock, .....Jane Lane and Daria are kneeling over Quinn trying to administer CPR as best they can while the kids look on hoping there's something that they can do to help)   
  
Jane Lane: (Gives Quinn two breaths) Come on dammit! (Daria gives chest compressions while counting to five. After only two sets of each Quinn coughs up a bunch of sea water and opens her eyes groggily)   
  
Quinn: I think I need to get a new seat belt buckle on that chair, ......it sticks. (Jane Lane laughs)   
  
Jane Lane: So Amy, ....I guess you're the big hero here, huh?   
  
Amy: No I'm not. I didn't even know until I saw aunt Quinn was lying on the dock.   
  
Jane: But if aunt Quinn was unconscious, .....how'd she get out of the water and onto the dock without the use of her legs or assistance from anyone else?   
  
Amy: A friend of mine pulled her out and then got my attention.   
  
Jane Lane: (in disbelief in favor of modesty) A friend of yours, huh? So where is this friend now?   
  
Amy: Near by, ....she's just shy. (VO) Skittish is more like it.   
  
Daria: And does this person have a name?   
  
Amy: She does yes, .....it's Neirte. (Daria stares at her for a moment, she had also believed at first that Amy was just being modest)   
  
Daria: Well, ..that's unique. Can you ask her to come back, .....we'd like to show our appreciation.   
  
Amy: She's really not used to attention from people. (Vo) I mean humans. (Out loud) She usually just likes to hang around me.   
  
Daria: (irritated) Where's your friend, Amy?   
  
Amy: (reluctant) Under the dock, .....I think. Unless she swam away.   
  
Quinn: What the hell is she still in the water for, .....get her up here before she drowns herself or something.   
  
Amy: (VO) The odds of that happening are about absolute ZERO. (Out loud) O......kay, you asked for it. (She walks to the edge of the dock) Neirte, ......come on up. (No response) Neirte, ....you've been bugging me to introduce you to my family for the longest time. This is them! (VO) And I keep forgetting that she doesn't understand that much English. (Out loud) Neirte, ....Nichte' efti. ( A moment later a pair of hazel eyes surface to just above the water. Amy begins to use sign language) Remember the photo you've been holding onto? This is them, .....for the most part. (Neirte surfaces further)   
  
Daria: (quietly to Jane Lane) Is it me or have we heard that language somewhere before? (Jane Lane just nods in agreement)   
  
Jane: (amused) She likes swimming in the buff does she?   
  
Amy: (scoffs) You're just jealous because she's more well endowed than you are.   
  
Jane: (looks down at her own chest) Okay, ....you've got me there.   
  
Amy: (in sign language) Neirte, ....what brought you here. You normally head south for the winter about now.   
  
Neirte: (in sign) I was looking for you, ....you promised that I would get to meet my new family but you never told me where you lived. I've been searching up and down the coast for you. (Points to Quinn) Who is this?   
  
Amy: (in sign) This is my mothers sister, Quinn.   
  
Jane Lane: Ahem, .....I hate to break up this wonderful conversation here but not everyone is fluent in sign language. And what's the deal anyway, ...is she deaf or something?   
  
Amy: (turns to face her aunt Jane) No, ....she can't speak. (VO) Above water, ....did I forget to mention that? Damn that memory of mine. ( A splash of water is heard from behind and everyone else's faces seem to drop)   
  
Daria: Oh my.......god. (Daria gestures to Jane Lane who then turns and jogs into the house to fetch something)   
  
Amy: (Turns around to notice that Neirte has lifted herself up onto the dock placing herself in full view) Oh uh.............did I mention that Neirte is a mermaid? (Everyone who is still present on the dock stands gaping with mouths open)   
  
Quinn: (staring at this fair skinned beauty) I can't believe it, .......Raider was right! (Quinn props herself up on her hands and arms and drags herself over towards Neirte who seems amused that Quinn moves about on land much like she does. Neirte begins to sign to Amy)   
  
Neirte: (in sign) Why does she not walk on her fins like the others of your kind?   
  
Amy: (in sign) They're called legs, .....remember I told you about that? And Quinn's don't work anymore.   
  
Neirte; (In sign) Why?   
  
Amy: (in sign) It's complicated, ...I'll try to explain later.   
  
Jane: Ahem, .......you're doing it again. What the hell is she saying?   
  
Amy: She's asking why aunt Quinn doesn't use her legs. (Jane Lane arrives in the background and hands a tape recorder to Daria)   
  
Daria: Amy, .....how is it that you spoke her language earlier?   
  
Amy: I don't know very much of it, ....it's pretty hard to learn. She doesn't know much English either, but through pictures at first I was able to establish sign language as a common language between us. And now we're trying to learn from each other. ( Neirte holds out her arms as if looking for a hug)   
  
Jane Lane: Okay, ....what did we miss? Does she want a group hug or something?   
  
Amy: Um......no, she's looking for acceptance. I sort of, ...accidentally adopted her into the family about two years ago. (The scene becomes eerily silent as everyone turns to look at Amy) It was a misunderstanding, ....but it's just as well anyway. She's got NOBODY, ....her family got eaten by sharks and she's all alone now with exception to us. And apparently that little fact makes her an outcast among her own people, .....they figure if you don't belong to a family then you don't belong anywhere.   
  
Jane: Talk about your sob stories. (In the background Neirte puts her arms down and looks sad)   
  
Amy: You guys can keep this whole thing quiet though right? I mean if too many people know then she'll end up in some lab somewhere where a bunch of gestapo type guys will try to figure out what makes her tick.   
  
Daria: Amy, you have no idea the circumstances I have to deal with at this moment. I... (She is cut off by Quinn)   
  
Quinn: Yes we can.......   
  
Daria: (extremely annoyed) Excuse me? (Quinn ignores Daria as she reaches out to touch Neirte's nose)   
  
Quinn: My god, .....you look just like Raider. (The scene flashes back to a point in Quinn's career)   
  
(The scene is in Quinn's quarters aboard the KittyHawk. Kathryn is seen drawing with colored pencils in a large art notebook)   
  
Kathryn: What do you think Quinn? (She turns it about to show Quinn the picture of a mermaid she'd drawn. The human half is of a fair skinned teenage woman with long flowing black hair and hazel eyes that just seemed to burst with curiosity. She is leaning on a rock underneath a clear ocean as if she had just woken from sleep)   
  
Quinn: I think you just drew yourself into one of your fantasies. Which is a first for you, ...it's cute though. (Kathryn Laughs)   
  
Kathryn: It would be nice if I could remember her name, what a shame. (Smirks as she withholds information)   
  
Quinn: Kathryn, ....you have the BIGGEST imagination I've ever seen.   
  
(The scene flashes back to the present)   
  
Daria: Congratulations Quinn, ....you've touched her. Now let me have a try. (Daria holds the tape recorder close to Neirte and presses play. A strange sounding language emanates from it, one that had been recorded on sonar from a submarine, this causes Neirte to snatch it from Daria and begin signing frantically) What the hell is she saying?   
  
Amy: I can't make it out, ...she's going to fast. "Keia Soleis" (Neirte Stops for a moment and then goes slower but with the same degree of urgency) She thinks you've captured the soul of her mother in the box and she wants you to release her. Mom, ....do you have a blank tape?   
  
Jane Lane: (whips one out of her pocket) I thought I'd bring one just in case. (Amy removes the cassette and replaces it with the blank one.)   
  
Amy: (in sign) Your mother is not in the box, ...it's just a copy of her voice. (Amy records her own voice and plays it back for Neirte who, after looking back and forth between Amy and the cassette player, calms down. She then points to the other tape and Amy accommodates by replacing the other tape, rewinding it and playing it for her)   
  
Jane Lane: So what's her mother saying on the tape?   
  
Amy: I have no idea, ....like I said I only know a few words.   
  
Quinn: It doesn't matter. (She extends her arms much the way Neirte had done earlier. Neirte stops and smiles before reciprocating)   
  
Daria: (looks astonished) Quinn, ....what the hell are you doing?   
  
Quinn: If she wants acceptance into the family then she's got it.   
  
Daria: (looks furious) Quinn, ...what the....you can't......   
  
Quinn: HEY, .....if it keeps the memory of my friend alive then I say she's in. And if I could move my feet I'd put one of them down.   
  
Jane Lane: What the hell is she talking about?   
  
Daria: (sighs and pinches her sinuses) It's personal.   
  
Jane Lane: It must be. (Gestures Daria to walk down the dock with her) Hey admiral, ...can I talk to you for a second? (Daria complies) Is it me or have we stumbled into a strange number of moral dilemmas here.   
  
Daria: How so?   
  
Jane Lane: Well, ...on the one hand we've got our jobs. The one where we're supposed to seek out the source of that weird chatter that the subs have been picking up on SONAR. And damned if it doesn't appear that we've found it.   
  
Daria: I noticed, ....so what are the dilemmas?   
  
Jane Lane: Well for one, ....this Neirte has been under the impression that she's part of the family for the past couple of years. Can we really just toss her to the wind like that? Two, ...Amy's right. She'd get stuck in a lab somewhere and probed like a lab rat, ....and that's if word doesn't get out to the general public sending every yahoo with a net out fishing for her people just so they can either have a prize or get themselves on the news. Would you really be able to live with that on your conscience? And three, .....she saved your sisters life so that's got to count something I would think. That is unless you totally disregard the whole life debt system. And four, (she points to Quinn) your sister seems to be forming a bond with this mermaid. I'm not sure what the deal is but she relates to her in some way or another. And if you look closely, ....she appears happy. As opposed to her usual depressed self, that is.   
  
Daria: It could just be temporary.   
  
Jane Lane: Maybe so, .....but if you step back and take a look at it all. The pro's seem to outweigh the conn's here. Besides, ....it's not like Neirte will be at the kitchen table every night. She just wants to belong somewhere if I understand your daughter right.   
  
Daria: (sighs) As if the family isn't strange enough, .....now we have a fish as a family member.   
  
Jane: I thought you knew,.....that's what makes us Lanes so damned special. We thrive on the strange and unusual, ...it keeps the clan strong.   
  
Daria: We'll just have to be careful about asking if we could have her for dinner sometime. (Jane Lane Laughs) So what do we do then?   
  
Jane Lane: What we've always done, .....act like we know nothing and keep searching for something we already know exists. That way we keep pulling in that nice paycheck and keep the benefits, .....and the government knows jack maintaining the sanctity of our family.   
  
Daria: "Sergeant Shultz" then?   
  
Jane Lane: "Sergeant Shultz". (The both shake hands in agreement)   
  
Daria: I wonder what my mom would say about this if she were alive?   
  
Jane Lane: I dunno, ....but I bet it would involve lasagna for dinner. (Daria laughs) In the mean time, ....your daughters got a new friend, ...and your sister is happy for once. I say just flow with it.   
  
Daria: We should probably give her something to wear if she's going to be hanging around.   
  
Jane Lane: Yea, ....don't need Trent staring at somebody else's rack now do we.   
  
Daria: Actually I was thinking about your son, William.   
  
Jane Lane: (long pause) You may have a point there. You could always cut the legs off a wet suit, make a Christmas present out of it.   
  
Daria; If she knows what Christmas is, ....and if she's around at that time of year. I wouldn't be surprised if she migrates to warmer water in the winter.   
  
Jane Lane: At the very least it should make things interesting around here. Now give the fish girl a hug and let her know she's got a place somewhere.   
  
Daria: You really know how to make a point, Jane. And I really do HATE you for it sometimes.   
  
Jane Lane: (bows) Glad to be of service. (They turn and begin to walk back towards the end of the dock)   
  
The End................................   
  
Footnotes:   
  
1) Quinn is mentioned in "The Old and the New" as having lost the use of her legs due to a malignant tumor in her lower spine that had to be removed via surgery.   
  
2) Daria has spent most of her adult life in the navy after having been drafted. Most of her career was spent serving on a submarine until she was recently promoted to the rank of rear admiral.   
  
3) Reference to "The Old and the New" where Jodie brought up the idea that Daria donate an ovum to Quinn so that she might have what Daria has, a family. That is since sixty percent of the worlds population is infertile due to the fallout that circled the globe from Y2K.   
  
4) Amy encountered Neirte when a charter boat Amy had spent the day fishing on ran aground   
tossing Amy overboard along with several other passengers and rendering her unconscious. Neirte pulled Amy to shore where upon waking up she convinced her to stay despite Neirte's urges to flee.   
  
Comments are always welcome. I may be contacted at Wildgoose81@hotmail.com


	8. Reunions

Disclaimer: Daria and all related characters are the property of MTV and Viacom productions.   
  
Note: This story is the next in the Submariner Series and as did the stories before it, it proceeds under the premise that whatever was feared to go wrong at the onset of Y2K, ...did.   
  
  
  
  
Reunions  
By  
Wildgoose  
  
  
  
  
  
(Quinn sat there on the pale blue couch in her living room staring at the television set hoping that whatever programming was on at that time be it interesting, boring, or just another meaningless commercial, it would serve to distract her from a dilemma that was plaguing her mind. She was feeling the urge to use the bathroom, and although a bodily function that one would normally not give a second thought to, it did bother Quinn. She turned her attention from the Tv set that stood before her blaring countless images and meaningless sounds and turned it yet again towards the grey wheelchair that sat nearby within arms reach, almost beckoning for her to pull herself into it. Serving yet again as a reminder that no matter how often she might drag herself out of it, .....no matter how LONG she might be out of it. She was still it's prisoner, ....forever doomed to return to it's embrace. Destined to be her only source of actual independence, .....for without it. She could go nowhere by herself.   
Quinn paused for a moment, ....debating whether or not she should chance rolling off the couch and using her arms and elbows to drag herself to the bathroom which fortunately was on the first floor, the same as her. She could do this and make it without a problem, .....but the downside was that flopping on her belly and then dragging it across the floor would pose a tremendous risk to the unborn child which Quinn was now carrying. "Unacceptable" Quinn thought, ...."This is the only chance I'll ever have to be a mother, ....I CAN'T take any chances whatsoever." Quinn lifted her shirt and placed one hand over her lower abdomen in hopes that she would feel the child stir, ....even though she was only four months pregnant and was only just barely beginning to show. It gave her a tremendous rush, ...the thought that her own sister who had always been so uptight about her own body, would give her such an astounding gift as one of her own ovum so that Quinn might have for the first time in her life something that Daria had been able to cherish for the past seventeen years, a child of her own.  
Quinn felt the ever urgent pressure on her bladder, no doubt being aggravated by the child positioned on top of it, indicating that she had to go. She knew all to well that while she did still retain SOME muscle control at least in that specific area, ....it was not enough to hold out much longer. She would have to climb back into the chair if she was to make it to the bathroom before turning her undergarments to say nothing of a perfectly good pair of loose fitting jeans, into a damp yellow stained mess. Quinn groaned loudly, reached off to her left to grab one of the arms of the wheelchair and yanked it in front of her before locking the brakes and after several slow but seemingly complex maneuvers using only her arms as a means of control and support, she dropped her butt into the seat, unlocked the brakes and wheeled herself down the hallway to the bathroom.   
The scene fades to around mid evening and focuses on the front door as the screech of a deadbolt is heard a mere moment before the knob turns and the door opens wide revealing a black haired man of a medium build who appears to carry a black computer case. He sets the case down on a nearby end table after closing the door behind him and looks about the room before deciding to hail any who might be home.)   
  
Man: Quinn,......I'm home! ( a moment of silence passes before Quinn appears from the kitchen, rolling herself along with a slow and even stride of her arms. She has since changed out of her jeans and is now wearing a simple sleep shirt that comes down well over her knee's. The man studies her every move with admiration. (VO) .....What tough stuff she must be made of to be able to sit with her movements restricted and not scream out with despair. Clearly a better person than myself, ......I think I would have gone mad long ago were I in her position.   
  
Quinn: Hey Joey, ......dinner will be ready soon. I hope you don't mind something quick, ......I really wasn't in the mood to get back in this chair for very long. I'm just heating up some frozen lasagna, (lets out a long heavy sigh) .....I KNOW, I've picked up one of my mothers old bad habits. I'll try not to let tonight repeat itself TOO often.   
  
Joey: That's okay, .....whatever you feel like throwing on the table. I'm hungry enough to eat just about anything. (Quinn smiled, .....Joey was always so tolerant of her. She loved that about him, .....even when she was at her worst within the first year after she had lost the use of her legs, he was tolerant of her as well as supportive. He'd installed a chair system next to the banister along the staircase that allowed her to move upstairs and down with relative ease for someone in Quinn's position, ....he'd also bought a second wheelchair that could be left at the very top of the stairs so that she would never have to worry about troubling someone to bring her other one up for her. Joey leaned down and gave Quinn a kiss)  
  
Quinn: It's in the microwave, .....it should be done in about twenty minutes or so. (Quinn wheels herself over to the couch and sets the brakes) Can you help me out of this thing, .....my back is killing me. (Joey walks over as Quinn holds her arms up and he lifts her out of the chair before setting her down on the couch and positioning her legs in a way that would allow her to lie down in comfort) I checked the mail already, .....it doesn't look like anything important. Just some junk I think. I left it all over on the kitchen table. ( Joey walks into the kitchen and begins to peruse the mail before pausing on a single letter that had the return address of Lawndale high school)   
  
Joey: Hey Quinn, .....did you notice this letter from your old high school?  
  
Quinn: (rolls her eyes and sighs as she'd been hoping he wouldn't bring it up. Joey always seemed to take the time to examen each and every piece of mail no matter how trivial, ....it was annoying at times. Especially when she was trying to avoid something.) Yea, ....it's nothing. Toss it if you want to, I don't want it.  
  
Joey: But it's not even opened, ....how can you tell if it's really nothing?   
  
Quinn: DUH, ........because Daria got one just like it. She was telling me about it earlier over the phone. Trust me, ....it's nothing.   
  
Joey: (Raises an eyebrow in interest before deciding to disregard Quinn's suggestion. He grabs a small knife out of the silverware drawer and slices open the edge of the letter before withdrawing the envelopes contents. After a moment of reading he calls over to Quinn in the living room) What do you mean nothing? This says that your high school is holding a combined reunion for the nineteen ninety nine and two thousand classes, .......this is twenty five years for you isn't it?  
  
Quinn: And twenty six for Daria, ......I'll give you two guesses at just how thrilled SHE is at the concept of going.   
  
Joey: And what about you?   
  
Quinn: (frowns) Sometimes siblings DO think alike, Joey.   
  
Joey: It can't be THAT bad, ...you always seemed to like high school back then. Remember how popular you were, ....had guys hanging off you and everything.   
  
Quinn: (rolls her eyes as if in anguish) And I was a shallow stuck up little nightmare, .....you'd asked me out countless times back then. And I'd turned you down every time, ....just because you weren't as popular as myself or the people I hung out with. I was horrible to you back then, .....not exactly a thought that I choose to cherish. And since thinking about my school days causes such memories to resurface you can understand why I have a dislike for them.  
  
Joey: (he drops the letter back onto the kitchen counter and walks into the living room so that he might be able to converse with his wife face to face) So what changed your mind about me?   
  
Quinn: (she looks off to the side in thought for a brief moment before focusing her eyes once again on Joey) After it all happened, .....I was forced to realize that popularity didn't really amount to SQUAT. And that maybe I should give a chance to someone who might actually care ABOUT me, ....rather than how well others LIKED me. You were the only one I knew who had ever shown an interest in just getting to know me, ........FOR me. (Long pause) And I'm glad I did, .....give you a chance that is..   
  
Joey: You've come a long way, .....what better reason to go back and show people what a great person you've become.   
  
Quinn: ( Her expression becomes saddened as she looks away from her husband once again, ....not wanting him to see just how much the loss of her mobility still hurt her deep down) Because unless they've all changed in a way that would allow them to relate, .....all they'll see is a cripple in a wheel chair. Not the person who on the inside is still beautiful and vibrant, .......at least that's who YOU claim to see. (Joey chuckles)  
  
Joey: You ARE beautiful and vibrant, ....no chair can change that. And so what if you have to look up at them, ......you'll never have to look up TO them. How many of them can say they used to fly an F-18 hornet into the jaws of an adversary and back again, ......how many of them will be able to say that they are or at least at one time WERE with child? So few people can still have kids these days. Your accomplishments in life are countless......  
  
Quinn: (smiles) Don't try to over inflate my ego, Joey.   
  
Joey: (smiles) But I'm so damned GOOD at it. (Long pause) So will you go? You know it would be good for you, .....catching up with old acquaintances. Which ever ones are still alive that is, .....  
  
Quinn: Oh give me a break, .....do you know how depressing it would be finding out that a bunch of people I used to know are now dead? And what about you, ......you graduated the same year I did.   
  
Joey: (He bites his lower lip in regret of what he has to say next, ....he knows it won't advance the discussion in his favor a bit but rather turn the table more towards his wife, .....but facts were facts. And he had another reason which he felt it would be best not to tell her just yet) I can't, ......the thirteenth falls on a Friday night. You know that's my late night at work, .....and there's never been any getting out of it because nobody else wants to stay a minute longer than they have to.   
  
Quinn: So then why should I have to go, .....I can't exactly drive myself you know. And even if I could, ....I don't want to go alone.  
  
Joey: Convince Daria to go with you, ....she's invited too from what you've told me.   
  
Quinn: (Quinn scoffs at the mere mention of this) No way, ......Daria would never be caught dead at a reunion of ANY kind. The closest thing was when she went to my cousins wedding when she was seventeen and that was only because my mom trapped her into it by making sure that she was a bridesmaid.   
  
Joey: Fine then, ......I'LL convince her.   
  
Quinn: What makes you think you can do THAT? And even if you did, .....what makes you think I would want to go regardless?   
  
Joey: I can use her own conscience on her, .....that's the easiest thing in the world to do. I've been doing it to my own family for years. And as for you........  
  
Quinn: Wait, .....why are you so eggar for me to go to this stupid thing anyway? It's just a stupid class reunion.  
  
Joey; Because it will get you out of the house and about instead of sitting here and vegetating. Go do something interesting, ......I can only provide you with so much entertainment. (Gets down on his knee's at the edge of couch)  
  
Quinn: (scowls) What the hell are you doing?   
  
Joey: Well prior to you cutting me off, .....I was about to let you in on how I intended to convince YOU to go.   
  
Quinn: (groans) Do I even want to know? What's it to be, .....Chinese water torture, the rack, ....a week wearing my sisters old clothes?  
  
Joey: Worse. (He lifts her long shirt exposing her lower body from her abdomen clear down to her knee's, presses his mouth against Quinn's groin and begins to blow through her underwear)   
  
Quinn: Oh no, ...come on Joey. You know I can't squirm away, ......Joey I'm really not in the .......................................uhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnn........(long pause as Quinn takes a breath and flutters her eyelids) How is this worse?  
  
Joey: (pauses to look up at her) Because I COULD stop and head into the kitchen to see if dinner is done.   
  
Quinn: (casts an angry glare) You bastard, ......don't you dare leave me hanging after getting me into the mood. It's been months since.................  
  
Joey: ( lifts his left knee off the carpet and takes a foot) This is me getting up, .....you know I'm hungry when I get off work. (Pauses and then gets up onto the other foot) I've gotten up, ......do I really have to walk away? (Silent pause) As you wish then..........  
  
Quinn: (she reaches out in an attempt to grab him and halt his retreat into the kitchen but misses and calls out in despair) Wait...........alright, ....I'll go! Just come back here and finish what you've started.   
  
Joey: (smirks evilly) I knew you'd see things my way, .....I'll talk to Daria about it tomorrow. She's usually home on Saturdays isn't she? (Joey walks back over to Quinn's side, drops down to his knee's again and lifts the front of Quinn's shirt depositing it near her neck. He then places one ear against her lower abdomen as if listening to something, before righting his head and speaking to Quinn's abdomen) Spread out shorty, ......mommy and I need a little time to ourselves tonight. (Joey leans forward and begins to deposit kisses of affection about Quinn's neck and chest)   
  
(The scene fades to the next morning at Daria's house, ......her daughter Jane is sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of frosted flakes while the radio plays in the background. "Turn the Page" by Metallica is the current song playing. Daria's other daughter Amy comes walking into the kitchen with the cordless phone pressed against her ear, talking as she goes.)   
  
Amy: So let me get this straight, ..............you want us to drag aunt Quinn up to the mall for WHAT reason?   
  
Joey: I've managed to talk her into going to this twenty five year reunion thing at her old high school, ...but she's feeling kind of down in the dumps about all of her old friends seeing her in a wheel chair. So I was hoping you and maybe your sister could help her pick out a new outfit that she could wear, ......your aunt Quinn LOVES to shop for clothes. And I figure it might take her mind off that damned chair just long enough for her to enjoy herself.   
  
Amy: Yea okay, .....so why does she need our help to pick out a wardrobe? Personally,......... I know two things about trendy clothes. Jack and shit, and Jack left town, ....I'm an egghead remember? (Joey laughs over the phone loud enough so that Jane can hear it from her seat at the table)   
  
Jane: (calling over from her seat at the table) That uncle Joey? (Amy nods her head yes) I see he agree's with you. ( Amy quickly retorts with the middle finger)   
  
Joey: Let her do all the picking if you feel that way about it, ......but lend your opinion now and again. And try not to let her pick anything out that might be too form fitting, ......I doubt she will given the pregnancy. But if she did it would be difficult for her to get into by herself and I know something like that would only serve to depress her.   
  
Amy: Not a problem then I guess, .....you're driving us I take it?   
  
Joey: That's not a problem for you either is it?   
  
Amy: Oh hell no, ....free transportation is never a problem for me. So how are we getting home, .....or do I even need to ask?  
  
Joey: I'll ask your mother if she can do it, ......I have a few things I need to take care of.   
  
Amy: Right then, ....see you when you get here.   
  
Joey: Oh and Amy.....?  
  
Amy: Yea?  
  
Joey: I'll leave you guys a little extra cash, .....show her a good time will you? Quinn really needs to get out more, .....she stays in the house too much lately.   
  
Amy: Worried about her are you?   
  
Joey: Shows does it?   
  
Amy: Take it this way, .....your concern for her could be seen from space with the naked eye. (Joey laughs) I'll see you when you get here. (Amy hangs up and then turns to her sibling)   
  
Amy: Uncle Joey's coming over with Aunt Quinn, ...he wants us to take a run up to the mall with her to do some shopping. You in or out?  
  
Jane: Anything in it for us?  
  
Amy: Might make us feel that we did something good for once by helping aunt Quinn feel better about herself. She's going to some shindig at her old high school.  
  
Jane: (Pauses in thought for a moment as she reflects on a discussion she had overheard between Daria and her aunt Jane the previous night) Oh yea, ....I heard mom talking about that last night. A reunion or something.   
  
Amy: Huh, .....mom let her old teachers live? Who'd have thought,... the way she used to complain about them whenever aunt Jane would get her going on the subject. (Amy looks out towards the dock from the sliding glass door in the kitchen and see's William sitting with his fishing rod in hand as he waits patiently for a bite. Neirte is sitting beside him with her head resting against his shoulder as she occasionally swats the surface of the water with her tail fins. Amy opens the door and calls out to them.) HEY, ......GET A ROOM OR SOMETHING!! Or some scuba gear, .....whichever is easiest for you. (Jane glances over at her sister as she closes the sliding glass door)   
  
Jane: You just live to bust their nuts, ....don't you?  
  
Amy: Hey, ....they bring it down on themselves. Where else can you go to watch a Faye and a human flirting with each other?  
  
Jane: No place I know of, .... considering that the people within our immediate but odd little family are the only ones that know she exists. (Beat) They do seem to hang out a lot, ...don't they. (Pauses in thought) Ah, ....I wouldn't worry about it. They're physically incompatible, .....sooner or later they'll each catch their eye on somebody more interesting, ....and more their type for that matter.  
  
Amy: Who's worrying, .....I just find it amusing to bust on them. (Beat) So anyway, .....back to the subject at hand. Uncle Joey and aunt Quinn will be here within the half hour so unless you plan on going to the mall in nothing but a pair of panties and a sports bra, ....I would suggest you go get dressed.   
  
Jane: (looks down at herself in amusement and then back up at her sibling) I don't know, .....I figure it might be a bit of a trend setter. Hey, ....back in mom's day that Madonna woman wore her underwear on the outside of her clothes once and the next thing you know everybody was doing it. (Beat) Well, ....almost everybody.   
  
Amy: Yea well, ....the last time I checked you were neither a famous rock star nor a trend setter. So go get dressed, because I certainly don't want to look at YOUR body.  
  
Jane: (looks down at herself to note her figure) If I could figure out a way to add some weight up top without getting fat then at least the GUYS might. (Amy stares at her as if she's pathetic causing Jane to sigh and push her bowl if cereal away) Oh alright, ....I just hope we get some food money out of this. (She gets up from the table and heads upstairs to get dressed for the day. Amy waits for a moment before leaving the kitchen herself to go watch some Tv in the living room while awaiting Jane's change of clothing. After Amy has left the room, .....a curious Daria steps out of the shadows from the adjoining laundry room. She places her basket of laundry on the floor long enough to close the closet like hinged door behind her and then turns to look out the sliding glass door at William and Neirte before picking her load back up and heading out of the kitchen as she mumbles to herself )  
  
Daria: Well, .....at least MY kids are normal. (Daria shakes her as she says this knowing full well that she didn't mean that literally, .....but rather to imply to herself that Jane Lane, her good friend and sister in law, would probably have a heart attack if she found out her son had affections for someone outside of the human species, ....or at least partially outside.)  
  
(Cut to the dairy queen on the outskirts of town, ......the sun beats down on all of those under it as it continues it's relentless mission to melt the customers ice cream faster than he or she can eat it. Daria and Jane having been a couple of the few lucky enough to secure a table equipped with an umbrella for shade, .....sat on the benches on either side of the table enjoying their custards while discussing whatever it was that came into their minds on days like these.)  
  
Jane Lane: So what made you decide to come down here? Burger place not good enough for you anymore?  
  
Daria: Give me a break, Jane. It's too hot for grease today, ....besides your doctor has been warning you about your cholesterol as it is.   
  
Jane Lane: Doctor shmoctor, .....what does he know that my own body doesn't?  
  
Daria: I would say a lot, ......I don't see your body holding a medical degree.   
  
Jane Lane: What's the matter Daria, ....afraid I'll croak on you?   
  
Daria: If that were the case I think I'd be more afraid that you were turning into a frog and that I'd have to kiss you to get you back.   
  
Jane Lane: (Smirks) So you'd leave me stuck as a frog forever I take it?  
  
Daria: You're quick, ......you should be on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" or something. (Jane laughs and ends up coughing some soft ice cream through her nose and then holding her palm against her forehead for a couple of minutes) Ahhhhhhggggg..........brain freeze!!! (Daria laughs as Jane resumes her normal composure as the pain subsides)   
  
Jane Lane: So what else is new, amiga? I assume something is new since you actually asked ME if I wanted to get some ice cream rather than vice versa. I've always been more the custard type.  
  
Daria: Why does something always have to be new? Can't I just enjoy some ice cream on a hot day with my friend?  
  
Jane Lane: Nope, ......the laws of cynicism forbid it. At least that's the way you wrote the book back in our school days.  
  
Daria: (smiles and takes a bite from the cone itself) I thought I burned that book when I had kids?  
  
Jane Lane: Nope, .....that was just a copy that was provided just to amuse you. The original one was hidden away safely upon our declared graduation. I think we put it right next to the book of the dead.   
  
Daria: (raises an eyebrow in jest) Didn't Andrea have that in her possession the last time we checked?   
  
Jane Lane: Shouldn't you say, ....before she bought it?  
  
Daria: Either or, .....it all works the same for me. (Daria smiles and begins to laugh at something her friend had said only a few moments ago)   
  
Jane Lane: What's so funny?   
  
Daria: I was just thinking of how you put that, ..."our declared graduation."   
  
Jane Lane: Well that's what it was, ....there was no ceremony given all of the fallout and that there was still so much confusion that nobody knew who was dead or alive yet. Everybody in the country who had at least attended the tenth grade was declared a high school graduate and issued a GED as soon as things started to get back to normal.  
  
Daria: (shakes her head in annoyance) Damned school records had to be destroyed didn't they. What's the world coming to....? (Sighs) Anyway, ....given any thought to the whole reunion thing?   
  
Jane Lane: Aha, .....I knew there was something on your mind. You just hate social gatherings don't you?   
  
Daria: I guess the fact that I never throw any parties gave me away, ...huh?   
  
Jane Lane: Well, ....it took me a good twenty years or so but I finally figured it out. I'm not as think as you dumb I am. (Daria can't help but chuckle at her friends age old sense of humor) So don't go, ...no big deal. I'm going, ....it'll suck without you but there's not a whole lot I can do about it is there.   
  
Daria: You're going, ...... why are YOU going?  
  
Jane Lane: For the plain and simple purpose of showing up, ....seeing who's still alive, and then laughing at them for turning out to be such losers.   
  
Daria: How can you be so sure that we're the ones who didn't turn out to be the losers?  
  
Jane Lane: Because gods an art lover and he wouldn't do that to ME.  
  
Daria: Don't be so sure old friend. (Beat) He's playing matchmaker between your son and a certain Faye we all know. (Jane spits out her ice cream in the middle of a double take)   
  
Jane Lane: WHAT............?  
  
Daria: (after seeing the severity of her friends reaction Daria decides that the ends don't justify the means as well as she'd thought) Gotcha........   
  
Jane Lane: (places her hand over her chest and shakes her head) Don't DO that, .....or I may not be around long enough to WORRY about my cholesterol.   
  
Daria: (Sighs heavily and decides to get back to the original topic of conversation) But seriously, ......why ARE you going?  
  
Jane Lane: I figure I can get a few good photo's there that might inspire a new painting or two. My work hasn't been selling so well lately and I could use a few fresh ideas. (Beat) I could use the extra money too, .....you know? (Daria reads into her friends troubled tone of voice and can tell that Jane is actually serious. She debates whether or not to pry into her friends financial affairs)  
  
Daria: How bad do you need the money? (Jane laughs at this)   
  
Jane: Relax, ....nobody's going to starve or anything. I just don't have as much cash as I might like, .... you know? .....I'm trying to stash a little away for Christmas this year, make it sweet for everybody.   
  
Daria; ( Daria debates whether or not she believes the line Jane has just sold her but reluctantly opts to let it drop for the moment) And you really think that going to a high school reunion will provide the necessary inspiration?   
  
Jane Lane: I sure as hell hope so, .....I really don't feel like saturating the market with portraits of Neirte. Although, ...those are actually the ones that have been selling. They fly right off the easel I tell you, ......it's that "fascinated with everything" look she's got. It makes it all seem so real to the buyer, ..you know?   
  
Daria: I can relate, ......so you were saying about inspiration?   
  
Jane Lane: Well think about it, .....there's a good chance that there will be some screwed up or disfigured people there that will spark my imagination. Not everybody was as lucky as you and I to have a bomb shelter immediately available back then.   
  
Daria: You're hoping Sandi Griffin shows up aren't you?   
  
Jane Lane: I'm hoping she's put on a few........dozen pounds, she'd be in her own personal hell from it. That I know for sure,..... given that no modeling agency in the world would have a use for an over weight super model. That is unless she's modeling clothing for plus size women.  
  
Daria: (mulls the subject over for a moment or two before responding) She's put on weight before.......  
  
Jane Lane: Right, ....and you saw what it did to her emotionally. Just think if she were huge.   
  
Daria: Just think if there were a dozen kids hanging off her neck instead, .....she'd be everything SHE hates but everybody ELSE would want, at least these days. At any rate, she'd be conflicted. She can't stand having her figure or her old reputation ruined but at the same time she couldn't afford to be anything but the model parent on the outside because it would destroy any sort of reputation she DID have. She'd get nothing but negative attention from it, ...and you know as well as I do that she couldn't STAND to have THAT.   
  
Jane Lane: So on the inside she'd a be a tortured soul, screaming for an end to all of the madness. (Smiles evilly) I love it, .....forget the reunion. All I need is one of your pep talks and I'm wired to go!  
  
Daria: Got some ideas then? (Jane nods yes with enthusiasm) Excellent, ....then next Friday will be a night away from hell as usual for us then?   
  
Jane Lane: Nope, .....I'm still going. (Daria's jaw drops) What, ....one set of ideas just isn't enough for me. I've got to see more!  
  
Daria: (Puts her head down on the table) You're impossible, Jane. (Daria tries to pick her head back up but she had put it down right on a sticky spot where a child had previously spilled it's desert and allowed it to dry on the table. Her hair is thus stuck to the table near the scalp) Oh god, ....please don't do this to me. (She gives her head a yank upward but to no avail) OWWW!!  
  
Jane Lane: I think the old man is going to do it to you anyway old chum. Want some help?  
  
Daria: No, ....I think I'll just sit here until the place closes and I can suffer this humiliating experience in peace.   
  
Jane Lane: I hate to break this to you Daria, .....but this place doesn't close for another eight hours.   
  
Daria; So I'll just have to catch up on some sleep while I'm waiting. Where's the problem?   
  
Jane Lane: No dice, ...I don't feel like waiting. (Jane reaches over and gives a good yank on Daria's hair)   
  
Daria: OW!! Watch it will you, ....this mop of hair isn't a wig you can just yank off at will you know. It's all attached to me.   
  
Jane Lane: Not for long the way things are going right now. (Jane pauses as she notices a crowd of spectators starting to form) I think we're drawing undue attention to ourselves here. (Gives another tug on Daria's hair causing her to yelp in pain and stirring a laugh as well as some rude comments from onlookers) How did you manage to get THIS stuck so FAST?  
  
Daria: How the hell do I know? Just get me UN-stuck, will you? ( At this moment a man steps forward with a pair of heavy shears he'd had in a sheath on his belt)   
  
Man: I hate to rub your nose in it lady but I think the only way you're going to get loose is to cut it.   
  
Daria: (Looks at Jane) Don't you let him do it, Jane. Do NOT let him cut my hair.   
  
Jane Lane: (looks back and forth between the man and Daria several times before responding) I hate to say this Daria, .....but I agree with peppy the scissor man here. I think we've got to cut it. (Holds her hand out to the man) But I'LL do it, ....if you don't mind.   
  
Man: Suits me just fine, ....I don't feel like incurring a lawsuit anyway. (Hands the scissors over to Jane)   
  
Jane Lane: Now just hold still, Daria. (An evil grin grows on Jane's face as an old familiar thought pops into her head)   
  
Daria: (tilts her head to the side so that she can see the expression on her friends face) Jane, ....why the hell are you smiling like that? I really don't like that look on your face right about now. What the hell is going through your mind?   
  
Jane Lane: Nothing really, ....the thought of that bad dye job you did on my hair a while back just resurfaced in my memory. I just thought of this as sort of payback, ...you know?   
  
Daria: Get away from me with those scissors, Jane. (Jane comes walking towards Daria with a steady pace) No, ....get away. Get AWAY!!!! (The scene fades to black as Daria screams. The scene fades in later with Daria in the drivers seat of her car as she and Jane head down the highway to the hairdresser. Daria has a big gaping section of hair missing from the forward area of her mane) You ARE going to pay to get my hair fixed, ...right?   
  
Jane Lane: I said I would didn't I? Besides, ......I don't even NEED to hear the death threat this time. I can feel it from over here.   
  
Daria: (smiles) Those mental telepathy classes are really starting to pay off. (A long moment of silence passes as Daria mulls something uncomfortable over in her mind. She finally breaks the silence with a loud sigh) It's just as well anyway now that I think about it.   
  
Jane Lane; (Out of complete shock, Jane snaps her head in Daria's direction) Come again?   
  
Daria: (sighs heavily again) I overheard my kids talking to Joey on the phone earlier today, .....apparently he's talked Quinn into going to the reunion.   
  
Jane Lane: Yea so, ....good for her.   
  
Daria; The thirteenth is a Friday, ...... which means he's got to work late that day.   
  
Jane Lane: Which, if memory serves, means he's probably going to look to you to take her, ....right?   
  
Daria: Like I've said before, Jane. You're quick.   
  
Jane Lane: Well since you don't want to go anyway, .....why not just tell him no. Say there's something you've got to do, ....I'll cover for you.   
  
Daria: I can't. My conscience will bug me, ......every time this happens too. I try to think of a way to get out of helping my sister and the thought pops into my head, ..."What if that were you sitting in that chair trying to get somebody to help you." I was hoping you'd be able to give the necessary incentive to override it.  
  
Jane Lane: (leans against the window on her side) Whoa, ....megga guilty conscience you've got going there.   
  
Daria: I've had it since Quinn got out of the hospital a couple of years ago, .....and it doesn't want to go away. And the crap end of the stick is that Joey knows it.   
  
Jane Lane: Sooooooo.......since you figure you're conscience is going to make you go anyway once Joey asks, ....and since you're in need of immediate hair attention, .....you're going to get a new look?  
  
Daria: (scowls while still facing forward) Don't get used to it, ....it's only temporary.   
  
Jane Lane: ( a smile erupts on her face and grows from ear to ear) DARIA!!!  
  
Daria: (groans) Hell is STILL myself.......  
  
(Cut to the mall's main entrance as Amy and Jane hold the doors open so that Quinn can wheel herself through without any difficulty. Once through they hold an even pace along either side of her.)   
  
Quinn: So what's up with you two, .....why take a trip to the mall with ME?   
  
Amy: We wanted some company and our male counterparts aren't available today. So you were next on our fun people ~O~ meter.   
  
Quinn: (scowls) Stop blowing smoke up my butt Amy, ....it's getting hard to see in here. Cripples aren't the most fun people to be with.   
  
Jane: (grabs the back of Quinn's wheelchair and gives it a running start before jumping onto the back of it by supporting her weight on the push handles) I beg to differ, aunt Quinn. Wheelchairs can be fun, ....you just have to be inventive. (Jane jumps off the back and then uses all of her strength to pull Quinn's chair into a wheelie and then set it back down again) See, ....that was fun wasn't it? (Quinn takes over from there and they all continue through the first floor of the mall)   
  
Quinn: (smiles weakly) I guess so....  
  
Amy: And you're not a cripple, dammit. You've just got a disability, .....it doesn't make you any less of a person.   
  
Quinn: If you say so, ....now what's the real reason we're down here? Cause uncle Joey sure wouldn't tell me.   
  
Amy: ( in an authoritative tone of voice) We have come here to chew bubble gum, ....and kick ass. And we're ALL out of bubble gum. (Smirks waiting for somebody to laugh) Okay already, .....we're here to have a little fun, ....check out what's down at the other end of the mall there.   
  
Quinn: (squints a little to see the stores that far away) The pet depot? Let me guess, Joey thinks I need a dog for companionship right?   
  
Amy: (fights the urge to smack her aunt upside the head) ACROSS from the pet depot.   
  
Quinn: (Squints again and then sighs) I think I need glasses, ......I can't read it. (Amy looks up at the sign that reads Casheman's, which even though it IS smaller than the pet depot sign, Amy can read it just fine. Amy glances over at Jane and then nods her head)   
  
Jane: Well, ......we'll just get you checked out then. Does your insurance have a vision plan? (Quinn nods) Not a problem then, ...a slight detour to one of those walk in optometrists on the second floor then. (The three of them stop to consult a map of the mall and then proceed to the elevator)   
  
(Cut to about two hours later, ....Quinn is facing a mirror as she tries on frame after frame after frame.)   
  
Quinn: I TOLD you I needed glasses, .....I HATE getting old. (The optometrist who is sitting at his desk directly across from Quinn looks at her inquisitively)   
  
Optometrist: Well, .....like I said. Age creeps up on the best of us. But it's not so bad, .....it's a pretty light prescription.  
  
Jane: Relax aunt Quinn, .....you'll find a frame that you like. Maybe you could get a set of those small round ones, ....but without the funky colored lenses.   
  
Optometrist: I have some of those in stock, ....they're wire frames though. I'm not sure if that's your thing or not.   
  
Amy: It won't hurt her to try.   
  
Quinn: Yes it could, I could end up looking like your mother. You should see the glasses she used to wear back in school. She wore these great big ones that took over the upper half of her face. It totally detracted from her eyes.   
  
Amy; But these glasses are smaller than hers were.  
  
Quinn: (smiles as she looks at her reflection in the mirror) I have a smaller, cuter face than she does. (Amy smirks as she's never seen her aunt so full of herself before)   
  
Jane: (leans in close to her sister) Sounds like aunt Quinn is starting to emerge from her shell. (Amy just snickers) Give them a try for us anyway, aunt Quinn.  
  
(Cut to twenty minutes later, .....the three are back on the first floor. Quinn keeps taking the glasses on and off to watch things in the distance go from clear to slightly less than clear.)   
  
Amy: What happened to frames without the funky colored lenses?   
  
Jane: They're only a very slight shade of blue, ....besides. It accents her hair.   
  
Amy: And you know jack about appearances since WHEN?  
  
Jane: (Shrugs) I've been trying stuff out for Allen, ...so what of it? (Amy just rolls her eyes and they continue on until they enter Casheman's and Quinn spies the junior five section as she rolls past it, ....she then places a hand on her abdomen)  
  
Quinn: (VO) Guess I won't be fitting into that stuff any time soon.   
  
Jane: (responds to Quinn as if she'd be reading her thoughts the whole time) Relax aunt Quinn, ...you're not ready for maternity wear just yet. We'll get you hooked up with something flattering for the reunion. Oops, ....guess I blew the surprise there. Sorry aunt Quinn.   
  
Amy: That's IF we can find a sales person to give us a hand. All I know about clothes is if it's comfortable, I wear it.   
  
Jane: Then you should try wearing John, .....it's not as over rated as it seems.  
  
Amy: I'm not ready for the whole sex thing just yet, thank you. But I'll keep you informed.  
  
Jane: (smirks) That's all I ask.   
  
(cut to four hours later, ...Quinn is doing flight of the bumble bee around the store mixing and matching different outfits as she goes. Jane and Amy have long since fallen asleep on a couple of chairs and are leaning against each other for support as if soldiers in the field. Finally Quinn comes to wake them up to show off her final picks)  
  
Amy: (snuffs and snorts a little as she tries to wake up) NO, ....not the napalm.... (Beat) Huh, ....what?  
  
Quinn: I've narrowed it down to these two outfits and I need your opinion on which one I should get.   
  
Jane: (barely able to see through her blurry eyes) Get them both, ....lets just get out of here. I'm starving for gods sake.   
  
Quinn: Believe me, .....I'd love to. But, ....I only need one right now. So which do you think is best, .....the khaki pants with the blue silk blouse, which would match so well with my new glasses not to mention set off the highlights in my hair, .....or should I go with this fantastic violet dress with the floral design. I figure I could accessorize it with some of the stuff I already have like a belt or something. It would SO flatter my figure without giving away the fact that I'm starting to show. So, ...........what do you think? (Jane and Amy stare at her blankly trying to absorb everything that Quinn has just said in a single breath)   
  
Jane: I'm amazed she was able to narrow it down to just two outfits after all this time. (Pauses with an odd look on her face) How long HAS it been? (Amy feeling too lazy to look at her pager just shrugs)   
  
Amy: Hell, ....I'm amazed she's still conscious after exhaling that much air at once without stopping to breathe. And all that hot air didn't seem to contribute to global warming one bit....  
  
Quinn: (in such a euphoric state after once again indulging in a favorite past time associated with her youth) So, .....what do you think? (Jane and Amy exchange glances before one of them pulls a quarter out of her pants pocket)   
  
Jane: Heads the pants and blouse???  
  
Amy: (sternly as if she'd just given the order for a nuclear response) Do it...... (Jane flips the coin and after the outcome is decided they exchange looks again) Good, ...now lets go get some food. (They grab one of the outfits from Quinn and place it down on top of one of the clothing racks and they head for the checkout)   
  
(The scene cuts to Amee's hair salon over in the next town, ...Daria and Jane Lane are seen entering the establishment. The salon is not very busy at all as there are maybe one or two other customers inside. In order to keep themselves busy the stylists are teaming up two or three to a customer.)   
  
Jane Lane: Why didn't we go to a place in our own town? It would have saved us a pretty good drive to say the least.   
  
Daria: Because nobody knows us here, ...that's why. The last thing I need is for this little incident to find it's way to my kids ears. And if it finds it's way to YOUR kids or anybody else's..... (Daria reaches down and pulls her pant leg up just far enough to reveal the grip of her service piece sticking out of her boot) Get the picture........?  
  
Jane: Oh so what, .....I've got mine too. We're REQUIRED to carry them at all times remember? Stupid federal law, .....I'd have had mine buried in cement by now if I hadn't been caught without it the last time I got pulled over.   
  
Daria: It was a condition of the draft, ....there's not a thing we can do about it but be relieved that if we've got them on us then our kids can never find them.   
  
Jane: Good point. (Looks about ) Now who here can give us a hand? (By saying this Jane manages to get the attention of one of the stylists who then walks over quickly to greet them)   
  
Stylist: Oh my, .....what happened here?   
  
Daria: Wounded in the line of duty, ....can the limb be saved? (Jane smirks trying not laugh)   
  
Jane lane: My colleague here, given her little faux pas, is interested in a slightly different look until the trimmed area's of her head can catch up in length with the rest of her hair. Can you help her at all?   
  
Stylist: (begins to look about Daria's hair with her fingers while pausing to look at certain area's) This is going to take some effort, ......do you want us to get rid of the grey while we're at it?  
  
Daria: NO!  
  
Jane Lane: (At the exact same time as Daria) Yes! (The stylist looks back and forth between Daria and Jane in confusion) We'll let you know.  
  
Stylist: (bites her lower lip in thought) You've had the exact same style all of your life, haven't you? (Daria raises an eyebrow)   
  
Daria: Maybe, ...what's it to you?   
  
Stylist: (walks Daria over to a chair and sits her down. After which she begins to play with Daria's hair some more) Well, .....your hair has been in this style for so long. It would be very labor intensive to try to style it differently at this length without it turning into the most god awful mess you've ever seen.   
  
Jane Lane: ( As Daria scowls at mention of this most foreshadowing statement) How short are we talking? As short as mine?   
  
Stylist: (studies Jane's hair length for a good period of time and then plays with Daria's hair some more.) Not necessarily, I guess it would all depend on what sort of look you wanted to go with. If you just went with something very basic, .......The only problem area I can see at the moment is the front. The back, .......I think if we could add some body to it and prevent it from curling at the bottom we might be alright. The front, ..........................................is going to be SHORT. But I'll do my best to leave as much length as possible.  
  
Jane Lane: (looks to Daria who is now wearing a very unsure expression common to her teenage years whenever she found herself in Trent's presence.) Want me to hold your hand?   
  
Daria: Don't make me cram a curling iron up your rear, Jane.   
  
Jane Lane: (does her best upchuck impression) Feisty........................ (Jane then turns to the stylist and gestures with her two forefingers) Make it so............. (The stylist calls over two others to assist her who are at the moment available and the scene fades out at this point)   
  
(The scene cuts to the mall, ....Jane, Amy, and Quinn are traveling down the east wing en route to the food court. In the same area not far ahead is the skate park that now occupies the large space that Casheman's had before moving to a larger spot in the mall. Outside of the skate park are some young kids honing their skateboarding skills on some of the nearby benches and stairway railings. Although such activities are not permitted outside of the skate park, ...the security patrol does not appear to be enforcing the rules. And passers by don't seem to pay any mind since the kids activities do not seem to impose on them at the time being.)   
  
Amy: (as they approach the skate park) Check it out, .....Railways's is open. (Notices Quinn's confused expression) The new skate park, .....the word is that this place is pretty awesome.   
  
Jane: Since when do YOU skateboard?  
  
Amy: I don't, ...but watching people mess themselves up when they fall is equally as fun as skateboarding is.   
  
Jane: A lot of broken bones come out of places like that?  
  
Amy: Not to mention bloody gashes, ...scrapes, bruises and some seriously busted ego's.  
  
Jane: Hmm, ....I'll have to drop in there some time then. Sounds like a blast to watch. (Looks over at Quinn) I wonder what it would be like to go off one of those ramps with aunt Quinn's chair?  
  
Quinn: Don't even think about it, ....as much as I hate to sit in this thing I don't need it busted up. (As Quinn says this a young man's voice is heard in the background)   
  
Man: Yo dude, ....look out! (By the time this is said it is to late, ....the other young man associated with the first who was trying to slide his board down a railing has already tripped up and sent himself tumbling off and into Quinn toppling her over and sending her sliding on her side several feet while at the same time knocking Jane and Amy's feet out from under them. After a few wobbly moments the man gets up and begins to nurse some scrapes on his palm by wrapping his shirt about it and applying pressure. The other man quickly comes over to see if Quinn and her nieces are alright.)  
  
Man 2: YO, .....are you guys alright? I'm really sorry about bonehead over here, ....he's got like, a seriously bad center of gravity or something. (He extends his hand to Quinn) Here, ...let me help you up.   
  
Quinn: (Who has, while being spoken to, propped herself up on her hands and arms) You dumb jackass, ....what's the matter with you? You could have hurt somebody, .....and worse. You could have hurt my baby, ....thank god I didn't land on my front.  
  
Man2: Oh man, ....you've got a kid? Is it alright, .....I don't hear it anywhere.  
  
Quinn: It hasn't been born yet stupid, ....now get away from me. (By this time Jane and Amy have gotten to their feet and made their way over to Quinn)   
  
Man 2: Whoa cool, ....a pregnant chick. (Calls over to his friend who is still nursing his own injuries) Dude, ....you dumb ass. You knocked over a knocked up chick.  
  
Jane: Back off buddy, ....you've done enough damage.   
  
Man 2: Chill already, ....I'm just trying to help her up. I'm really sorry about my friend, okay? (Amy, while this is happening has righted Quinn's chair and brought it over to her) Seriously though, ......let me help you up. It's the least I can do. (He reaches down and grabs one of Quinn's arms and begins to pull her up expecting her to assist with her legs, ...but instead she's flails about with the upper half of her body suspended off the floor)   
  
Quinn: Help, ....somebody get him off of me!! (A moment later two security guards show up and pull the man away and force him to the ground to be handcuffed)   
  
Man 2: OOF!! Lady, ....I was just trying to help. (Amy positions the chair right in front of Quinn and locks the brakes so it won't move away from her. Quinn begins to cry slightly as now there is a small crowd of onlookers who will get to watch her in her embarrassment as she tries to pull herself back in to the chair like the cripple she feels she is. Jane and Amy offer their assistance but Quinn declines harshly citing that she'd received enough assistance for one day. As Quinn begins to wheel herself away from the scene under escort of a security officer with Jane and Amy at her sides, ....she can hear various people voice their pity at Quinn's unfortunate circumstances. The scene cuts to the mall security office where the officers are looking to take a report.)  
  
Officer: Mrs white, ....before we begin. Are you injured in any way? Your niece's mentioned to us that you're expecting and were concerned for your child. If you like we can arrange for an immediate transport to the hospital to get you checked out.   
  
Quinn: (looks as if she wants to cry again but does her best to hold back) Great, ...more attention. (Quinn looks over at Jane and Amy who are standing nearby as they nod their heads yes) I can't afford to take any chances, .....yea. I guess I'd like to go.   
  
Officer: (nods to another officer who walks into the next room to pick up the phone.) Can we do anything in the meantime to make you more comfortable?   
  
Quinn: (sighs) Do you have a couch or something, ....my back is killing me.   
  
Officer: There's a reclining chair in the break room, ....does that help you any?   
  
Quinn: Yea, ....that'll work. (The officer directs them towards the break room as Jane pushes Quinn along. Both Jane and Amy then assist Quinn out of the chair and into the recliner) It's hard to maintain good posture after being in that damned chair for so long.   
  
Officer: I understand, .....however while we're waiting. The two men who assaulted you have been taken into custody, .....I'll need to inform the police as to whether you intend to file charges against them.   
  
Quinn: Actually, ....they didn't really assault me. It was more or less an accident combined with ignorance. What happens if I don't?  
  
Officer: Well, ......the mall can still press charges on the grounds of disorderly conduct. At the bare minimum they could be banned from the mall. (Studies Quinn for a moment) I'll tell them you're undecided pending medical attention.  
  
Quinn: Yea, ....that'll work. (Sighs as the scene fades out)   
  
(The scene fades in at Daria's house early in the evening as she and Jane come through the front door. Daria who's hair has been significantly altered both in length and style is busy pouting over losing a piece of her identity in the time it took to put her head down on a picnic table)   
  
Jane Lane: Oh for gods sake Daria, ......It's not THAT bad. It actually looks cool, .....I doubt anybody who hasn't seen you in a while would recognize you.   
  
Daria: And meanwhile, .....I'll have to hear it from every idiot I ever went to school with. "Oh Daria, .....you finally gave the misery chick dew a rest huh?" "Trying something different for once are we, ....good for you."  
  
Jane Lane: (cringes) That had to be the scariest impression I've ever heard, Daria. It sounded like Mr. O'Neill had been possessed by the ghost of Mr. Dimartino or something.  
  
Daria: (stops in her tracks and turns her head to face Jane) Really, .....cool. Or at least it would be if he were actually dead. (Daria then walks over to the nearest mirror to look at herself as her aunt Amy's voice rang clear in her head from the time they talked over the phone about getting contact lenses) I'm already going to hell, .....no harm at this point for taking another look. (Daria stares into the mirror at her short hair now laden with the scent of hair spray.) I think I'm going to have to pull out the old contacts, ....if I go with these glasses I'll get mocked for sure.   
  
Jane Lane: Since when does that bother the big bad admiral?   
  
Daria: Speaking of mocking.......  
  
Jane Lane: (chuckles) Oh come on Daria, .....you've dealt with worse and in public you've never given the slightest indication that anything was bothering you. I seriously don't think you'd have any problem keeping up with that image now. Just hide behind the facade that says you don't care what anybody thinks, ....even though secretly you do.   
  
Daria: You think I've abandoned my principals, ....don't you?   
  
Jane Lane: Not at all, .....I'm just saying that it's okay to care about what people think. Just as long as you can irk them enough to think what you WANT them to think.   
  
Daria: The funny thing is, .....I know what you're talking about. But at the same time I have no clue WHAT the hell you're talking about.   
  
Jane Lane: See my point, ....it's working already and all I had to do was change YOUR hair. ( Daria scowls as she turns back towards the mirror again to look at her short but somewhat modern hairstyle.)   
  
Daria: You mean cut it all off, ....I don't have a whole lot of hair left to change.  
  
Jane Lane: Oh Daria, ....your hair is fine. Albeit very short, ....it's fine. And hey, ....it wasn't my fault that your hair wouldn't cooperate. You've only had the same hairstyle all of your life, ....it's no wonder that it didn't want to change.  
  
Daria: (Scowls once more as she reflects on a moment from the past) Do you remember Val, from Val magazine?  
  
Jane Lane: The egotistical magazine publisher who kept trying to identify with the teen demographic? Gee, ...how could I possible forget HER? Incidentally, ......what of it?  
  
Daria: That's who this hair reminds me of, ....except that my hair is brown and it's been dyed to hide all of my grey. I expect to hear myself saying things like "whack" or "edgy" anytime now.  
  
Jane Lane: Oh Daria, you didn't have all that much grey. Just a few........hundred strands, scattered all about your head giving you that salt an pepper look.   
  
Daria: Thanks Jane, ....you're SUCH a big help. I just want to hug you and squeeze you until your last breath has left you.   
  
Jane Lane: Oh stop it Daria, ....you're giving me that warm fuzzy cuddly feeling all over. It just makes me want to paint a herd of wild ponies riding free across the plain.   
  
Daria: Now where have I heard THAT before?   
  
Jane Lane: Oh it's just a quote I stole from an old friend of mine. Pay me no mind.....  
  
Daria: Like I ever have?  
  
Jane Lane: (pretends to shiver) Oh, ....that's just COLD! (The ringing of a cell phone is heard emanating from Daria's front pocket and as she withdraws it and picks up the call the scene fades out)   
  
(Cut to late that evening, .....the scene is within Daria's bedroom with the door closed. Daria is busy walking about the room half naked as she tries to find a clean night shirt. Trent, while Daria is pacing about, watches with interest as it is unlike his wife to walk about in the buff at ANY given time.)   
  
Daria: Dammit, .....all the laundry I did today and I didn't even get around to doing my own. (Sighs) I swear,..... the kids have more clothes than you and I combined.   
  
Trent: (shrugs and follows up with a smile) Sounds like we should have a bonfire to correct the problem, .....why wash the laundry when you can just burn it all and be done with it. Saves you a lot of work in the long run, .....the kids are old enough to start buying some of their own new clothes anyway.   
  
Daria: (Raises an eyebrow in interest) You know you'd better lay off a bit, ....that bonfire idea is starting to sound pretty appealing.   
  
Trent: Cool, ....do we have any marshmallows?   
  
Daria: (shakes her head) On second thought, ....it's proven to be hazardous to ALL our lives to allow you near an open flame. We'd better put a damper on that bonfire idea, .....at least for now. But I'll keep it in mind for the next time I don't feel like doing the laundry.   
  
Trent: Sure why not, ....the kids can go around naked. It'll teach them to be more comfortable with their bodies.  
  
Daria: (frowns) Do you really believe ANY of what you've just said?  
  
Trent: (purses his lips in a millisecond of thought) Nope, ....just trying to be witty. I was expecting one of your usual sour but realistic quips.   
  
Daria; Sorry, ...the well is dry tonight. I'm just too tired right now, ....but you can check back in the morning if you like.   
  
Trent: Cool, ....sort of like a rain check only you'll actually get back to me when you've got more of something to say. (Daria looks at him as if she has something to say but bites her tongue and laughs) ( a moment of silence passes which causes Trent to decide to change the subject) So How was Quinn's trip to the doctors today?  
  
Daria: (stares at Trent in confusion as very rarely does he bring up her sister on his own. Daria believes this to be a remnant behavior dating all the way back to Quinn's shallow teen years when Trent in annoyance would refer to Quinn as just "Daria's sister".) What the hell brought THAT Up?   
  
Trent: Dunno I guess, .....she just sort of popped into my head. The girls told me she got herself checked out after being knocked down by some guy at the mall. So, ...............how is she and how's the kid to be?   
  
Daria: They're both fine, .....no harm done. The doctor is concerned about Quinn's posture and her climbing in and out of her chair all of the time. He's suggesting that she spend a lot more time in bed for the duration of the pregnancy.   
  
Trent: Whoa, .......bed ridden. What a way to go, ...huh?  
  
Daria: Yea, ....you could probably qualify to be her instructor or something. If there was one thing you were good at when you were younger, it was spending all day in bed.   
  
Trent: (Laugh/coughs) Yea, .....guess I was sort of a late riser.   
  
Daria: Trent, ....Dracula was a late riser. You were damned near comatose at times. (Beat) So is there anything else unusual you're prepared to talk about or should I just continue looking for a clean set of sleep wear?   
  
Trent: Have she and Joey started picking out names yet?  
  
Daria: (Stares at him oddly and pauses to think) I'm certain she has, .....but she hasn't run any of them past me. I'll let you know if and or when she does, ....why?  
  
Trent: Guess I just like thinking of baby names.   
  
Daria: (sighs) Trent, .............don't start about the third kid thing again. We're getting to old to start over again. (She watches as Trent tries to hide a slight frown) Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?  
  
Trent: (sighs) Janie said you changed your mind about the reunion, .....said something about a guilty conscience. Did Joey call you or something?   
  
Daria: (sighs heavily) I should have just kept my mouth shut and continued looking for my sleep wear, .....so what else did Jane loosen her lips about?   
  
Trent: Nothing, ....she just said that it sort of bothered you. Oh yea, .....and she wanted me to notice something about your hair. Did you change it or something?  
  
Daria: (in irritation she ruffles her very short hair with her hand) Do I have to spell it out?  
  
Trent: Whoa, ........major difference. Makes you look younger, ...........I think. Looks cool, ....you should keep it.   
  
Daria: Don't get used to it, ....I plan to grow my old hair back just as soon as I can. And don't ask how it got this way either.  
  
Trent: Janie told me already.....  
  
Daria: (throws her arms up) Of corse she did, ......I think I'll go tighten up those loose lips of hers with a tire iron before they sink yet another ship.   
  
Trent: (shrugs) Sounds like more girl talk to me, ......so about the reunion thing.  
  
Daria: Yea, .....I'm going. Don't have a field day over it, ......somebodies got to drive Quinn and Joey's got to work. I actually called him to tell him I would, ........ and he kept trying to slip something in about a surprise for Quinn when we get there. By chance did you happen to hear anything about THAT?   
  
Trent: Nope, ......not a peep.   
  
Daria: Fabulous, ....only when I NEED information does everybody turn a deaf ear.   
  
Trent: I'm not deaf, ......I'm just too busy staring at your chest to think at the moment. Sorry about that, love. Don't mean to be a typical guy and all but you know, ......the husband/wife thing.  
  
Daria: (looks down at herself to notice that she is still topless) Well, .....at least we know for sure that SOME parts of you are still working properly. I'd just rather it were your ears rather than your Johnson, at least for the moment. If you're lucky maybe I'll give you show later after I've found my clothes.  
  
Trent: That's okay, ....I kind of like the show I'm getting right now.   
  
Daria: (sighs) You're impossible sometimes Trent.   
  
Trent: (smiles) And deep down you really care about your sister, .....you just hate to admit it. That's why your conscience gets to you the way it does.  
  
Daria: I'll plead the fifth on that one if you don't mind. So lets drop the subject for now okay?  
  
Trent: (shrugs) Whatever, .....just trying to help.  
  
Daria: I know Trent, ....but on past occurrences whenever you tried to help.... the house almost burnt down. So maybe this time you should just quit while you're ahead, okay?  
  
Trent: (looks confused) But I'm not anywhere NEAR the stove this time.   
  
( Cut to Quinn's home at about the same time, ....she's currently lying on the sofa while flipping through the channels on the Tv looking for something decent to watch. Strangely enough she keeps finding herself wandering back to the fashion channel only to abruptly change it to something else)   
  
Quinn: Ugh, .....I can't go back to being like that. It took me forever to gain what little depth I have now. (Sighs as she thinks back to her time in Casheman's earlier that day) So many clothes, .....so little time. (Looks down towards her feet which no matter how hard she tries, ....she can't even wiggle her toes.) And it would be so hard to try to get into any of them on my own. (She glances down at her toes again) What I wouldn't give just to be able to feel you guys again.   
  
(Joey comes walking into the room just as she says this and smiles as he carries the outfit that she had picked out for herself earlier)   
  
Joey: Talking to your toes again? If they respond then you be sure to let me know.  
  
Quinn: Oh shut up, ......I'm just talking to myself that's all.   
  
Joey: Hey, ...sometimes those are the best conversations. (Beat) So other than the fact that your toes aren't on speaking terms with you, ...how are you feeling?   
  
Quinn: Useless, ....and starting to get a little water retentive. How about you?  
  
Joey: Still worried about how the people at the reunion will look at you, huh?   
  
Quinn: (shrugs) Being in an attractive outfit is different when you're able to walk about and strut your stuff on the dance floor. That way everybody gets to see how great you look. Nobody notices an outfit if the person wearing it has to hide it in a chair.  
  
Joey: That's a load of crap if I ever heard one, .....this isn't about the dress. You're worried that your shallow highschool cohorts will mock you when you can't get up on the dance floor and they can.   
  
Quinn: Well, ....I can't. I have to sit in this chair the whole time, ....you can't have a good time in a wheel chair.   
  
Joey: Don't be so sure, .....I'd be willing to bet that there's a way. And don't worry about what everybody else thinks, .....they can't bring you down if you don't let them. Stump them in a conversation or something, .....I'd bet they wouldn't stand a chance if you talk about something important and relevant. (Shrugs) And if all else fails, ....do what your sister does. Inform them that being a veteran of the armed forces, ....you've been trained in multiple methods of inflicting pain and death. Just neglect to mention the fact that you despise the very notion of it. You still carry your hardware right?  
  
Quinn: Yea I have to, .....but it's never loaded.   
  
Joey: Doesn't need to be, ....the mere presence of it is an intimidation factor.   
  
Quinn: I think it would be in my best interest to avoid such tactics, .....It would be just a little too easy for somebody to say I threatened them and have me thrown in jail.   
  
Joey: You might have a point there, ....it was just an idea. But anyway, ...the moral of the story is not to let people get to you. Who knows, ....maybe some of them are worse off than you are and you can sympathize with them.  
  
Quinn: I can't see how.   
  
Joey: Just trust me. (Holds up Quinn's outfit) This is beautiful, ....you should wear this for ME sometime.   
  
Quinn: (smirks) You just like it because it would be easy to peel off me before bed. Your minds in the gutter again.   
  
Joey: (pauses for a second and then nods) It's true. But you've got to give me credit, .....there's just something about a pregnant wife that drives a man nuts.   
  
Quinn: Yea, ....the fact that once the kid is born it might be a while before you get any again.   
  
Joey: (shivers) What a horrifying thought, ....don't ever bring that up again. (Quinn laughs and the scene fades out and cuts to the following Friday as Daria and Jane Lane are walking through a crowded Lawndale high parking lot keeping a slow pace so as to keep Quinn just in front of them)  
  
Jane Lane: Can you believe how many cars there are? I didn't think there would be this many people LEFT after all this time.  
  
Daria: It's a combination of two classes, Jane. As far as our own class goes there probably AREN'T many people left.   
  
Jane Lane: Getting your hopes up are we?   
  
Daria: Yea, ....I should really stop that. I always just set myself up for a fall anyway.   
  
Jane Lane: Now now, ....maybe you'll get lucky and all these cars are really just from the janitorial staff. I hear that since Ms. Li has been gone, ...all the money that used to go towards security has gone towards beautification.  
  
Daria: It figures that would happen AFTER we've graduated.   
  
Jane Lane: Isn't that the way it ALWAYS works? By the way, ....did you mean the beautification or Ms. Li's death? (Daria just groans in annoyance) Oh don't worry so much, ....if all else fails then just remember the age old credo of James Kirk. " We come in peace, shoot to kill...shoot to kill" and then follow that advice.  
  
Daria: That was an MP3 file you got off the Internet, .....though it WAS pretty funny.   
  
Jane Lane: Glad to hear I could brighten your day a little.   
  
Daria; Yea, ....now it's a slightly LIGHTER shade of black.  
  
Jane Lane: And so it should be old friend, now head up, ...nose up, .....lets head in.   
  
Quinn: God help us all.   
  
Jane Lane: (Leans over to whisper to Daria) Well what do you know, ....maybe she is your sister after all. (Daria smirks as they hasten their travel into the building where before signing in they encounter two large sections of the wall that have been covered with photographs. One section is a "then and now" of that faculty and alumni, ....and the other is "In remembrance", in which Ms. Li is at the top of.)   
  
Daria: You know they should have just combined this into one big section and have these photo's as "then", ....and as the "now" photo's could be a picture of their gravestone. I figure that would get the point across pretty well.   
  
Jane Lane: Better yet, ...a normal picture of Li for "then", ....and for "now" a picture of her car exploding.  
  
Quinn: EWWW......no way, that would just be WAY too depressing.   
  
Jane Lane: (begins to skim through the names and pictures on the wall) ........Kevin, Brittany, Ms. Li, Jeffy, Mrs. Barch, Andrea, Evan,..........all dead. Yeesh, ....there's a lot of them here.   
  
Daria: What do you say we take a look at the other set of pictures before we depress ourselves into suicidal tendencies.   
  
Jane Lane: Good call there, amiga. (The three of them moves a few yards to the left and begin to look over the then and now photo's)   
  
Daria: Oh good god, .....where the hell did they get a photo of me in my dress whites?  
  
Jane Lane: Hubba hubba , .....you've got a nice set of legs in that picture admiral.   
  
Daria: Oh shut up, ...Jane. Let's see if we can find a photo of YOU. Maybe it'll be an up close and personal snap shot of you in the laundry room.   
  
Jane Lane: Now that WOULD be awkward wouldn't it. Good thing none exist, huh?  
  
Daria: I guess so, ......they posted a picture of you being promoted to commander. See, .....there's your C/O copping a feel as he changes the pins on your shoulders.  
  
Jane Lane: I THOUGHT he was being rather friendly. I'd have kneed him but I didn't want to jeopardize my new rank.  
  
Daria: Or you were just hoping he'd come back for seconds later in the ships laundry room.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey,....can we get past my sex life here? I don't do that sort of thing anymore.  
  
Daria: Only because we're retired. You still seeing that guy from the CIA behind his wife's back?  
  
Jane Lane: Why, ....you looking to swing? (Daria scowls and looks as if she wouldn't mind taking a swing at her best friend but then pauses to crack a smile)   
  
Daria: Nah, .....I'm not really into damaged goods. (Jane pauses in silence as she tries to figure out just what Daria meant by that. As Jane stands there puzzled, a red haired woman approaches them from the nearby sign in desk )  
  
Woman: Hey there, .....are you from the ninety nine or two thousand class?  
  
Daria: Does it matter, ....we survived. That should speak volumes for us as it is. (The woman stares at Daria and then grows a huge smile on her face)   
  
Woman: Oh I remember YOU, ......You're Daria Morgendorffer aren't you?  
  
Daria: I WAS, ....but since I entered the witness protection program I've taken on the name of my colleague here. I'd tell you HER name but then the FBI would consider you a security risk and hunt you down. Sorry.......  
  
Woman: Well, ....I don't know if you remember me. I was the girl in your class who always had the head set stuck in my ears. I used to have blond hair too.......  
  
Daria: (thinks for a moment and then widens her eyes in remembrance) That was YOU...? (looks her up and down) Wow, .....you've uh.........lost weight.  
  
Woman: Fifty six pounds, ....what a difference huh?   
  
Jane Lane: (leans close and whispers to Daria) Must have run out of people to eat in the fallout shelter. (Daria does her best not to laugh)  
  
Woman: Don't feel bad, .....I don't think I would have remembered you either if you hadn't started up with the sarcasm. What with you having a completely different look and all. (Jane smiles from ear to ear as she takes a hand and ruffles Daria's very short hair with it) And Daria, ......I thought you didn't like wearing contacts.  
  
Daria: I had trouble tolerating them before, ....but since then they've changed the way they make them so now I can wear them without a problem. But I still prefer to wear my glasses.   
  
Woman: (Shrugs) Hey, ...whatever floats your boat. (Beat) Well, ....come on in and sign the sheet. There's got to be some other people who'll remember you. Have fun now.....  
  
Daria: (as they walk inside after signing the sheet) Maybe this won't be so bad after all.... (beat) Do you remember her being so cheerful?  
  
Jane Lane: Are you kidding, ....I'm trying to remember who she IS? Want to clue me in?  
  
Daria: What makes you think I know? I didn't know her name THEN, .....she was quieter than I was. I just remember the face is all.  
  
Jane Lane: (chuckles) I wonder if we'll run into more embarrassing moments like that one.  
  
Daria: Hey, the night is still young. (Stops to look behind herself to notice that Quinn has stopped her chair) What's wrong?  
  
Quinn: Nobody even noticed me, .....  
  
Daria: I thought you didn't WANT to be noticed.   
  
Quinn: I don't, ....but I don't want to be invisible either.   
  
Jane Lane: Well for gods sake woman, ....you can't have it both ways. Go find some people you know and make yourself visible. That used to be your best talent didn't it,....making a spectacle of yourself?  
  
Quinn: I never made a spectacle of myself, .....it wasn't my fault I was attractive and popular.   
  
Daria: (glares at Jane) Thank you SO much for getting her started all over again,.....I'll be sending you the bill for my therapy.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey, ....it's what I'm here for. (Turns to Quinn) Now shoo,.....go see if anybody you know is still alive. We'll be over by the bar staying invisible ourselves. (Jane and Daria begin to walk into the crowd of people nearby leaving a distraught Quinn to go off by herself) Do you think she'll be alright?  
  
Daria: Do doubts, ....she remembers how to socialize. It's like learning to ride a bike.......  
  
Jane Lane: So I take it you fell down a lot, huh?  
  
Daria: Don't make me kill you Jane, .....the night is going so well so far.  
  
Jane Lane: Many have tried but..........OOOF! (Jane takes a step backward to catch herself after she stumbles into a somewhat muscular man sending him to the floor. A German shepherd that had been seated on the floor at the mans feet stares at Jane as if to thank her. Once she's regained her balance Jane reaches down to help the man up. ) Dammit man, ....watch where you're going.   
  
Man: My, my......such a familiar voice. (The man seems to be staring off into space as he speaks) But without a face to go with it your name escapes me,.....I wonder if you would indulge me. (Jane waves her hand back and forth in front of the mans eyes which to her surprise goes un-noticed by him)   
  
Jane Lane: You're blind....?  
  
Man: And you're very astute, ... but I'm still at a loss as to your name young lady. (Jane glances over at Daria who replies with a shrug)   
  
Jane Lane: My names Jane.  
  
Man: Would that be Jane LANE? Still feisty after all this time I see, ....how wonderful to notice that you've managed to keep something of yourself the same. (Daria and Jane exchange glances and then reply in unison)   
  
Jane/Daria: Upchuck......??!!   
  
Upchuck: The one and only. So what HAVE you ladies been doing with yourselves all these years.  
  
Daria: Nothing that I wouldn't have to shoot you for if we told you.  
  
Upchuck: Funny, ....I never figured you as the military type. Go figure huh?  
  
Daria: It wasn't like we had a whole lot of a choice in the matter.   
  
Upchuck: A common tale I'm afraid,....I'd likely have gone myself but.......  
  
Jane Lane: Um, ....yea how DID that happen.   
  
Upchuck: Burned out my retinas. Silly me, ....I happened to be looking through a pair of binoculars towards make out point when I got an eyeful of bright light. And I don't mean a voluptuous pair of breasts either.  
  
Daria: (whispers to Jane) I doubt it was what it sounds like, ....he probably got caught and the voyee's happened to have a powerful spotlight handy. (Jane snickers)   
  
Upchuck: How a reputation can follow a person, ...can't it? (Jane and Daria stop snickering and look embarrassed) One of the few benefits of being blind is that the hearing becomes more sensitive to compensate. (Awkward pause) But don't worry, .....my behavior back then more than justified such a comment. I assure you that time has mended my ways.  
  
Jane Lane: (As her face turns a shade of red) Well, ....now I feel like dirt. (beat) Um,........I guess I'm sorry Upch.....I mean Charles.  
  
Upchuck: No harm done, ....and if my previous assumption has been correct then your less talkative partner is none other than Daria Morgendorffer.   
  
Daria: It's Lane now, .....and you can stick an admiral before all of that.  
  
Upchuck: My, you certainly HAVE done well with your life.  
  
Daria: If you consider the fact that I'm not dead yet doing well, ...then yea I guess I have. (Jane grabs Daria's shoulder to get her attention and then gestures to Daria with her eyes that they need to walk somewhere else) Um, .....well I guess we should continue to circulate a little. See who else we can bump into,... figuratively speaking of coarse.  
  
Upchuck: By all means please do, .....but be sure not to be a stranger. I'll still be around later should you want to get...... BETTER acquainted. (Daria shivers at Upchucks subtle hint as she and Jane walk away)   
  
Daria: Mended your ways my ass......... (Once at a safe distance where the noise from everyone else is sure to drown them out from Upchuck's ears) Oh god, ....he's STILL creepy.  
  
Jane Lane: And he's BUFFED, ....if he weren't such a jerk he'd be cute.  
  
Daria: For a blind guy.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey, ....your sister's in a wheelchair. That doesn't make HER any less attractive does it?  
  
Daria: SHE'S not so sure anymore, .....and that was low Jane.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey, ....I call em' as I see em'. But thank you for noticing, .....I do try to do good work. (Daria rolls her eyes)   
  
(Cut to elsewhere in the room, ....Quinn has managed to find her way to a table in an uncrowded spot. She's procured a soda from the bar and succeeded at bringing it back to the table without spilling it and is now busy taking slow sips as she looks about the room and all of the various unfamiliar people in it. So far she hadn't seen a single one of her old friends, .....until a familiar voice called to Quinn from the crowd. At first Quinn couldn't tell where the voice originated from but soon after it pierced the air an all too familiar face emerged from the sea of countless nobodies. Herself with a hair color less than what it had used to be, having been accented with grey streaks by the passage of time. And though still thin and attractive she had certainly added a few pounds to her frame)  
  
Woman: Quinn, .....is that you? After all of this time, ....where have you been hiding yourself?   
  
Quinn: (stunned expression on her face) Oh my god, .......STACY? I could ask you the same thing, .....what have YOU been doing all this time?  
  
Stacy: I can't believe it, .....I finally caught up with Quinn Morgendorffer. The only member of the fashion club to do a disappearing act from our respective radar's. (Stacy walks over to the table and has a seat across from Quinn)   
  
Quinn: (looks about the room briefly) So who else is here tonight, I haven't seen a single person I know up until now.  
  
Stacy: Um, ........I know Sandi is. But just for the sake of a publicity shoot, ....Fashion magazine is doing a then and now piece on America's super models and she's trying to make it look like she has ties to her past. Otherwise I don't think she'd be caught dead here, ....she practically tossed us all to the wind and forgot about us once she got her modeling career off the ground.   
  
Quinn: Stepped on you pretty good did she? (Stacy nods)  
  
Stacy: I'm the one who got her the audition photo shoot in the first place, ....If my dad didn't know a few people then Sandi never would have gotten ANYWHERE. And as soon as she became known she acted like we never even knew each other, ....had me tossed off her property once too. The last time I came to pay her a visit and she called security to have me escorted off the property.  
  
Quinn: Ugh, .........that would be SO like her. I don't know why we ever kept her on as the president of the fashion club.   
  
Stacy: She had a pretty high intimidation factor back then, .....always liked to make sure that we were afraid of her in some way.  
  
Quinn: She did like to keep us subservient, didn't she. So um, ......not to say that what she did was right. But why didn't she just call the cops if she wanted to treat you that way?   
  
Stacy: (pulls a badge and ID out of her purse) Because I AM the cops, .....I've been an agent with the FBI for fifteen years now.   
  
Quinn: (jaw drops) You're a FED?   
  
Stacy: Oh yea, ....and you know what? I LOVE it, .....I get to assert myself, I get to speak my mind and have people listen. And I actually get respect from people for doing my job, ...people find out you're a fed and they change their tunes real quick, I'll tell you what. So um........what do YOU do now?  
  
Quinn: (sighs) I WAS a naval aviator holding the rank of lieutenant. But now I mostly hang around the house doing odds and ends.  
  
Stacy: That sounded like a great career, .....what made you leave it?  
  
Quinn: Didn't have much of a choice. (Quinn rolls backward to reveal her chair from under the table) I lost the use of my legs a couple of years ago.  
  
Stacy: (does a character typical gasp) Oh my god, .....HOW? Did you crash or something like in one of those movies?  
  
Quinn: I almost wish, .....but no. I had a malignant spinal tumor and it had to be removed before it could spread. And when they went in I lost the use of my legs. (Shrugs) What are you gonna do?  
  
Stacy: (bites her lip for a moment and looks as if she wants to cry) Oh Quinn, .....I'm so sorry.  
  
Quinn: (smiles weakly in an effort to prevent Stacy from looking at her as a cripple, ...that was the last thing she wanted to be remembered by an old friend as) Do me a favor Stacy, ....don't be sorry. That's the LAST thing I need right now. (Awkward pause) So anyway, ....what about Tiffany? Whatever happened to her?  
  
Stacy: Um, ........she got into porn for a while from what I hear. It's pretty pathetic now that I think about it. All the photographer had to do initially was to tell her that if she took her clothes off then everyone would be able to see all of her best sides and that she wasn't fat.  
  
Quinn: There was your clincher right there, ....all the guy had to say in the first place was that it would prove to people that she wasn't fat and she'd of stripped on the spot.  
  
Stacy: What makes you say that? (Quinn raises an eyebrow) EW, ....you did that?  
  
Quinn: (laughs) Of COARSE not, ......she asked me once if I thought she was fat and in an effort to avoid the question I told her that the clothes she was wearing made it too difficult to tell and whoosh, off came the clothes including the undergarments.  
  
Stacy: (looks repulsed) Ugh, .....so what did you do?   
  
Quinn: What do you think I did, .....I got up and left. That was just a little too weird for me. (Stacy laughs as they begin to exchange stories of the years gone by, of loves lost, of battles won, and personal triumphs and defeat. It seemed that for the first time since the days of high school that friends of old were reunited once again)   
  
(The scene fades to elsewhere in the school gym, ....Daria and Jane are seen standing near what appears to be a makeshift bar which is actually a bunch of tables covered by a white cloth with various appliances plugged in behind the serving area to make specialty drinks and a variety of alcoholic substances to choose from. The persons acting as the bartenders are professionals hired to cater the occasion. Daria has in hand a strawberry daiquiri with a small straw sticking out of the glass that allows her to take slow sips without getting a temperature induced headache, while Jane chugs a beer, one large swig at a time, in attempt to broaden her perspective of things. )   
  
Daria: (Looks down at her now half empty glass and marvels at the fact that her drink was actually made with real fruit and not that funky syrupy mix) Wow, ...this is actually good stuff they're serving. What do you figure they spent on all of this?   
  
Jane Lane: All I know is it can't be coming out of the school budget, ....They must have spent all of the money and then some on that beautiful garden out in front of the school. In fact, ....I do believe I saw cherry tree's out there.   
  
Daria: You might have a point, ...the upkeep alone would more than deplete the amount of funding the Lawndale school board allocates each year. Maybe they had a fund raiser?  
  
Jane Lane: I guess anything is possible since Ms. Li was no longer around to squander the cash on extreme and unnecessary security measures. Who do you figure is running the show in this place THESE days?  
  
Daria; Well, ....it can't be Ms. Bennett. Or else the map of the school being displayed in the foyer would have been this big confusing jumble of X's and O's which would look remarkably similar to a diagram of a football play.   
  
Jane Lane: And the place doesn't look like a prison block so it can't be Mr. Dimartino, ....so who do you figure? They wouldn't bring in someone totally new would they?   
  
Daria: After seeing how much this place has changed I wouldn't be surprised. (Daria turns her head towards the stage area where a live band is finishing their latest set) They really went all out for this shindig didn't they?   
  
Jane Lane: (chuckles) It's a shame we didn't know they were going to have live entertainment, ...we could have gotten Trent and the guys togther to play here. Boy, ....that would stir up some fond old memories, huh?  
  
Daria; Not necessarily, ....I think in order to do that we would have to turn this place into a grungy old night club.  
  
Jane Lane: And of coarse we'd have to find a way to get that nasty little rash to come back. Maybe I could paint it on, ....what do you think?  
  
Daria: (scowls) I Think............ (Before Daria can respond she is cut off by nauseatingly cheerful voice from the years past. Her startled eyes come to focus on the aged face of Mr. O'neil)   
  
(The scene cuts to a young looking woman with long dark wavy hair making her way through the crowd of people, each step with her left foot is a labored one as she walks with the assistance of a cane made of cherry wood. She appears to be scanning the crowds with her eyes as if looking for someone important when she bumps into a scarlet haired man being escorted by a German shepherd, ..knocking him to the ground as had happened to him on other occasions during the evening)  
  
Woman: Damn I'm sorry, ....are you all right there bud?  
  
Man: I'll be fine, ....it's not the first time I've been struck down by a ravishing woman such as yourself. By the way, ...the name is Charles. As opposed to "bud"? (The woman stares at him for a brief moment and then waves her hand back and forth in front of his eyes)   
  
Woman: Such a smooth line of B.S to come from a blind man. What makes you think I'm in any way ravishing? (Upchuck, once he's come to his feet, takes a few steps towards the woman's voice)  
  
Upchuck: I don't need eyes to tell me of a woman's endless beauty.   
  
Woman: (Looks amused as she takes a step towards him herself) Do tell, ....I'll let you know if I feel the need to slap you or barf. Either way, ....you've been warned. So enlighten me already....  
  
Charles: (inhales deeply) You smell of the sea, .....which likely means you're an avid swimmer. And I've never known a swimmer who didn't have a shapely body. (The woman frowns and then sniffs herself as if checking for body odor)   
  
Woman: (smiles) I'm impressed, do you have any idea how long it's been since I've been in the sea?  
  
Charles: Shall I go on?   
  
Woman: (still amused) Can you?   
  
Charles: (feeling full of himself) I can and shall, .....you have the voice comparable to that of the sirens of legend. I doubt there's a man alive who could resist listening to it for time on end.   
  
Woman: Now you're just full of shit, .....I've known a few with some down right nasty voices. And mines no treat either.  
  
Charles: I beg to differ, Ms.....?  
  
Woman: ( refusing to bite, she shakes her head and laughs) Okay, ....I've heard enough. I've got fifty bucks that says you use these lines all the time and that your just looking to get laid. Tell me if I'm wrong,.....  
  
Charles: (smiles) A simple slap would have done, ...I'm used to it. And since you've seen through my, until now, infallible charm. Perhaps if I tried the direct approach? ( in a low and slightly deeper voice) Wanna go find a place to do it? (He braces himself for a knockdown blow but instead hears roaring laughter)   
  
Woman: (shaking her head) At least you're honest about it, ....I think any other guy with half an ego would have denied it or tried to play it off. And to let you down easy I'll be honest with YOU, ....you couldn't handle me. Where I'm from women are somewhat more, ..........aggressive..... when it comes to mating practices. Trust me, ....I'd cripple you.   
  
Charles: My, if I didn't know better I'd think you were trying to play my own hand. Tantalize, ...and then conquer. I like women who know how to be, .....FEISTY! And after what you've just said I find myself wondering, ... should I dare to dream?   
  
Woman: Dream all you want, .....that's what the mind and the left hand are there for.  
  
Charles: Hmmm, .....such pleasant thoughts you've helped me to create. Perhaps I should visit wherever it is that you're from.   
  
Woman: (looks confused) You'd drown.....  
  
Charles: To experience what you've described to me, ....it might just be worth it. So what do you think....?  
  
Woman: (chuckles) You know if I weren't at the tail end of a compromising situation I'd have kicked your ass clear to the moon by now. But as it happens my libido is SAVING your so called ass, .....so find us a private spot and we'll see what comes of things. And just so you know, ....it's your funeral. (Upchuck practically swallows his own tongue at hearing her response and after several minutes of recovery he instructs his canine companion to lead them to the schools nurses office)   
  
(Cut to Quinn's table, ...she and Stacy are still avidly talking when a deep but familiar voice penetrates the air from off to the side as Sandi emerges from a crowd of people)  
  
Sandi: Well if it isn't my OLD friend Quinn, ......where have you been all these years?  
  
Quinn: Oh HI Sandi, .....I wasn't sure if I'd see YOU here.   
  
Sandi: Well of coarse I'd be here, ....how could I miss such an important even like a reunion. Besides, ....my agent said if would be good publicity for a well known celebrity like myself to make an appearance among the common people for once. (Looks over at Stacy only to have her eyes widen) What are YOU doing here, .....don't you federal types have anything better to do with your time than to hang around popular people? There MUST be a donut shop around here or something.  
  
Stacy: (scowls) Go OD on some pills or something Sandi, ....you're so full of yourself.  
  
Sandi: Is that a THREAT? I didn't think you people were supposed to DO that, ...or have the laws changed or something?  
  
Quinn: Guys, ...it a reunion. Can't you put aside your differences for just one night?  
  
Sandi: It's hard to put aside differences when someone like STACY tries to search your home for narcotics. (Quinn gawks and looks at Stacy for an explanation)   
  
Stacy: That's why I was over at her house the last time, remember me telling you that she had me escorted off the property? I'd received this tip from some of her hired help that Sandi had been buying and using controlled narcotic substances on the property. Unfortunately I didn't have the probable cause to get a warrant so I showed up to question Sandi on the matter. She didn't take to kindly to it as you can tell.   
  
Sandi: Hired help that has since been replaced, (scoffs) .....like I would use drugs. If I did something illegal like that don't you think I would have needle marks or something? (she rolls up her sleeves to show her unmarked arms)   
  
Stacy: (points towards Sandi's feet) Take your shoes off, Sandi.  
  
Sandi: Excuse me...?  
  
Stacy: Take your shoes off, ....the arms aren't the only pace you can shoot up you know.   
  
Sandi: I will do no such thing as to disgrace myself in public by removing my footwear for another woman. People might get the wrong idea about me.   
  
Stacy; (Places her head in her palm) So we'll do it in private, ...there are bathrooms around here.   
  
Sandi: (seriously getting annoyed) Kiss off you little runt, ....I don't have to justify myself to you.   
  
Quinn: ( beginning to suspect that Stacy may have been on to something) Sandi, .....if your going to act like you're gods gift to humanity then why don't you go do it for whoever pays your salary.   
Otherwise just take your shoes off and be done with this whole argument.  
  
Sandi: What's THAT supposed to mean?  
  
Quinn: It means that if you have nothing to hide then you'll prove Stacy wrong and you can hold that over her head for the rest of her life. But if you don't, ....then that's like admitting guilt. (Stacy smiles at Quinn's assistance)   
  
Sandi: (scowls at Sandi) Your just jealous because I've got a glamorous career while you're stuck in a stinky government job dealing with lowlifes. Eww, ....I bet they don't even shower. That's the REAL reason you always harass me like this, ....I just never thought Quinn would act the same way.  
  
Quinn: Sandi, ....I'm just trying to bring a quick end to the argument.  
  
Sandi: I don't THINK so, ....oh and by the way. Nice wheelchair, ......the way it wraps around you just gives you that "look at me, I'm a helpless invalid" look. I hear that's in this year, ....at least for people like you. (Quinn looks deeply hurt as she turns her head down looking as if she wants to cry)   
  
Stacy: Don't pay attention to her Quinn, .....she feels she has to put others down just to keep herself from realizing how shallow she's become and now look at her, ...she's got nothing deep down. It was the same in high school.  
  
Sandi: Are you kidding, .....I have more fame and wealth than any of you could possibly imagine.   
  
Stacy: Maybe so, ..... but what is all that worth when you have no depth?  
  
Stacy: (scowls) I have LOTS of depth, ....my photographer tells me so every single say. And I'd take his opinion over yours ANY time.  
  
Quinn: (rolls her eyes and juts her head upwards to look at Sandi) You know, ...with an attitude like that it's amazing no one has stood up to kick your butt back into line. (Looks Sandi up and down) And somebody SHOULD, ....geez.   
  
Sandi: (walks closer to Quinn and looks her up and down as she sits in her chair) Really, .....I doubt I'll have to worry about THAT happening anytime soon. Since you can't even GET up. (Beat) And since I'm obviously not wanted over here I'll just go mingle with some more of the little people. Maybe they'll be a little more appreciative to be in my presence. (Sandi turns and walks over towards the bar where her photographer is waiting for her. As people drift by Quinn's table, a glimpse of a young woman with long wavy black hair is seen in the background. She thoughtfully leans on a cane made of cherry wood while staring at Sandi as she walks off with her head held high. After a long moment she smirks to herself and decides to approach Quinn and her friend)  
  
Woman: Let me guess, ....some people just don't change huh? (Quinn at hearing this voice does a double take straining a muscle or two in her neck signified by her grabbing her neck and yelping in pain. Quinn is so surprised that from her perspective the room just goes dead silent. People seem to move about in the background seemingly in slow motion. Quinn can see Stacy's mouth move in slow motion as she inquires about her health. And even after she recovers she just sits there with her mouth gaping and then only speaks after five or so additional minutes of silence)   
  
Quinn: (mouth quivering slightly) You're dead..................... (the woman smiles as she gazes upon Quinn with her hazel eyes)   
  
Woman: Yea I seem to be getting that a lot, ....it's amazing how easily people are dismissed these days. (Quinn turns to Stacy) Hey there, .......I'm Kathryn Nickleby. (She shakes hands with Stacy and then has a seat at the table)   
  
Stacy: So how do you know Quinn?  
  
Kathryn: She was my wing man for damned near fifteen years, .....we never left the deck without each other. Even on shore leave if I recall.   
  
Stacy: (looks Kathryn up and down a few times in disbelief) Pardon my skepticism here, .....I find it hard to believe that you two have been flying together for fifteen years. In my line of work I have to be a pretty good judge of appearances and judging by yours, ....you're not a day over twenty five.   
  
Kathryn: (Smirks) Would you believe that I'm OLDER than Quinn? (Stacy scowls and looks at Quinn who nods her head)   
  
Stacy: (turns back to Kathryn and looks her over a few more times) In that case, .......what ....the HELL....is your secret?? And why aren't you marketing it, ....you could make yourself rich beyond the dreams of avarice. (Kathryn pays Stacy no mind and turns to Quinn to study the urgent expression on her face. It doesn't take long at all to figure out what question is on her mind) Let me guess, ....you want to know where I've been all this time. (Quinn nods her head slowly)  
  
Stacy: Well wait a minute, I've never heard anything about this....so what happened in the first place? ( Quinn blurts out a response before Kathryn can answer)   
  
Quinn: Kathryn was shot down four years ago.  
  
Kathryn: Actually I wasn't, Quinn. (The scene blurs as she begins to tell her side of the story and comes back into focus inside of the cockpit of an F-18 hornet just as another aircraft of the same type shoots past on the left side. Quinn's voice can be heard on the comm)  
  
Quinn: Raider, ....I overshot. I'm way out of position!  
  
Kathryn: (VO) DAMN!! (Kathryn inverts her aircraft and pushes up on the throttle while at the same time pulling back on the stick. The Mig that was on her tail overshoots but it doesn't take long before it is able to swing back in behind her. ) Quinn, .....I'm cutting to the hard deck! (As she says this tracers begin passing by the canopy. Kathryn performs a rolling reversal and begins to drop her altitude hoping that the night will mask her escape but as she nears eight hundred feet above the ground something comes flying past from the front and strikes the aircraft severing the arial antenna) What the hell? (More tracers come flying past the canopy, some of them strike the wing causing fuel to begin leaking) Quinn, ....I'm taking hits. You've got to get this guy off me! (As she says this another object flies toward her within the blink of an eye and gets sucked into the engine intake. The engine effectively bursts into flames) Now that's a very lousy combination. (She looks back at the MIG which is still behind her and then at the wing leaking fuel which is starting to catch fire from the engine) Forget THIS, ....you can have the damned plane. (Into her comm) This is the end of Ghost rider one, ....Eject....Eject....Eject...! (Kathryn pulls the handle between her legs and in the blink of an eye the canopy has blown off and a rocket motor underneath the seat has already blasted Kathryn out of the aircraft. As her parachute deploys she watches as her aircraft becomes engulfed in flames and begins to tumble end over end towards the ground)   
  
(The scene fades back to the present)  
  
Kathryn: I think it was a goose I sucked into the engine, ....I can't really be sure. It was just too dark to tell. (Beat) So you never saw me eject huh? (Quinn shakes her head)   
  
Quinn: I saw your plane go down, after which I had the opportunity to get the MIG that I thought got you. But it got away, ....I'm sorry.  
  
Kathryn: Yea, ....I saw that. You got a couple of hits and sent him running though, ....so that's almost as good. (Quinn motions as if she's about to ask a question) Yea, ....I know. So where have I been, right? (Quinn nods and Stacy rests her chin on one of her palms as though a child eagerly awaiting a children's story about to be told by a loving grandfather.) After I ejected, my chute deployed but not in the way it should. It only partially opened and I came down a bit harder than I should have and I broke my leg in three places in the process. A local fisherman from the coast about a hundred miles away, god only knows why he was that far inland in the middle of the night, but he and his son found me and (the scene blurs and comes back in during the night about one hundred miles inland from the black sea. The headlights from an old truck are almost blinding the POV as two shadowy figures walk towards the POV with firearms in hand. The scene pulls back showing Kathryn squinting against the light with her service piece drawn, aimed at the approaching persons)   
  
Man 1: (in English but with a heavy accent that sounded like a cross between Turk and Russian) Lower your weapon and you will not be harmed, .....who are you with? (Kathryn raises her free hand to her eyes with her fingers slightly spread in effort to block some of the light emanating from the trucks headlights. The man takes notice that she has partially webbed fingers and begins to speak urgently in Russian to his son who chambers a round in his weapon. Kathryn realizing that in her compromised position she could not possibly get them both without biting it herself so she lowers her weapon and surrenders. The scene blurs and comes back in at the present)  
  
Stacy: You were taken prisoner,... for how long?   
  
Kathryn: I was his personal prisoner, ....not a government one. He kept me locked up for three years, ...APPARENTLY he was under the impression that I was a mermaid and could grant wishes or something. So he was determined to keep me until I gave him what he wanted.  
  
Stacy: What, .......oh my god that's horrible. What could possibly make him think something that crazy?  
  
Kathryn: (shrugs) Damned if I know, ....he probably was an alcoholic or something and his mind was half gone. I bet he would have believed an legend he read about. Anyway, He kept me locked in the barn and everyday he would ask if I was ready to cooperate and give him what he wanted. And everyday I told him the truth, "I don't know what your talking about, I don't have any magic whatsoever". And every time he would reiterate his steadfast belief that mermaids were magical beings that could grant such requests. Once in a while he'd lose patience and beat me, or he'd strip me and leave me naked for a day or so hoping that modesty would teach me a lesson .......... eventually the guys son, who fortunately for me didn't believe a word of the garbage his father was spitting out, decided on his own that a perfectly good young female prisoner was a waste unless she was put to good use. I.E. he tried to have his way with me.  
  
Quinn: He RAPED you!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kathryn: (grits her teeth slightly) Say that a little louder why don't you, ....I don't think the whole room heard you.   
  
Quinn: (looks down into her lap shamefully) Sorry......  
  
Kathryn: And no, ....he didn't. He tried to bargain with me, .....offering freedom in exchange for sex. Apparently his wife hated his guts and wasn't putting out for him. At least that's what he told me. (Beat) I reluctantly agreed on the condition that he remove my restraints first,..... and he was dumb enough to do it.   
  
Stacy: So you escaped.......  
  
Kathryn: (sighs heavily) Actually, ....I'm USUALLY a woman of my word and I was going to go through with it........ before rendering him unconscious so he wouldn't see my route of egress. (Removes a circular pendant inscribed in an odd language from under her shirt and shows it off) But he noticed my pendant and tried to take it figuring he could woo his wife with it, ....that was where I had to draw the line.   
  
Stacy; So you beat the hell out of him and escaped, right?  
  
Kathryn: (Looks at as if she were a very simple minded person) I cut his throat with my fingernails, ....and escaped. (Stacy looks appalled) What, ....this pendant is very important to me.   
  
Stacy: With your FINGERNAILS?  
  
Kathryn: I have sharp fingernails, okay? So anyway, .....It took me a few days to make it to the beach and when I got there I hitched a ride with a couple of old acquaintances of mine who to my incredible luck happened to be in the area,.... they got me about a hundred miles out to sea where I was picked up by a US destroyer that took me the rest of the way home. It took me most of the year to track you down Quinn, and when I did I was greeted by your husband at the door. He remembered me, ....I thought it was pretty sweet since he'd only met me once. And he made arrangements for me to meet you here as sort of a surprise.  
  
Quinn: (scowls and then after a moment smiles) That would explain why he was so adamant about me coming to this reunion, ....GOD he's sneaky sometimes.   
  
Kathryn: (chuckles to herself and leans down to give Quinn a stiff hug) He's also sweet, Quinn. You're lucky to have him. (A moment of silence passes and Kathryn clears her throat in preparation to continue the conversation) So now I'm back, ....in fact by sheer coincidence I recently moved just across the bay from you. We can hang out from time to time if you want and you can keep that promise of yours about coordinating my wardrobe.   
  
Quinn: (Pauses long in thought as she debates whether or not to bring something up) Um, ............Stacy is it possible you could give us a few minutes alone?  
  
Stacy: (looks back and forth between Kathryn and her friend several times before replying in disappointment) Um, ........sure. I'll just go and see if there's anything else I can get Sandi investigated for, ......I guess.  
  
Quinn: Thanks Stacy, ....you're the greatest. (Stacy gets up from the table and heads off into the crowd. Quinn then reaches into her purse and withdraws a fifty dollar bill before placing it on the table directly in front of Kathryn who just raises an eyebrow in acknowledgment) By the way, ....you were right about something else.  
  
Kathryn: Do tell........?  
  
Quinn: (smiles) I'm pregnant..........  
  
Kathryn: (Over the next minute or so a smile slowly creeps across her face stretching from ear to ear before she finally reaches across the table in an ecstatic embrace) I TOLD you it could be done, ....what the hell do doctors know?   
  
Quinn: (laughs nervously) They know enough, ....I had to get help. (Kathryn pauses, not sure if she should be happy or show sympathy, given that she knew what Quinn meant by "getting help". Inevitably she decides to let it go and just share in her friends happiness)   
  
Kathryn: So have you decided on a name yet?  
  
Quinn: (shrugs) It's been narrowed down substantially. My husband wants Timothy if it's a boy.  
  
Kathryn: And if it's a girl?   
  
Quinn: (Smiles from ear to ear) I dunno, ...I wanted to name it after somebody with a unique name but who was also very important to me. So I've been debating between Neirte......  
  
Kathryn: (chuckles) I was wondering which one you'd met........  
  
Quinn: (looks Kathryn square in the eyes) .......or Kesthea (Kathryn's face appears to drop as she freezes in her chair) What, ....you didn't think I knew?  
  
Kathryn: (clears her throat) I'm honored to be considered. (smirks) When did you finally figure me out, ....I'd only been dropping hints to you for years and they always seemed to go right over your head.   
  
Quinn: Not necessarily OVER my head, I just thought you were playing one long prank on me trying to see if I'd fall for any of it. (Shrugs) I didn't believe that Faye existed, ....I just thought they were mythology like in the story books. Until my niece introduced me to Neirte, .....we found a way to communicate and she told me of her parents deaths and that she had no family left. So we invited her into ours.  
  
Kathryn: Yea, ....I know all about that.   
  
Quinn: What?  
  
Kathryn: You guys are the talk of the Faye community, ....from what I've heard before I got picked up by that destroyer, Neirte can't run into anybody without being asked questions about your family. "What are they like", "Can you get them to give you some of that frozen white stuff", "Why do they cover themselves in plant fibers", "Can you get them to give you some of that frozen white stuff".  
  
Quinn: You said that already.  
  
Kathryn: I know, ...that's the most frequently asked question I've heard so far. Since you people first came up with the stuff, ....they've all had a bit of a sweet tooth for vanilla ice cream. And the only time they can seem to get it is when somebody either drops their cone into the water or leaves it unattended NEAR the water. (Beat) What, ....you've never noticed how whenever a kid is near the ocean with an ice cream cone he or she seems to loose it? (Quinn laughs)   
  
Quinn: I'll just accept it as truth and leave it at that. (Beat) I ALSO know how you happen to know so much about them. I know why that pendant is so important to you, at first I thought the reason you knew so much about them was because you'd actually met a bunch of them..... (awkward pause) Neirte told me that you yourself are Faye and you once were married to a human named Anderson..........four HUNDRED years ago. I have to admit, ....you look very good for your age.  
  
Kathryn: (looks slightly unnerved) ............okay?   
  
Quinn: His first name was Hans, ....and that story he wrote was based on the two of YOU. He just fudged all of the facts so people wouldn't KNOW it was about you. Something about the church having a bug up their ass.   
  
Kathryn: And you believe that?  
  
Quinn: I know enough to know that if the truth walks up to you and slaps you in the face, ....it's much to real to have been a lie.   
  
Kathryn: (studies Quinn for a moment before responding) I like that, ....I'll have to use that.   
  
Quinn: Go right ahead, ....it's Daria's.  
  
Kathryn: Who's Daria?   
  
Quinn: Just my sister.....  
  
Kathryn: (Leans forward in her chair) You never told me you had a sister named Daria. After all that time......  
  
Quinn: (shrugs) You never told me you had a sister named Alcen (All-Sin) who mas married to a guy named Febbs, ....and they had a daughter named Neirte. ( a long moment of silence ensues before Quinn reaches out taking Kathryn's hand and squeezing one of her fingers right near the nail causing it to extend half an inch)   
  
Kathryn: (looks down at her hand and then back up at Quinn) So you DO know all about me, .....   
  
Quinn: Well, I have a couple of questions. How did that guy know what you were, ....and was he onto something?   
  
Kathryn: (looking very annoyed) We are NOT magical beings Quinn, if I HAD such abilities don't you think I would have used them to get myself out of there instead of taking the guys abuse? (Sighs) Any OTHER questions?  
  
Quinn: Um yea, ......what was he like?   
  
Kathryn: My husband....?  
  
Quinn: Yea., ....Hans right?  
  
Kathryn: (pauses in thought for a moment and then smiles) He was a good man, ....I miss him sometimes. He had a way of making me laugh, ....always had the kids enchanted with a story too.   
  
Quinn: (He jaw drops as this is something that Kathryn had never even HINTED about) YOU had kids...?  
  
Kathryn: Six, .....just one was born Faye though. She lives over on the west coast these days.   
  
Quinn: Does she have........you know.   
  
Kathryn: Legs instead of fins? (Quinn nods) Yea, ....as long as this pendant exists she does. If something were to happen to it,......... she'd better hope she's right next to the ocean. (Beat) Any OTHER questions?   
  
Quinn: Yea, ...I could use a little clarification on the REAL version of Han's story. I assume it'll tell me how you ACTUALLY came to be .........this way.   
  
Kathryn: Want me to start with my family background?   
  
Quinn: (smiles attentively) I was hoping you would.   
  
(The scene cuts to later in the evening, Daria and Jane have just managed to get rid of Mr. O'Neill who had been babbling the night away before the two as if he were actually carrying on a relevant conversation. He'd made light of his good fortune, having been chosen to be the principle after Ms. Li's tragic death. At least he saw it as tragic. .....Daria and Jane, judging by the looks on their faces, seemed to think otherwise. Even though they had to hide their true feelings once, after tossing the thought of someone's death around his mind again and again, Mr. O'Neill broke down crying for five full minutes. Jane and Daria, feeling embarrassed to be seen anywhere near him escorted Mr. O'Neill over to a nearby table and left him to be by himself. )   
  
Jane Lane: (As she and Daria are walking away from Mr. O'Neill's table) Geez, ...he's exactly the same as when WE went here.   
  
Daria: I guess for some people there just isn't any hope. God help us......  
  
Jane Lane: I'll bet he just needs to get laid, ...ever since Mrs. Barch bought it he probably hasn't been getting any.   
  
Daria: (looks at Jane in disgust) Be my guest if you feel THAT way about it.   
  
Jane Lane: (a look of nausea sweeps over her face as the pictures that in her twisted little mind) EWWWWWWWWWWWWW.............. (As Jane does her best not to puke both she and Daria, ....along with countless others seen in the background, turn to notice at the far end of the gym, the doors have swung open revealing an ambulance that has backed up to the entrance and two EMT's who are now discretely making their way past everyone and out into the school's main hallway)   
  
Daria: What do you supposed THAT was all about?   
  
Jane Lane: Maybe if we're lucky someone finally did the world a favor and killed upchuck.   
  
Daria: Oh come on, ....you know we could never be THAT lucky. ( a few moments later the EMT's came back out of the hallway with someone strapped to the Gurney as they wheel it through the gym on their way out to the ambulance. Daria and Jane Quickly walk across the gym in effort to get a look at the unfortunate soul who picked Lawndale high of all places to get seriously ill. As they come closer they manage to see the face of the unconscious person and to their surprise it's upchuck, who even though unconscious, he has a smile stuck on his face. )   
  
Jane Lane: Okay, ....maybe we COULD be that lucky. (Speaks up to the EMT) What the hell happened to him?   
  
EMT1: Apparent heart attack, ...but we're not sure what could have caused it. .....All we are sure of is that there's a dog hiding in the nurses office and it's afraid to come out from under the desk.   
  
EMT2: And that his clothes were shredded by something really sharp. (The first EMT nudges the second because they are not supposed to just give out information. They continue to push past Daria and Jane)   
  
Jane Lane: Okay then.......... (looks down at the floor to notice a piece of Upchucks tattered jeans had been dropped by the EMT's) Look at THAT, .....whatever did this cut through these jeans like a hot knife through butter. Have you ever seen anything do that?  
  
Daria: Barring machinery.....? ( thinks for a long moment and then shrugs) Those retractable fingernails Neirte has, ......but that's it. And there's no way she could have been HERE.   
  
Jane Lane: (Raises an eyebrow in interest) Neirte has retractable fingernails?   
  
Daria: Yea, ....they can extend about half an inch on each finger. She uses them to catch her food, ....and for defense when necessary. Sharp as all hell too....  
  
Jane Lane: Weird..........  
  
Daria: Yea, .....  
  
Jane Lane: (looks over at Daria and smiles) And you thought you wouldn't have a good time here.   
  
Daria: Okay you've got me, ....I had a single happy moment in which a long time dream was almost realized.  
  
Jane Lane: Upchucks death...?  
  
Daria: Like I said, ....ALMOST realized. He'll probably bounce right back from the hospital and disappoint us all.  
  
Jane Lane: Although when he does, ....we've got to find out who did this to him.  
  
Daria: And thank that person. (Jane chuckles)   
  
(Cut to Quinn's table a short distance away from where Jane and Daria are standing. Quinn is busy watching the minute or so of hustle and bustle before turning back to her friend. In the background can be heard Mr. O'Neill's voice over the PA stating that all is well in a needless gesture of assurance. Given that once all was said and done everyone went back to what they were doing as if it were an everyday occurrence.)  
  
Quinn: What do you suppose THAT was all about?   
  
Kathryn: (blushes slightly) Uh, ........................that would probably be Charles. I had to call an ambulance for him just before I came over to talk to you.   
  
Quinn: What happened?   
  
Kathryn: He came on to me a few times and wound up getting more than he bargained for. I have to give him credit though, ....he was actually pretty good. He held out a lot longer than I thought he would.   
  
Quinn: (smirks as she reflects on the past) Ah yes, .....I seem to recall you having that effect on men. (Beat) Just out of curiosity, .....does this have anything to do with that thing that happens every five years with you people? Something about fourteen days of hormone hell......  
  
Kathryn: (frowns) Neirte talks to much........  
  
Quinn: Actually, she doesn't talk at all. She uses sign language to talk to us. (Kathryn pinches her sinuses for a moment and then glares at Quinn as if she wants to smack the hell out of her.) You meant communication in general, ....didn't you? (Kathryn smiles and gives a thumbs up) Sorry, .....Sometimes I just don't think before I speak.  
  
Kathryn: (smiles) I've noticed that over the years, .....Tyva` fad Kalamata.  
  
Quinn: What....?   
  
Kathryn: It's a Faye expression. Roughly translated it means "don't worry about it".  
  
Quinn: And literally?   
  
Kathryn: "Sea grass in the wake". (Quinn exchanges a weird look with Kathryn as the sene fades)   
  
(Cut to about an hour later, ...it is getting late in the evening now. Daria and Jane, having stayed as close to the bar as possible during the whole evening, are now watching people clear the dance area. To Their surprise an unexpected sight becomes visible as the people clear away, ....It is Quinn with another woman rolling her around and pulling small stunts with the wheel chair as the woman hangs on the back of it)   
  
Jane Lane: Pardon my ignorance amiga, ....but is that your sister actually having FUN? You know, ...as opposed to pouting.   
  
Daria: Well it's either that or we've both had a little too much to drink tonight. (She looks Jane up and down) You're driving tonight, ...right?  
  
Jane Lane: ME, .....I thought you were the designated driver.   
  
Daria: I've been the designated driver for the past ten years, .....ever since I vomited on the grill at one of your summer parties. I think I can take a break from the job just this once.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey, ....it was your own decision to stay sober from then on. If you wanted to change your mind then you should have let me know before I had anything to drink.   
  
Daria: You've had ONE beer this entire night, Jane.  
  
Jane Lane: Not like you who's only had HALF a daiquiri.  
  
Daria: (Pauses in thought) Wait a minute, ....why are we acting like recovering alcoholics?   
  
Jane Lane: Just fighting the good fight there old friend, ....if we get into an accident. I don't want to be the one who has to get locked up for driving under the influence. (Raises the remainder of her beer to Daria and then takes a swig)   
  
Daria: I hate you.......  
  
Jane Lane: (looks across the room at Quinn) Oh look, .....the lovely couple seems to have tired themselves out. Lets call them over and see if we can find out who your sister has decided to swing with shall we?  
  
Daria: Swing....? You're not stuck in that fifties lifestyle again are you? (Jane proceeds to Call Quinn over)   
  
(Cut to Quinn)   
  
Kathryn: (spies Jane waving at them) Hey Quinn, ....you seem to have an admirer.  
  
Quinn: What, ....where? (Kathryn points Jane out to her but to Quinn objects that far off are a blur) Damn, ..I HATE getting old. (Quinn reaches into her purse and pulls out her new pair of glasses. Then puts them on) Eh, ....that's my sister in law. I wonder what SHE wants? (The sound of laughter is heard coming from Kathryn) What...?  
  
Kathryn: What's with the glasses?   
  
Quinn: (Scoffs) Oh go AWAY, will you? Not everybody ages as slowly as YOU do you know. Four hundred year old bitch......  
  
Kathryn: Eight....... (Quinn does a double take) Eight hundred thirty two to be exact, ....I was four when I MET him.   
  
Quinn: I really.....REALLY hate you. I want you to know that, as your friend. (Kathryn smiles and begins to push Quinn in Jane's direction)   
  
Kathryn: (pretends to sniffle) That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. Come on, ....lets go see what she wants.  
  
Quinn: What NO, .......nobody knows I have to wear these. I look just like my SISTER with these on.   
  
Kathryn: How is that a bad thing? If I looked like MY sister, ....I bet I'd have found a mate in no time flat. As opposed to settling for.........well never mind. Let's just say things are different in the community. The female to male ratio is Ten to one, ....so the competition is the opposite of what it is up here. I'll explain further later on..... (They approach Daria and Jane)   
  
Jane Lane: Quinn, .....how nice to see you out and about. I thought you'd just spend the night sitting at your table. (Pause) Only one admirer tonight? (Daria looks over at Jane and smirks)   
  
Quinn: Shut up Jane, .....I'm not like that anymore.   
  
Jane Lane: Not even for Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie?   
  
Quinn: What are you talking about, ....Joey didn't come with us tonight. (Jane just stares at Quinn for a moment before she laughs nervously) You meant the OTHER Joey didn't you? (Jane doesn't respond) Way to embarrass myself.......... (Kathryn decides to Bail Quinn out of the situation)   
  
Kathryn: Hi, ....I'm Kathryn Nickleby. I'm an old friend of Quinn's. (Daria stares at her for a moment before responding)   
  
Daria: Aren't you dead?   
  
Kathryn: (rolls her eyes) Well I was for a while but then I got kicked out of hell for trying to organize a coup. Some people just aren't happy with change, let me tell you. (Watches as a smirk grows across Daria's face) I don't believe I caught YOUR names.  
  
Jane Lane: That's probably because we never threw them at you. (Quinn, in a quick motion forward, rolls over Jane's feet) OW, ...hey! (Glares at Quinn) Oh fine, ...be that way. I'm Jane Lane, ....artist extraordinare. (Shakes hands with Kathryn)   
  
Kathryn: Really, ....I dabble a bit myself.   
  
Daria: Yea we know, ....Quinn's shown us some of your work. (Kathryn juts her eyes towards Daria and Jane in question of their knowledge of her,.... Quinn just subtly shakes her head no) I'm Daria Lane. (Extends her hand to shake)   
  
Kathryn: Admiral Lane.........? (pauses in enthusiasm and then looks at Quinn) Your sister is Admiral Daria "Hell Fire" Lane, and you didn't tell me....? (In the background, Daria looks as if she were about to become violently ill. Kathryn in the mean time has turned her attention back to Daria) Damn, ....you're my freggin hero. I've heard all the stories......  
  
Jane Lane: (turns to Daria) Apparently your legend has spread beyond the academy and into the field, old friend. Before you know it, ....you'll be signing autographs and book deals.   
  
Daria: (glares at Jane and does a honeymooners impression) Bang,...ZOOM! (Kathryn is about to continue when she is cut off by multiple voices approaching from off to the right. It's the three J's, .....and they've zeroed in on Quinn)  
  
Joey: (Simultaneously) Quinn, ...........I can't believe it.  
  
Jeffy: After all this time.........  
  
Jamie: I've kept myself celibate just for you Quinn...... (The other two stop in their tracks and stare at him) What........?  
  
Kathryn: (looks at Quinn and smirks) Who the hell are THESE guys? (While Quinn is trying to explain to Kathryn just who the three J's are, Jane and Daria begin to converse amongst themselves)   
  
Daria: Figures THOSE three would survive.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey, ....they had their unobtainable love to keep them going.   
  
Daria: Fifty bucks says one of them commits Hary Kary when they find out Quinn's Married.  
  
Jane Lane: IF she tells them...... (Daria just eyes Jane up) Make it a hundred and I'm in.  
  
Daria: Done....... (The scene zooms back in on Quinn and those around her)   
  
Joey: Quinn, ....I don't care if you can't walk. I can carry you wherever you need to go, ......I have great endurance.  
  
Jamie: (Shoves Joey aside) Hey, .....she doesn't need you to treat her like an invalid. Quinn, .....I can get a hold of all the best doctors to help you walk again. Can I please just have one date....?  
  
Jeffy: Hey Don't shove him, ....just let Quinn decide......  
  
Jamie: Why does she need YOU to step in and let her decide, ......I can do that better than you can. (The three start to bicker and Kathryn pulls Quinn back a few feet as the three J's start to go at it, knocking stuff over as they exchange blows)   
  
Kathryn: (gawks at Quinn) And you went through high school with guys fighting over YOU? Why couldn't it be like this for me back home.......? (Quinn decides to end the brawl abruptly)   
  
Quinn: Guys..........., Hey Guys! (Screams) GUYS!!!!! (The three of them stop in mid pose. Joey has his fist raised to hit Jamie, Jamie has his teeth clenched on Jeffy's arm, and Jeffy has his thumb placed against Joey's eye. Quinn raises her left hand and shows off her wedding band) Will you guys stop it, ......I'm happily married, for gods SAKE! (The three move to resume a calmer composure., .... but still with a dumb struck look on their faces)   
  
Jeffy: Oh god no, .........  
  
Jamie: (lips quivering) But, .......I saved myself for you. All this time, .......I could have had anyone I wanted........ My life is over...... (He turns and Quickly walks out of the Gym into the parking lot)  
  
Daria: (As Jane is about to say something) Wait for it........ ( a gunshot is heard out in the parking lot and everyone else in the Gym rushes outside to see what happened) Okay, ....pay up.  
  
Jane Lane: Now, now......suicide by gun shot is not the same as Hary Kary. I win by technicality.......  
  
Daria: (scowls in defeat) Damn, I should have gone for something more conventional..... (Reaches into her pocket and withdraws a series of twenties. Daria, Jane, Kathryn, and Quinn follow the crowd outside to await the police while Mr. O'Neill is futilely attempting crowd control. By chance they happen to meet up with the remaining J's)  
  
Jeffy: I can't believe it, .......where'd he get the gun?   
  
Joey: I can't believe he did it over a WOMAN.  
  
Jeffy: Quinn's just not ANY woman, stupid.   
  
Joey: Yea, ....but she's not worth dying over.   
  
Jeffy: Is TOO...... (They start fighting all over again and as the police and paramedics begin to arrive on scene as the two remaining J's are seen rolling around on the asphalt. Stacy is in the background talking on a radio reporting the situation to her superiors)  
  
Jane Lane: (looks at Daria with a smirk) And you didn't want to come to this.......   
  
Daria: Yea, ...but the trouble is that I know I should feel bad about what's just happened. I mean, a guy just killed himself. And I don't even feel shocked about it, ...I even joked and betted on the fact that he would do it. (Takes on a remorseful expression) What does that say about me?   
  
Jane Lane: That we've seen so much of the stuff in our youths that we've become totally desensitized to death and violence to the point where a tragic event like this doesn't even phase us. (Beat) Hey, ....it could be worse. We could have become a couple of those psycho's who flip out and shoot up a mini mart. (Daria flashes Jane another remorseful glance as the scene cuts over to Quinn off to Daria's right)   
  
Quinn: I'm sorry tonight turned out like this, Kathryn. But just to say it, .....you've always been my best friend. And I'm glad to have you back. I'm glad Joey talked me into coming.........  
  
Kathryn: I feel the same way, Purse. And don't feel so bad, .....when people back home hear that you've got guys who will fight over YOU. You'll be the envy of the community.   
  
Quinn: Can't wait.... (Beat) Can I ask you something off topic?  
  
Kathryn: Shoot, ....no wait. That's been done already, don't shoot. Just ask......  
  
Quinn: How do you see me in this wheel chair?  
  
Kathryn: (looks Quinn up and down a few times) Well, ....you're a few feet shorter in that thing, you're pregnant, you associate with people commonly believed to be mythical (Daria glances at her from the side upon hearing this) .....and apparently a guy who had been fawning over you for years has just killed himself because he couldn't live with the fact that you were taken.  
  
Quinn: (Laughs nervously) Yea, ...who'd have thought. (Beat) But you don't see a cripple or an invalid, ........right? (Laughs nervously) I mean, ...I'd really been bothered by the fact that the people I used to hang out with might mock me for not being able to walk to the point where I didn't want to come tonight and so my husband persuaded me to go and my sisters kids took me shopping to make me feel better about myself and all this other stuff happened and..........  
  
Kathryn: You're going to get to the point eventually right?  
  
Quinn: (Smiles nervously) I guess the point is, .....do you see me like that? .  
  
Kathryn: (pause) Oh hell no, ....you're almost the same person I remember. And that's just the way I see you now.  
  
Quinn: Great, .....because I think that would virtually make up for my encounter with Sandi earlier, ...I actually RESPECT you're opinion (beat) Almost...?  
  
Kathryn: Well yea, ....I don't remember you ever taking someone's death quite so well before.  
  
Quinn: (looks down shamefully) I wasn't even thinking about it..... I can't believe myself..........  
  
Kathryn: (ignores Quinn's comment and continues talking) What a shame for that to happen too. ..........So those other two guys are available, ...right?  
  
Quinn: Ugh gross, ....you're still thinking about that stuff? You only put that one guy in the hospital already. (Daria turns to face Quinn)   
  
Daria: What guy...?   
  
Quinn: That guy who got wheeled out of here earlier. (Looks to Kathryn) What did you say his name was, .........Charles? Anyway, .....she somehow managed to put him unconscious or something. (Daria and Jane exchange glances with each other. Quinn continues to talk while looking at Kathryn) I never got a look at him but I hope he was at least cute.  
  
Daria: Um.......Quinn, that was UPCHUCK that was wheeled out earlier. And the EMT said it looked like he'd had a heart attack.  
  
Jane Lane: And that his dog was afraid to come out from under a desk, ....don't forget that little tidbit of info. So just what........(She is cut off by Quinn)   
  
Quinn: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.................., You did it with UPCHUCK??? (Kathryn looks back and forth between Quinn, Jane and Daria, as obviously there is something that's she's missing here.)   
  
Jane Lane: Never mind, .....I just lost my sense of curiosity. But just answer me this, .......WHY?  
  
Kathryn: Hey, ....he was cute and I was Horney. How much more info do you need?   
  
Daria: And you're the one who shredded his clothes? ( An "oh shit" look comes over Kathryn's face) What did you use to do that.....? (Quinn interjects before Kathryn can give a truthful response)   
  
Quinn: It happened in a NURSE's office, Daria. There's probably a couple of those surgical knives in there or something. Jeez, .....for all we know they just got a little kinky. (Kathryn flashes Quinn an odd sort of "thanks for the save" look)   
  
Jane Lane: She does have a point, Daria. Besides, ....maybe we should just let it go. She did almost kill the poor guy for us. ( a police officer approaches Quinn to ask questions on how Jamie the nights events unfolded leading up to Jamie's suicide)   
  
Daria: (sighs) Yea, ....I guess we can let it go. Things have become strange enough as it is without an explanation to make it worse.   
  
Jane Lane: And what was REALLY strange was that very few people noticed your new hair.......   
  
Daria: Shocking it was, I tell you. Compared to tonight's events it was just shocking.......... (Another police officer comes over to Question Daria and Jane as the scene fades to black)   
  
The End......  
  
Feedback is always appreciated, ...I may be contacted at wildgoose81@hotmail.com 


	9. The Sound of the Other Shoe

Disclaimer: Daria and all related characters are the property of Mtv and Viacom productions.   
  
Note: This story is the next in the submariner Series, ....it takes place approximately three years after "Reunions."  
  
  
  
The Sound of the Other Shoe  
Part One  
By  
Wildgoose  
  
  
  
(Steam poured from the bathroom adjoining Jane Lane's bedroom as she opened the door, ....a hot shower always felt so good after a long mornings run. Daria hadn't joined her today much to Jane's annoyance. Something she had to take care of down at the base, .....Jane sighed as she thought of all the times she and Daria had been of a very close rank. Even in the navy they had almost been equals, ....Jane really did hate the fact that Daria was an admiral. Even though Daria had made sure they were still working very close together as usual, .....there was the fact that she still had to salute Daria, at least when they were in public on the base. She'd never had to do that on the sub. Daria didn't like it, ...Jane new that, but because of rank it was still necessary. Jane sighed again and decided to put it out of her head, ......there were other things to worry about as she removed the towel from about her body and stood in front of the mirror noting that while she still retained an incredible figure, her breasts were beginning to sag a little.)   
  
Jane Lane: I don't get it, .....there are young women Will's age all over the place with body's as good looking and probably firmer than my own. All summer long they've been leaving messages on the damned machine, ....he's a very handsome kid, they practically beat down the proverbial door. And yet he doesn't give them a second thought, ....doesn't show ANY interest in them. Girls around town were inquiring through Jane and Amy about a year ago as to whether Will was taking anyone to the prom, .....and he didn't even go. (Frowns) He can't be normal, ....no guy can have that many options and not get laid at least once. (Sighs as she pinches her sinuses) God,...... please don't let him be gay........ (Jane walks to the closet and begins to pick out the days wardrobe)  
  
(Cut to Armstrong naval base later that morning, ....Jane after knocking on the door invites herself into Daria's office and shoo's out a young lieutenant who was delivering a file Daria needed at the time)   
  
Daria: Nice to see you still knock, ....what brings you to work so late this morning?  
  
Jane Lane: What can I say, ....I hate my job. I don't know why we were brought out of retirement anyway, ....it's not like we're doing anything really important.   
  
Daria: (Straightens her glasses and then looks Jane over for a moment) All things being equal, ...I'd agree with you. But things are not equal, ....the president thinks what we're doing IS important. (Rolls her eyes) At least to Jodie it is.   
  
Jane: (sighs) Why don't we just introduce her to Nierte, ...that way Jodie's curiosity will be satisfied and we can slip back into retirement where we belong.   
  
Daria: You KNOW why we can't do that, ....and you mean to tell me that you actually enjoy sitting around the house doing nothing all day? Even your painting was starting to suffer, ....you were running out of ideas because you'd painted everything already.  
  
Jane Lane: You mean to tell me you actually ENJOY working for the navy?  
  
Daria: (scowls) Bitch........  
  
Jane Lane: And even though you may have a point about me needing something to do with my day, ...why the hell do you stay working in this hole?   
  
Daria: Well, .....don't get me wrong. I hate this job, .....and I can't wait to retire again. But at the same time the money I bring in makes life just a little more secure for the kids. And I only think about that because being a parent has a tendency to dull the cynical heart if just a little.   
  
Jane Lane: You're not half the cynic you used to be, huh?  
  
Daria: (Daria swivels in her chair to look out a nearby window) I'm not half of a LOT of things I used to be. I always believed I would be alone for the rest of my life, ...I'm now married. I could never imagine myself being a mother, ....I now have fraternal twin daughters. I NEVER imagined that they would actually drop the bomb, ....they did. The list is endless, Jane. And hell, even after all this time the worlds population is still declining. I thought for sure the world would over populate itself until we had no alternative but to jump off this god forsaken mud ball and start a colony on another planet somewhere..  
  
Jane Lane: What brought THAT into the conversation? (Daria turns back towards her friend and tosses Jane the morning newspaper so she can read the front page)   
  
Daria: There's that, ....and the fact that I got a related memo from the DOD saying that if I was still capable then I should consider doing what I can to counteract the problem.  
  
Jane Lane: They sent that to YOU? Isn't that sexual harassment?  
  
Daria: Probably, ...but they sent one to everybody. So I don't fee quite as bad about it.   
  
Jane Lane: Not everybody, ....I never got one.  
  
Daria: Don't beat yourself up, ...it's just another piece of inter office junk mail as far as I'm concerned. I'm not about to turn myself into a baby machine just to help the global population. (Beat) So anyway, ...getting back to the original topic.....  
  
Jane Lane: CAN you?  
  
Daria: What...?   
  
Jane Lane: CAN you still have kids?  
  
Daria: Yes Jane, ....I have not yet reached menopause much to my surprise. Statistically I should at least be experiencing pre menopausal symptoms by now, but the Doc says my hormone levels are that of a woman in her twenties. Theoretically I could still have another kid if I wanted to, ....but I don't. (Dryly) Happy now?  
  
Jane: Lucky, ....I'd kill to be able to have another. (Beat) Daria the baby machine, .....I just can't picture it. ( laughs and then pauses in deep thought) It's funny that you mention your sexual health, ....wouldn't it be funny if all that fallout years ago actually slowed the aging process for you? As opposed to sterilizing the rest of the population that is.   
  
Daria: (sighs as she reflects on the past) Can we get OFF that topic please and get back to what you originally barged in about?  
  
Jane Lane: Well you don't exactly look your age you know.   
  
Daria: And what's THAT supposed to mean?  
  
Jane Lane: You make it a habit to maintain certain facial expressions so that it appears that you're starting to get wrinkles like the rest of us. You didn't think I knew that?   
  
Daria: (scowls) What did you barge in for, Jane?  
  
Jane Lane: Oh come on Daria, ...remember that time you left the shelter and went out for supplies and then came home hotter than a uranium sample? (Chuckles) You were dog sick for weeks, ....you're lucky you didn't die. In fact you probably would have if one of the things you brought back wasn't those syringes of potassium iodide that FEMA was giving out for radiation sickness. (Smiles) By chance is there something you haven't been telling me all these years? A lasting effect the doctor may have told you of after all those follow up tests? Come on Daria, ....you can tell me.  
  
Daria: (dry as toast) You're delusional Jane, ....I've never kept any secrets from you in my life. Now what did you barge in here for?  
  
Jane Lane: (rolls her eyes and decides to drop the subject for the moment) Oh, ... I didn't barge in for anything other than to say hi. (Beat) Hi there, comrade!  
  
Daria: You kicked my aid out of the office just so you could say Hi?  
  
Jane Lane: Well, ...I had to make an entrance didn't I? If I didn't I'd be just like all the guys who come in every morning and greet each other by grunting. It sounds like a damned primate convention out there. (Daria leans back in her chair thoughtfully)   
  
Daria: True, ....but they're just being themselves. They can't help being brainless idiots.  
  
Jane Lane: I guess. (Long pause) Daria, ...can I ask you a question?  
  
Daria: You're actually asking?   
  
Jane Lane: Why not, ....someone once told me that I'm a class act. I might as well act the part.  
  
Daria: Okay, ....shoot. (Jane reaches into her boot) NOT literally!  
  
Jane Lane:(straightens up) Damn..... (Beat) Okay, As it turns out I really DID barge in here for something,....I wanted to ask you about my son.  
  
Daria: No thanks Jane, ....I already have two kids. Besides, ....I don't really think I've got that kind of cash on me. (Smirks as Jane flips Daria the finger) What about him?  
  
Jane: (fidgets a little) Well, ... he just seems to hang around your house so much lately and........  
  
Daria: You have a PROBLEM with your son hanging around my house?  
  
Jane Lane: It's not THAT, Daria. It's just that, ...well since he's over there so much I was just wondering if you'd noticed anything weird about his behavior lately. (Shifts in her seat) I mean, ...he's not exactly what we'd refer to as an ugly duckling.   
  
Daria: Are you referring to how much he's starting to resemble Jesse, ....physically that is. He HAS been working out from what my kids tell me. Are you worried that he's being excessively noticed by the female community perhaps?  
  
Jane Lane: HELL no, ....I like the fact that he's being noticed. What I don't like is the fact that he doesn't return the damned favor and notice THEM.   
  
Daria: Trust me, ...he does. He's just not interested in any of the women who have presented themselves thus far......at least that's what the girls tell me.  
  
Jane Lane: He's not............. interested in Jane or Amy is he? (Daria scowls) Hey, ....I'm just trying to rule out the worst case scenario here.  
  
Daria: Last time I checked, William had no interest in courting his cousins. So you can relax, although if the worst case does pan out and they shack up then we could always complete the picture by buying them a trailer home as a wedding gift and then help them take the wheels off. (Jane raises an eyebrow and Daria rolls her eyes in response) All right, ....you've got me. I'm screwing your son behind my husbands back. (Jane smirks at Daria's jest) You know most parents would have become concerned at such statements, ...even if they were jokes.  
  
Jane Lane: Come on, Daria. We were best friends before we ever became family, ....if I can't trust you then who can I trust?  
  
Daria: I guess I'll have to come up with better ways to scare you then.   
  
Jane Lane: (warily) You're not,.....right? (Daria's face takes on a look of disgust) Well, ....then what does he DO during all that time he spends over at your place?  
  
Daria: (shrugs) He spends time with Jane and Amy, ...jams in the garage on Mystic Spiral's equipment, talks to Neirte if she stops by.......  
  
Jane Lane: He talks to Neirte?  
  
Daria: Yea, ....Amy taught him that sign language stuff a while back so he can understand her and every now and again depending on the weather, they all get the scuba gear out of the shed and go under so Neirte can talk verbally, ....they're becoming rather fluent in each others languages. (Rolls her eyes pre emptively) Yes, ...I've done it myself, I've heard her talk. She has a very nice voice. Happy...?  
  
Jane Lane: Actually, .....I wasn't going to ask. But thanks for the info anyway. (Beat) He's not um.........................  
  
Daria: No, .....I don't think he's into doing it with a Fey. Yes, ...your son is straight. Relax....  
  
Jane Lane: (sounding enthused) You're a hundred percent sure about that?  
  
Daria: My sources tell me he's got a stack of porno mags hidden away, ....he HAS had sex with a woman I just don't know with whom, and...........(mumbles) He saw me once sun bathing.   
  
Jane Lane: (trying not laugh) WHAT....? As in outside....without clothes? Since when do YOU have the cohognes to sun bath?  
  
Daria: (scowls) I only did it once, ...I've seen the kids do it a few times and I figured maybe if I took a chance for once it might make me feel a little like a kid again.  
  
Jane Lane: (still smiling) Did it work?  
  
Daria: (smiles) It did actually, ....until William came over looking for the girls....and caught me. (Her face begins to turn a beet red)   
  
Jane Lane: Are we talking topless or complete?   
  
Daria: That last one. It must have been the first time he saw a naked woman in real life, ....he was trying desperately to hide an erection. I've felt very uneasy about it ever since, even though he apologized about it for days. But at least he never said anything about it to anyone.  
  
Jane Lane: Why would he, ....people would think he had designs on his aunt. Do you have any idea how reputation damaging that would be?   
  
Daria: More so than your fear of him with his cousins?   
  
Jane: That's different, .....at least they're his age. You're well,......much older. No offense and all.   
  
Daria: (scowls) Gee, ...thanks for making me feel better. I feel like I was trying to rob the proverbial cradle now.  
  
Jane Lane: (trying her best to repair the damage) Relax, Daria. We all get caught in awkward situations.  
  
Daria: You're telling ME to relax now? (raises an eyebrow) He's seen you hasn't he?  
  
Jane Lane: I've scarred him for life probably, ....he walked in on me mid coitus, ....downstairs, ....on the couch, ....with Robert (Daria cringes as if she'd just seen something heinous) But all that isn't important, you know for a fact that he HAS been with a woman?  
  
Daria: Yes Jane, ...as much as I hate to treat it like a major accomplishment. He has been with a woman.   
  
Jane Lane: And it wasn't Jane or Amy?   
  
Daria: Will you STOP that? Our kids are NOT being incestuous!!!!   
  
Jane Lane: ALRIGHT, ...I'm sorry. I guess I should just be relieved that the signs point to him just being picky.   
  
Daria: No problem, ....now is that all? Or do you have something else to distract me with?  
  
Jane Lane: IS the worlds population really declining or is that some tabloid you handed me?  
  
Daria: Yes, ....it's still declining. Since Y2K the worlds population has dwindled to about half it's original number. So instead of six billion, ...there's only three. All the senior citizens are going the way of the Doe-Doe and the sterility problem still plagues most of the other adults and some of the children in the world. (Beat) There's that and the fact that it's just too damned expensive to have a large family anymore.  
  
Jane Lane: I wonder if I should get Will to get himself checked....  
  
Daria: Oh yea, ...he'd go for that. (Pretends to be Jane) Son, ...can you blow a load into a cup for me so that I can make sure you'll be able to give me grand kids some day? (Jane scowls at Daria as she tries not to laugh)   
  
Jane Lane: All right you bitch, ....what do YOU think I should do?  
  
Daria: Jane, ...my advice is to just sit back and let nature take it's course. He'll find somebody sooner or later and do the thing guys have been doing for centuries.  
  
Jane Lane: Knock her up?   
  
Daria: (sighs heavily) Not that I'm condoning such a thing mind you.  
  
Jane Lane: (chuckles) But the government sure would.........  
  
Daria: Way to boost my confidence in the work place, Jane.   
  
Jane Lane: Hey, ...it's what I'm here for.  
  
Daria: (Daria makes a gesture with her hands signaling Jane to withdraw) Glad to hear it, ....now SHOO!!   
  
Jane Lane: (smirks) I'll talk to you at lunch. (Jane turns and leaves the room eyeing up a commander walking in the opposite direction as she enters the hallway.) (VO) Ooh la la, .....and I wouldn't mind having YOU for dinner.  
  
(Cut to later that day, while on their lunch break Daria and Jane enter a local convenience store and begin to peruse the deli section. Jane blushes slightly as she hears the acronym M.I.L.F. come from one of a number of teens on their way out the exit. Once they obtain their goods they head to the check out and Daria notices that Jane is trying not to laugh)  
  
Daria: (rolls her eyes) Oh get over yourself Jane, ....they're a couple of teens driven to insanity by their pubescent hormones. They probably think that of EVERY older woman they see. (The clerk decides to speak up on the matter much to Jane and Daria's surprise)   
  
Clerk: (to Daria) Actually ma'am, .....I believe they were referring to YOU. Not to insult you or anything, ....but you know. I kind of overhear just about everything that gets said in here. The acoustics in this area of the store are fantastic. (Daria's face turns a slight shade of red at the thought of herself the being the object of some horny kids affections)  
  
Jane Lane: (shakes her head) I think I'VE been offended, ....Daria here dresses to hide and yet she's the one getting noticed. (In jest) What say you young lady, ....what am I doing wrong.  
  
Clerk: (looking unsure as how to respond decides that all she can do to avoid potential trouble is to be honest) Well, ....the word is among the younger generation these days is that it's the ones who DON'T flaunt it who are likely to offer the best action as well as being low milage and maintenance. I think that's seen as a sign of confidence that you don't feel the need to advertise,..... which seems to be a turn on to people nowadays. (Daria and Jane wear stunned expressions that this young convenience store clerk would be able to offer up so much information about the late teen thought process)   
  
Daria: Wait a minute, .....so because I don't wear anything revealing I'm seen as what.....?  
  
Jane: Congratulations Daria, .....you're a hottie. (Daria buries her face in her palm)   
  
Daria: Great, ...just what I need.  
  
Clerk: (to Jane Lane) Um excuse me, .....you're William Lane's mom aren't you? (Jane Lane raises an eyebrow in interest that this stranger would know her)   
  
Jane Lane: That would be me, ....do we know each other?  
  
Clerk: (fidgets with one of her curly red locks for a moment) Not really, ....but I know William. I just remember him showing me a painting he did of you, ...that's how I recognized you. He's really a good artist, ..you know.   
  
Jane Lane: Uh huh, ...........and has he done any art of YOU?  
  
Clerk: (all of a sudden plays shy) Oh no, ...I offered once but he said he didn't really feel comfortable doing a nude. (Daria looks on in disbelief that this young woman actually said that to Williams MOM of all people. Jane just smirks with interest)  
  
Jane Lane: Did he chicken out or something?  
  
Clerk: Nah, ....I kind of didn't tell him how I wanted to pose. I got as far as removing my shirt and just said this it wasn't a good idea. I got the impression he felt like he was cheating on somebody. Does he have somebody I need to bump out of the way? (Daria decides that she can't stay silent any longer and interjects)   
  
Daria: Um, .......not to be presumptuous. But you do know this is the MOTHER of the guy in question that you are now saying these things too?  
  
Clerk: Yea, .....I know. I just want to know what the deal is with him, .....is he available? (Jane Lane just frowns and turns to leave without saying anything else, ...Daria follows right behind her)   
  
(Once outside as they walk down the sidewalk)   
  
Daria: I can't believe kids these days, ....they give us NO respect at all. (Beat) How few of them there are anymore.  
  
Jane Lane: Be careful there amiga, ...or we may have to get you a red tie. (Daria doesn't respond)   
  
Daria: I'm surprised you let that go on as long as it did. If that were a guy talking about MY kids I'd have choked him where he stood.   
  
Jane Lane: That didn't bother me so much as the fact that he shied away from a half naked girl.   
  
Daria: Aren't you at least supposed to act protective of your kid? That's typically the role of a parent is to try to shield their kids from making stupid mistakes. Am I right...?  
  
Jane Lane: Look Daria, ....you're right of coarse. But Will is nineteen years old now and if that's the type of girl he would want to consort with then there's not a whole lot I can do about it.  
  
Daria: But fortunately he's not.   
  
Jane Lane: (sighs with relief) It would appear that way, ....but she said she got the impression that he felt like he was cheating on somebody. If she was right, ....I wonder who?  
  
Daria: Oh my god, Jane. Are you still worried about his sexual preference?   
  
Jane Lane: NO, ....I believe you about his being straight. I'll likely look for those magazines anyway just to reassure myself, ......but you know. I'm his mom, ....I'm supposed to worry.   
  
Daria: True, ....but I think you're taking it all just a bit too far if you ask me..  
  
Jane Lane: You weren't pulling my chain about him being with somebody before, ...were you? (Daria glares) Okay, ...I know. You wouldn't lie to me.   
  
Daria: Jane, ....you have to be the only parent who would actually ENCOURAGE her child to sleep around.  
  
Jane Lane: I'm not encouraging per say, ....I just want him to be interested. Like guys are supposed to be. I want him to bring a girl home show her off and then go do couple stuff.   
  
Daria: You're not thinking of playing match maker with your own son are you? You tried your hand at that sort of thing before and it did nothing but backfire on you, ....don't expect such tactics to work now.   
  
Jane Lane: (stares at Daria thoughtfully) Hmm, ....I wonder how many young girls are IN this town anyway?  
  
Daria: That are above the age of seventeen and under twenty three? (Beat) Roughly about fifty, ...I'd say at least.   
  
Jane Lane: I wonder how many of them are already involved......? (Daria flashes Jane a stone cold glare causing Jane to roll her eyes in contempt)Alright FINE, ....what ideas do YOU have?  
  
Daria: Like I said before, .....just let him make up his own mind and leave him alone. (Beat) NOW, .....since you've wasted half of my lunch already I suggest we eat on the run. Because I'll be damned if I'm going to eat this sandwich in that cluttered desk of mine.   
  
Jane Lane: Yea, ....you might lose it and add to the clutter.   
  
Daria: No, ....the only thing I lose at that desk is paper work. For example, ....I've lost your transfer papers three times. They wanted to give you your own command and stick you on a sub all by your lonesome in the middle of the Atlantic somewhere.   
  
Jane Lane: And you made sure I stayed here with YOU huh?   
  
Daria: (looks away) Yup.........  
  
Jane Lane: (Smiles) You're my best freakin` friend Daria. (Daria huffs on her fingernails and pretends to admire them)   
  
Daria: Yea, ....I know. I'll see about pushing the promotion through without getting you transferred though.  
  
Jane Lane: (pretends to tear up) Awwwwww................., Gimme a hug. (Jane wraps her arms about Daria and smiles from ear to ear as Daria tries to squirm away all the while exclaiming threats)   
  
Daria: AHH, ....lawsuit, (Jane remains attached) ....locusts, (Jane still remains) ....plague, ....SOMETHING! Just get the hell off of me! (Jane maintains her hold on Daria as passers by turn to gaze and stare at the unfolding situation)   
  
(The scene fades out and comes back in later in the day at Daria's house. She isn't home from work yet however Daria's daughters Jane and Amy are present and tending to Jake who is recovering from his second heart attack having took place three months ago. Despite this, ...Jake is in the kitchen cooking burgers for himself and the girls)  
  
Amy: Grandpop Morgendorffer, ......you're supposed to be resting. What if you had a relapse or something,.....and all the grease in those burgers DEFINITELY won't do you any good.   
  
Jake: Oh come on Amy,.....your grandmother used to get me riled up about that sort of thing all the time. Don't you start too. Now it's my body, and if I want a little grease in my diet then dammit, I will! ....And if the reaper wants to come get me for it then so be it. Now the burgers are going to be a little bit so why don't you and your sister go for a swim in the meantime?  
  
Amy: Because that would be irresponsible given your state of health. (Jane passes through the kitchen wearing a grey one piece bathing suit and a pink sarong.)   
  
Jane: Hey Amy, .....I'll be out on the dock.  
  
Amy: (scowls and tilts her glasses while looking on at her sister) Where the hell are YOU going?  
  
Jane: Swimming.  
  
Amy: Somebody has to keep an eye on grandpop.  
  
Jane: Somebody IS. (Jane resumes walking out the sliding glass door towards the dock)   
  
Amy: (Shakes her head) I HATE you ..........  
  
Jake: Oh don't be so hard on your sister, .....she knows I'm fine that's all. Now you should go with her.  
  
Amy: No deal, ....somebody has to be ready to dial nine eleven if you drop again.  
  
Jake: I never understood that, ....why do they say nine eleven if there's no eleven button on the damned phone? Stupid phone company............ (Amy is about to reply with the sense of sarcasm she inherited from her mother when the door bell rings and she opts to save her breath and answer the door instead. Upon opening the door she see's William standing there.)  
  
Amy: Hey Will, ....what's up?  
  
William: Hey, ....how's Jake?  
  
Amy: Every day he puts a little more strain on his heart, .....and every day he loses a little bit more of his mind in the process.   
  
William: So he's normal then?  
  
Amy: For him, ......yes. At the moment he's trying to cook some burgers.  
  
William: Good god, .....did you call the fire department ahead of time? (Amy bursts out laughing as William shakes his head) You're mom will kill him when she finds out.  
  
Amy: IF she finds out, ....if there's one thing I've learned from my mom and grandfather it's that extortion can be both fun AND profitable.  
  
William: (smirks) And as usual since I'm privy to this info, ....I get a cut of the spoils?  
  
Amy: (sighs) Can't I just flash you or something?  
  
William: (gawks) That's a little twisted don't you think, Amy?  
  
Amy: (shrugs) Hey, we skinny dip sometimes so it's not like we haven't all seen each other. (Quickly looks him up and down for the sake of making him feel weird) Besides, I just love to see you squirm at the thought of people getting the wrong idea.   
  
William: (not hearing that last part) Ah, ....the benefits of having no neighbors for at least a mile.  
  
Amy: (They exchange glances at one another before Amy finally speaks) Come on in, ...Jane's out on the dock. I'll join you guys as soon as I can shove grandpa back onto the couch to rest where he belongs. (Mumbles to herself) Maybe I can fashion a straight jacket for him.  
  
William: (steps through the door into the house) Isn't that a little irresponsible of you?  
  
Amy: (pauses in thought) I thought so too, .... now that I think about it.. He's never been able to cook anything without burning it, so all I have to do is wait until he gives up the ghost .......and I know for a fact that he won't eat burned burgers. And I'm not going in the water, ....I'll just relax in a beach chair on the dock so I can run in to keep an occasional eye on my dad.   
  
William: Doesn't sound like relaxing to me.   
  
Amy: Call it what you will, ....I still get to spend SOME time outdoors.   
  
William: See you outside then. (A momentary pause passes followed by an evil smile appearing on Amy's face. The opportunity to bust on him has yet again presented itself.) By the way, ....is my mom still avoiding you from when you saw her sunbathing? (William smiles while blushing and walks past Amy to the kitchen and out the sliding glass door to join Jane on the dock. Once there William sits down on the very end of the dock next to Jane who is dipping her toes in the water) Hey Jane......  
  
Jane: (smirks as she turns to look at him and clears her throat) I've got three new messages for you. (Scowls when he doesn't inquire about them) You know, ....I'm not an answering machine that you can retrieve information from at any time you like.  
  
William: (sighs) Yea, ...from the same girls I suppose?  
  
Jane: You know, ....if you didn't play so hard to get then you wouldn't seem so appealing to women.   
  
William: I'm NOT playing hard to get, ....I'm just not interested. I'd feel like I'm cheating....  
  
Jane: (scowls in thought) On WHOM? (Long awkward pause as William turns to look at her) Oh, ..............(sighs heavily) Look, .....I'm all for unlikely relationships but I thought you two agreed that since there was no way for it to work that you would see people more like yourselves.   
  
William: We did, ....and I've been trying. But I can't seem to find somebody who's interested in a long slow relationship.   
  
Jane: (smiles) Man, ....I never thought I'd hear those words come from the mouth of a guy.   
  
William: I DO like sex Jane, ......I'm just not as hormone driven as other guys.   
  
Jane: (laughs and then pauses in thought) When you think about her, ....which HALF do you think about?  
  
William: (scowls) That's NOT cool Jane.  
  
Jane: Just answer the question, man.  
  
William: (points to his temple indicating the mind) THIS half.   
  
Jane: (looks down at the water for a moment) Good answer, .......it's definitely the RIGHT answer.   
  
William: Yea, ....but I'll just have to get over it. She probably found somebody over the winter and is likely starting a family.   
  
Jane: Mating season for her was in November wasn't it?  
  
William: Yea.......  
  
Jane: Jealous...?  
  
William: Nah, .....our physical differences were the reason why we decided to see other people.   
  
Jane: (pulls the skin away from the under side of her eye with her middle finger revealing some of the blood shot whites of her eye) Look me in the eye and say that.   
  
William: (Smirks) Okay, .......it's killing me. Happy.......?   
  
Jane: (Pauses in thought before responding) If she were completely human, ....do you think you would have been more receptive to her.....in that way?  
  
William: (inhales deeply) Jane, I think if she were completely human we'd have been married by now.   
  
Jane: You guys really loved each other, huh? (Chuckles) I can see why you're so reluctant to pay attention to other people. It's hard to dismiss a companion like that.  
  
William: (smirks as he imagines what could have been had things been different, and as he does so a cool sea breeze kicks up and blows Jane's hair into Williams face causing him to choke on it if for just a moment. Once he regains his composure he continues conversing with his cousin) Thanks for planting the bogus story about me and some mystery woman. It really got the guys off my back. Of coarse, ....you did add a little too much detail for someone who wasn't supposedly present.   
  
Jane: Sorry, .....but I felt that if I was going to spin a bogus story about you and some woman I should at least make it good, .....and believable.   
  
William: And embarrassing, .......You got that climaxing early thing out of that old "American Pie" movie didn't you. (Jane smiles from ear to ear)   
  
(Cut to Daria and Jane Lane as they are leaving work that evening, ....the sun is low in the sky and the glare that would normally have necessitated sun glasses has since faded with the vanishing sun. The halogen lights that illuminate the parking lot have begun to awaken from their days slumber having been stirred by the photo-electric sensor within each unit. The POV zooms in from the roof of a nearby building having turned from the horizon and focuses on Jane and Daria as they approach their individual cars which by coincidence happen to be parked side by side today)   
  
Jane Lane: (sighs heavily as she glances up at the sky for a moment and then back at her friend) Another day at work gone and with it another piece of our lives.   
  
Daria: (glances over moving her eyes only) I thought I was supposed to be the pessimist around here.  
  
Jane Lane: Just figured I'd take a look at things from your perspective for a change,....to keep my horizons broad and such.   
  
Daria: Sorry Jane, .....but my attitude on life is copyrighted. You may end up hearing from my lawyer.   
  
Jane Lane: That's funny, ...the way you think sometimes I thought I was talking to your lawyer right now.  
  
Daria: See what I mean, ....you heard from her sooner than you thought. Now lets talk settlement.  
  
Jane Lane: Whatever you say. (Gestures for Daria to turn around) Bend over. (Daria gawks and then takes a few awkward steps back until she bumps into her car)   
  
Daria: On second thought, ....maybe I'll let you slide this time around.  
  
Jane Lane: (winks at Daria) Wise choice amiga. (Silent pause) So what are you up to tonight?  
  
Daria: The same thing I'm up to every night.  
  
Jane Lane: Yea yea, .......trying to take over the world.   
  
Daria: (raises an eyebrow in amusement) Actually, I was going to say hanging out with the kids in front of the tube. But I guess that would do as a plan B. How about you?  
  
Jane Lane: About the same, ....I'm out of ideas for a new painting at the moment.   
  
Daria: Bored are we?  
  
Jane Lane: More like in a rut, ....I just seem to do the same old things anymore. Whatever happened to the adventure we had in our youths? Going across country in "the tank", having you bail the band and I out of jail because of a stupid traffic ticket, ......and so forth.   
  
Daria: Hmm, ....lets see. We grew up, ....there was a series of global conflicts, one of them being nuclear. We each had families and now we're a couple of old farts pretending to be semi cool parents. I'd have to say what happened was that we settled down. Any questions so far?  
  
Jane Lane: Yea, ....when do you get to the part about comparing our brains to a frying egg in a pan?  
  
Daria: I think we're well beyond that old friend, the egg burned a long time ago.  
  
Jane Lane: Damn, .......I always wanted to see what a human brain would look like in a frying pan. (Jane looks about as the last few cars leave the parking lot and the area becomes even quieter than it was before)  
  
Daria: What, .....are you looking to me for a handle on the moment or something?  
  
Jane Lane: Maybe, ....I just feel so bogged down. I spend my days wondering if my kid is straight, ....and my nights wondering why I can't come up with any new artistic ideas. Is this to be my lot in life Daria?  
  
Daria: How the hell do I know, ....life is just what you make it. Maybe you need a vacation or something. I honestly don't think a romp in the hay with your bump buddy is cutting it anymore.   
  
Jane Lane: That's Robert to you, ....since you know his name anyway. And what about William, while I'm away on this alleged vacation?  
  
Daria: Will you stop it about William, ...the kid is nineteen. I think he'll survive if you left him alone for a week or two. (Beat) Hell, ....your parents were gone for most of the year at a time and you turned out okay. At least Will has a job to his credit which is probably one up on you........  
  
Jane Lane: Hey, ....I had a job at that age too you know. Even if it was as a hack artist for only a couple of weeks. (Exchanges glances with Daria) Boy, I really HAVEN'T lived have I.   
  
Daria: Don't feel bad, ....I'm not exactly where I wanted to be with my life either.   
  
Jane Lane: All the more reason for you to come with me, ....wherever it is that you're suggesting I go.   
  
Daria: What? I can't go on a vacation, ....my dad is recovering from a heart attack. And he would be home with only the girls to take care of him while we were gone.   
  
Jane Lane: Does that mean you'd be bringing Trent along?  
  
Daria: I never said I was going anywhere in the first place.  
  
Jane Lane: Oh come on Daria, ...this was YOUR idea.  
  
Daria: It wasn't my idea for me to come along with you. I suggested that you and ONLY you take a vacation.  
  
Jane Lane: Give the riot act a break Daria, .....when was the last time you took a vacation? Come to think of it, ...have you EVER taken a vacation? (A long silent pause ensues as Daria stares her friend in the eyes) Look, ...Jake would be fine. He would be home with your seventeen year old genius slash masters degree holding college graduates.. Who better to watch over him?   
  
Daria: Big whoop, ...all that means is that they could come up with more creative ways to blow the house up or burn it down.   
  
Jane Lane: Well, ...they say the fate of the future rests in the hands of the young, ....apparently that includes your home. (sighs heavily in knowing that this will get her nowhere) ....At least give it some thought. You of all people could use a break, .....so I figure if you can suggest that I take one then I can do the same for you. And then we can take our vacation together. What do you say, amiga?  
  
Daria: (looks down at the frayed laces on one of her boots) I think I'm going to need some new shoelaces soon.......  
  
Jane Lane: Was that a yes?  
  
Daria: That was an "I'll think about it." Now get off my back so I can head home, .....Quinn and Joey are coming over for dinner and their bringing Quinn's friend along.   
  
Jane Lane: I thought you were just going to sit in front of the tube with the kids tonight? (looking slightly hurt) Oh, .....sorry to keep you then. (Jane turns to unlock her car, her form is barely visible in the dying twilight and yet there is still a reflection of the skyline on the polished metal of her Tracker.)   
  
Daria: Are you and your son coming?  
  
Jane Lane: (smiles as she turns to face Daria, Jane's brightened face is almost enough to make her visible as daylight) Are you sure you have enough room?  
  
Daria: No, ....but I've never excluded you from anything in my life. I'm not about to start now, .....dinners at eight. See you there?  
  
Jane Lane: Wouldn't miss it old friend. (Jane unlocks her car and gets in as Daria does the same with her car. They both leave at the same time)   
  
(The scene fades to later that evening at Daria's home, Jake is sitting on the couch attempting to watch a baseball game on the Tv along with Trent who has since been banished from the kitchen after trying to help Daria with a chocolate pudding cake. The sounds of musical instruments can be heard coming from the garage as the kids do their thing. The door bell rings in the background and after a few minutes Jane Lane comes out of the kitchen to answer it)   
  
Jane Lane: Oh no, ....don't bother hurting yourselves trying to answer the door you guys. I'll get it......  
  
Jake: (cheerfully) Whatever..........  
  
Trent: Hmmmm.......... (Uses the remote to turn the Tv up a little louder)   
  
Jane Lane: (As she opens the door) You know if I didn't know better I'd swear this was thanksgiving. (On the front porch sits Quinn in her wheelchair with a two and a half year old in her lap and Joey right behind her with Quinn's friend Kathryn off to his right.) Hey Quinn, ....you're just in time to join the other invalids on the couch. Feel free to grunt and scratch along with them if you like.   
  
Quinn: Let me guess, ....my dad is taking advantage of his stress free requirement and Trent almost burned the kitchen down again.  
  
Jane Lane: (makes an alarm sound) Tell her what she's won, Jonny!! (Beat) Oh where are my manners, .....please do step in. Or in your case, roll in. (As Joey wheels Quinn inside he makes sure to step on Jane's foot and twist as he applies pressure) OW!!!! (Kathryn just laughs as she follows them in. Once inside, ....Kathryn looks about the room as she waits to be prompted as to where to sit)  
  
Kathryn: Nice place your sister has, Quinn. (Jake upon noticing that the house has a brand new guest gets up from the couch and tries to play host)   
  
Jake: Oh hey there, ....Jake Morgendorffer. Sorry, ...didn't mean to be rude but at my age the hearing is one of the first things to go.  
  
Kathryn: Don't feel so bad,.....compared to some of the people I know, you're not so old.   
  
Jake: Hey, THANKS! And right back at you...... (Kathryn raises an eyebrow in wonder if Jake was really as clueless as he sounded. Daria comes walking out of the kitchen after hearing Jake attempting to make conversation.)  
  
Daria: Hey Quinn, ...dinner will be ready soon. (Turns to Kathryn) I'm sorry, ....I know we've met before but your name escapes me.  
  
Kathryn: (Shakes Daria's hand) Kathryn Nickleby.   
  
Daria: I hope you don't mind, ....we're having fish for dinner. (Kathryn smiles from ear to ear)   
  
Kathryn: Not a problem, ......it's a staple in my diet. (Inhales deeply) Mako shark steak...?  
  
Daria: (curiosity peaked) How did you know..?  
  
Kathryn: It's a shame my niece isn't with us, ...she'd consider such a meal as a sort of revenge.   
  
Daria: (confused) O.......kay. Well, ...anyway. You guys can all have a seat in the living room until dinner is ready. My husband Trent should be able to get you anything you need. (Trent looks up from the couch with a bemused expression that his services should be volunteered for him. In the meantime Daria heads back into the kitchen with Jane Lane on her heels. Once in the kitchen Daria turns to Jane) You know, ...all I have to do is put the food on the table. You really didn't need to follow me back in here.  
  
Jane Lane: I know, But I just can't resist seeing you trying to play hostess.  
  
Daria: Me, ...pretend to be a cupcake, ....never. I also wouldn't pretend to be a pizza, ......I'm afraid you'd eat me.   
  
Jane Lane: (looks Daria up and down and then smirks as she puts on a gay persona) Oh STOP! (Resumes being herself) But seriously, ...I cleared out of the other room because I got the strangest feeling that Trent was going to start talking about the days when Mystic Spiral was a force to be reckoned with.   
  
Daria: I'm not surprised, ....he does that with ALL the new company we have over. Which is yet another reason why we don't entertain often. But now that I think about it, ....Trent is pretty good at telling fiction.  
  
Jane Lane: What makes you say that?  
  
Daria: Because Mystic Spiral was NEVER a force of ANY kind. Much less one to be reckoned with.  
  
Jane Lane: Now now, ...leave the man his delusions of grandeur. He at least had a dream, ....no matter how unobtainable it was for him.   
  
Daria: (does her best impression of her husband) Eye's on the prize........  
  
(The scene cuts to the living room at that exact moment)   
  
Trent: Man. ...........Eye's on the prize. That's the way we lived in our youths, ....we were determined not to be sell outs. Which now that I think about it was probably what did us in. In order to get noticed you have to sell just a little bit of your soul to the corporate conglomerate. And that's how it all starts, ......and before you know it you've gone down the dark path. Sure you've made it to the top, ....but nothing means a damned thing that it once stood for. And that's when it finally hits you, ......you're a complete sell out. (On that note Jake decides to pick up the slack)   
  
Jake: Boy do I hear that, .....I used to tell my father that I was going to be somebody someday and that it wouldn't be because of military school. And what did he do, ....he laughed. That's what he did......... (Jake's eyes begin to tighten ever smaller indicative of building rage that had been the hallmark of Jake's spaz attacks in the past. Kathryn watching Jake's ongoing change of mood quickly finds a pen and scribbles a note on a napkin that had been on the coffee table and then hands it to Quinn who was parked right next to the couch. Quinn smirked as she read the note which asked "Are we going to have to shoot him or something?" However Jake's mood quickly changed when Quinn's child twisted about in her arms and reached out towards Jake causing his heart to melt) Aww, .......hey Quinn. Do you mind if I hold the little rascal for a while?  
  
Quinn: (looks very reluctant for a moment) Um .....sure Dad. (Quinn puts the child on the floor) Go on over to grandpa, Kesthea. (The child awkwardly runs over to Jake as instructed but instead of climbing into his lap she grabs a National geographic that was under the end table next to Jake and she sits on the floor with it as she turns the pages. (Quinn sighs) Kesthea, ...I didn't say you could get a magazine.   
  
Kesthea: (turns smugly to her mother) Mine! (Quinn is about to scold when Jake interjects)   
  
Jake: That's alright, Quinn. She shows tremendous promise that she's trying to read at this age.  
  
Quinn: (smiles lovingly) Just like her mother.........  
  
Jake: (pauses to reflect) Quinn, ....I don't recall you learning to read at an early age. (Quinn rolls her eyes and then continues to watch as her daughter flips through a magazine while stopping every so often to look at a picture. In the background the kids can still be heard going at it in the garage. After a few moments of listening to sports on the Tv Kathryn gestures to Quinn that they go see who's making the noise in the garage.)  
  
Quinn: Oh um, .......Joey can you watch Kesthea for a bit. Kathryn and I are going to see what the other kids are up too.  
  
Trent: (looking slightly embarrassed as Joey picks his daughter up off the floor) I'm sorry, .... are they playing too loud? I'm so used to hearing it all the time I guess I just learned to tune it out.   
  
Kathryn: Not at all, ....I'm just interested in meeting everybody. You were kind enough to invite me to dinner, ...it's the least I can do.   
  
Trent: Huh, .....oh well in that case. They're in the garage, ....you can go in through a door in the kitchen.   
  
Quinn: Thanks Trent. (Kathryn gets up off the couch with her cane in hand, hangs it on Quinn's chair and wheels Quinn into the kitchen while leaning on the chair for support)   
  
(Cut to the kitchen. Daria is busy inspecting the food in the oven while Jane is preparing a salad. Kathryn enters the kitchen pushing Quinn along)  
  
Daria: Let me guess, ....my husband and my father started talking about their youths and finally got around to asking you about yours, right?  
  
Kathryn: (mumbles) Please, ...when I was a youth mankind was just learning to navigate the oceans. (Daria lifts an eyebrow in interest as Kathryn's mumble wasn't quite low enough)   
  
Daria: Um...........yea. So what brings you guys into my kitchen then?   
  
Kathryn: Not a whole lot really, ....kinda got the creeps when it looked like your father was about to go on a psychotic rage though. So Quinn and I figured we'd check out what your kids were up to, .....by the sounds of things they could probably start their own band.  
  
Jane Lane: (Smirks) No doubts there. (Beat) And don't worry about Daria's dad, ....he was just reliving his childhood. About the only things he ever hurt were those little blood vessels in his eyes.  
  
Daria: (Scowls) And his heart........... (Kathryn sensing the tension building within Daria over the information Jane is releasing about her family decides to attempt to withdraw from the conversation)   
  
Kathryn: Um listen, .....I understand if the subject is a little sensitive so I'll just go on about my business with Quinn if that's okay, Daria.   
  
Daria: (sighs) I'm not mad at you, Kathryn. I just wish my dad wouldn't try to gear himself up for coronary number three.   
  
Kathryn: Two already huh, ....I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help keep him calm while I'm here?  
  
Daria: (Smirks) Just change the subject if he starts to talk about his father or his childhood.  
  
Jane Lane: Wouldn't that cover just about EVERYTHING Jake talks about?  
  
Daria: (scowls) Shut up, Jane.  
  
Jane Lane: All right, ...jeez. (Turns back to Kathryn) So did I hear you say earlier that you have a niece living out here?  
  
Kathryn: (looks bewildered) Where did THAT come from?  
  
Daria: (pinches her sinuses) I think I'VE got a clue.  
  
Jane Lane: Is she seeing anybody?  
  
Kathryn: (raises an eyebrow in curiosity) Um,........not at the moment.  
  
Jane Lane: If you don't mind my asking, about how old is she?  
  
Kathryn: (studies Jane for a moment) Two hundred thirty seven.  
  
Jane Lane: (stares at the floor for a moment and then chuckles to herself) I get the message, ...none of my business. I'm sorry to pry........ (Kathryn glances at Quinn who just shrugs back)   
  
Kathryn: Why the twenty questions?  
  
Daria: My friend here is trying to find a girl for her homebody son. He doesn't seem to have a preference for the girls in this area so my guess is that Jane is trying to find girls from OTHER areas. (Smiles evilly) Did I get it right, Jane?  
  
Jane Lane: (Looking slightly embarrassed) You know I could have humiliated myself on my own, Daria. Thank you.  
  
Kathryn: What's your sons name?   
  
Jane Lane: William.  
  
Kathryn: Huh, .....my niece used to be involved with a guy named William. I was hoping to get them back together this summer. She's really been in the dumps since they broke up, .....it's a shame when two compatible people break up over petty differences. Don't you think?   
  
Daria: I would imagine so, ....though fortunately I've never been in such a situation. (Long pause) Anyway, ....dinner will be ready in another twenty minutes so if you want to brave a little more time with my father then you know where the living room is. If not, ....then the garage is through the door on your right.  
  
Jane Lane: (calls after Kathryn and Quinn as they move to open the door) Just remember to respect the law of the teenagers or they'll eat you alive.  
  
Kathryn: Law of the teenagers?  
  
Quinn: (shrugs) Don't ask me, ....I haven't had to deal with that from a kid yet.  
  
Kathryn: Weren't YOU a teenager once?  
  
Quinn: (scowls) Don't pry, Raider.  
  
Kathryn: Whoa, ....touchy. . (She opens the door to the garage and pushes Quinn through)   
  
(After the garage door is shut Daria turns to Jane Lane who has gone back to making the salad)   
  
Daria: Getting desperate are we?   
  
Jane Lane: (looks up from her task at hand) What's that supposed to mean?  
  
Daria: You were about to try to set your own son up, weren't you? You know, ...the last time I checked parents stopped doing that about two centuries ago.   
  
Jane Lane: Oh stop it, Daria. I was merely curious that's all.   
  
Daria: Uh huh, ....you know I'm surprised you didn't try to set your son up with HER. (Jane gawks) Hey it wouldn't surprise me after what we heard in that store earlier today about kids going for older women these days.   
  
Jane Lane: (pauses in thought) Appearances ARE deceiving aren't they. She could probably pass for twenty five or so. I wonder what the hell her secret is........ (Shakes her head to clear her mind) Well whatever, .....I'm not about to set my son up with an older woman. Whomever my son decides to settle down with, I want her to be able to give me grandchildren.  
  
Daria: Enough, ....you're giving me a headache with all this crap. I've never seen you like this before, Jane.   
  
Jane Lane: Sorry old friend, ....it's just that it's been a sort of dream of mine from the day he was born to see him walk down the isle with someone someday. And with every day I grow older I find myself wondering if I'm going to be around to see it happen.  
  
Daria: Something I should know about, Jane?  
  
Jane Lane: Eh, ....the doc has been bugging me about my cholesterol and stuff. She says I'm a heart attack waiting to happen or something. Like I'm going to turn into Jake.  
  
Daria: Unless you start ranting about your father being a heartless bastard then I don't think you have much to worry about. (Beat) You really have high cholesterol?  
  
Jane Lane: Yup, ...who'd have thought?   
  
Daria: The way you exercise, ....not me. (Sighs) I guess the culprit would have to be all the pizzas. I should probably give them up myself.   
  
Jane Lane: Hey now, ......lets not jump the gun here. Pizza is a time honored tradition with us and I'll be damned if my own heart is going to get in the way of that.   
  
Daria: (looks down for a moment) It's your body, Jane. I just don't want to lose you at an early age.   
  
Jane Lane: (smirks) Don't worry amiga, ....I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. ( A blood curdling scream is heard from the living room indicating that Jake had once again worked up his blood pressure enough to burst a blood vessel in his eye. Daria places her head in her palm in disbelief before going out to check on him)  
  
Daria: I need things like this like I need a second anus.  
  
Jane Lane: At least you'd be able to fart in stereo, ...that's got to be ONE thing that would be going for you. (Daria flashes Jane a disgusted look and then heads out into the living room)   
  
(Cut to inside the garage, .....Jane, Amy, and William are just concluding a cover of "Turn the Page" as they stop in preparation to investigate whether dinner is ready or not. Quinn and Kathryn who up until now have gone unnoticed and have been a quietly captive audience to the kids performance. Once the Garage becomes completely quiet with exception the to the sounds of equipment being turned off, Quinn clears her throat in attempt to gain the attention of the three in question. All of them snap their heads in Quinn's direction in a startled fashion.)  
  
Amy: What the, ............dammit aunt Quinn! Don't do that! (Amy along with the other two turn their attention to Kathryn and find themselves staring for a moment) Whoa.............  
  
Quinn: Kids, ....this is my friend Kathryn. She's the one who did those Fey drawings I showed you a while back.   
  
Amy: So she knows them.....?  
  
Kathryn: Many of them actually.   
  
Jane: (looks Kathryn up and down a few times) Anybody ever tell you that if she had legs you'd be a dead ringer for......  
  
Kathryn: Neirte?  
  
Jane: Yea, ....I see you know her as well.   
  
Kathryn: Yea, ....you could say we're pretty close, ....practically family really..   
  
William: Just out of curiosity, .....do all Fey have black hair? All the ones in your sketches seemed to.  
  
Kathryn: That was just because I was trying to conserve what few colored pencils I had when out at sea. Alcen was a brunet actually, .....Neirte takes more after Febbs side of the family. (The kids look on with confusion) Her parents....?  
  
Jane: (shrugs and then moves away from the equipment to shake hands) Funny, ....she never mentioned them to us beyond the fact that they were killed.   
  
Kathryn: She wouldn't, ...their deaths are still pretty recent to her. She's got to still be hurting inside, ....give it some time.  
  
Quinn: Kathryn, .....you've already met Daria's daughter Amy. (Points to the others accordingly) This is Daria's other daughter Jane, and this is my sister in law Jane's son, William.  
  
Kathryn: (Raises an eyebrow in interest) I don't suppose you have a last name to go with that?  
  
William: (looks about uneasily that she doesn't already know it) Lane.  
  
Kathryn: (eyes widen) So YOU'RE William, .....Neirte's told me a lot about you. It's good to finally meet you.  
  
William: (confused) When did she tell you about me?  
  
Kathryn: Just this past winter, ....she never went down south for mating season. She spent the winter at my place, ....I have an indoor marine pool. (Looks about at the three) Just in case you were wondering.....  
  
William: Wasn't that rough on her?  
  
Kathryn: I helped her through it, ....introduced her to a few human novelties and so forth. I won't go into detail if you don't mind. (In the background Daria's voice is heard calling people to the picnic tables out on the back deck.)   
  
Quinn: Sounds like dinner is ready.  
  
Amy: Fantastic, ....I'm starving. We'll pick this up later, okay? (Kathryn just shrugs and follows the others out of the garage)   
  
(Cut to about an hour and a half later, ....dinner is for the most part over and the kids have been assigned dish duty which has them coming and going from the picnic table out on the back deck. They've also been assigned the duty of watching Kesthea while she plays in the living room. The adults are still sitting about the table talking and joking around as they allow their food to digest. The bug zapper actively snaps in the background as it does it's best to keep up against the hordes of insects trying to assault their human meal. To assist the zapper are several of those citrocel lawn torches placed about the perimeter of the deck to repel the rest of the bugs. As the conversation begins to die out Daria finally decides to bring up a subject which she had originally suggested to Jane earlier in the day. )  
  
Daria: Hey Quinn, ....I know this is going to sound awkward and well, .....downright unheard of.. But can I pick your brain for a moment?  
  
Quinn: (stares at Daria as if waiting for something)What, .....no sarcasm? You actually want my opinion on something?  
  
Daria: (dryly) Yes Quinn, ....I want your opinion on something. Is at all possible that I might get a serious answer from you?  
  
Jake: Hey, ....how come you don't want to pick the old man's brain, Daria?  
  
Daria: (VO) Because anything you have to offer would involve something that your father wouldn't let you do as a child. Thus sending you that much closer to the edge of your life as we know it. (Out loud) So how about it?  
  
Quinn: I guess, .....Fire away.   
  
Daria: (Takes a deep breath) Do you um, ..........(mumbles) think I need a vacation? (Several moments of silence ensue while everyone tries to figure out if they heard Daria right)   
  
Quinn: (smiles from ear to ear) A vacation, ................oh GOD yes. Daria, ....you're wound tighter than cables on a suspension bridge. (Trent pick his head up from whatever he had his mind on at the moment and begins to listen more closely) You should go someplace tropical.......  
  
Daria: I asked if you thought I NEEDED a vacation, Quinn. I never said I was actually going on one.   
  
Quinn: Oh come ON, Daria. Give yourself a chance to relax, ....get a tan or something. Buy some sexy new clothes or something for the occasion, ....and you know what. I bet Lisa down at Casheman's would be glad to assist you. Maybe she'll give you my usual discount or something.   
  
Daria:(scowls) I will do no such thing, .....I doubt having people stare at my body will help me to unwind.  
  
Jake: You know kiddo, .....Quinn does have a point. And you and Trent never did get around to having a honeymoon or anything. Think of this as a belated one.   
  
Daria: We never got around to having a honeymoon because we were too busy hiding in a fallout shelter with YOU guys. It's kind of hard to be romantic in such situations don't you think?  
  
Jake: All the more reason, kiddo.  
  
Daria: And can you PLEASE stop calling me kiddo, .....I hated that when I was kid and I don't like it any better now that I'm grown.  
  
Jake: Sorry kidd.......er,..... Daria. But what I mean is that, ...this would be a good chance for you to get away and relax.   
  
Daria: You're hardly one to advise me about how to relax, captain heart attack.  
  
Jane: (tries not to laugh as Jake tries not to look hurt) That was a pretty low blow, Daria. Even for you.  
  
Daria: (Sighs as she can see she's hurt her fathers feelings) I just call em` as I see em`, Jane.   
  
Jane: Sounds to me then like you may need a new prescription old friend. (Jane gets up from the table) I think I'll go help the kids with the dishes.  
  
Jake: I'll come too, ....I might give myself another heart attack if I stay out HERE too long. (He also gets up and follows Jane into the house leaving Kathryn, Quinn, and Trent sitting at the table with Daria. )  
  
Daria: (lets out a deep long groan) Damn..........  
  
Kathryn: I hope you don't mind me offering some advice, Daria.  
  
Daria: Why not, ....everyone else is.  
  
Kathryn: While this is all news to me. If you do decide that a vacation is in your best interest, .....I would suggest the smallest of the Bahama islands. It's sparsely populated, the water is crystal clear, and the beaches go on for days. And there is an extensive coral reef that surrounds the island, ...it's great for scuba diving or snorkeling.  
  
Daria: (sighs) Thanks, ....I'll give it thought.   
  
Kathryn: You do that, ...just keep in mind that advice is merely words unless heeded.   
  
Daria: (sighs heavily) Yea, ....I guess. (Beat) Hey listen,...before I forget. I wanted to apologize for pushing the desert. I was kind of proud that it actually turned out and well,...Quinn never told me that you were severely allergic to chocolate.   
  
Kathryn: It's cool, ....I'm sorry I ruined your table cloth when I gagged, ...choked, and spit it out. I should have asked what the dessert was.   
  
Daria: (chuckles) It's funny, ....A friend of the kids had the exact same reaction to a snickers bar.   
  
Kathryn: Neirte,.....I know all about that.   
  
Daria: (pauses in confusion and then resumes speaking) Oh yea, ...I keep forgetting you knew about the Fey before we did.  
  
Kathryn: Anyway, .....it's a genetic intolerance. They simply can't ingest chocolate.   
  
Daria: Food for thought, I guess. (Daria drums her fingers on the table and then gets up to head inside)   
  
Trent: (gets up to follow) I suppose I should head in with her, ....find out what all this is really about and stuff.   
  
Kathryn: No problem,.....Dinner was great by the way. (Trent nods in her direction and then proceeds into the house)   
  
Quinn: (after Daria is out of earshot) What's so great about THAT place?  
  
Kathryn: I was born there, ....in a small cozy little cave on the south side of the reef. (Smirks) I haven't been back there since I started living on land. I miss it sometimes.  
  
Quinn: Are there a lot of Fey living in that area, ....?  
  
Kathryn: Not really living, ....it's the southern most edge of the mating grounds. There's always at least a few in the area though.   
  
Quinn: Huh. (Quinn pauses a moment to think the circumstances over) I wonder what brought all of that on? It's not like Daria to think about getting away from it all for a little fun. (Beat) Do you actually think she'll do it?  
  
Kathryn: She's your sister, Quinn. You tell me, ....this is only the second time I've met her. (William comes out onto the deck from the house to collect the last of the dishes from the picnic table)   
  
William: Geez, .....you guys are still out here? I thought you'd be inside discussing whatever hornets nest has been stirred up like the rest of the family.  
  
Quinn: Oh god, ...are they arguing or something? Haven't they learned by now that the only way to get Daria to make up her mind about something is to just let her figure it out on her own.   
  
William: It's not aunt Daria so much, .....Jane and Amy caught wind of something about a vacation after Daria told my uncle Trent that a belated honeymoon wouldn't be such a bad idea. Frankly, ...they're pissed that they're not going.  
  
Quinn: Jeez, ....you'd think that they'd be thrilled that their parents would trust them to be alone in the house for an extended length of time.   
  
William: But if you think about it, ...grampa Morgendorffer would be here too. That kind of turns it into a really long baby sitting job, ..don't you think?   
  
Quinn: Not really, ...I mean. Sure, ...he's a little cranky right now but that's because everyone is trying to treat him like a little kid when all he wants to do is live his life a little. Trust me, ....my dad can be a fun person if you just look at him from the right angles.  
  
William: Aunt Quinn, ....how is it that you seem to know so much about grampa when Aunt Daria tells us that when you were our age you were so self absorbed you couldn't see past your own reflection?  
  
Quinn: Ugh, ...and you BELIEVED that?  
  
William: I've seen the home movie. (Quotes Quinn from the tape) So which is my best side, .....I know they're both good...... (Quinn's jaw drops in her lap out of humiliation that anyone saw that tape after high school)   
  
Quinn: What, .....that tape CAN'T still be around. I thought those things weren't any good past ten years!!   
  
William: Daria apparently had it converted to a DVD. We all saw it yesterday, ....got a pretty good laugh out of it too. Did you really wear that green jacket with that butt ugly skirt?  
  
Quinn: Of Coarse not, ...it was Daria's. I only borrowed it because there was this fashion don't party. I'd never allow myself to own something THAT.....  
  
William: Whoa, ...clip the string chatty Kathy. I don't need to know.  
  
Kathryn: Now this sounds like a MUST see, ....can I take a look at it later?  
  
William: Sure, ...It's in the.....  
  
Quinn: (pounds her fist on the table) NO!! (Face turns red in embarrassment from her outburst) I mean, ....why does Daria have to throw that back in my face after all these years?  
  
William: My guess would be that it's a sibling rivalry thing, ...but it would probably help matters if you had something to fire back with. Then maybe she'd think twice about dishing it out, ...you know? That's how it all works.   
  
Quinn: How would you know,.....YOU don't have siblings.   
  
William: No, ..but I have cousins I see on a daily basis. That's close enough for me. (Quinn thinks for a moment and then smirks evilly)   
  
Quinn: I've got something to fire back with. Do you remember how your aunt always portrays herself as this antisocial hermit during her school years? Not being interested in what was trendy, ....or even which boys were cute?  
  
William: Yea, ...what you're saying all that wasn't true?  
  
Quinn: Oh it was true, .....Daria is a very firm believer in the truth. But when you're in private, ....ask her if she ever masturbated to vent her sexual tensions during her school years. And watch at just how much her beliefs become flexible. Throw THAT in her face for me.   
  
William: You're kidding, .....aunt Daria?   
  
Quinn: From age thirteen, ....until she hooked up with your uncle. Every night, ....usually in the shower. (Chuckles) She thinks no one knows..........  
  
William: (grins) I have to admit, ....that would be interesting to see her response. But I don't think I can, .....after that time I walked in on her while sunbathing. I'm afraid saying something like that would REALLY give out the wrong impression. And I just don't need that right now. (Beat) But if you have anything else to throw at her, ..then I'm all ears.  
  
Quinn: (sighs) I do, ....but you may not want to use that either. (Quinn turns her chair around in preparation to head towards the house) I think I'll go see if the girls still have Daria under siege.   
  
Kathryn: I'll be right behind you in a minute. (Watches as Quinn wheels herself into the house) You got a minute, Will?  
  
William: I guess, ...why?  
  
Kathryn: I wanted to talk to you about Neirte, .....but this really isn't the time or place. I was wondering if we could meet up someplace later in the week and talk.   
  
William: What about Neirte, ....is she okay?  
  
Kathryn: She's pretty depressed actually, ....she wants you back. But like I said, ....we'll talk later. (Kathryn pulls a pencil out of her pocket and scribbles down a series of numbers on an unused napkin that had been on the picnic table) This is my number, ...call me when your ready to talk. In the mean time, ....lets go see if Quinn needs some back up. (They both head into the house)   
  
(Cut to two weeks later, ....Daria and Jane Lane are pulling up to a travel agency in Jane's tracker. It is hot and humid as can be told by Jane who is wearing something low cut with a pair of shorts similar to what she wore in high school. Daria is wearing long pants and a T-shirt)   
  
Jane Lane: I can't believe you'd wear long pants on a day like this, Daria. You used to show your legs all the time when we were kids.  
  
Daria: That's because I wore a skirt all the time. I didn't have a whole lot of choice in the matter since my wardrobe was limited.  
  
Jane Lane: (shakes her head) A woman who hated to shop for clothes, .....are you sure you're not the anti-female?  
  
Daria: The what?  
  
Jane Lane: Nothing, .....nothing at all. (Exits the car and then follows Daria into the travel agency) Any idea where we're all going?  
  
Daria: Well, ...since through some remarkable luck we both managed to schedule out time off during the same time frame. I imagine anywhere we want.  
  
Jane Lane: And Trent doesn't care where we go?  
  
Daria: Not according to him, ....though he's been dropping hints left and right all morning about the Florida keys.   
  
Jane Lane: I take it that nobody ever told him that the bridge was wiped out at Y2K and they never rebuilt it? Hell, are the keys even populated anymore?  
  
Daria: All but one are deserted, .....but key west is one big naval base now. With the exception of Margaritaville (C), ....they felt it was only proper to keep at least one pub open for sailors on leave.   
  
Jane Lane: I wonder if it had anything to do with mutated alligators, ....I heard stories about what the fallout did to the wildlife down there.  
  
Daria: Well, ....I'm sure people figured out any potential dangers after the gators stormed a few towns and ate the residents.  
  
Jane Lane: It always takes an eye opener doesn't it. (Jane and Daria announce their appointment to the receptionist at the front desk and then are directed to the agent awaiting them. They are handed a multitude of brochures and after being given twenty minutes or so to look them over the agent begins to speak again)  
  
Agent: Did you have any place specific in mind you'd like to go? A cruise perhaps in the Carribean with a stopover in Bermuda?  
  
Daria: If you can provide us with a clear cut way of avoiding the triangle.   
  
Agent: Oh come now, ....that's just superstition.   
  
Daria: Tell that to the aliens who conduct experiments there, .....you know about the aliens right? (The agent laughs nervously)   
  
Jane Lane: (leans in close and whispers) You've still got that winning personality I see.   
  
Agent: Well, ...I'll tell you what. Why don't you tell me what you're ideal vacation would be and I'll try to make it happen for you.   
  
Daria: Just be sure to rest on the seventh day. You're supposed to do that after working a miracle.  
  
Jane Lane: It takes seven days to work a miracle?  
  
Daria: Background checks, ......they probably figure that in wrong hands a miracle can be more dangerous than a handgun. (The agent sighs in the background)   
  
Jane Lane: I think the agent is getting bored Daria, we should probably tell her where we want to go.  
  
Daria: I don't know, ....don't you have any places in mind? I originally suggested this idea for YOU.   
  
Jane Lane: Yea, ....but now you're coming too so that puts part of the burden on your shoulders. (Daria pauses in thought and decides to go the route of the recommendation)   
  
Daria: How are the Bahamas this time of year? (The scene fades and then cuts to a plane in mid flight three months later. Daria having been shifting in her seat since the plane left the ground is eyeing up the air phone attached to the back of the seat in front of her)  
  
Jane Lane: You okay, Daria?  
  
Daria: Yea, ....I'm just bored is all. I've read every one of those in flight magazines already. (Jane looks at the selection in front of her)   
  
Jane Lane: Yea, ...they are pretty thin. I guess the airline doesn't concern itself with reading material. What with the horrid in flight movie they're showing, ...how could one possibly even think of reading.   
  
Daria: Yea, ....watching a movie about an airline disaster always seems to grab my complete attention during a flight.   
  
Jane Lane: Actually, ....I think this is an old episode of the twilight zone. You know, ....that one where the plane is flying through a thunderstorm and there's a gremlin tearing apart one of the engines?  
  
Daria: (stares at Jane for a moment debating wether or not to choke her) Do you think I should call home?  
  
Jane Lane: Daria, ...for gods sake. We've only been gone for three hours, .....I don't think they've even had a chance to damage the house yet. At least wait until they've shaken half of the siding loose with their music. (Looks over at Trent who is sound asleep) Besides, ....wasn't it Trent who always put the house in danger of going up in flames? (The scene blurs as Daria reflects on the past. Trent and Jake are on the back deck at Daria's house fumbling with the grill. Empty cans of lighting fluid lie scattered across the deck behind them)   
  
Jake: (As he tosses the last can to the way side) Well, ....that about does it. Do you think that's enough to get this puppy going?  
  
Trent: I hope so, .....we need to have a good steady burning flame to ensure the meat is cooked properly. Don't want any kind of viruses or parasites in there anywhere.   
  
Jake: You've got a point, ....better make sure the gas is turned on all the way. (He reaches under the grill and turns the knob on top of the tank so that it's all of the way open.) So I guess all that's left to do now is to push the ignitor button.   
  
Trent: It doesn't work, ....you've got to throw a match on it to get it lit. (He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a book of matches with the Zon logo on it. ) Here goes........ (Trent lights a match and tosses it towards the grill. The scene pans back about a mile as a fiery mushroom cloud rises above the town lasting a mere few seconds before disappearing. Several moments of silence ensue before a smoldering grill comes tumbling out of the sky and crashes into the ground sending still burning embers and grill parts flying everywhere. The scene pans back in to the back deck to show Jake and Trent with charred black faces just standing there staring at each other, ....the deck surrounding them is also charred black. All of a sudden they erupt in an uncontrollable laughter Beavis and Butthead style.)   
  
(The scene blurs and comes back in on the present as Daria looks at Trent who is fast asleep in his chair. In the background Jane in still speaking)  
  
Jane Lane: .......As I recall, it was the girls who managed to keep order while we were at sea. And your dad finally felt well enough to go home, .... that in itself should make the house all the more safe.   
  
Daria: He may have gone home, ....but he's still in the equation. I just hope the kids know enough to keep him away from the grill.   
  
Jane Lane: Boy, you're sure full of worries today. You're not afraid to fly are you?  
  
Daria: Of coarse not, ....I've just never left the kids to tend to themselves for a month.   
  
Jane Lane: Oh they'll be fine, ....and Will said he was going to crash over at your place while I'm gone. They'll likely pool the money and supplies we left and stretch it even farther than they need to.   
  
Daria: Jane, ....they're still technically teenagers. What do teenagers do when the parents are gone for an extended length of time without leaving supervision?  
  
Jane Lane: They throw wild parties, ....get the cops called on them a few times, ....and......, you know what? I think I'll call them myself. (Jane grabs the air phone from the seat in front of her and after digging through her wallet she withdraws a credit card and swipes it on the phone. The scene cuts to Daria's home as the cordless phone having been left on the dock begins to ring. After about five rings a dripping wet Jane grabs the phone and picks up)  
  
Jane: Yo!  
  
Jane Lane: Hey Jane, ....how's the free life?  
  
Jane: Haven't really had the chance to enjoy it yet, ....you guys have only been gone for several hours so far. What, did you miss us or something?  
  
Jane Lane: Well, ...I don't know about missing. But Daria here is worried about the house being intact when we get home. She made me call you guys..... (Daria is heard protesting in the background over the phone and fumbling is heard as Daria tries to wrestle the phone from Jane Lane) I don't think she trusts you, ....in fact....OOF.....she's trying to convince....Ugh...... the pilot to turn the plane around so she can check up on you. UNNNNNNGGGGG......................... (Jane's voice fades to the background over the phone) She sucker punched me.........  
  
Daria: Relax kids, ...Jane the loudmouth has been vanquished. I just wanted to see how you guys were as long as Jane is paying for this call.   
  
Jane: We're fine mom, ...nobody is here but the three of us. We're not cool enough to get a party together, .........not THIS quickly anyway. Nope, ...we're just doing some swimming and enjoying the last days of summer.   
  
Daria: (sighs) PLEASE tell me you two aren't skinny dipping again. (In the background on Jane's end, Amy's bare back and rear end can be seen as she jumps off the dock and curls into a cannonball.)   
  
Jane: Of coarse not, mom. We do believe in female modesty you know, ....even if there's nobody around for a mile.   
  
Daria: Uh huh, .....what's your sister wearing?  
  
Jane: (Looks at Amy in the water and then looks on the dock where she left her clothes) Her purple one piece bathing suit. The one with the Greek designs that go about the waist, ....you picked that up for her on one of your stop overs in that country I think. Must have been some pretty interesting shore leaves you got to experience back in the day. (Watches Amy climb out of the water in preparation for another dive, ...her breasts drip water out in front of her) Yea, ....I can't believe that thing still fits after all this time.   
  
Daria: (grits her teeth) Just make sure you're not seen, ....indecent exposure is still a misdemeanor in our state.   
  
Jane: Thy will be done mom, .....enjoy your vacation. And don't worry about us, ....we'll be fine.   
  
Daria: I'll believe that when I get home and nothing is broken, ...including any laws. (They both say their goodby's and they hang up. Daria then turns to Jane Lane who is still holding her stomach) How's the stomach?  
  
Jane Lane: I can't believe you sucker punched me, ....after all we've been through together.   
  
Daria: Oh shake it off, Jane. Remember that black eye you gave me in England during a pub brawl about ten years ago? Consider this payback.  
  
Jane Lane: No fair, ....that was an accident. The guy I intended to hit ducked, ....by the way. Did they ever manage to get all of the pieces of glass out of your upper cheek?  
  
Daria: Yea, ....after THREE visits to the infirmary.  
  
Jane Lane: You never did wear sturdy glasses, ...did you? (Daria is about to reply when snoring is heard in the background. Both Daria and Jane can't believe that Trent has managed to sleep through that entire ordeal but yet there he lies, ...dead to the world.)  
  
(Cut to Daria's home, ....Jane has since put the phone down on a nearby beach chair and shed her own clothing prior to jumping into the water. Once she surfaces Jane, Amy, and William swim closer to each other)   
  
Amy: So why DO we get such a kick out of this anyway?  
  
Jane: I dunno, .....I guess there's just a thrill associated with taking a minor risk. That and we know it peeves the parents.   
  
William: Eh, ....they're just too uncomfortable with their own bo......NNNNYYYEA!! Whoa, ...we're getting a little friendly aren't we girls? (Jane and Amy exchange glances)   
  
Amy: We didn't do anything. ...Why, what happened?   
  
William: Something felt me up.   
  
Jane: Get over yourself, ...it was probably just a patch of seaweed floating by that brushed up against you. ( A small splash is heard as a woman's head breaks the surface and stares William in the face with a large smile. Her wavy black hair hanging partially in front of her face until she pushes it aside) Or maybe not, .....hey Neirte! Haven't seen you all summer, ...where have you been hiding? (Neirte turns toward Jane, signs "hello"and then turns back to William smiling the whole time)   
  
William: Well you're certainly happy about something? What's up? (Neirte grabs William, pulls him closer and plants a passionate kiss on his lips. After she lets go William swims backward a foot or so to try to gain some perspective on the situation) Whoa, ...whatever happened to the placing your neck against mine thing? ( In response a voice is heard coming from the edge of the dock. As everyone turns in surprise they find Kathryn staring down at them all.)  
  
Kathryn: I taught her that one, .....I've been teaching her FEW things actually. (Jane, Amy, and William all wear a "caught" expression on their faces as they stare back at Kathryn, knowing that their clothes are all around her) And my guess is she's happy just to see you Will. (Beat) Sorry to drop in on you like this, ....but you never got back to me on that talk. Nobody answered the front door, so since I heard you guys horsing around back here I thought I'd come around back. (Kathryn looks about at their beet red faces) Oh and sorry about the brushing thing, .....Neirte's never seen Humans without their clothes. My guess is she was noting your physical differences.   
(Beat) So anyway, .....how about that talk?  
  
William: Um, ......I guess. But we're sort of.......um......  
  
Kathryn: (looks down at the three piles of clothes on the dock and then chuckles to herself) You're perfectly comfortable with each other but throw one extra person in the mix and watch out! (Beat) Would you feel better if the playing field were even? I mean It HAS been a while since I went swimming in the ocean. (The three look at each other not knowing what to do) Fine, since I have nowhere to hide while you guys get dressed.... (Kathryn removes her shirt and bra and is about undress the rest of the way in preparation to join them in the water when William stops her)   
  
William: Wait, ....that's not necessary. Look, ....I'll come out and after I get dressed we'll go talk okay?   
  
Kathryn: Don't tell me you think I'm too ugly to swim in the buff with you guys.   
  
William: No, ...you're very attractive. I just well, .....(sighs in defeat) Just don't laugh okay....... (Kathryn shrugs and soon finds herself smiling from ear to ear as William reluctantly climbs out of the water with embarrassment clear on his face as he scrambles to get dressed) I take it modesty has never been a problem for you?   
  
Kathryn: (while she's replacing the clothing she'd removed) Not really, ...I spent half my life in the buff. I'm one hundred percent comfortable with other people seeing me.   
  
William: Yea, ....I noticed that. Nice rack by the way, ....you're um.......rather well in endowed. (Kathryn just raises an eyebrow in interest)   
  
(Cut to half an hour later, Kathryn and William are in her car as they head down the highway)   
  
William: So where are we going?  
  
Kathryn: No place, ...I just wanted some place private for us to talk.   
  
William: (turns to look out the passenger side window as he speaks) Good enough, ....how about cutting to the chase. What's the deal?   
  
Kathryn: Down to business, ....I can do that. Okay the deal is this, ....Neirte wants to spend the remainder of the summer with you.   
  
William: (turns to face Kathryn) Yea, ...so what else is new? She's been doing that for a few years now, she camps out under the dock off and on during the summer.   
  
Kathryn: No, ...she wants to spend the remainder of the summer with YOU, ....on land. She wants you to show her your world. (William stares blankly) Okay, ...let's put it this way. She's asked me for the pendant,.....(points to the pendent around her neck) This one right here. ....I know you probably have no clue what that means but I assure you that it's nothing small. (Kathryn spends the rest of the afternoon explaining just how she'd become the way she is and what the pendant would mean for Neirte. Cut to a parking lot outside of a custard stand in the early evening. Kathryn is busy eating a vanilla cone in the car while William is busy with a chocolate, both of them still sitting in the car with the AC running.)   
  
William: Okay, ....so let me make sure one more time that I've got this straight. The story people know today is B.S, .....but it was based on a true one. And YOU'RE actually "the little seamaid"?  
  
Kathryn: Surprised? (Doesn't wait for a reply) ....and if you even THINK of asking me to sing some dumb ass Disney-esque song to prove it I WILL kill you. (She extends one of her fingernails and presses it against Williams throat) These ain't no "Lee press on's", I can tell you that.  
  
William: Whoa, .....do that again. (Kathryn holds her hand up and extends her fingernails and then retracts them. She then spreads her fingers apart to show that they are partially webbed, just like Neirte's.) Damn, ...you're actually for real?  
  
Kathryn: You're not going to make me eat chocolate too are you?  
  
William: Nah, ....I saw that one when you came over my aunt's for dinner but I thought it was just coincidence. (Beat) If you're really the person the story was based on, ....aren't you supposed to have red hair or something?  
  
Kathryn: (Rolls her eyes in contempt) Red hair doesn't occur among the Fey, ....that's just a thing Disney came up with for that lame ass animated movie. Personally, I found it insulting that the Fey were depicted that way.   
  
William: Um.......yea. (Awkward pause) Anyway, ......so Neirte takes your place on land. And you return to the ocean for whatever length of time we decide on. And then Neirte gives you this pendant back and everything goes back to the way it was?  
  
Kathryn: That's about the size of it.   
  
William: And you say my aunt Quinn KNOWS about this...?  
  
Kathryn: She knows I'm Fey, ....not the other thing. You tend to exchange all sorts of intimate details when you serve together as long as we have.   
  
William: And this thing with Neirte, ....will it hurt?  
  
Kathryn: (squints her eyes as she recalls the experience) Excruciatingly..........! But the pain subsides when all is said and done. (Watches as William stares at her blankly) Look, ....I know this is an incredible amount to absorb. But if she loves you enough to want to do this, ....I need to know that she's not just setting herself up for a fall.   
  
William: I dunno, ....I just think it would be more like torture when she had to go back. We agreed that we couldn't be together because of our physical differences. Now your telling me that for a short time we can have everything we've been wanting only to have to give it up again. I'm not sure if I could stand to put myself through that, ....not to mention her.   
  
Kathryn: I understand how you feel, but you know what they say. It's better to have loved and lost. ....And we can just see how things go, it may not be as bad as you think it might be. Trust me, ....I've got experience in these matters. (She removes an envelope from her purse and hands it to William.) And just in case you said yes, .....I took care of some necessary odds and ends. And I've schooled her on the concept of money and US currency over the past winter as well as working on her English.  
  
William: (looks through the envelope) I.D, ....SS card, .....BIRTH CERTIFICATE? Jesus, ....she's actually in the system? (He reads the I.D. aloud) Neirte Diane Fey..?   
  
Kathryn: I just thought the middle and last names would be a nice touch.   
  
William: (looks over at Kathryn with a cross expression) You were COUNTING on me saying yes..........  
  
Kathryn: Can you blame me for wanting my niece to be happy? Besides, ....when I heard her describe your relationship I figured you'd jump at the chance. Was I wrong...? And the fact that your mother went away was icing on the cake, ...it gives you the chance to continue the relationship without outside influence.  
  
William: What if I'd said no?  
  
Kathryn: (shrugs) If you say no, ......you say no. It's not the end of the world, ....I imagine Neirte would get over you eventually, ....give or take a century. But as long as there's the chance you'd say yes then I'm happy to make the effort.   
  
William: If I say yes, ....What will you be doing in the meantime?   
  
Kathryn: Eh, ....it's been about four hundred years since I've been home. I've got a ton of catching up I can do.   
  
William: You sure don't LOOK that old.   
  
Kathryn: I'll assume that to be a compliment. By the way, ....Fey don't really celebrate birthdays, .....but if your interested. Neirte's is in about two weeks. She'll be turning two hundred thirty eight. (William's eye's widen and bulge out) She doesn't look her age either.....  
  
William: I'll keep that in mind. (Re examines the documents) How the hell did you manage all of this?  
  
Kathryn: I have some contacts in high places, ......namely an old boyfriend who works for the CIA. In fact, ...I hear your mom is seeing him these days. But that's irrelevant and time is short, .... so what do you say? (The scene fades out)   
  
*End Part One*  
  
  
  
  
  
The Sound of the Other Shoe  
Part II  
  
  
  
  
(The scene is the inside of a plush hotel room on the island of Nassau in the Bahamas, ....tropical plants line the outside of the open window and where the leaves part the blue expanse of the ocean can be seen. Several figures pass the window blocking the view of the ocean momentarily just before the sound of the lock is heard and the door to the room swings open banging against the wall. A bellhop rolls a cart directly in front of the door and begins to unload Trent and Daria's luggage. They enter behind the bellhop and begin to check the room out,....Trent makes a bee line for the bed and jumps on it to check the level of cushioning. Daria sighs as she tips the bellhop and he offers various tips about room service, ....the front desk, and placing phone calls. After he leaves Daria takes another look about the room before shaking her head at Trent and deciding to attempt to join him in his exuberance by turning and falling on the bed back first. The bed was surprisingly cool and comfortable, ....she'd actually fallen asleep within a brief moment only to be awakened by the sound of a ringing phone. Reluctantly Daria pulls herself out of bed and answers)   
  
Daria: (annoyed) WHAT?  
  
Jane Lane: My, ...aren't WE cranky today. What's the matter, ....did I interrupt an episode of bonding flesh? I'm sorry if I did, ...but I figured that since I didn't hear the bed frame slamming against the wall it would be safe to call you. I mean, ...since I'm right next door I should be able to hear such things.   
  
Daria: Why don't you just drill a peep hole while you're at it and take pictures?  
  
Jane Lane: So you WERE up to something!  
  
Daria: NO, ....I was actually sleeping when you rang. Sitting for five hours on a plane tends to wear you out just a little.  
  
Jane Lane: Maybe the flight would have been more entertaining if we got the flight attendants to give us the safety lecture again. You seemed to rather enjoy mocking them during that.   
  
Daria: I was just translating what they were really trying to say, ....nothing more.   
  
Jane Lane: And I'm sure the other passengers would thank you for that. (The scene blurs to just before Daria's flight taxied to the runway more than five hours ago. The flight attendant is busy giving the safety lecture)   
  
Attendant: In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure.........  
  
Daria: *cough* Roof flies off!! *cough* (some of the other passengers turn to scowl at Daria who is just smirking. The scene blurs back to the present)  
  
Jane Lane: Well, ...sorry to bug you then. My extension is seven triple six nine, ...give me a buzz when you're ready to go do something.  
  
Daria: Gotcha... (Hangs up and walks back over to the bed. The scene cuts to late that evening, Daria Jane and Trent have arrived on the beach where a dining area has been set up around a large circular clearing by the sea. Jane is wearing a red low cut tank top shirt and khaki shorts. Daria is wearing a light blue sleeveless summer dress that is also low cut much to Daria's dismay. Apparently Amy had picked it out for her while under the impression that it would be a good idea for her mother to show some cleavage. Daria felt very self conscious as the group walked over the sand that her boobs were going to slip out at any moment. The atmosphere is festive and Carribean music plays in background supplied by a live band on a nearby wooden platform. A short distance away from the dining area is another section of beach where vacationers are participating in some sort of interactive display. A performer for the resort is juggling several flaming batons while selected members from the audience are tossing him additional items to handle in his act. Daria, Jane, and Trent find a table nearby and after seating themselves they begin to talk again)   
  
Jane Lane: Wow, ...can you believe all the food they've got here? (Jane points out a large bon fire at the center of the clearing) Check out the pig on a spit!!  
  
Daria: (Takes in a deep breath to enjoy the scents of all the food around her) I think I'm gaining weight just looking at it. (Beat) But then now that you mention it, ......it sort of reminds me of what sitting through one of Mr. O'Neil's classes was like.   
  
Jane Lane: Really? I always thought boot camp was the closest experience to that.   
  
Daria: To YOU maybe..... (Pause) So anyway, ...sorry to conk out on you earlier. What did you do while I was out.   
  
Jane Lane: I went down to the beach to strut my stuff in the water. I really think I should have tried that bathing suit on before I bought it. It really didn't stretch around my figure the way I thought it would.  
  
Daria: (does her best impression of Tiffany) It made you look faaaaaaat?  
  
Jane Lane: (Jane extends her middle finger and pulls the skin away from the underside of her eye with it exposing the blood shot whites of her eye) Nope, ....it's just that there was less material to work with than I originally thought. The suit was too tight around the chest and made me look like I had helium balloons for breasts, and they acted like it by trying to float out of the fabric every time a wave hit me. There's that and the fact that the suit kept riding up my rear end making it look like I was wearing a thong.   
  
Daria: Look out world, Jane Lane the bay watch babe has arrived.  
  
Jane Lane: Oh shut up, ....I gave more guys an eyeful then even I would feel comfortable to admit. So many cat calls, ....I felt like such a bimbo. Or in our case a Brittany, ....before she gained all the weight.  
  
Daria: Gee, ....I'm not sure what I could say to make you feel any better. Um, .......I'm glad it wasn't me?  
  
Jane Lane: Yuk it up while you can, Daria. For I have another one I shall wear tomorrow which I KNOW fits me just fine.   
  
Daria: Just make sure the T-shirt you wear isn't white or there will be more eyefuls to be had. Though I guess there's nothing to be said about jean shorts, ...unless they're "Daisy Duke" short. Then you'll have that whole riding up your crack thing going again.   
  
Jane Lane: I doubt that would matter much after you hear what I finally discovered.  
  
Daria: Spare me, ....I don't even want to know.   
  
Jane Lane: OOOOOHHH yes you do. (Clears her throat) Um, ....most of the beaches around here are clothing optional. (Daria's eyes widen) It turned out that I was actually the most fully dressed person there.   
  
Daria: Please tell me that this other suit you're going to wear tomorrow isn't your birthday suit.   
  
Jane Lane; Oh hell no, .....I'm not THAT adventurous. But I sure as hell don't mind being a spectator. How about you, ....gonna try the sunbathing thing again? (Daria places her head in her palm as if a sudden migraine had just come on. ) (In the background Trent has gotten up from the table to go check out the serving area. While he's checking out the food he leans a little too close to a flambe` and catches the bottom fringe of his baggy shirt on fire. At first no one notices as the small flames are barely visible in the glow of the bonfire in the background. But to make matters worse, a man nearby having had just a little too much to drink DOES notice and decides to try to help.)   
  
Man: (stumbles up to Trent) Hey buddy, .....your shirts on fire, man.  
  
Trent: Huh...? Oh hey, ...I just picked it up at a club. It's nothing special.......  
  
Man: No, ...I mean. You're really on fire...!  
  
Trent: Did you used to be on Mystic Spiral's mailing list or something, ....I didn't think we still had any fans left. But thanks for hanging with us after all these years.   
  
Man: (hiccups) Don't worry, ...I'll get it for ya. (He takes his drink and tosses it on Trent, the alcohol ignites in an intense burst of flame sending Trent screaming and running for the ocean. Daria from where she is sitting gapes as a flaming Trent scurries across the sand and dives into the salt water. The scene focuses on Jane and Daria still at their table)  
  
Daria: Oh my god, what the hell has he done to himself THIS time? (Jane who has been snapping pictures with her camera since the moment Trent burst into flames gets up finally and runs after Daria to the waters edge along with the others from the resort staff.)   
  
Jane Lane: (as Trent flounders in the surf) Damn Trent, are you all right? You looked like you were doing an impression of a roman candle for a minute there.   
  
(Cut to the next day, ...Daria is sitting in the resort's main office. Jane as usual is sitting next to her for the sake of company)   
  
Jane Lane: .........Do you have any idea how much salt water had to sting on a burn?  
  
Daria: It was only first degree, Jane. That's no worse than a sunburn.   
  
Jane Lane: Do you have any idea how much a sunburn can HURT? I feel for the poor boy. It'll be a while before he can let you get on top again.  
  
Daria: Must your mind always be in the gutter, Jane? (Before Jane can respond the resort manager enters the room and takes a seat behind his desk. He thumbs through some papers and stops to read one or two of them before placing them on the desk in front of him)   
  
Manager: Mrs. Lane, ....I'm terribly sorry about what happened last night. I trust your husband is resting well?  
  
Daria: Nothing a little aloe won't cure. (Beat) So why did you ask us here?  
  
Manager: I just wanted to make sure any of your concerns were taken care of before you continue your stay here, ....at least I'm hoping you'll continue your stay with us. For your own peace of mind the gentleman from last night has been sent back to the states, ...he won't be causing any further disturbances. We're also willing to extend your stay here by three nights as a means to make amends.   
  
Daria: (looks amused that a resort would attempt to bribe her not to either bring legal action or soil it's good name) That's generous, ....but I really can't extend my leave. The U.S. navy gets just a bit touchy when it's officers don't return from leave on time.   
  
Manager: I understand, .....perhaps a voucher to use those nights at another time then?  
  
Daria: I really don't think that's necessary, .....but I'll tell you what you can do. I'm interested in exploring one of the other islands in the area. Can you arrange the travel to and from instead?  
  
Manager: (sighs heavily) I imagine that's possible, ...although we don't have any resorts on the other islands. What could you possibly want to see on any of those?  
  
Daria: A friend suggested I visit a specific one, ....I'd like to see if it lives up to her review. (Daria goes to a map on the wall of the Bahama islands and points to one on the map that's no bigger than the head of a thumb tack.) This one, ...I think.   
  
Manager: Mrs Lane, .....I don't even think that island is inhabited. It might be difficult to guarantee your safety what with no police or service craft in the area.. I really don't think......  
  
Daria: (scowls) That's fine then, ....I'll take the voucher. But can you direct me to someone who can fly us out there? (The manager stares weakly at Daria for a moment and then the scene fades out)   
  
(The scene cuts back to Daria's home in the states three days later, ...Jane and Amy along with their boyfriends John, and Allen, have just come in the front door after having spent the day out on the town with some of their other friends. While the rest of them take up positions in front of the Tv in the living room, Jane heads into the kitchen to see if there were any alcoholic beverages remaining in the fridge. After digging out several wine coolers that some of her older friends had brought over the night before, Jane closes the fridge door and notices that the floor just inside the door leading to the deck is a little wet. She carefully walks over the area to look and see if maybe William was out by the dock swimming or something, but no one is out there. There is however the top half to a wet suit hanging on a hanger attached to a hook in the overhang that would normally be used to suspend a hanging plant. The wet suit itself is still dripping water, whomever wore it must have come into the house. Jane walks back into the living room)   
  
Jane : Hey Amy, ....do you know if Will was around the house today?  
  
Amy: Yea, ....he said he'd be around all day. Why......?  
  
Jane: Just wondering, ....I noticed the floor in the kitchen was a little wet and there's a wet suit hanging out to dry on the deck. It looks like the one mom gave to um......our friend. (Amy raises an eyebrow in interest) Maybe she got tired of it or something. Anyway, ....check upstairs and see if will is there. And then smack him around for tracking water in the house.  
  
John: Yea, ....go smack Will around. We'll just be down here looking for something on pay per view.  
  
Jane: (scowls) No porn, ....my mom would kill us when she got home and saw the cable bill. (Groans come from the others as Jane heads up the stairs) Will, ....you up here? (Jane proceeds down the hall once she's reached the top of the stairs and checks her own room first. She finds some of her bureau drawers are half open as if someone was looking for something.) Jeez, ...it looks like a tornado came through here. (She leaves the room and heads to Amy's next only to find the same thing. Nothing appears to be missing at a glance, ...just a lot of clothes are out of order.) Oh man, ......don't tell me Will is into cross dressing now. (Loudly) Yo Will, ....where are you? (After a moment a reply comes from Daria's room and Jane walks quickly to investigate. Once inside the room Jane finds William showing a young woman, who is sitting on Daria's bed facing away from her, how to tie a shoe.) Hey Will,....why does it look like a tornado came through our rooms? (Stops in her tracks when she see's the black haired woman who is still turned away from her) And who's this?  
  
William: Sorry, ....I needed to find some clothes that would fit her. You'll get them back as soon as I can get her some of her own.  
  
Jane: (scowls and takes on a more hostile tone) Some stranger is wearing our clothes? (Neirte turns to look at Jane with a nervous expression on her face as she is uncertain of why Jane is angry. Once she see's the face of the young woman, Jane places it immediately) Oh my god,.....what is she doing in the house!!? Forget that, ....how much longer can she hold her breath? Because we've got to get her out of here before the others see her.   
  
William: Jane relax,....it doesn't matter if anybody see's her. It's cool now.....  
  
Jane: What the hell do you mean it doesn't....... (Nierte leans against the nearby end table as she awkwardly attempts to stand up. At seeing this Jane takes on a dumbfounded expression and just begins to point)   
  
Neirte: (once she has made it to her newly formed feet) Jane is okay.....? (At hearing Neirte speak without being submerged in water, Jane falls to the floor unconscious. At hearing the loud thud everyone who was still downstairs comes hustling upstairs to investigate)  
  
Allen: (being the first to enter the room starts tapping Jane on the cheeks in attempts to wake her up. After a moment Jane opens her eyes slowly) Hey, ....what happened?  
  
Jane Huh......?  
  
William: You passed out, Jane. Are you feeling okay?  
  
Jane: (rubs her eyes) Oh god, ....I had the most bazaar hallucination. I thought I saw a mermaid with legs. (Everyone but William and Neirte erupts in laughter)  
  
Allen: Have you been smoking anything we should be aware of, Jane?  
  
Jane: (starts to get up) Screw you, Allen. I've never smoked anything in my life. (Jane freezes in her tracks when she hears the same voice and words as before)   
  
Neirte: Jane is okay....? (this time Amy's attention is caught causing a similar dumbfounded expression)   
  
Amy: Ho-ly SHIT....! (she looks Neirte up and down several times and rubs her eyes)   
  
Allen/ John: What...? (Long moment of silence as Jane and Amy continue to stare at Neirte) What, ....who is she? What's going on?  
  
Jane: This is um.......................................this is.........  
  
Amy: This is um.............Will's ....girlfriend, Neirte. She's from outside the country and we weren't expecting her to drop by like this. (Allen and John still looking confused, assertively shake Neirte's hand and say hello after she looks their hands over and under trying to figure out what they wanted her to do with them. ) Um, .......guys. Can you head back downstairs for a little bit? Neirte's an old friend and we'd like to chat with her for a bit.   
  
Allen: (looks at John) Girl talk, ....  
  
John: Yea, ...lets go before the gossip starts to fly. (They both leave the room and head downstairs. Amy closes the door, turns to stare at Neirte and just lets her mouth hang open as she tries to find the means to express any one of a thousand questions brewing within her mind. Finally she manages to blurt one out)  
  
Amy: ...........HOW?  
  
William: It's REALLY complicated, ...trust me.   
  
Jane: Yea, ....like we're gonna miss out on the mother of all stories. Tell us anyway. (William begins to go into as much detail as possible including to show them the video recording he'd made of the transformation with Daria's camcorder which for some reason Daria failed to take with her.)  
  
(Cut to an hour later, ...The four come down the stairs with Neirte taking each step very cautiously. Allen and John are sitting on the couch in front of the Tv, they have been checking out the programming for the past hour.)   
  
Allen: Hey ladies, ...we were wondering when you were going to join us. We've been looking through the cable in demand library. You guys want to watch the last season of Sick Sad world?  
  
Jane: Trust me Allen, ....nothing on that show could POSSIBLY compare to some of the stuff we've seen.   
  
Allen: Damn,....somebodies got a chip on their shoulder. (Looks at Neirte) Is she okay, ....she looks like she's just learning to walk or something.   
  
William: Um........yea, she's okay. It's an old injury that acts up once in a while, ....she was attacked by a shark several years ago.   
  
Allen/ John: SERIOUSLY??  
  
William: (making things up as he goes) Yea, .....but she doesn't like to talk about it so let it go okay?   
  
Allen: (shrugs) Damn, .... Um Okay, about the movie....how about a classic? There's a Sci-Fi series by some guy named George Lucas called "Star Wars". Sound like anything you'd be interested in? (Everyone looks about at each other and shrugs) Ok, ..."Star Wars" it is. (Allen orders the series while John pops open one of the wine coolers Jane had brought out earlier.)   
  
John: (Looks at Neirte who is staring at the bottle trying to read the label) Did you want some? (Neirte just stares so John opens another bottle and hands it to her. She sniffs it and then makes a disgusted face. John just chuckles to himself) I seriously doubt wine coolers are known for their bouquet. I take it you don't drink?   
  
Neirte: Not need, ....water was everywhere.   
  
John: Ah, ....an alcoholic virgin!! Then allow me to teach you the finer arts of living. .....Just swig it. Like this ... (He raises the bottle to his lips and takes several large gulps) Ah, ....that way you barely taste it. No matter how crappy and stale the beer. (Neirte looks at the bottle and follows suit, but instead of a few gulps she downs the whole bottle and then makes several expressions indicating the nasty taste of the alcohol.) Still don't like it, huh? Okay, ....no big deal. We're not here to push anything on you, .....want some soda, water, tea? I'm sure there's got to be something to your taste around here? (Neirte shakes her head no and then turns to look at William who is now sitting on the couch adjacent to her. William pats the couch cushion a few times to encourage Neirte to come sit next to him, but not knowing what this means she imitates his actions causing John and Allen to erupt in laughter) Looks like she wants you to come to her, man. We can see who wears the pants around here can't we. (William says something to Neirte in Fey and she immediately gets up to walk over to him. This has the effect of shutting the other two up.)   
  
William: She just didn't understand, you dumb ass. (Jane and Amy take seats next to their respective boyfriends in preparation to watch the movies)   
  
Amy: Humble pie anyone?  
  
John: Doesn't speak much English, huh...? Where is she from anyway, ..that doesn't sound like any language I'm familiar with. Come to think of it, ....that accent is pretty tough to place as well. (Jane, Amy, and William exchange glances with each other as they try to make something up that could be believable.) (The scene fades out)   
  
(The scene cuts to the Bahamas two weeks later, Daria and Trent are just returning to their room after spending time in a hot tub. Trent, having spent far more time in then Daria, has thoroughly wrinkled fingers and toes as we walks to the bathroom dripping water the whole way there.)   
  
Daria: (shakes her head at him as he begins to strip out of his wet swim trunks while standing in the door way to the bathroom. His naked rear end can be seen exposed to Daria in the main room.) God help me if I end up slipping on any of that later. They'll ask my why I wasn't watching out for the water on the floor and I'd have no choice but to tell them that it was because my husband had his ass exposed and I was trying to clear out of the area in a hurry.  
  
Trent: (voice echoing in the bathroom) Was that a fart joke?  
  
Daria: (VO) Actually that was an ugly rear end joke, ...but hey take it as you like it. (Out loud) Trent, ...you've burst into flames once already on this vacation. A case of gas may not be in your best interest, ....ever.   
  
Trent: Dammit, .....that wasn't my fault. (Daria finds a towel and places it on the bed before sitting down on it next to the end table with the phone on it. She then proceeds to place a call to the states. After going through two different operators she finally gets the phone to ring on the other end. The scene cuts to Daria's house, Neirte is looking about the kitchen trying to figure out what just what the hell is making that ringing noise. Finally she locates the source and while examining it she lifts the phone off the cradle. Daria's voice is immediately heard in earpiece.)  
  
Daria: It's about time, ...Hello? (On Neirte's end she looks astonished as she thinks there is someone inside the device) Hello, ....somebody wanna talk or what?  
  
Neirte: Sound like Daria, ...who are?  
  
Daria: (sounding slightly confused at the broken English) That's because I AM Daria, ....who is this? (In the background over the phone Neirte can be heard calling for help)   
  
Neirte: Amy help, ....Daria stuck!!  
  
Daria: (VO) Since when do the kids let their friends pick up the phone at OUR house? (Out loud) Hello, ....who am I speaking to?  
  
Neirte: Am Neirte, ......Daria is okay in there? How you get in? (Daria pulls the phone away from her ear and stares at it for a moment before she hears Amy take the phone from Neirte)   
  
Amy: Hello, ....mom?  
  
Daria: Amy, ....who the hell was that? And why the hell are you letting your friends answer our phone for you?  
  
Amy: That was um........Neirte.  
  
Daria: (sighs) Amy, ...even if the phone were waterproof I doubt Neirte would know what the phone WAS much less how to operate it. Now who answered the phone?  
  
Amy: (sounding insulted) Have I ever lied to you mom?  
  
Daria: (sighs louder) That's impossible, Amy. Neirte can NOT talk out of the water.   
  
Amy: Uuuuuuuuuhhhhh, ...........she can NOW. And don't ask, .......it's way to complicated to explain over the phone. It's just something you'd have to see for yourself when you get back.  
  
Daria: (sounding amused) Let me guess, ...she sprouted legs and grew lungs, right?  
  
Amy: (VO) Jesus, ....the woman is psychic!!! (Out loud) Um yea, ...good one. Listen, I'll talk to you later okay? I've got to try to explain to Neirte how you got in the phone. This could take a while, ....gotta go, by!! (Amy hangs up and the scene cuts back to Daria)  
  
(Trent has just emerged from the bathroom having changed into a fresh pair of shorts and a T-shirt.)   
  
Trent: Was that Amy you were talking to?  
  
Daria: Yea, ....but someone else answered the phone. According to Amy, ...it was Neirte.  
  
Trent: I didn't know we had a waterproof phone.   
  
Daria: We don't. That's what's got me, ....it sounded like her voice and Amy's never been one to make up a bogus story to cover for someone else.   
  
Trent: I've never heard it, so I wouldn't know.  
  
Daria: Does it matter? Something is going on at home, ...I just wish I knew what.  
  
Trent: Hmm, ....well. Whatever it is, ....it can't be THAT bad. I mean the house is still standing and nobodies called the cops or been arrested, right? So why worry, ...whatever is going on can be sorted out when we get back.   
  
Daria: And having said that....... (Daria turns to the phone expecting it to ring, ....but it never does) Huh, ....our bad luck must be running out.  
  
Trent: We never had bad luck, ....just luck.   
  
Daria: (pauses in a nervous moment of thought) Do you think we should cut the trip short and go home so we can figure out what the hell is going on?   
  
Trent: Nah, ....Your just worried because we've never left them on their own before. Like I said, whatever it is I doubt it's anything to worry about. Just put your mind on other things, like what did you want to do later today, ...tour of the island again?  
  
Daria: That's okay, Trent. I had enough of the tour the first time when the driver started smoking a marijuana cigar and showing us all the places around the island where we could obtain it. Oh, and lets not forget all the nice women around the island who offered to braid my hair for me. I saw their other victims, ....they'll NEVER get those knots out without having to cut the hair completely off.   
  
Trent: (shrugs) There's an art auction tonight, ....Jane will want to go check that out.   
  
Daria: Hmm, ...yea but that's tonight. What about now?  
  
Trent: We haven't been to the beach much since we got here.  
  
Daria: That's because we discovered it was a clothing optional beach. The last thing I need is to walk down a beach full of naked people, most of which look like they have a jungle between their legs. Somebody needs to introduce the concept of a razor to these people.  
  
Trent: You know, Daria. Nobody said you had to look at them, ....just enjoy yourself and let everybody else do their thing.   
  
Daria: (sighs) I guess I just don't know how to relax anymore.  
  
Trent: Sure you do, ....but you're thinking too hard about how to relax. The first step is NOT to think, ...and just let it happen.   
  
Daria: I don't think that's possible. I think about everything these days.   
  
Trent: Well, ....just remember that in order to relax you sometimes just have to flow with things as they unfold.   
  
Daria: I guess. (Beat) Listen, ....I wanted to take a charter out to that island tomorrow with Jane. Want to come?  
  
Trent: Nah, ...scuba diving isn't my thing. You guys go have a good time, ....I'll find something around here to do. Maybe I'll get some lessons on para sailing or something. (The scene blurs as Daria tries to picture Trent on a surfboard with a sail attached to it. The image is of him sailing straight out to sea as he is unable to figure out how to steer in any direction but straight. And he just keeps going into the sunset until he disappears from view. The scene snaps back to reality.)   
  
Daria: Right, ....I'll make sure I send out a search party when I get back. (Trent laugh/coughs)   
  
Trent: You know, ....there's a place here you can go to get a massage. I've heard the guy is pretty good, all the way from Germany or something.  
  
Daria: Trent, ...do you REALLY want some strange man putting his hands all over me?  
  
Trent: (shrugs) I could give you a massage, it's not such a bad idea now that I think about it. We've been so busy trying to think of what we should do on our vacation we forgot to pencil in time for the most important part of it. US....  
  
Daria: (pauses with an interested look on her face) I don't think you've ever given me a massage before, .....think you'll be any good at it?  
  
Trent: (smirks evilly) There's only one way to find out. (The scene fades out)   
  
(Cut to Daria's house that evening as Amy picks up the phone after letting it ring five or six times. In the background William is seen sitting at the kitchen table drawing a candid pencil sketch of Amy's backside as she talk's on the phone . It appears to more of a caricature than anything else as he seems to be exaggerating the size of her rear end. As Amy stands facing the entrance to the living room, Neirte can be seen beyond her on the couch figuring out how to work the remote control. Even though she still had no idea how it all worked it seemed fun to be able to watch other people without them knowing it by pushing little rubber things on a strange device. The scene focuses more on Amy at this point as she begins to converse with her aunt Quinn on the phone)   
  
Amy: Hey aunt Quinn, ....what's shakin`?  
  
Quinn: Eh, ...not much. The baby's been fussy this morning, ....she's trying to claim every book and magazine in the house as hers.  
  
Amy: Huh, ...whatever happened to toy cars and dolls?  
  
Quinn: It's not the same with everybody, ...with me it was clothes.   
  
Amy: (shakes her head) I don't even wanna know.   
  
Quinn: You're better off, ....say can I ask you something?  
  
Amy: Shoot....  
  
Quinn: I know you only met her once, ....but have you seen Kathryn around lately? The last time I saw her she said she had some sort of a talk with William.   
  
Amy: No but, ......um. By any chance did she wear a pendant all the time?  
  
Quinn: Yea why?  
  
Amy: A little circular one, kind of greyish in color, had something written in Fey engraved on it, necklace part was made out some kind of plant string.   
  
Quinn: You've seen it?  
  
Amy: Neirte's WEARING it. (Quinn gasps over the phone)   
  
Quinn: Oh god, .......she DIDN'T!! (long silent pause) I can't believe it, ....how could she go back without saying goodbye?  
  
Amy: Wait, .....you KNOW what this pendant does?  
  
Quinn: Why are you so worried about that stupid pendant, ....my best friend left for home without even telling me she was going! (Starts to cry over the phone)   
  
Amy: Hmm, ....let's see. Why am I worried about a stupid pendant? Oh yea, I remember. ....Because there's a FEY sitting in my living room trying to figure out how to work the freaking TV!!! And what's worse is she's hotter looking than any of US!! We were trying on bathing suits this morning and Jane Let Neirte have one of hers, ...I looked at Neirte and then myself. I swear, I felt like I was going to cry.   
  
Quinn: (clears her throat in attempt to compose herself) Not an ounce of fat on her, huh?  
  
Amy: Nope, ...all well toned muscle.  
  
Quinn: (Laughs) Kathryn was always like that, ...it drove me NUTS. (Sighs) Listen, ....Joey's at work so I can't travel. Can you get William to come over here? I need to have a chat with him about this whole situation, ....see if Neirte wants to come too. I'll bet she's got some inside info that might clue us in as to why Kathryn did this.   
  
Amy: No problem, ...do you want Neirte to bring that envelope of stuff Kathryn left for her?  
  
Quinn: (pauses in surprise) Yea, ...bring it.   
  
(The scene cut to Quinn's house. Jane, Amy, William, and Neirte are sitting around the kitchen Table with Quinn who is looking through the documents that Kathryn left.)   
  
Quinn: And Kathryn told you she'd be back by the end of the month?  
  
William: That was the deal, ...why?  
  
Quinn: Didn't that sound kind of cruel to you, .....to give you something and then take it away?  
  
William: That's what I thought, ....but I figured it's better to be with someone you love for a little while then not at all.   
  
Quinn: You really do love her, .....it's not just a crush? (Will nods his head as Neirte does her best to follow the conversation) Did Kathryn tell you how rare it is to fall in love first before becoming mates among the fey?  
  
William: (voice flutters) Mates....? (awkward pause) No, .....but I suddenly get the feeling that she should have. (Looks about at everyone else in search of a clue) You don't think she'll live up to the agreement, ...do you?  
  
Quinn: (smirks) She will, ....I've never known Kathryn to break her word, ...EVER.   
  
William: That's a relief. Any idea why she went to such lengths to get Neirte into the system? It's like she's planning for this to be long term or something.  
  
Quinn: That's my impression, ....I'd say she's rolling the dice on you two.   
  
Jane: Wait, ....you mean she's hoping they'll want to stay together and not go back to the way things were? Why the hell would she do that, ....what about everything she has here?  
  
Quinn: They're material things, ...the Fey are family oriented. If Kathryn's gamble pans out, ....at least in her mind, everybody gets something. She gets to go home and Will and Neirte get to be together eventually as family.  
  
Amy: With a major snag in the works, ....the parents? Mom has been keeping this thing about Neirte and Will being together from aunt Jane because she figured it was just a phase and that she was afraid aunt Jane would spaz on a life threatening scale..  
  
Jane: Not to mention where is she going to live? (Amy stares at Jane because of the inconsequentiality of her statement compared to Amy's)   
  
William: Oh my god, So she's been wanting us to get MARRIED? (places his head in his palms) I'm such an idiot, ....I've been played this whole time.  
  
Quinn: William, ...a part of you must have wanted this if you agreed to it in the first place. You're not stupid. (VO) I least I hope you're not.   
  
William: (groans) I need to go think for a while. ( He gets up from the table and walks briskly out of the house. In the background a car can be heard starting)   
  
Quinn: You guys brought separate cars?  
  
Amy: Always, .....that way nobody has to wait for everybody else if they want to go.   
  
Neirte: (looking very confused) Why William leave without us?  
  
(Cut to Daria's house. William is standing on the edge of the dock throwing stones out over the water as the sun is setting. Behind him Will hears the small splash of someone climbing out of the water. He turns to find Kathryn smiling at him but she soon has to duck when he throws a stone at her.)   
  
William: What the hell are YOU doing here? (Kathryn begins to sign to him)   
  
Kathryn: (sign) Whoa, ....what's the problem?  
  
William: You set me up, ....you were hoping you wouldn't have to come back.   
  
Kathryn: (sign) I never set you up, ....I made an honest deal with you. I admit I was hoping you would want to stay together but if you ultimately don't want to be together then I'll live up to my end and make the switch back. I came by to check and see how things were going.  
  
William: You went to an awful lot of trouble for an honest deal. Was Neirte in on it too?  
  
Kathryn: (sign) Neirte only knows what you and I discussed, .....she doesn't know what the documents are or what they're for. That was for just in case, ...I couldn't exactly arrange anything from here if you decided you wanted her to stay.  
  
William: (groans in frustration as he tosses another stone out over the water) Alright, ...I can see the point in that. (Beat) You could have told me though.   
  
Kathryn: (sign) Kind of takes the fun out if you know, doesn't it? (William smirks)   
  
Wiliam: Is there anything ELSE you've done? (Kathryn smiles and raises an eyebrow) Of coarse, ....but you're not going to tell me yet. (Sighs) So what happens now?  
  
Kathryn: What do you want to happen? We can call the whole thing off if you like, ....make the switch back just as soon as you can get Neirte over here. You do realize how much it'll hurt her emotionally that you don't want her around anymore.  
  
Willaim: I DO want her around. It's just that, ......you were hoping for us to STAY together. Maybe even get married.   
  
Kathryn: Didn't you say once that you wanted that?  
  
William: (studies her face in a moment of perplexion) Neirte was eavesdropping.....? (Kathryn nods)   
  
Kathryn: (sign) She doesn't know what marriage is though, .....I avoided the subject when she asked. I didn't want her to get her hopes up or get the wrong impression.   
  
William: That's why you did all of this isn't it, ....you were hoping it was true?  
  
Kathryn: (looks down for a moment and then continues to sign) Alcen never got the opportunity to see Neirte find a mate. But at least I can see it for the both of us, ....I feel like I owe it to my sister to help her daughter find happiness. (Taps her throat for a moment and then continues to sign) Sorry, ....getting choked up a bit. I'll need to go down for air in a couple of minutes. So................do you want her to stay or go?  
  
William: (looks down at the dock and then smiles) Do you even need to ask?  
  
Kathryn: (sign) Follow your heart then, ....if you need anything at all then go to my place. Quinn will give you the address, the spare key is behind a loose piece of siding on upper left side of the front door. I left some spending cash in the mirror drawer in case you needed to get anything for Neirte. (Beat) One more thing though, ....my service piece is in a locked box under my bed. Do you know anything about handling and maintaining a gun safely?  
  
William: My mom showed me the in's and outs years ago, ....just in case I ever found hers unsecured. Why...?  
  
Kathryn: Good, ...make sure you keep mine secured and maintained. If you don't want it, ...give it to Daria or Quinn. They'll know how to dispose of it properly.   
  
William: I have no use for a weapon, ...sorry.  
  
Kathryn: (sign) Don't be, ...that's good to hear. I didn't think you did, ....I just didn't want to leave it around for somebody to find. Neirte has no concept of weapons or what they can do, I don't want her to become an innocent victim or anything. (Beat) Now, ....back to the subject at hand. What does your heart tell you?  
  
William: I think I'll follow your example and let it be a surprise for you. (Kathryn takes one the rocks William had tossed at her earlier and throws it back)   
  
Kathryn: (sign) You ass......  
  
(Cut to the Bahamas a week later)   
  
(The weather having been uncooperative the first time they tried to make it to this island, Daria and Jane have finally managed to arrive and have just finished unloading some scuba equipment from a small Cessna seaplane. The pilot, a native to the Carribean, advises them when he will return to retrieve them and warns them that poachers in the area sometimes place nets along the reefs to catch some of the tropical sea life. After which he departs with the plane leaving a disturbed sea in his wake. Daria and Jane, once they are alone on the island begin to change into their wetsuits and gear up in preparation to enter the water.)  
  
Jane Lane: (pretends to hold a tri-corder in her hands) Interesting, ....there doesn't appear to be any intelligent life in the area.   
  
Daria: Who are you now, ...Mr. Spock? You've gotten rid of the ears I see.   
  
Jane Lane: I kept using them to open cans, ....they wore down eventually.   
  
Daria: Better shop on Ebay for a new set then. (Jane laughs) Try to watch the reef itself, .....it'll cut you up pretty good if you're not careful. Ever see "Castaway"?   
  
Jane Lane: Yea, ....but there's a difference. We're not trying to escape using a half inflated raft.   
  
Daria: I doubt scuba gear would have helped the guy much, ....once he ran out of air he'd have to surface and swim back over the reef to get back to land before he drowned.   
  
Jane Lane: It still would have seemed like a more professional attempt. (Beat) I heard you called home a while back, ...anything new?   
  
Daria: (while still checking her equipment) What the hell brought that on?  
  
Jane Lane: I was talking to Trent this morning, .....he said some girl picked up the phone. Did you catch a name?  
  
Daria: (looks at Jane with annoyance) I thought it was somebody I knew but it couldn't have been. (Beat) Yes, ....I think your son was there so stop bugging me already. I told you, ....he's straight.   
  
Jane Lane: I'd better get to meet her, dammit. That boys had me going out of my skull lately. (Daria flashes Jane an "Oh my God" look and slings her dual tanks and re-breather onto her back. Jane looks about her taking in the pristine beach of white sand. In the background behind them a semi tropical forest borders the beach for as far as the eye can see. Jane turns to look out over the water, ....in the distance maybe a quarter mile away breakers are seen indicating the presence of the coral reef. There is a section several hundred feet wide where there are no breakers, this is the gap in the reef where the seaplane approached the island.) Damn Daria, .... this place is GORGEOUS!! Where did you hear about it?  
  
Daria: Believe it or not, ....Quinn's friend told me about it.   
  
Jane Lane: Definite choice location, .....all we'd need is a bar and grill on the beach and this place would be pure heaven. I wonder how SHE heard about it.   
  
Daria: (shrugs) I dunno, .....but I can see why she would want to keep it quiet. All it would take is one good developer to completely destroy this place. (Beat) Kind of makes you homesick doesn't it?  
  
Jane Lane: (pretends to wipe a tear from her eye) Yea, .....I'm getting kind of emotional about it.   
  
Daria: Uh huh..... (beat) Done yet....?  
  
Jane Lane: Yup, ...all dried out. Let's go.   
  
Daria: Got all your gear? (They check each other and activate a strobe beacon attached to their tanks) The water is pretty clear, ....but keep an eye out for nets. It wouldn't make much sense for poachers to make them easy to see now would it.   
  
Jane Lane: They'd make nice decoration for the reefs at least.   
  
Daria: You're not very environment friendly are you, Jane?  
  
Jane Lane: Sure I am, ....it just isn't friendly back.   
  
Daria: Gotcha, so if you come back missing a limb I'll know what happened. (A moment of silence passes before Daria points to the water) After you......  
  
Jane Lane: Can't we just skip into the water like it's the yellow brick road?  
  
Daria: Um, ....I don't think that's possible wearing flippers. Sorry to burst your bubble.   
  
Jane Lane: Guess I'll have to settle for the next best thing. (She grabs Daria and shoves her into the water)   
  
(Cut to the reef by the ocean floor about thirty feet down, ....the water is crystal clear. Fish swimming about the reef can be seen swimming about at one moment and then scurrying away the next as Jane and Daria approach. Daria gains Jane's attention by pointing to a skate that emerged from the ocean floor in a cloud of sand. The POV snaps to a distance away looking out from a cave in the reef. Daria and Jane can be seen probing about the sand several hundred feet off from the perspective of whatever is watching them. The POV snaps back to Jane as she signals to Daria that she's going to head off to the east along the reef and that she would meet back in this spot in one hour. They mark the spot with a weighted bobber size red colored strobe beacon and Jane heads off on her own. Daria looks at her waterproof watch and then swims away from the reef while skirting the sand. Daria soon finds the gap in the reef and follows it outside towards the open sea. Daria got maybe a few hundred yards away from the reef when she caught a glint of light off of something as faint as a spider web in the early morning light. She clutched the sand and whatever rocks were available bringing herself to an abrupt halt just short of a poachers net. Daria tossed a handful of sand up forming a dirty cloud in the water that accented the net. Daria shakes her head at the predicament she almost got herself into and begins to follow the net along the ocean floor until she comes to a section that looks like it's been torn and partially ripped up from it's anchors. The net shakes occasionally as if whatever was trying to escape from it is still trying.)   
  
Daria: (VO) If this turns out to be Jaws, I'm gone. Suffering animal or no...... (Daria continues to follow the net until she follows it to an area where it's been dragged around an out cropping of rocks. At first it appears as if a very large fish is caught in the net until Daria see's past the tail fins to the upper half of the body.) (VO) It's a FEY! Jesus, ....I never thought I'd actually see another one. (Daria noticed that the fey is hopelessly entangled in the net almost to the point where she can't move. Daria approaches with caution so as not to get entangled herself. The Fey manages to turn her head just enough to see Daria, ....panic is very evident in her eyes. It's obvious to Daria that if this Fey could move she would have fled long before Daria could come close. The Fey writhes a bit as Daria pulls a knife out of the sheath attached to her lower leg as she prepared to cut her free. Daria's eyes widened as she moved more to the side to get a better perspective on things, the large abdominal bulge was evident. She was full term pregnant and appeared to be in labor. The Fey struggled as Daria came closer, ....the twine of the net cutting into her skin with every movement.) (VO) Dammit, ....I knew I should have paid attention when the kids were learning this language. (A fey word surfaced in Daria's mind as she thought of a way to calm the Fey so she could help. Daria removed her mouth piece and bubbled the word "Duite" meaning "friend". The Fey stopped struggling but still looked at Daria with tremendous fear. And then another word surfaced in Daria's mind, the Fey term for "help", with this word after she had replaced her mouth piece, Daria gestured to herself and then to the Fey. Daria then slowly approached and then strand by strand began to cut the net until finally the Fey was free. The Fey immediately tried to dart away but instead doubled over in a contraction. Daria put her knife back in it's sheath and the reiterated "help" to the Fey As Daria once again approached. The Fey not being in a position to swim away had little choice but to descend to the sand and wail in pain. (VO)Of COARSE she'd have to be in labor. (Beat) I cannot believe I'm actually about to do this, ........ (Looks about) and just where the hell is the kid supposed to drop out of? (Daria gets the Fey's attention and gestures toward her eyes indicating watch. Then using gestures Daria tries to instruct the Fey on Lamas breathing. Something she remembered from her own pregnancy with Jane and Amy) (VO) Thank god for the invention of the re-breather, ....this could take a while. Approximately forty minutes later after emerging in a small cloud of blood, Daria held a baby Fey in her hands. It was a girl, ....which didn't seem to be any surprise to Daria. And since it made a few sounds moments after birth there seemed no need to smack it or anything. Daria handed the child to it's mother and no sooner had she let go if it, she was knocked to the sand by a male that had arrived on the scene and appeared to be protecting it's mate. As he came about for another attack the female loudly scolded him causing him to stop and look at her with confusion, At least it SOUNDED like she was scolding him. But none the less Daria wasn't about to take a chance on it and she quickly swam away towards the gap in the reef to try and meet up with Jane.)   
  
(The scene cuts to land an hour later)   
  
(Jane and Daria are helping each other remove their equipment on the beach. The plane has not yet arrived to retrieve them, ....in fact it is not due until that evening. After a long while, Daria and Jane have managed to build a small bonfire the old fashioned way for the sake of warmth and drying themselves off. )   
  
Jane Lane: You know you never did tell me what happened to you down there, ....you were over half an hour late meeting back at the rendezvous point. I was getting a bit concerned for your well being.   
  
Daria: Sorry about that Jane, ....I had to take a part time job as a midwife. (Jane laughs)  
  
Jane Lane: Find a seahorse in labor did you? It's the males that give birth among them you know.   
  
Daria: I helped deliver a Fey child. (Jane stares at Daria in disbelief)  
  
Jane Lane: No way......  
  
Daria: Way, ....I found the "mother to be" tangled in a net. She couldn't even move until I cut her free, .....then a male showed up about five seconds after the birth and tried so stomp me into the sand.   
  
Jane Lane: Figures, ....even in other species the guys don't show up until all the hard work is done. (Beat) This actually happened...? You're not yanking my chain?   
  
Daria: Swear to God. Wait, ...... you mean you actually believe me?  
  
Jane Lane: (looks amused and gestures for Daria to turn around very slightly. As she does so Daria catches a blond head of hair and a pair of eyes looking out from behind a large rock in the water. A moment later the fey disappeared with a splash having realized she was discovered.) Looks like mom followed you, huh?  
  
Daria: Looked like her, .....I wonder what she's sticking around for?   
  
Jane Lane: Dunno, ....I don't think I could help you with that one. (Clears her throat) So anyway, ....what have we got in the way of food around here?  
  
Daria: If you didn't pack your bag then you've only got yourself. Does the left or right leg sound good to you tonight?  
  
Jane Lane: Haha, .....you're funny. You know I can't gnaw a leg off without barbeque sauce. Preferably Jack Daniel's, ....it makes the muscle nice and tender for chewing. (Inhales deeply and exhales slowly several times)   
  
Daria: You okay Jane...?  
  
Jane Lane: No problem, .....it's subsiding.   
  
Daria: What is?  
  
Jane Lane: Nothing, ....I just think the Doc might know something after all. (Daria looks at her friend with a great amount of concern)   
  
Daria: Jane, ....what's wrong?  
  
Jane Lane: It's nothing to worry about. I had a little chest pain while we were down there, ....but like I said. It's subsiding, .....it's damn near gone so don't worry about it.   
  
Daria: Don't worry about it, .....has this happened before?  
  
Jane Lane: Once or twice after a really long run. But that was along time ago, ....maybe six months now that I think about it.   
  
Daria: (scowls) Dammit Jane, .....why the hell don't you tell me about these things? For all I know you could have keeled over down there. Do you have any idea what that does to me just thinking about it?  
  
Jane Lane: Is it one of those cute and fuzzy feelings? I can help you get rid of those you know. (Winks at Daria for the sake of amusement. Daria merely shudders and places her hands closer to the fire)   
  
Daria: Where's a cold shower when you need one. (Jane laughs and the scene fades to that evening. The plane is due to return anytime now, ....Jane is off in the woods returning natures call. As Daria lies on her back on the sand, she gets the annoying feeling that she's being watched. She sits up and looks about, the area is clear within the illumination of the campfire until Daria turns to look out over the water and see's that the Fey from before has returned and is sitting up right with her tail tucked under herself for support at the waters edge. She does not flee upon being noticed this time, ....but instead just stares at Daria as if she wants something. After a moment of exchanging glances Jane is heard returning in the distance.)   
  
Jane Lane: Hey Daria, .....I think I hear the plane coming!! (Daria doesn't answer, but instead continues to stare at the Fey) Yo, .....DARIA!!!  
  
Daria: (annoyed at Jane's timing) WHAT???? (Daria turns to look back at the Fey who looks back and forth between Jane in the distance and Daria. She then points at Daria who nods) Yea, ....that's me. I'm Daria....... (The Fey smiles from ear to ear and then disappears back into the safety of the water. In the distance above, .....a plane can be heard approaching for a water landing.)   
  
  
End Part Two..........  
  
  
  
  
The Sound of the Other Shoe  
Part Three  
By  
Wildgoose  
  
  
(Jane, Amy and Nierte are standing in front of a mirror in the Ms. Section of Casheman's department store inside of the Mall of the Millennium located in the town of Lawndale. Neirte is trying out several outfits that Jane and Amy have picked out in effort to find something that looks good on her. Neirte having no real concept of clothing style doesn't seem to understand why there are so many different types of clothing, ....and underwear was an even greater mystery. About an hour later the three are walking though the halls of the mall with Neirte actually wearing one of the outfits that had been bought for her. Neirte stared at her own reflection in the windows of the stores she passed, ....she seemed to like the capri pants Jane had chosen as well as the button down blouse that Amy went with. And she wasn't the only one who seemed to think the outfit worked well for her as Neirte unknowingly attracted the attention of passing men who would occasionally turn to admire her as they walked by. While en route to the food court to meet up with William, Neirte happened to spot a pet store that had tanks of fish in the display window. And out of curiosity she went over to investigate with Jane and Amy in pursuit.)  
  
Jane: (once inside the store) Hey Neirte, ...I never knew you were into pets. Did you have one when you were younger?  
  
Neirte: (looks about the rows of tanks containing tropical fish) What is pet?  
  
Amy: It's an animal you take care of for personal enjoyment. You care for it, ...it gives some sort of attention back, ... that sort of thing. Like fish for example, ....some people enjoy them because they look pretty.  
  
Neirte: (staring at one particular tank containing a large Oscar, ......she reaches over the top preparing to grab it. A hungry look is evident in her eyes.) Know BETTER way to enjoy pet........... (Jane and Amy exchange glances before deciding it would be in everyone's best interest to stop her before she got them into trouble.)   
  
Amy: (Grabs Neirte's arm) You know what, ...why don't we shop around for a better deal? Everything costs money, remember? We should look to see if we can find a place that has the same thing but for less money, ....what do you say? (Neirte takes on a disappointed look before backing away from the tank)   
  
Neirte: (stares at the Oscar almost eye to eye) Save for later, ..... (Neirte smirks and follows Jane and Amy out of the store and down to the food court, where after they find William, they buy Neirte a fish sandwich. It turned out to be a poor substitute for fresh fish as far as Neirte was concerned.)   
  
(Cut to an hour later, ....William is just pulling his `99 sky blue Chevy Cavalier into a gas station, still inside Lawndale. The gas attendants are the spitting image of a couple of idiots Daria knew as a kid, ...only they're wearing a towel wrapped around their heads. )   
  
Attendant1: Uhhhhhhh.......so like, .....what do you want?  
  
William: (As everyone piles out of his hunk of junk car) Fill her up, regular. This thing isn't worth the good stuff.   
  
Attendant 2: Mmph....he hehe, ....he said to fill her.   
  
Attendant 1:(turns to Neirte) Hey Baby, ....wanna get filled? (Neirte backs away slowly not knowing what the attendant is talking about)   
  
Willaim: Just do your damned job you freggin idiot. (Jane, Amy, and William walk into the mini mart on the station lot to get some snacks)   
  
Attendant 2: Mmm heh heh..........he said to fill her. Which one do you think she was talking about?  
  
Attendant 1: He meant the car you dumb ass, ....now get to work before I kick your ass again.  
  
Attendant: Whoa, ....he wants us to do his car? Mmmm heh heh hehehehehehe........we're actually gonna score. ...............Thank god!!  
  
(Cut to ten minutes later, William and the girls come out of the store to find the car shaking and a blond haired man, his towel having fallen off, grimacing on the other side of it near the rear.)   
  
Amy: Oh please don't tell me he's doing what I think he's doing.........  
  
William: (face turning read in anger) What the HELL are you doing to my car you JACKASS!!!!  
  
Attendant 2: (Steps away from the car and fixes himself) Mmm heh hehe......hey no fair. I wasn't done yet you bunghole.   
  
Attendant 1: Uh huh huh hehe.......he scored with your car. That's cool........  
  
Neirte: (turns to Amy) What is bunghole? (Amy makes a "Don't ask" gesture)   
  
William: One of you had better answer or you're in even deeper shit than you already are. Now what the hell did you do to my car?  
  
Attendant 2: Um, .......you said to fill her up. Hehehe, ...felt pretty cool.   
  
William: Fill it with GAS, you MORON!! A person with only one brain cell could have figured that out.   
  
Attendant: Um.........gas?  
  
Attendant 1: (Picks the nozzle up from the pump and squirts the other attendant) He means this stuff you fart knocker.  
  
Attendant 2: (picks up another nozzle and squirts back) Hey knock it off, ...that stuff stinks. (The two start squirting each other back and forth. William gestures to the others to get the hell in the car so they could get out of there, moments later the car pulls away while the attendants are still squirting each other as the manager runs out to yell at them. A moment later an oblivious customer walks out of the store as she finishes a cigarette and tosses it on the ground just close enough to ignite the gas fumes in a tremendous flash. Attendant 1, having been engulfed in flames is running around beating his own head trying to put the fire out. His gas nozzle, having been locked in the "on" position when he dropped it, continues to spray gasoline across the pavement. Attendant 2 is watching as he pulls his uniform shirt over his head and starts shouting that flames cannot hurt the great Cornholio. He then starts chanting "fire" as he shakes his fists watching as the fire spreads around the entire area and people in the background are seen fleeing their vehicles for their very lives. The fingers of flame can be seen reflecting in the glassy attendants eyes as the POV zooms in on him while he continues to chant "fire". (The scene snaps to up the street at the next light where William's car is waiting for the signal change, ....Everyone ducks in the car as the awesome sound of an explosion rocks the vehicle and those around it setting off the alarms of vehicles parked alongside the curb. All in the car recover and turn to look out the back window, ...a large plume of fire can be seen reaching into the sky from where the gas station once was. Everyone resumes their forward position in the car without so much as a word from anyone. Unknown to them, ....the world, the human gene pool, as well as a loved family member had just been done a tremendous favor. The signal changed and William stepped on the gas.)   
  
(Cut to that evening at Daria's house, ...... Jane and Amy are in the kitchen frying up the Oscar that Neirte had convinced William to buy her after they'd left the food court at the mall.)   
  
Jane: You know, ...I wonder if the clerk would have sold her this fish if he'd known that it was going to be dinner?  
  
Amy: Hey, ....I'm not about to send myself on a guilt trip over it. I'm just glad she let us cook it for her, ....she was going to eat it right out of the bag on the way home.   
  
Jane: It's "do what comes natural" for her, I guess.  
  
Amy: Speaking of natural, .....mom's coming home in less than a week.. When is Neirte going to make the switch back with Kathryn.   
  
Jane: IS she going to switch back?  
  
Amy: What the hell is that supposed to mean?  
  
Jane: Oh come on, ....you couldn't have forgotten our conversation with aunt Quinn already. Personally, .........I'm rooting for them.  
  
Amy: Um, ........is there something you're not telling me here?   
  
Jane: (smirks evilly) Maybe.......... (at that moment, Neirte comes walking into the kitchen with a smile on her face looking as hungry as ever)   
  
Neirte: Can eat yet?  
  
Amy: (looks down at the partially cooked fish in the frying pan) Ah what the hell, ....you've been eating sushi all your life. I doubt this would hurt you any. (Scoops the fish out of the pan and puts it on a plate for her at the kitchen table. Amy turns to get her a fork and knife but soon realizes that they're not needed since Neirte is already using her hands. In a moment the fish is gone) So much for that........ (Turns to Jane) We'll continue our little talk later.... (Amy wipes her hands on a towel and heads into the next room to watch Tv)   
  
Neirte: (watches Amy leave the room and then turns to Jane) Have question, .......William give me this, ...ask me to think about. What is? (She pulls a small box out of her pocket and shows it to Jane who just smiles from ear to ear.)  
  
Jane: He gave it to you already, I see. (She takes the box from Neirte and opens it, inside is a diamond solitaire with two gold dolphins on either side of it) This is an engagement ring, you wear it on this finger right here. (She points to the ring finger on Neirte's left hand) .....when a guy gives you this he's asking a very profound question. (Neirte stares blankly having no idea what the question could be. ) It's a marriage proposal..... (Neirte continues to stare, ...she had asked Kathryn about that before but she didn't tell her) Marriage is how humans become mates,........William is asking if you would like to be his mate. (Neirte's eyes widen)   
  
Neirte: (voice flutters) Is other way with Fey, .....female must compete with others to convince male. Never successful in past, .....always get fins kicked, ...............how I answer?  
  
Jane: Trust me, .....you'd won the competition a long time ago. And your actions with the ring is the response. If you put it on, .....the answer is yes. If you give it back, ...the answer is no.   
  
Neirte: But mating season already passed..........  
  
Jane: Relax, .....in our society you don't need to have kids to be mates. Of coarse this whole five years thing is probably to your advantage, .....kids are expensive. You need to get yourselves established first. But then, ..........if you REALLY wanted them there are ways to speed up the process. You're half human so I don't see why they wouldn't be at least ...... SOMEWHAT effective. But anyway, like I was saying. Living as one of us is pretty tough these days, ....things could get hard for you for a while. Just make sure you keep that in mind.  
  
Neirte: But Kesthea, ....she supposed to come back. This just for short time.........  
  
Jane: Who, .....? (beat) Oh Kathryn, .....that woman's got more names than a Mexican. (takes Neirte's hand) William already spoke with her, ....it's all good. And it's all up to you...... (Neirte glances back and forth between Jane and the ring countless times.)   
  
(Cut to four days later, ....Jane, Amy, William, John, Allen, Neirte and a small number of other friends are standing in a judges office at the town court house waiting for the service to be performed. The judge however is running a few minutes late. The guys are all in suits and ties and the women are in their best dresses. Everyone remains in surprise at how quickly this was sprung on them. )  
  
Amy: (Quietly to Jane) The parents are going to kill SOMEBODY for this.   
  
Jane: It's his life to live, ....who are we to tell him he can't have this.   
  
Amy: They come home TOMORROW!! Our mom knows she's a Fey, ...his mom knows she's a Fey, ....they......will......FLIP!! We might as well start packing our bags now for letting this happen.   
  
Jane: Look, .....he's going to do this whether we like it or not. Would you rather we just ignored it and missed the most important day in Will's life? We grew up together for gods sake........ (Amy just sighs and holds her tongue as she looks on at Neirte as she dawns a white Sunday dress she borrowed from Jane.) By the way, .....I already called dibs on maid of honor.... (Amy gawks as if she's prepared to protest but holds her tongue again)   
  
Amy: Fine, ....but that bouquet is MINE! (Jane smirks to let her sister know that it won't happen without a wrestling match) Where'd we get that thing at such short notice anyway?   
  
Jane: The grocery store flower section, ...I bought a bunch of different stuff and mixed and matched the different flowers and garnishes.   
  
Amy: Nice job, ......I'll have to keep you in mind if my day ever comes. (She watches as the guys figure out who's doing the camera work. Allen ends up with the video camera, and john with the digital. The scene fades out and comes back in at Daria's house, ...everyone is sitting about the living room watching the video of the wedding, ....especially the part where Jane and Amy tackle each other to catch the bouquet after Neirte had tossed it a good distance when they were preparing to leave the court house. Allen is busy making a whole new tape of this living room style wedding reception.)  
  
Allen: (points the camera at John) Speech from the best man!! Come on, get your butt up off the couch. (John puts his beer down and faces the camera)   
  
John: To Will and Neirte, .....while all of this was rather sudden, .....I wish you both a lot memories in your new life together.   
  
Allen: (from behind the camera) Don't pop out any kids to quickly now!! (Neirte who is sitting in Will's lap on the couch turns to the side and wraps her arms about him as the others address the camera and the festivities continue through the evening. At one point Jane pulled Neirte into the kitchen to bring her up to speed about human customs on the wedding night. This brought Neirte some relief as she had no idea what was expected from her or even how to go about performing some of these things with William. The scene cuts to the dock out back where Kathryn is watching with a contented grin from the edge of the dock, .....she quietly slips back into the water and disappears from view. The scene cuts to the next morning as a cab is dropping Daria, Trent, and Jane Lane off at her house)  
  
Jane Lane: (As she is pulling her stuff out of the trunk) Tell me again why we didn't just have the kids pick us up at the airport?   
  
Daria: It's too early, ....I don't trust their driving skills in the city at night.   
  
Jane Lane: But it's dawn......  
  
Daria: It's still kind of dark out.  
  
Jane Lane: Yea I guess, ....what with the lack of cars on the street they could crash into ANYTHING!! (Daria rolls her eyes as she and a half asleep Trent grab their bags out of the trunk and then pay the driver who chirps the tires as he pulls away)   
  
Daria: Rude bastard, .....god I hate cab drivers.   
  
Jane Lane: What did he do?  
  
Daria: He looked at me like the tip I gave was pathetic.   
  
Jane Lane: He's a cabbie, Daria. They're perpetually pissed off, ....you could have tipped him a hundred bucks and he still would have treated you like a flaming pile of dog crap.   
  
Daria: Well that's always good to know.   
  
Trent: (eyes half closed) Can we get some coffee please....?  
  
Jane Lane: He must still think we have room service or something.   
  
Daria: No, ...he just remembers that you know how to make it. But now that he mentions it, (yawns) ....I could use some myself.  
  
Jane Lane: So it's Jane the waitress to the rescue is it?  
  
Daria: If it makes you feel any better I'll tip you better than the cabbie.  
  
Jane Lane: I sure hope so, ....he thought you left a pretty crappy tip. (Daria flips Jane off and they all walk into the house lugging their stuff as they go. While the coffee is brewing, Jane decides to haul her luggage upstairs into her room. On her way back down she decides to see if William wants to share some coffee with them, provided he was home of coarse. Jane cracks the door to peer into his bedroom, sure enough William was fast asleep in his bed. But with him was a girl with her arm draped over him. Her face was turned away and all Jane could make out was a head of long black wavy hair and the fact that neither appeared dressed. Jane backed out quietly and went downstairs to the kitchen) Will's upstairs with somebody. (Winks at Daria)   
  
Daria: (groans) There, are you happy now? I told you,....he's straight.  
  
Trent: (looks up from his coffee) Huh, .....what's this about Will?  
  
Daria: Nothing Trent, ...just girl talk. Go back to sleep in your coffee.   
  
Trent: Mmmph.......good idea. (Places his head in his palm as it hangs over the steaming cup of black coffee.)   
  
Jane Lane: If that boy thinks he's sneaking her out of here before I get to meet her then he's been smoking something he shouldn't have.   
  
Daria: (Holds her fist partially in the air to sarcastically cheer Jane on.) Way to assert yourself there, Jane. (Takes a sip of her coffee and the scene fades to around midday. William and Neirte have risen out of bed not knowing that anyone else was in the house. As much as he enjoyed watching a naked woman walk about his bedroom, William felt it only proper to at least give her the long night shirt to wear that Amy had given as a wedding present. To wear that is, ....until they changed into their regular clothes for the day. While Will stood in the hall bathroom brushing his teeth, Neirte decided to wander the house and explore. So far she'd only seen Jane and Amy's house, and that being the only house she'd ever seen the inside of. She couldn't wait to explore another. She crunched her toes with each step she took as she slowly came down the stairs, Neirte absolutely loved the feeling of a cool carpet beneath her feet. It didn't even need to be cool, ....the feel of the fabric alone was phenomenal to her. During her exploration Neirte managed to wander about downstairs past three sleeping forms on the living room couches and into the kitchen. After bumping about in the kitchen a bit Jane is awakened by the sounds of cabinets opening and closing, and after seeing that Daria and Trent were still asleep she decided to go see if William and his mystery girl were up and about. As quietly as possible Jane Lane crept into the kitchen, .....before her in front of the open refrigerator was a young woman with long black wavy hair that came clear down to her rear end. With Neirte's back turned to Jane, she could see that the girl was wearing only a long night shirt that came down to her knee's leaving the rest of her absolutely hairless legs exposed down to her bare feet. Jane smiled in relief that her previous fears were vastly unjustified, and decided to make her presence known to insure that they would meet face to face before William tried to sneak her out of the house. )   
  
Jane Lane: Hey there, ......anything I can help you find? (Neirte straightens up from the fridge and turns about to face Jane with a confused expression. She'd had no idea that anyone else was in the house. Jane, ....having only actually seen Neirte a few times when they first met several years ago, doesn't place her face) Sorry to startle you, I just got home this morning. I'm William's mom, .....I don't think Will ever told me about you though. (Neirte however recognizes Jane and connects it with "William's mom" enthusiastically displaying this by rushing to her and embracing her in a stiff hug.) Um, ......yea. Nice to meet you too, .....I don't think I caught YOUR name though.   
  
Neirte: (lets Jane go and backs away a few steps) Am Neirte....... (Jane laughs briefly)   
  
Jane Lane: You're kidding......  
  
Neirte: What is kidding...?  
  
Jane Lane: (looks at Neirte with an odd expression) To joke, .....make funny. (Neirte gets the idea as she says something to herself in Fey. The language Jane recognizes immediately as she's heard Will use it a few times in practice) (dumbstruck tone) No, ................that's impossible........!! ( Jane eyes Neirte up and down at a slow pace in attempt to take in the situation) No, ....I can't accept that. I don't know how you know her, ....but she's MUCH different from you. (Yells to the living room) Daria, ....I could use some assistance in here!! ( Several moments later a weary Daria enters the kitchen from the living room while still rubbing her eyes)   
  
Daria: Jane, .....everybody is still trying to sleep. What the hell are you..... ( As Daria places her glasses on her face she spies Nierte and stops dead in her tracks as her proverbial jaw drops to the floor) Ho-ly SHIT!! (Long pause) It's really true................... (William having heard the commotion from upstairs hustles downstairs and into the kitchen)   
  
William: Mom, ....aunt Daria, you're home. (Both Daria and Jane Lane turn to William with mouths open and point to Neirte) I see you've both met Neirte, .....she's um......gone through a few changes while you were gone.   
  
Daria: Somebody call Guinness, .....because that is officially the biggest understatement EVER!  
  
Jane Lane: (points) So, ....this is really Neirte...? (Will and Daria both nod yes) Boy do I have some QUESTIONS!! (gesturing with her hands and arms) First, ......HOW!!!!!!!!! Second, ...what the hell are you doing in my house, .......in bed..........with my.........son? (Looks green in the face) I don't feel so well, Daria. (Silence fills the room as Jane continues to look disgusted. Since no one else has answered, Neirte in a fit of excitement breaks the big news)   
  
Neirte: Am William's mate......... (She looks about the room expecting people to be happy for them. But Jane and Daria just stare)  
  
Daria: (looking weak in the knee's herself) By William's mate, ....do you mean SLEPT together or......  
  
Neirte: (says something to herself in Fey as she searches for the right term) .........Married. (Something Daria had said only moments ago flashes through Jane's mind causing her to turn to Daria with a look of building anger on her face)  
  
Jane Lane: You knew about this?  
  
Daria: (scowls) Hey, I didn't know SQUAT, .....All I knew is that on one occasion, when I called home, a stranger answered the phone claiming to be Neirte.   
  
Jane Lane: (Face turning red as she begins to sweat) But you KNEW something was up, .....and you didn't tell me? We could have come home early to investigate and MAYBE stop my son from marrying an allegedly mythical creature. (Beat) You KNEW!!  
  
Daria: I had no CLUE he was going to get married....................   
  
Jane Lane: Not just married, Daria. And not just to a person, ........to a FISH!! Daria, my grand children are going to be MINNOWS because you KNEW something and didn't tell me. I can't believe that I've trusted you all my life and you pick NOW to hide something from me.  
  
Daria: Dammit, Jane. I didn't know a freggin thing that could have prevented this. Stop trying to blame someone other than the newlyweds for this. (Turns to William in a renewed expression of disbelief) You guys really are married? ( A loud thump is heard as Jane's body collapses on the floor. Everyone turns startled to see Jane unconscious.) Dammit, ....I was planning to do that. (After checking Jane out quickly Daria's face pales as she yells for Will to call 911)  
  
(The scene fades to sometime in the middle of the night, ....Daria's entire family, extended included, are sitting in the waiting room while Daria talks with the doctor who has just recently come down to fill them in on Jane's condition. While Daria is off chatting with the doctor, Jake who showed up with Jane and Amy a while after Jane Lane was brought into the emergency room, is seen snoring while sleeping upright in an uncomfortable chair. William is trying to calm Neirte down because she believes that she caused Jane's illness. And Jane and Amy are exchanging "told you so" and "did not" glances with each other. After a long while Daria finally comes back to the group and informs them that it was "official", Jane Lane had experienced a moderate heart attack.)  
  
William: (nervous) So, ....how bad is moderate? I mean,.....she's not going to die is she?  
  
Daria: There's no way to say for certain, ....but the doctors don't think so at this point. They've got her in the ICU at the moment. (Sighs) The doc said he's never seen anything like it, ....it was as if all the blood carrying vessels around her heart just suddenly clamped shut. He said it's amazing there wasn't a whole lot more damage done.   
  
William: Can I........   
  
Daria: (Looks down at her feet for a moment) Will, .....I know you want to see her. But considering what brought this on in the first place, .....maybe you should wait a day or so. To make sure she's sufficiently drugged so as not to get riled up again.   
  
William: (tries to hold back a tear or two) Is she even awake? (Daria nods)   
  
Daria: Yes, ....she's pretty groggy and worn out though. They're going to let me up to see her for a few minutes and then we all have to head home, visiting hours are long since over. Will, ....you and your............ (Sighs heavily) I'm sorry, ..I HAVE to see some kind of proof here. I'm having a hard enough time believing what I'm seeing as it is.   
  
William: It's cool, ....you're just lucky I happen to be wearing the same pair of pants as yesterday. (He pulls out a marriage certificate that was folded within his wallet and shows it to Daria)   
  
Daria: Neirte Diane Fey? Since when did she have a middle or last name?  
  
William: Kathryn fixed it all up, ....legal documentation and everything.   
  
Daria: I'm almost afraid to ask but, ..... HOW exactly does Quinn's friend fit into all of this?   
  
William: Don't worry, ....we have a tape we can show you. Trust me, ....you haven't seen ANYTHING yet. (Amy is heard in the background)  
  
Amy: I get it!!  
  
Daria: (turns to Amy) You get what?  
  
Amy: Neirte Diane Fey. (Looks about waiting for everyone else to catch on) Neirte D. Fey! (Looks about again) Neirte the mermaid, ....geez are you guys asleep or something?  
  
Daria: (looks at Willim) We're laughing on the inside, ....it just hasn't worked it's way out yet.  
  
William: Is THAT what that was? (Rubs his stomach) I thought it was just gas or something. (Turns to Amy and smirks)   
  
Amy: (shrugs) I thought it was pretty cool......... (Daria spent the rest of the night reviewing the tape over and over trying to comprehend just what was "real" anymore. William, Jane, and Amy spent the night trying to explain to Neirte how your own heart could attack you.)  
  
Daria: (places her face in her palms and then rubs her face with them) OKAY, .......okay, ......I can't deal with watching that tape anymore, I think it's about as addicting as popping bubble wrap (Sighs) Okay, ....this happened and there's nothing anybody can do about it. I accept that....  
  
William: You mean your NOT mad?  
  
Daria: Of COARSE I'm mad, ...I'm furious! We leave you guys alone for a month and when we come back you've gone and started your own damned family. And not only that, .....you've given your own mother a heart attack in the process. Do you have any idea how much she wanted to be there when you tied the knot someday? It was bad enough she was petrified that you were gay.   
  
William: WHOA, ..wait! My own mother thought I was GAY? (Jane and Amy snicker in the background as Neirte inquires as to what "gay" is.)   
  
Daria: I just don't know what to do with you William, ....what CAN I do?   
  
William: Accept the choices I've made and support me? Come on, ....it's not so bad. Neirte's a wonderful person.   
  
Daria: (sighs) I KNOW she is William, ...it's just that......  
  
William: Look, ....I'll fill you in on everything I know. Okay? (The next several days were spent explaining to Daria how Neirte and Kathryn were related and how the pendant worked, as it was explained to William that is.)  
  
(Cut to two weeks later, William and Neirte have just left Jane's hospital room after Neirte was finally being allowed to visit. Daria remained behind to talk things out further with Jane)  
  
Daria: Understand yet?  
  
Jane Lane: (scowls) Nope, ....you?  
  
Daria: I stopped trying a long time ago. The only thing I feel strong enough to do anymore is just accept it for something that just is. (Jane starts to cry for no apparent reason) What's wrong?  
  
Jane Lane: I'm sorry I tried to blame you for all of this Daria.  
  
Daria: No big deal, ....you've flipped on me for worse stuff.   
  
Jane Lane: I'm just so frustrated, ...... (forcefully knocks over an empty cup on the tray next to her bed) Dammit Daria, ......it's bad enough my grand children are probably going to be born in a fish tank. Did he have to elope and take away the one dream I've held for my entire life as a parent?  
  
Daria: Jane, ....you're grand children are NOT going to be born in a fish tank. (Crosses her fingers behind her back) The kids must have explained it a dozen times, ...if any actually ARE born fey they'll look perfectly human and nobody would be the wiser. So long as nothing happens to that pendant. (Sighs) Look ..... um, Kathryn had a daughter who happened to be born fey who's living out in California. Aschen I think her name is, ......she's going to come out and help Neirte adjust to her change of lifestyle.   
  
Jane Lane: Good god, ....ANOTHER one? Just how many have been affected by this little piece of jewelry? (beat) And despite everything, ..... you mean to tell me that you're actually OKAY with all of this.   
  
Daria: You mean this expression I've been wearing like I've had a cattle prod shoved up my rear wasn't a dead give away? (Beat) Of COARSE I'm not okay with any of this, ....but it doesn't appear like I've got much of a choice. (Beat) And neither do you, ...if you want to keep your family together. The more you protest the farther away it will drive him. If they DO have kids later, ...god help us all, the farther away drive your kid the farther away from you he'll take HIS kids. At least I THINK he'll want to take them with him, .....maybe Neirte plans to birth and release or something. (This manages to get a chuckle out of Jane)   
  
Jane Lane: Hey do you mind, ....I'm in the middle of whining here. You're killing the mood. (Beat) Anyway, ....I didn't even get to throw his reception, .....my dreams all got flushed down the crapper.  
  
Daria: Not true,.........beyond a few friends. Nobody really knows he got married, ...and the only reception he did have was held in my living room. You could still throw him a formal one, ...when you've recovered that is.  
  
Jane Lane: No, ...a belated reception just wouldn't feel right. Besides, ....by the time I'm well the whole ordeal will be old news.   
  
Daria: (sighs) Okay you bitch, ...then just throw him a big party at home and call it a however month anniversary party. I'm willing to bet he'd go for that.  
  
Jane Lane: Maybe. (Sighs) But no matter what happens, ........this is going to take me a very VERY long time to get over.   
  
Daria: That makes two of us, old friend.  
  
Jane Lane: There isn't anything else they're not telling me, is there?  
  
Daria: (raises an eyebrow) Just don't ask how old she is, ...it's my understanding that the Fey have a very long life span. (Jane groans)   
  
(The scene fades to one year later, .....there is a small party being held on the back deck and dock at Daria's home. William and Neirte have just cut a large wedding style cake that says "happy first anniversary" written on it in vanilla icing. The whole family is there plus a few friends, ....and through a good bit of arm twisting Daria even got Jodie to attend given that her second term had expired and she was no longer in office. Jodie had made good on her promise before leaving office and assisted Jane and Daria with an expedient and hassle free Re-retirement from the navy.)   
  
Jodie: (turns to Jane as William and Neirte feed each other pieces of cake) I can't believe how handsome your son has turned out, Jane. And his wife is absolutely beautiful, ....you must be proud. (Jane is about to answer when she is cut off by Daria)   
  
Daria: Far be it for my colleague to gloat, ....but she is. (Jane just smirks at Daria, an expression meant to convey her intent to get even later.)   
  
(Half way though the evening, as the sun was setting, Amy came walking swiftly up to Daria and informed her that "She" had arrived.)  
  
Daria: Jodie, ....do you remember how you had always wanted to know what caused the mysterious language that would pop up on submarine sonar from time to time? (Jodie raises an eyebrow in interest) Come with me, ...you'll want to see this for yourself. (Jodie follows Daria and Jane Lane down to the end of the dock, away from the crowd that has moved for the most part indoors by this time. Daria directs Jodie's attention to a single woman floating buoyant in the water. ) Jodie, ....meet Kesthea. (Kathryn waves hi) Kesthea, ....this is former president Jodie Mackenzie. (Kathryn climbs up onto the dock and offers to shake hands with Jodie who seems to be able to do little more than stare while in a state of shock.)  
  
Jodie: She's a.......a .......  
  
Jane Lane: She's a Fey, Jodie. Mermaid is a term humans came up with. (Jodie finally shakes Kathryn's hand) And you need to keep your knowledge of them quiet, ...okay? (Jodie nods as Kathryn turns to Daria and begins to sign)  
  
Kathryn: (sign) I brought somebody special with me, Daria. It seems you've introduced the concept of lamas down here, ....it's become all the rage with the mating couples down on the grounds. (Another Fey surfaces) This is Cognac, .....and don't laugh. She doesn't even know what alcohol IS. I think you may remember her, ......she seems to think that she owes you some sort of life debt, ....so to repay you. (Kathryn gestures to Cognac who sticks her head underwater for a moment and then rights herself in time with the surfacing of a much younger, much smaller Fey) Daria, ....meet Daria. To repay her debt, Cognac named her child after you. (Cognac and her child submerge) Well, ....that's about all I came by for. Tell Neirte I said congratulations and that I'll be in touch soon. The same goes for Quinn, .....She's been a fantastic friend over the years, and still is. (Kathryn submerges)   
  
Jodie: What was with the sign language, ......nobody wanted to volunteer to be the subtitles?  
  
Jane Lane: It was personal. We could tell you what that was about but then we'd have to kill you. (Mumbles to Daria) What the hell WAS all that about? (Daria shakes her head for never bothering to learn sign language from Will)   
  
Daria: Sorry we never told you sooner, Jodie. But with you being a politician and all, ....we couldn't take any chances. You understand, ...right? (Jodie turns slowly to look at Daria and Jane with a smirk. In the background, .....Camera's can be seen flashing the in dusk light as William and Neirte pose for EVERYBODY. And a new chapter begins in the Lane household.   
  
The End....................  
  
  
Comments and suggestions may be directed to wildgoose81@hotmail.com 


	10. The Paths We've Chosen

Disclaimer: Daria and all related characters are the property of Mtv and Viacom productions.  
  
Note: The Submariner Series proceeds under the premise that whatever was feared to go wrong at the onset of Y2K, ...did.   
  
Note: This story is the next in the series and takes place approximately five years after "The sound of the other shoe"  
  
  
  
  
The Paths We've Chosen  
By  
Wildgoose  
  
  
(It's been a muggy and also stormy August day so far and despite all the rain the temperature is still hovering around the ninety degree mark out side of the local hospital. Daria and Jane Lane are sitting in chairs along side a hospital bed in the maternity ward while William is busy standing beside his wife who is the occupant of the bed. He is wearing a heavy leather glove on one hand, ....the one he uses to hold Neirte's hand whenever she feels a contraction coming on. )   
  
Daria: Um Will, .....why exactly are you wearing that glove? This isn't a Michael Jackson fetish or something is it?   
  
William: Who?  
  
Daria: Never mind, ....that was before your time. Besides, ...you wouldn't want to know anyway. (Beat) So about the glove?  
  
Jane Lane: (answers before William can) Fingernails. She got him once already when the contractions first started.   
  
William: (in defense of his wife) Hey, ....it was an accident!!  
  
Jane Lane: An accident that pierced one of the bones in your palm, ...but an accident none the less. (A moment passes before Jane explains to Daria) They were holding hands on the couch when the first contraction hit. (Jane turns back to William) How are the stitches by the way?  
  
William: Okay I guess, ....the doctor has me on pain killers and antibiotics. He said that if he didn't already know Neirte he would have sworn it was a stab wound and notified he police.  
  
Daria: How do you mean the doctor knows Neirte?  
  
William: Relax, ....I meant he knows about the fingernails. He thinks they're just some weird kind of genetic throwback. He says weird stuff like that does occur from time to time. Though I think the webbed fingers were more along the lines of what he was talking about.   
  
Daria: Does the OB/GYN know about the nails?  
  
William: Of coarse, ...she wishes she had them herself. (Neirte is heard cursing in the background as another contraction comes on. Will grits his teeth as she squeezes the wound under the glove) Ugh, ....talk about sharing the pain!! (Daria and Jane laugh in the background) God, ...I wish this kid would hurry up.  
  
Jane Lane: Hey now, ...that's HER line!  
  
William: Who cares, ...she's hurting me!  
  
Jane Lane: Oh you wuss, ...do you have any idea how much pain I was in when I had YOU?  
  
William: Yes, ....you've told me a hundred times. But you didn't have half inch retractable fingernails capable of piercing bone.   
  
Daria: I think he's got you on that one, Jane. (Jane Lane shrugs and changes the subject)  
  
Jane Lane: How far along did the doc say she was?  
  
William: About five centimeters, ...it's going slowly so if you guys want to step out and stretch or something. I'll stay here with Neirte, ....she's still debating if she wants an epidural or not.   
  
Daria: Well, ....I can't speak for her but it might be safer for YOU if she did. Don't want to damage any other parts of your anatomy now do we?  
  
William: Something you're not telling me here?  
  
Daria: Let's just say women tend to lash out at the things that caused the pregnancy in the first place while experiencing the whole ordeal.  
  
Jane Lane: (smirks evilly) In other words, ...protect your nuts boy! (faux Italian accent) Or you just may end up singing soprano.  
  
Daria: (glances over at Jane) Well excuse ME for trying to be tactful.  
  
Jane Lane: Now now, ....don't get defensive. I'm just spelling it out for him is all.   
  
Daria: Yea yea. (Starts pushing Jane towards the door) We'll be back then, ....we're just going to go get a snack or something. Do you want us to bring you guys back anything?  
  
Neire: Ice cream!! (Jane and Daria exchange glances and reply with an equally enthusiastic tone)   
  
Daria/Jane: Vanilla!!  
  
William: Anything works for me, ....I'm not picky. And take your time, ....we'll send for you if anything happens. (Jane and Daria step out the door and down the hall to the waiting room where all the others have been arriving to participate in the wait for good news)   
  
Daria: (as she spies her daughters) Well, ...there's the girls. Where's Trent?  
  
Jane Lane: Eh, ....I'm sure he'll be along sooner or later. He can't just up and close shop you know.   
  
Daria: Shouldn't that be my line?  
  
Jane Lane: If the question had started differently then yea, ...sure. But it didn't, ....deal with it.   
  
Daria: That's a rather interesting mood swing you've got going there, Jane. When you're in the room with your son you're happy as a clam. Out here you're irritable, ....what gives? Are you still having that funky dream where your grand kids are born in a fish tank?  
  
Jane Lane: (Scowls) Shut up!  
  
Daria: (eggs her on) The same one where Neirte's mom shows up and tells you off?  
  
Jane Lane: Hey, ....she didn't tell me off. She just questioned why I was shitting a brick over the whole deal.   
  
Daria: And it was in English of all things.   
  
Jane Lane: Hey, ...it was my nightmare so I can have it in any language I want.   
  
Daria: I guess subtitles would have made it seem too much like a bad movie, huh? (Jane pauses in thought)   
  
Jane Lane: Yes, ......yes it would. (They proceed out into the waiting room where Quinn and her family are just arriving.) Good god, ...It looks like they're all showing up for the occasion.  
  
Daria: I hope they don't all want to be in the delivery room.   
  
Jane Lane: Nope, ...the only extra's are you and I amiga. So commandeth the parents to be.  
  
Daria: Wait, .....why am I supposed to be in there with you during the critical moments? Up until now I've just been in there to offer support.  
  
Jane Lane: Camera duty. You don't think I can handle the camcorder and the digital at once do you? (Beat) You've got the camcorder, ...I always screw up the shot with those things.  
  
Daria: Not like the regular camera where you just get your thumb in front of the lens. (Jane smirks)   
  
Jane Lane: Just make sure you get the kid coming out.  
  
Daria: (cringes) Ewww!! What makes you think they would ever want to watch THAT over and over, ....it looks like a wet saint Bernard trying to come in through the cat door.   
  
Jane Lane: Interesting analogy, ...."Foxworthy"? (Daria nods)   
  
Daria: One of life's greats, I've always thought.  
  
Jane Lane: Agreed, .....now lets break the lack of news to everybody else.  
  
Daria: Whatever you say grandma. (Jane scowls and grumbles something about feeling old)  
  
(The next hour or so is spent filling everyone else in the waiting room in on what's been going on so far. As she does so Quinn instructs little Kesthea to sit down on the floor and play but instead she immediately starts to claim any reading material in the area as hers)  
  
Quinn; (smirks sheepishly) Seven year old's.   
  
Amy: So do they know if it's going to be a boy or girl yet?  
  
Daria: No, ...they wanted to be surprised.  
  
Jane: I say it's a girl.  
  
Amy: What makes you so sure?  
  
Jane: Neirte's Fey, ....they're predominately a female society. It's simply a matter of genetics.  
  
Amy: But Will is one hundred percent human, ...which means the child has increased odds of being male since the guy unconsciously has the final say in the gender of the child. I'm saying it's a boy.  
  
Jane: A boy WHAT? The kid could be born Fey for all we know. (Amy pauses to reflect on this new variable)  
  
Amy: I'd forgotten about that. But either way I'm calling it a boy.  
  
Jane: Twenty bucks says either way it's a girl.  
  
  
Amy: Deal.  
  
Quinn: (who happens to be eavesdropping since the conversation isn't exactly quiet) I'm in on that one, .....I'm calling boy either way also. (She rolls her chair over to them and forks over a twenty. After this everyone begins to consider the various possibilities ranging from male or female to human or Fey and the betting flies. Daria and Jane Lane who have chosen not to involve themselves in the Malay watch from the proverbial sidelines in amusement. So much money could stand to be made off of what was supposed to be an auspicious and cherished occasion)  
  
Daria: God bless capitalism.   
  
Jane Lane: Yea, ...it makes you wonder how we could have learned such practices only to pass them to our children. (Daria pauses to reflect and the scene blurs to a moment in the past where Daria is a mere three years old and Quinn a toddler. Quinn is screaming and throwing her food about while Daria is reiterating that Quinn must be punished and asking if she could be punished NOW! Their Grandmother from Helen's side of the family, who happens to be today's baby sitter, just plops her head into her folded arms on the table and starts to sob uncontrollably. The scene then flashes through various moments in Daria and Quinn's youth where Quinn had to bribe Daria just to get her to leave the house whenever the fashion club would come over. The scene flashes again to a point approximately nine months after Y2k when weather conditions were just now considered marginally safe to travel in. Quinn and Daria are arguing over which of them should go out for supplies from the nearest FEMA station )  
  
Quinn: Daria, I CAN'T go! I mean what if I get that STUFF on me? Think of what it could do to my complexion, ....I mean my PORES could get clogged for gods sake!!  
  
Daria: I thought YOU didn't have pores?  
  
Quinn: Don't be silly Daria, ....of coarse I have pores. I'm only freakin` human or whatever, ....my pores are just tiny. So tiny that they can't be seen by anybody. And they need to STAY that way if you get my drift.  
  
Daria: Let me see if I've got this straight Quinn, .....you're telling me that your appearance is vastly more important than your own sisters life?  
  
Quinn: Oh don't be stupid, ....of COARSE not. But think about it, ...everybody else who didn't have one of these shelters could be all UGLY or disfigured and it could be up to me to save humanity or something. I mean, ...what guy would want to get with me if I looked like everybody ELSE!!  
  
Daria: Quinn, ....you're a shallow egotistical idiot and if by some twisted sense of fate you're humanity's last hope then I think I'll take pleasure in committing suicide the moment that becomes inevitable. But in the mean time, ....mom asked YOU to go.   
  
Quinn: Look Daria, ....I can't go out there. At least you're already unpopular and mediocre looking, ...there isn't much that could happen that could make you worse than you already are. (Daria scowls and crosses her arms) Ugh, ....FINE! Twenty dollars for you to go in my place. (Daria turns to walk away) Thirty then. (Daria continues to walk) Dammit Daria, fifty! It's all I have left, ...Take it or leave it. You can even use it to buy some of those funky little pills for radiation in case you get sick. (Beat) Because if neither of US goes then mom will get mad and go herself and then if something happens to HER it could be on both our consciences for a long time. Oh wait, ....you claim not to have one.   
  
Daria: (growls, walks back over to Quinn and snatches the fifty) If I end up glowing then the first thing I'm going to do when I get back Ms. perfect is grab your boobs with my radioactive hands and god willing they'll swell up so large they'll crush your perfect little life right out of you. (Daria storms around the shelter acquiring what she needs for the trip and heads out)   
  
(The scene blurs back to reality)   
  
Jane Lane: Wait, ....you actually TOLD her you'd irradiate her? (Daria nods) And sure enough, you came back hot and made a bee line for her. Though I don't recall you ever actually grabbing her boobs.   
  
Daria: She saw me strip out of my wet clothes and she knew I'd be coming for her so I ended up having to chase her down. I did manage to grab the top end of her ass before she was able to seek refuge with my mother though.  
  
Jane Lane: That's right at the base of the spinal column isn't it? Where Quinn developed that tumor several years ago....... (Long awkward pause) Oh god Daria, .......no wonder you've been so sisterly to her since she lost the ability to walk.   
  
Daria: You guys hadn't even checked me out with the Geiger counter yet and as far as I knew I was just wet. I figured giving her a scare would be adequate pay back, .....I never actually meant the things I said.   
  
Jane Lane: That's a hell of a guilt trip you've got there. Do you think she'll forgive you for it?  
  
Daria: I've already made up for it with family. (Jane wears a confused expression as she has no idea what the hell that was supposed to mean) But I've never taken a bribe from her since that day in the shelter.   
  
Jane Lane: (sighs) It's funny how sometimes it takes a major mistake to make a better person out of you.   
  
Daria: (looks over and gives Jane Lane a light punch on the shoulder) Rub my nose in it a little deeper why don't you.   
  
(The scene cuts to several hours later where Neirte and Will have moved to the delivery room. She is confused by what exactly is supposed to happen with the stirrups and begs Will not to leave her. At this point it is too late for her to accept the epidural and she bears down on the next contraction)   
  
Nurse: Hey, ...not so hard!! You're going to shoot this kid across the room if you keep that up. (Neirte curses at him in Fey and the nurse looks to Will for a translation)   
  
William: You don't want to know.   
  
Nurse: I can take it, ....I've been called everything and anything by women in her position. They never mean any of it, ....lay it on me.   
  
William: (sighs) She said "Get blown by a shark you squid F*#$ing jellyfish!!!"  
  
Nurse: (cringes at the thought) Owwwwwww, .....that would have to HURT!! And I honestly can't say I've ever been told THAT.   
  
William: Not to mention the very weird mental image it creates. I may just have to paint that one when we get out of here.   
  
Nurse: Where the hell is she from originally? That accent is pretty tough to place, ....not to mention the language. (Beat) I thought I'd heard just about every dialect in this place.   
  
William: Don't ask, .....it's too hard to explain. (In the background Jane and Daria are heard conversing)   
  
Jane Lane: Did you get all of that, Daria? I want to be able to torture the girl with this stuff when she's back in her right mind.  
  
Daria: This is incredible footage.  
  
Jane Lane: What is?  
  
Daria: Quinn would be jealous, .....below the eyebrows the girl has absolutely ZERO body hair. Not even follicles, ....I doubt she ever has to shave.   
  
Jane Lane: Since when do you monitor another persons body hair growth?  
  
Daria: Since I encountered a woman without any. The webbed toes are cute too.  
  
Jane Lane: Are you sure you're getting her best side, ....they can't both be good. (Daria chuckles)  
  
Daria; Well, ....with the side I'm filming I'm just hoping she doesn't give me the raspberry. (Jane laughs hysterically)   
  
(The doctor soon comes in and the actual delivery gets under way with Daria and Jane getting as much of the ordeal on film as they can. The scene cuts to half a day later, Jane, Daria, and the rest of the family are crowding around the glass windows of the nursery to get a glimpse of the newborn. )  
  
William: Behold, ....the newest edition to the Lane clan. I give you all my daughter!! (An exchange of money ensues in the background between the winners and losers of bets that had been placed early on in the day. Neirte whispers something in Will's ear) Really, ......how can you tell so soon?  
  
Neirte: I just know, ....I'm her mother.  
  
Amy: What?   
  
William: My daughter's a Fey.  
  
Amy: She can tell that already?  
  
William: I guess she would know better that I would.  
  
Daria: (smirks evilly) Look Jane, ....no fish tank!! (Jane Lane flips Daria the bird along with a smirk)   
  
Jane Lane: So do you guys have a name for this kid or what? ( A look of panic comes over Neirte's face as she and William had never actually agreed on a name)   
  
William: (exchanges glances with Neirte in a non verbal debate and then makes an announcement) Syron, .....her name is Syron Neirte Lane.  
  
Daria: (whispers to Jane Lane) Kind of fitting all things considering, ....don't you think?  
  
Jane Lane: And history is made. It makes me wonder what key moment in OUR history actually set things in motion for this to eventually occur? (Daria pauses and reflects for a moment)   
  
Daria: I would have to go with March of 2001 as that key moment.  
  
Jane Lane: What makes you say that?  
  
Daria: The world had recently been nuked, ....we couldn't exactly continue the way things were you know.   
  
Jane Lane: That hardly contributed to things becoming what they are, Daria.  
  
Daria: Ah, ...but it did. As a result of that catastrophe, .....WE were drafted. Or don't you recall.... (The scene dissolves to a moment in the past. The scene is set in march of 2001 and is of the inside of the Morgendorffer household as Daria walks up to the front door to answer it.) Don't everybody rush to get the door at once, ....you might hurt yourselves!! (Upon opening the door Daria finds herself face to face with an MP dressed in BDU's holding a clipboard with two other similar officers behind him. In the background down near the head of the driveway are several state troopers huddled together in conversation) (VO) Wow, ...Halloween must be early this year! (Out loud) I can tell you right off the bat that my sister will reject you based souly on your clothes. That's just the way she is, ...sorry. (Daria starts to close the door but the MP braces it with his hand and looks down to compare a picture on his clipboard with Daria's face)   
  
MP: Daria Morgendorffer...?  
  
Daria: Sorry, ....you just missed her. I think she's on her way to Canada, ....if you hurry you might catch her. (She tries to close the door again but is unsuccessful)   
  
MP: Ms. Morgendorffer, ....you received a notice in the mail several months ago notifying you that you had been selected by the draft for this country's armed forces. However you failed to report to your assigned recruiting station to be assimilated into the soldier's training program. As a result we are now here with the full authority of the US government to enforce your draft order. Your options are to either come along quietly or resist in which case we will forcibly arrest you.   
  
Daria: Look buddy, ....I already told you.... (Quinn comes to the door behind Daria)   
  
Quinn: Daria, ...I told you to let me know when my date arrived. (Looks the MP over) Eww, ....camouflage is SO 80's. You can't POSSIBLY expect a date with you wearing THAT, ...can you? (Quinn continues to blab as the MP looks at another page with a photo on his clipboard)   
  
MP: Quinn:Morgendorffer...?  
  
Daria: (gestures to Quinn) Just walk away and all will be forgiven.  
  
Quinn: Ugh, .....for gods SAKE Daria. Don't be RUDE, ...just because I'D never go out with him doesn't mean that he's not more your type. I mean he's GOT to be better than Jane's brother. (Daria stomps on Quinn's foot trying to shut her up)   
  
Daria: Don't mind her, ....she's my domestic partner, Tabatha.  
  
Quinn: Daria, ....I'm your sister Quinn. Did all that time in the shelter fry your brain or something? I stopped denying our relation back in high school. (Daria is gritting her teeth to keep from beating the life out of her sister)   
  
MP: So you ARE Quinn Morgendorffer..?  
  
Quinn: Du-UH, ...I only said it myself.   
  
MP: We've been looking for you also, ....you'll need to come with us please.   
  
Daria: (groans loudly) Fine, ...take her. (Daria shoves Quinn out at the MP and tries to slam the door shut but the other MP's rush to help and force their way in. One of them grabs Daria from behind and realizes his mistake when Daria Jams the heel of her boot into his kneecap several times and then does the same to his shin before he crumples to the ground in pain. Daria is then tackled by one of the others and is then restrained with hand cuffs as the scene fades to the inside of a military truck that was waiting at the curb of Daria's house. As Daria is tossed in while still restrained. she hears a very familiar voice once inside the truck.)   
  
Jane Lane: Hola amiga, ....I see they got you too. What a small world this is, huh?  
  
Daria: (Manages to turn her body enough to see Jane sitting on a metal bench that is molded into the side of the truck) Jesus, ....they got you too?  
  
Jane Lane: (smirks) Did they hit you on the head, Daria? You seem to have me mistaken with someone who walks on water. And no, ...I'm actually a mental projection of Jane's true self. Would you like to know about the Matrix is as long as we're here?  
  
Daria: (groans) Give me a break, Jane. You never told me you'd been drafted.  
  
Jane Lane: I never saw a reason to tell you, ....I was planning to high tail it out of the country and I didn't want you to have to lie about my whereabouts. You know, ....plausible deny-ability. I would have gotten back in touch with you eventually. (Helen can be heard outside of the truck threatening the MP's with every legal tactic she can think of while Jake is busy ranting about how the military will do to his kids what the military school did to him. Just then Quinn is tossed into the truck with them.)  
  
Quinn: You can't DO this to me, ....I'm too popular!! I'm going to be the laughing stock! (She lets out a scream as one of the MP's climb into the truck to guard them)   
  
Jane Lane: But of WHAT? There's so many possibilities to choose from. (Daria bangs her head on the floor a few times, lets out a loud groan and then turns towards the MP)   
  
Daria: Look buddy, ......I am NOT army material. This is a major mistake you're making here, I don't have a killer instinct of any kind with exception to mowing down an occasional dog with my mom's SUV.   
  
MP: (looks at his clipboard) You were selected for the navy, ...not the army.   
  
Daria: So instead of dying on some god forsaken rock I have to drown inside a tin can? What the hell kind of alternative is that? I refuse to fight for ANYBODY do you hear me? (The MP gets up and draws his side arm before aiming it at Daria's forehead)   
  
MP: Ma'am, .....your words indicate to me that you intend to desert your patriotic duty at your earliest convenience. Is my assessment correct? Because if it is then I will be forced to shoot a known traitor to this country.  
  
Daria: (blinks after a long moment) Will a get to live just a little longer if I say you're wrong in that assessment?  
  
MP: It will extend your life expectancy considerably.  
  
Daria: Then you're wrong. (The MP puts his piece away and sits back down. Daria decides to beat her head on the floor a few more times)  
  
Jane Lane: Hey, don't beat yourself up over it. You did better then I did, .....I was only able to fend them off for a good thirty seconds with Trent's duck phone.   
  
Daria: What about your son?  
  
Jane Lane: I was able to hand him over to Trent before they hauled me off. I'll be damned if they were going to give the kid to social services while I'm still alive.   
  
Daria: Do you really think Trent will be able to take care of him?  
  
Jane Lane: I hope so, Daria. Because right now Trent is all I have to fall back on.   
  
Daria: (sighs) He'll have me to fall back on too, Jane. Given our captors previous actions, ...I've come to a decision. I'm going to marry your brother.  
  
Jane Lane: You MUST be joking,....you've regained your sense of humor, right? (Daria shakes her head) Well this is certainly a hell of a time to spring this on me? When did you decide this?  
  
Daria: Just now, ......I'm afraid of dying. I KNOW I'm going to die out there if they make me fight and for however much time I have left I don't want to be alone. Your son can benefit from our insurance as well, ...we'll claim him as a dependant until you can take him back.   
  
Jane Lane: Does Trent know?  
  
Daria: Not yet. I haven't had the chance to ask him yet.   
  
Jane Lane: The Daria I know would NEVER make a drastic decision like that on the spur of the moment. (Beat) You MUST be scared!!   
  
Daria: It was the yellow puddle on the floor that gave me away wasn't it?   
  
Jane Lane: (looks away in disgust) Eww. (Beat) Anyway you're wrong, Daria. You're not going to die, ....not as long as we stick together. (Daria smiles) You'd just better not be settling or I'll kick your ass for breaking my heart. (Laughs) The next thing you'll be telling me is that you plan to be a mother. (Daria groans in irritation)   
  
Daria: Well, ....at least I'll finally be part of the "in" crowd.   
  
Jane Lane: How so?  
  
Daria: Well, if I have to wear those ugly ass camos then for the first time in my life everyone will be dressing just like ME. On PURPOSE!   
  
Jane Lane: (Acts like her mind has just been blown) My god, ......the prophesy has come to pass. You ARE "the one".   
  
Daria: Yea, ....now if I could just figure out how to stop bullets and destroy the sentinels here. (Jane laughs)   
  
(The scene fades back to the present as Daria and Jane continue to discuss the past)   
  
Jane Lane: So how do you figure getting drafted contributed to THIS?  
  
Daria: Not your getting drafted, ....MINE.  
  
Jane Lane: Now this I'd like to hear.  
  
Daria: (hushed tone) Well first off, ....I did kinda settle for Trent. Sorry to break your heart, ....but I was afraid of dying alone and your brother was the only person I felt I knew well enough to be an option at the time. (Beat) But on the upside, ....think about it. If I hadn't gotten drafted, ...I may not have settled for Trent, ...in which case I might not have had Amy who might not have met Neirte who might not have introduced her to your son leading us to where we might not be today.  
  
Jane Lane: And your saying I played no part in all of that?  
  
Daria: Of coarse you did, ....but Will had already been born and your contributions as a mother would not have led us to where we are today.  
  
Jane Lane: This isn't going to turn into one of those paradox stories where you traveled back in time to become your own great grandmother, is it?  
  
Daria: (Daria stops to stare in complete confusion) Excuse me....?  
  
Jane Lane: Never mind. (Beat) Anyway I still feel insulted, ....I've been left out of the loop of "What if's"  
  
Daria: Not true, ...it was just THAT loop. There's still plenty of others to come, ....especially with a granddaughter around.   
  
Jane Lane: Truth.  
  
Daria: Just remember that when your playing with your granddaughter, ......"there is no spoon". (Jane stares at Daria with a blown away expression)   
  
Jane Lane: Whoa, .....that's so creepy it's funny. (In the background a nurse comes out of the nursery and asks if Neirte would like to hold her daughter. As such Will and Neirte enter and embrace their child as everyone else makes faces through the glass and takes pictures) We may be getting old, Daria. But I get the feeling our life's adventures are nowhere near over.  
  
Daria: You're not going to try to resurrect "the tank", are you?   
  
Jane Lane: Nah, ...."the tank" is gone for good. But we'll come up with something, .......legends never die. Maybe we'll get motorcycles or something.  
  
Daria: (sighs) Great, ....biker grannies. That's exactly the legacy I want to leave my family.   
  
Jane Lane: It beats out eventually being confined to a nursing home.   
  
Daria: (scowls and sighs) Shut up and enjoy your family. (Jane laughs as she looks on at her son, his wife, and her grandchild as she contemplates the future that is to come of this blended family.)  
  
  
The End............................  
  
  
Comments and suggestions are always welcome.   
I may be contacted at wildgoose81@hotmail.com 


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